Melt Away the Pounds

uuggghhh...

2011-08-10T21:39:00.002-07:00

Right now I'm sick. It's taking everything I have to take care of my kids minute to minute.

The thing that I keep pondering as i TRY TRY TRY to convince myself to count calories and cook meals that are more in line with my healthiness journey and avoid gaining weight this week is this? (mind you I've yet to convince myself of either)

HOW IN THE HECK...
do you handle being sick and being "healthy" (aka dieting) at the same time?

Let me just admit right now. I'm failing!!! I've got to turn it around, but right now I can't seem to get past the fact that I feel like the worlds biggest pile of cow dung.

So how do you handle being sick and living a healthy lifestyle. Please share!!!

Jules

Checking in

2011-08-04T20:48:00.002-07:00

Yep, I'm still around. I have not been out of touch due to falling off the wagon. I've been out of touch because:

I'm trying to live my life more.
(that's something I've realized I had quit doing due to my weight)

I'm working hard to fit exercise into my life without excuses.
(that's something I haven't done in almost 10 years)

I'm trying daily to keep my "diet" something reasonable and REAL. To make it a lifestyle not a "diet" that I'll stop doing shortly after starving myself.
(Which lets face it. can SUCK! But I've learned to accept that pasta and cheese dishes can not be the norm.)

Needless to say add a husband, 2 kids, a cat, trying to buy our first home hoopla, a part time job and life in general. Keeping those 3 things above in the forefront of my mind is a chore all in itself. BUT I'm trying every day.

And so far so good. I'm down 10lbs since I started using myfitnesspal.com (early July was a little tougher than I realized, but the scale did realize it and showed it). I'm pretty consistent on exercise. I'm fitting it in 4-6 days a week. The whole family heads to the park and I go walking while the oldest rides her bike and the littlest one hangs out screaming doggie in the stroller. It's adorable, take my word for it. :)

I think the biggest change since I last checked in is the hubster. He seems more on board with what I need from him as the hubby of an overweight food addict. He's starting to listen to me!! WHAT!! step back... how'd that happen. hehehee!! Sorry no magical pills being slipped to him. I think he's just finally really listening when we talk about things. Like how carb related sweets are my form of crack. Can't have it in the house without an addict using. He's finally getting it. Taken him long enough. :) lol I think it's also helping that he's trying to train for a job that he really wants to get. He's going to be expected to run 1.5mi in 16min. No biggie... but he hasn't ran since HS. Lets not even admit how long ago THAT was. :) lol So while I walk, he runs. It's working so far. I can't wait for it to be cooler out there. over 100 @ 7pm is starting to get to us all.

I just realized that isn't the biggest change since my last post. I'm working hard on changing my own personal view on ME! You know that negative little nelly in your head that looks at someone else who's obviously bigger than you, but tells you that your as big as them or even bigger. Or that negative nelly who tells you you can't do this losing weight thing; that you'll fail. Well, she's turning into a positive patty. I'm starting to be real about me! Telling myself that yes, I'm fat... get over it already! that it's NOT going to stay that way. And many more things I remind myself. But you get my drift.

I'd say that HAS to be the biggest change. And that has GOT to be the biggest thing that is making this work this time around too.

Anyhow... It's bed time for me. i just wanted to touch base with you all! No matter what! Keep up the hard work! If I can do this... believe me, YOU can do this also! Keep your head up and strive to move forward!

Always,
Jules

PS. If you are using myfitnesspal feel free to friend me. jules77az

8lbs never to be seen again

2011-06-17T21:53:00.002-07:00

It's the same ol' story as always.

Time...

Time...

Time...

there's just so little of it. And blogging just has not been a priority. I truly wish it could be. I miss it. I don't know how some moms do it.

But I did want to share with you that I haven't been "MIA" because I again fell off the healthiness wagon.

Since joining myfitnesspal.com I've lost 8lbs. YEAH!!!
(if your on there, look for me: jules77az)

I've had some slip ups and some bad eating days. Exercise is SOOO not consistent and some times few and far between. But I did bite the bullet and dropped my calories to the sites recommendation and although some days I feel like I'm starving and other days I'm SO tired of eating the same thing over and over again. I've been sticking to the plan I've set for myself eating wise. I'm eating as healthy as my families budget can afford and I'm not starving myself (ok some days I feel like I am, but i know it's all mental). On the hard days I try not to give in and other days (ie eating the last of the ice cream for lunch right out of the carton) I'm learning not to beat myself up over it. I'm learning not to "make up" for yesterday. I'm learning I'm human and days will be days. I'm learning. I feel like I'm getting the hang of it and I'm even feeling ready to venture out of the comfort zone I've established food selection wise (I've been eating mostly all the same things every breakfast and lunch). Baby steps right?

I know I need to fit in exercise more. And I'm trying. I just hate it so much!!! I know it's a necessary evil but damn it!! I'm just too tired when the kids aren't around and busy when they are. I'll get there I know I will. But I'll get more comfy eating wise and keep doing what I'm trying to do. And in a few weeks... I'll have to set up a routine and do just what I've done eating wise... stick to it.

For now, I just wanted to say.

No matter where you are in your journey.

DON'T GIVE UP!!

Keep plugging away and keep fighting for yourself. Sooner or later you will find what works for you. Getting healthy and how to get there is not a cookie cutter recipe. It's a different map for everyone and different things work for everyone.

I for one am not giving up.

And the 8lbs I've lost... I vow to never see again. And for once, I believe myself. :)

Jules

ugly ugly day.

2011-05-07T07:18:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was an ugly ugly day for me. I just couldn't find motivation for ANYTHING!! On a day like yesterday, making mac and cheese for my oldest was a BAD BAD idea.

Breakfast I was good and dinner I was good. lunch and snacks... bad bad bad. Although. I must say 1 thing I'm proud of. It wasn't as bad as it used to be. My calories are suppose to be 1410/day and I ended yesterday at 1649. Before I would have ended at 2400 calories. So that was a victory all in its own. Finding 1 good thing out a bad day is a good thing. Shows I'm learning!! :)

Exercise was non existent yesterday so I'm counting yesterday as 1 of my days off. And that's ok too.

Today I am going to rock it and achieve all my goals. I just know it!!!

Have a wonderful day today!

A leap of faith in me.

2011-05-06T09:27:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a GREAT day. Until the evening hit. :) lets start from the beginning of the day though. :)

I woke up feeling sore from my workout the day before. YEAH!!

I ate great all day! So well that by dinner I WAY more than enough calories to eat dinner and a snack. :) Gotta love that! We were having BLT's and for the first time EVER. I chose NOT to eat bread. OMG! Who am I? I made a BLT salad instead. I even made a dressing out of lite Mayo (what's a BLT without mayo) and a little bit of lemon juice. Wasn't too bad and I filled up REALLY quick with under 400 calories for a meal. YEAH!! But I admit I missed that yummy BLT sandwich taste. but I made a healthier choice and that's what's important. :)

As for exercise yesterday I hit my goal by the 2nd mini workout I did. Which turned out to be REALLY good because my evening workout got nixed by life. I ended up spending the evening at the ER with my son. Life happens, what can you do. I ended up hungry while waiting (we were there until midnight) to finish his visit, but did not cave to vending machine munchies. I knew that anything I chose would leave me feeling more hungry. So i ended up WAY under my calorie goal for the day. But what do you do right? at least I made good choices. And since I decided to push my 2nd mini workout to 20 minutes instead of 10. I did hit my 30 minutes/day goal. So I don't feel bad about not having gotten to work out.

I must admit though... having less than 6 hours of sleep today leaves me less than motivated to workout today. I just need to find the umph to push through.

Thank you for the suggestions yesterday about calorie counting. I ended up signing up for myfitnesspal.com. My username is jules77az feel free to look me up. I've decided to take the leap and do whatever myfitnesspal suggests calorie wise and exercise wise. I'll just HAVE to take a chance in me. I know I can do it. I just have to stick with it.

have a beautiful day today!

Swimmingly proud.

2011-05-05T09:57:00.002-07:00

yesterday wrapped up to be a pretty good day. Full of victories, although the scale is hating me right now and I'm returning the feeling.

I ate beautifully. Well under my current goal and I even made a dinner much lower in calories than it was intended to be. Hubby still loved it. That was a victory all on it's own. Slowly lowering my calories is really working out so much better for me. I'm not feeling suddenly deprived and I'm proud of how well I'm taking control of my eating. I'm hungry but I'm satisfied with my progress and my determination. I feel hungrier less and less. YEAH!!

yesterday's workout plan worked wonderfully! I got in more exercise than I am currently capable of doing. So splitting up my exercise goal is a wonderful idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. Last night I attempted a netflix workout i usually pass over because I know I'm just not capable of doing it fully. And guess what... i got further in it then I ever expected. i pushed myself and modified where I needed to. As a matter of fact I'm still sore today. YEAH!!

So today i'm going to work on figuring out just WHERE my calorie goal should be. I feel daunted. i don't want some unrealistic goal that will lead me to failure.... I don't want to be unhealthy either. i have a 4yr old who watches me like a hawk so i have to be smart.

How'd you decide what your calorie intake should be? Any suggestions?

May you all have a beautifully happy day today. :)

Just keep swimming.

2011-05-04T10:07:00.002-07:00

Sorry I've not blogged the last few days. Just nothing much to say. Keeping my calories in check and doing what i can to exercise. I admit... yesterday was a feeling like a failure day. But I did exercise and I tried. it's all I ask of myself. :) Monday was a crammed full busy exhausting day so i didn't get much in. But I did do what i could calorie wise for the 2 meals we ate out for. :)

Sunday night I mopped the house for exercise. How you ask? I danced while mopping. hehehee!! I'm so glad my husband and kids didn't come home while I was in the middle of it because I was bopping and movin' around like a crazy lady. Even I was laughing at myself. BUT the house needed mopping (we have all tile but the bedrooms) and I needed to work out. Since I know mopping for 1.5-2hrs would leave me too tired to workout. I decided to combine the 2. :) I woke up Monday and wasn't in "pain" but I could tell I had worked my muscles. :)

Today I'm going to work on doing 2 10 minute workouts while my son naps and then my usual workout in the evening. Just so that i can squeeze in more minutes without trying to kill myself into doing a longer workout when the kids go to bed. My stamina will build I'll fight for it to build. :)

Since I'm rambling... I'll let ya all go for now. :)

WHOHOO!!!

2011-04-29T20:46:00.002-07:00

I love it when I prove things to myself. :) Today I was not a munchey queen. I kept to my schedule and planned out every meal time (not the actual meal though). I was hungry but today was day 2 of keeping myself from munching and snacking. WHOHOO!!

The BEST part of today!!

I kept my calories to just under 1600!!

YEP! I did it!! WHOHOO!! I kept my calories UNDER my goal today!! WHOHOO!!

You see, I finally realized something this week. It may sound counter intuitive, but i really need to ease myself into eating less calories because I end up starving or feeling like I'm depriving myself and then... i binge, I fail and then well I feel HORRIBLE about myself and I fall off the wagon.

So... to help ease myself down to a more "lose weight" respectable calorie count I've decided this week and next week I'll be shooting for 2000 calories. Why 2000? Because I happen to know without doing any counting that I've GOT to be eating WAY more than 2000cal every day. I just feel it and in my heart I know it. my 3rd week I'll shoot for 1600-1800. I still am not sure WHAT the right # is for me for a final calorie count. I admit I'm not good at math. I must find a good website for helping me figure out a REALISTIC calorie count for me. Sounds like something to add to my Todo list. :)

Yesterday I squeaked under @ 1978cal.

Today was a whopping 1600cal. WHOHOO!!! Right now I don't feel hungry. And it's really nice to know that for once if I absolutely MUST have a snack I can. Not that i think I will. But still you know what I mean. :)

Today will also be day 2 of working out. I haven't done it yet, but I'm about to. So i better go.

trying...

2011-04-29T10:02:00.002-07:00

Trying to convince yourself you're not hungry. SUCKS!! Can't wait for snack time. Just an hour to go!

I just wanted to share. hahahaha!!

Putting me first.

2011-04-28T21:26:00.002-07:00

I haven't done that in a long time. We've been so busy around here that I've had little time for me. And I have to admit when i do have time that I take for me... I've not chosen to exercise, sleep yes... reading yes. Exercise No. My eating has been out of control. My weight this week hit 202 this week! WTH!! I have yet to be over 200 without being preggers. 5 lbs in 1 week!! Something's not working. Luckily I lost 3lbs by today... gotta just love water weight and I'm working hard to get those other 2lbs that I know are water weight gone by the end of the week.

So why am I telling you all this. Because it has given me the kick in the ass that I've needed this last month. I have to put myself first. I feel like I'm a broken record, I know I am. So instead of telling you JUST how I've fallen off the wagon I'll tell you what I've been trying to do this week. I've been trying to get my eating under control. Counting calories, getting the munchies OUT of my daily routine. I failed miserably on Wed... and then today i just timed myself out. after breakfast figured out when lunch would be and wrote down what time I MUST eat a snack so that i wouldn't forget. And then when I started wandering the kitchen looking for something... anything. I stopped and saw that it wasn't time for a snack and went back to what I was doing. WHOHOOOO!!! I did that after lunch too. WHOHOOO!!!

I know that is 1 of my biggest obstacles right now. Hunger. feeling hungry all the time. And I do mean hungry. Which has led to more portion distortion. But I also know if I work really hard in about 2 weeks... I can have it all back under control. So tomorrow will be a repeat of today. :) it HAS to be.

My other issue has been exhaustion. So I'm working on battling that too. I'm only on here and not in bed yet because well... I really need to get my heart rate lowered before I can crawl into bed. yep, I worked out tonight. Not as long as I would have liked, but holy crap Carb Burn by Crunch just kicked my butt!! So I'm happy with what I did do. I haven't worked out that hard since I tried P90x. Anyhow... Same thing with the eating, I know if I move every day... no matter how long. The exhaustion will get better.

So... there you have it. Me in a nutshell. Sons first BD went off beautifully, house hunting has been interesting and life is well... busy. But it's time for me. I'll try to be back tomorrow. :)

Life is good and busy.

2011-03-04T09:16:00.002-07:00

I've been really busy in my life these days. Between planning a 1st bd party, house hunting, paring down our monthly finances, work, eating better/more consciously and growing up the kids , PLUS life's daily excursions... I feel like there's little time for exercise when the kids aren't constantly attacking me for something. And of course when they aren't I'm exhausted.

This has been a great week food wise, but a poor week exercise/moving wise. But for the first time in a long time... I don't feel like I'm beating myself up for failing. I don't feel like a failure. WOW! that just hit me. I know I need to exercise and all. But not feeling like I'm failing myself is a good thing. I feel like I'm in a good place mentally and I'm getting there, 1 step at a time. I know I need to work harder towards exercise and I know that I really do. And I'm not letting myself off the hook, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying I'm feeling good about myself right now despite the lack of exercise. And that hasn't been the case in a LONG time.

Anyhow, it's amazing the things that hit you when you just sit down and share. :) I better go eat breakfast before I start to feel over hungry.

try try and try again.

2011-03-02T09:21:00.002-07:00

Every day I have to keep reminding myself it's all about my choices. Everything is my choice, including being overweight, even if I didn't mean to get where I am... i still chose the choices that got me here. Anyhow, it's been hard to keep that in the foreground of my mind instead of the background.

That being said, I did work out 5 days in a row last week and the last few days, I have not. BBOOO!! But I'm ok. I don't feel like I'm beating myself up about it either which is new for me. The truth is, when the hubster is off, it's really hard to get anything done the way I wish for it. But we enjoyed his 4 days off and we did do things that involved moving, so we spent quality time together with no stress. i gained a few pounds, but thankfully by today they have disappeared. Gotta love water weight. :)

Yesterday i had a lot to get done and I did not put exercise first. On the other hand, I DID put my counting calories first and I'm proud to say i stayed under 1300 calories yesterday. That is a HUGE feat for me. I've been in the 1900 range for the last few weeks floundering with my choices. I felt sated and happy all day; except for waiting too long to eat lunch which led to a healthy snack of popcorn. :) but I'm proud of myself for reminding myself that I CAN make good choices. :)

So today I'm making my day about making good choices, doing my stepper while catching up on my shows, taking care of work that I'm way behind on and making good food choices for the day. :)

What are you doing to make good choices today?

Turning a corner in the right direction

2011-02-23T10:19:00.002-07:00

I'm proud of myself. Although lunch and breakfast could have been better choices I stayed satisfied and only had dinner and 1 snack. YEAH ME!! No binging. And even though I finished my snack and still wanted to eat, I stopped myself by asking myself if I was still hungry or just wanting to stuff something in my mouth. I'm very proud of myself, i feel good.

Also, yesterday i moved for 3x longer than i have all week. And I'm proud to say I've moved for 3 days in a row. YEAH!!! Feels good ya know. I know I'm no where near where I wish i was, but I'm past the starting line and that is what matters.

Anyhow, I've been eating fish all week for dinner. My experience with cooking fish is limited. I'm avoiding frying and other high calorie preps and sadly all my recipes call high calorie options. So far I've steamed with some seasoning and lemon juice, I used orange juice and ginger to pan sear and broiled with basil and lemon. But I'm out of ideas for tonight and instead of hitting the internet for recipe ideas (because I just don't feel like it today) I thought I'd check the best place for tried and true tasty but low cal recipes... you all!

So, do you have any great recipes (low cal) for fish? I'd love to hear them. :)

Always,
Jules

bad bad day

2011-02-22T10:06:00.002-07:00

So yesterday was a weird day. I was exhausted from having woke up 3 hours earlier than usual and only got 5hours of sleep. We all know how wonderful that is, but I managed to tackle some big todo list things despite it. YEAH!!

I had a good day eating wise until dinner time and it all seemed to go down hill. By the time the kids were in bed I'd realized I'd binged between deciding it was time to cook and finishing dinner. I think this may be the first time I've admitted to binging in writing in front of other people. Though i will not go back to check to see if I already have admitted it or not. But the point is... it was bad enough my stomach pushed some of it back outa me. I know... EEEWWW!!!!! I thank goodness it did though because I was feeling pretty gross and it wasn't until after i puked that i realized I'd binged (i actually tried to tell myself maybe I cooked dinner wrong and it was bad food). I was having such a good day too eating wise, journaling wise, the whole works. I wasn't "depriving" myself or anything.

Sigh.

I did go back through and write down everything i could remember that I'd eaten. I have yet to tally the days totals... but I'm not sure I will. I mean really, do i need that # to let me know what happened. Nopers i don't.

I did stay up late again last night though just to get in some kind of exercise. i was so exhausted though that it wasn't even as long as the night before. but at least I moved... that matters more than anything right now. I just gotta move, I've decided to quit telling myself a time limit. Just MOVE!!! Move until you can't anymore right? My capable time is short because of my lack of exercise for so long, but it'll get longer the more I MOVE.

So there you go. Today will be better than yesterday. Somehow, some way, I'll choose for it to be better than yesterday.

Always,
Jules

Small victories that count the most

2011-02-21T08:21:00.003-07:00

Ok, I'm just so proud of myself that i just had to share with someone and you guys will get it more than anyone. :)

This morning I made oatmeal for breakfast and normally I make it with: a fruit like banana, canned pumpkin or dried fruit, flax seed or bran, butter, milk and of course sugar. I can't stand bland food and fruit alone is never enough to jazz up my oatmeal for me. BUT today... when i gathered everything to add to my cup I left the milk, butter, and sugar in their respective storage spots. WHOHOO!! You got that right I chose to do something different.

I'm kinda tired of banging my head against the wall and asking why why why. So 1 bite at a time, 1 meal at a time, 1 minute at a time. :) I just need to keep reminding myself of that again. :)

What has been your latest SMALL VICTORY?

Always,
Jules

Weekend Recap

2011-02-21T04:50:00.002-07:00

This weekend was much better than I anticipated. I worked out 1x more than usual. hahahahaa!! did you catch that, that means I worked out 1 day out of 2. hahahahaa!! It wasn't for long, but i went as long as I could on my Wii stepper: which means until my legs were rubbery. Kinda sad that it took less than 15minutes of stepping to get that way, but so glad I did it. :) YEAH!! it's the small things right? :) I did spend my whole weekend cleaning and tackling my Todo list. Gotta love getting things done. :)

Food wise I did well and yesterday I started counting calories. I didn't end the day as badly as I would have thought, but it wasn't great. But it's a start, gotta begin some where and I'd rather get into a habit before I start trying to get all gung ho about calorie crunching. Does that make any sense? I'm just tired of starting something and going ALL the way just to stop doing it. So how do i make it a habit if I bite off more than I can chew? I figure starting slow, just like I would if I was trying to run a mile for the 1st time. I'll build momentum, I know I will.

So, I'm on my way to making healthier habits and I did CHOOSE to be healthier than my past this weekend so I call that a win any day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful monday. :)

Always,
Jules

1 foot off the wagon and 1 foot on

2011-02-19T09:30:00.004-07:00

It's been a rough week. I've been food journaling and weighing my food pretty well this whole week and trying to stay conscious of my eating habits. And of course it could be better, but improvement from the past is always a good thing right? :) But exercise has been well, non existent. I've got to admit this has been a rough week full of trying to stay on top of my job, kids and some major speed bumps in our life that i have to admit... I've had excuse after excuse and exhaustion. It doesn't help that I've been feeling like I'll never be able to do it again. Trying to get my brain on board is not helping me get there either. I need to figure out a routine for when the baby is sleeping to get everything done without staying up late.

To top it off... I'm freaking out about my commitment to do the American cancer Society's Climb to Conquer Cancer that I signed up for next weekend. If 15minutes of cardio is too hard how will I even manage hiking? Which boils down to needing to get in at least 15minutes of exercise every day just to be sure my muscles aren't cramping 10 minutes into the hike. Feeling overwhelmed just SUCKS! But I know I can do it, I've done it before without being in any kind of shape, so I know I can do it again.

1 good thing happened at the end of yesterday that has me really excited and will surely be taking a lot of my time the next few weeks perhaps months... we qualified to buy our first home. HOLY MOLEY!! I almost feel like I'm in a dream, so 1 more thing to juggle in my search for making time... but I'm so excited about that one it's not even funny.

Light Bulb!!! i think I'll go right now and finish watching this last weeks biggest loser and go use my Wii fit board as a stepper (I bought a contraption to go under it to raise it for turning it into a stepper) and do some step exercising while I'm watching it. Sounds like a plan and something I've never thought of before. Maybe when I'm done I'll feel motivated to do some working out on the Wii. :)

Make it a wonderful weekend :)

Always,
Jules

A good day

2011-02-12T21:40:00.002-07:00

Today wasn't too bad. I got some things done off my to-do list, not that you can tell :) But most importantly I kept my promises to myself today. :)

1. Journal all my food- check
2. watched my food groups - check (must get more fruit in my day)
3. Exercised- CHECK
4. Blogged- check check

Now to keep the ball rolling every day.

I know today's victories were little, but they were important for me. Important to have that feeling back... that feeling of accomplishment for doing something for me. Tomorrow I need to not only do all those things, but also weigh and measure my food. For the most part I have been for the last year, but I have become lax and only do it... when I feel I have the time. And that's only 1 or 2 meals a day. Dinner wasn't good at all and that was my fault for not thinking ahead, but i did manage to portion control what we did have. YEAH!! The point is, I need my priorities straight.

Like I said, I exercised tonight too. I had bought the Your Shape for the Wii at the end of December and had my profile all ready to go... but in true lazy fashion have yet to use it. So I did tonight. I am sorely out of shape, but so glad I did it. Even if I only managed 15min, it was 15 minutes of victory over not doing it. So today for me was a WIN! Today was a WIN at taking my life back.

Sweet dreams Peeps. May your Sunday be miraculous!

Always,
Jules

back to square one...

2011-02-12T10:56:00.003-07:00

I must admit I've been bottling a lot up lately and feeling really down on myself for it too. When I think back to when i first started this blog, well I realize I'm in the same place except for 1 detail... no drive, no ambition. So really I'm back to that place I was in BEFORE i started this blog. And that makes me so (wish i could say mad) sad. Hence why I've not been on since August hard to admit things even to myself these days. Of course I have a ton of excuses and some of them valid. BUT there is just no excuse for putting me last and keeping everything to myself when i KNOW doing so will just make me feel horrible about myself.

All I can say is that I need to take that crucial step forward the one that takes you from being stagnant to finally doing something about your situation. Logically i know I know how, I just have to read through this blog to see that. But illogically I feel like I don't know where to start. I feel like someone drowning trying desperately to swim with no idea just HOW to do so.

I'm stuck and in a place of fear. So much so that I even found myself telling me that if I lost weight I'm going to have all this loose extra skin which will continue to make me look fat and if my hubby can't even see the point of a boob job no way in hell will he let me get excess skin removed so I'd be better off fat (not that we have the money that is besides the point). WTH!! I sat down and cried because for me... that was a new low. No matter what I've never consciously thought I'd be better off fat. A new low for sure.

Deep down I know I need to pull up my big girl panties and just start working every day towards being healthier. And I have been trying with food when it comes to meals, but I've noticed way too much food gone by the end of the day and no way can I blame it on the kids. Sometimes I don't even "consciously" remember eating what's gone either. I've back slided so far that i don't even know where I fell off at.

So this morning i decided I need to steal time away to blog again or journal in an old fashioned book... whatever I can get my fingers on that day. Just so that i can get my head wrapped around what i need to be doing and not doing what I've been doing. I need to food journal as well and I need to start exercising and since I keep using the kids as an excuse not too... I need to do things I can do with them that we'll all enjoy.

I know all of this will help some of the issues I've been having like for example, exhaustion.

So, there you go. That gives you a little idea of where I've been for a while now. I know there's more to tell you all... but to be honest this has already taken an hour to get out there. So for now tata. :)

Always,
Jules

life, such a beautiful thing

2010-08-06T11:00:00.002-07:00

Goodness me... has it really been since the middle of May since I got on here? I quickly pop in on blog reading every great while. But taking the time to sit down and post on here, well it's been the furthest thing from my mind.

Life is just crazy around here, and although Logan has blissfully found his way into our life and our routine. I've had to cut some things out of my life. Like blogging and reading blogs; i miss it all the time though.

I think about losing weight and getting healthy all the time. Especially when i look in the mirror or step on the scale. But I've had to really take a hard look into our finances to figure out how just to do that. I can't afford to go back to eating the way I was when i started blogging on here and before I got pregnant. We just can't afford it. makes me sad... but i just have to buck up and deal with it.

I have been doing what i can to work out, some weeks I'm pretty regular and some weeks I'm not. My husband has gotten behind me finally and has started working out with me. I have a group of girlfriends on facebook who've started a monthly event of keeping up with each other to help motivate ourselves to working out each day... really we're just being accountable with each other. It helps knowing every day I have to log on there and admit if I have or have not exercised. we just started it so we'll see if it helps.

i think the biggest change has occurred this last weekend. I've decided to go back to vegetarian eating (by proxy i was eating vegetarian years ago and lost lots of weight while walking everyday). I have to admit I'm not doing it to save the animals or any other reason that i probably should. Rather I'm simply doing it because I know it worked before. I've attempted it before but I was trying to cook these outlandish meals or meals that weren't really to my liking. Worse yet, difficult to prepare with uncommon ingredients. This time around... I'm just tweaking some of our favorite meals. Monday I made sloppy joes... instead of tofu meat or anything of the sorts, i made mine with mushrooms... OMG!! They were so yummy!!! Hubby got the normal kind, i think that was the most elaborate cooking I've done all week (having to make 2 different meals). otherwise, i just cook his meat on the side and add it to his plate or bowl before dishing up. Tonight is mushroom stroganoff. I can't wait!!! the mushrooms were always my favorite part anyways.

This weekend or next week I'm borrowing P90X from a good friend. i can't wait to start that. I haven't been losing any weight doing Yoga with the hubster. he's a little perplexed at the idea of P90X. But I'm pushing us to just what we can of the program until we can do the full time of the program. Gotta do something and I hear what he "says" he wants to do exercise wise... but he doesn't do what he/we need to do for exercise to make an effect in the way our bodies look. I've noticed certain clothes getting loser, but not enough. I'm trying not to let that fact get me down... but hopefully with all these little changes... I'll start to see results. If not... I'll be thankful for getting myself healthier. ok, I admit... if my body doesn't start changing soon... I will be down. But I'm trying to think that way, even if I know in my heart I'll be upset if my doesn't change. power of positive thinking ya know. Anyhow...

Hope everyone out there is great! I'll try to check in when i can. :)

Jules

Day 2- holy moley am I in trouble :)

2010-05-17T10:33:00.003-07:00

Wouldn't you know it... It's a good thing I got in my 24 minute Wii workout yesterday because last night Logan was in screaming pain from his bowels. I put my daughter to bed got 5 minutes into my workout and my husband just couldn't do it any more (couldn't blame him... he was 1+hr in already with Logan being upset). So i didn't get my PM workout in, by the time i got him calmed down and to bed... I was past ready for bed. I knew there was a reason i wanted to start doing 20 minute workouts in the Am and Pm. 1 it's easier to break the time up and 2 at least I'm getting something in every day when life happens. :) lol

I also completed my food journal for yesterday too. Drank all my water for the day too. YEAH ME!! It's been a long time since I had 1 day where I met my goals. YEAH ME!!!

What are my goals for the rest of May?
1. at minimum 1 -20 minute workout every day, shooting for 2
2. at minimum 64oz water
3. journal every morsel I put in my mouth

But why am I in trouble?

This morning i FINALLY tried my Jillian Michael's Fitness Ultimatum 2009 Wii game. Holy MOLEY!! I set it for a 30 min LIGHT workout... holy shipola!! I got 20 minutes into it and just couldn't finish the rest (barely got through that). Holy crap am I cooked!! But... I'm excited to do it again. hahahahaa!! I'll be doing it every 3rd day because I'm rotating between my workout games.

1. Pilate's w/ daisy + Wii Fit
2. Jillian
3. EA active

In the evenings I'll be doing my Pilate's for the ball for 20 minutes. I'm in love with that DVD. I like that each segment is only 10minutes so i can do 2 different segments each night and focus on different body parts... although I admit 1 of those segments will always be the flexibility segment I've been doing since before my son was born. It helps me relax and I always feel good after. But let me tell ya... so far, outside of thet felxibility portion all i can handle doing (and barely) is the upper body workout.

And all this really boils down to... HOLY MOLEY am i outa shape. But I'm feeling great!!! yesterday i even had more energy than I have in a long time.

Always,
Jules

Time to get crackin'!!

2010-05-16T09:23:00.003-07:00

Life has been crazy around here. I quit making "ME" a priority again. It's amazing how quickly that happens and how easily I just make it "ok".

And honestly, I didn't have it in me to deal with me when i was dealing so much with my son and his health. He's ok now that we're getting down to the root of his problems (turns out he has a milk protein allergy) and luckily, he's a TOTALLY different little guy these last few days. Makes things easier and we're both sleeping better now. :) Last week I did get the all clear from my Dr on my health and he said I am to commence working out full speed (he was glad to hear about my modified workouts) as I feel fit. YEAH!!

But for almost 2 weeks there, I quit working out. My husband quit taking kid duty for me so i could work out in the evenings and I quit food journaling. no matter what... it's all Excuses excuses. And although I've given myself a mental "don't beat yourself up about it pep talk" I also recognize that it's time to make me a priority now that things are better. no one else can do that for me, but me. I know life happens just as it has been happening... but I'm going to actively work on making sure that even though sh*t happens... i can't let it take over my health or I won't have a life to deal with.

SO!!
I'm happy to say the middle of last week I pulled my britches up and kicked myself in the as*. I started food journaling again and although I hadn't started exercising until today i talked with my husband about what i need from him to make things easier for me to not have those excuses to get in the way. Since today is the start of my week for weighing in he's agreed that we'll set the plan in motion. I need to be better about getting my day started and despite being tired not sit in my room with my son for 2 hours talking myself into getting going. i just need to get going. Which i DID. I got in a 24min workout this morning on the Wii and this evening I'll do a 20 minute exercise ball workout before he leaves for work. I've got my food journal for the week ready to go and I'm READY!! I'm ready to look at my todo list and know that before I go to bed, I need to cross off my workouts as a MUST do instead of telling myself I'll do it tomorrow.

Despite my lack of effort i have managed to lose 1.3lbs the last 2 weeks. I really am not sure how, but I know that this won't keep happening so1 way or another I will make myself a priority and that's all there is to it.

Always,
Jules

To all you moms out there

2010-05-08T20:54:00.002-07:00

I know I need to update you all... but things have been nutty. I couldn't let tomorrow go by without saying...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Hope everyone has a beautiful day!

Always,
Jules

Pushing through.

2010-04-28T04:09:00.002-07:00

Last week was not a failure week for me.

At least I'm not looking at it as a failure.

I worked out 4 out of 5 days.

I didn't reach my daily water goals

I didn't reach my food journaling goals

I didn't... i didn't... I didn't.

BUT I worked out 4 out of 5 days. I'm trying really hard. Just realizing that I need to keep trying, keep pushing through and at the same time realize that until my handsome guy is sleeping through the night (and therefore me too)... it's going to be a really tough journey. I have to admit.. i make the WORST choices when I'm tired, lets see... who else can see that being a HUGE problem in the motivation arena. especially when it comes to meal choices. I'm living on coffee and water, heck I need coffee in the afternoons as much as I do in the morning. I'm trying to limit it so as to get enough water... but it's not quite working yet. I'll keep trying.

So, despite the exhaustion, I'm pushing on. I'm trying, I start out good in the morning, but some where in between juggling my day... I fall short. I'm working hard on limiting the "sweets" and I'm working hard at trying to find my balance. Right now, I feel like if I can just exercise my easy peasy routine (since I'm not cleared for exercise yet) for 4-5 days a week... then I'm a winner.

I know I need to battle through on my other goals as much as exercising too and I'll keep trying until I get there. But I know my limitations too... no matter how well I plan, exhaustion dictates most my day and with a 1 month old in the house... it's just the way the day rolls and I've got to learn to deal right? despite the excuses.

This week I'm working on exercising the full 5 days, 2 down... 3 to go. YEAH!! I'm also working on trying to get back to using the mydiet app on facebook. so, far... yeah right. Really wish I had a phone with a calorie counting app on it to make it all more accessible, getting on this darn computer is harder than ever these days. Some day, I'll have one or maybe a bodybug if I wish hard enough. :)

No matter your situation... Make it your best week possible.

Always,
Jules

I'm just sayin'!!!

2010-04-18T09:02:00.002-07:00

WHOHOOO!!

Ok, so I've tried not to focus on the #'s right now... but WHOHOO!!

As of today, I've only got 10lbs more lbs of baby weight to lose!! WHOHOOOO!!!

Doesn't feel so daunting and scary to imagine the # I'll have to start with May 1st. :)

Wonder if I'll lose the whole 34lbs or not? But either way, WHOHOO!!!!!

Gotta love how losing baby weight without trying (OK swelling, but still) can make a girl feel good and boy can spark motivation!!

Told my hubby that I almost wanna have a 3rd after I get to my "healthy journey" goal weight to see if I'm one of those women we all despise... you know the kind who start skinny and pop a kid out and weeks later are skinny again. Lets just say, he wasn't amused. hahahahaha!!!.

Have a great Sunday all!! Make it a great day!!

Always,
Jules

Pushing forward

2010-04-17T11:04:00.002-07:00

So, this last week was one of those false starts.

What do you do, ya know what i mean? Sometimes life is just WAY too crazy.

But I'm still pushing forward though.

Even though I didn't reach even 1 of my goals this week. I'm starting today with phase 2 of my plan for getting back on track this month. May 1st is looming closer and I need to get these baby steps down before then so that I can set myself up for success!!! This last week falling short just means this week will be a little harder, but I'm game.

So, here they are:

1. drink 84oz of water/day
2. 10min easy workouts 7 days/week
3. Weigh all foods for accurate proportion sizes before preparing/eating
4. Food journal 7 days/ week

I think last week there was just too much on my plate, between Dr appointments, WIC appointments and my going back to work all in the same week add in grocery shopping with 2 kids alone (a new experience for me) ... 4 days of last week being gone ALL day... just made it hard for me to balance and learn how to do everything and multi task while taking care of 2 kids. it happens, excuses aside... I knew this was going to be a long road back to healthier living... But it's worth it. And weeks like this one, happen no matter how far on the road you are. I'm not feeling defeated and that's all too important for me. :)

So... While the hubby and my daughter go to run some errands and little man sleeps, i think I'll go do my workout for today. :)

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Always,
Jules

working on getting back on the wagon

2010-04-13T09:00:00.002-07:00

WOW! Can't believe how busy things have been. But I'm working on getting back on track.

Yesterday was suppose to be day 1 of my healthy journey. I have 3 weeks to may 1st when i'm shooting for being 100% on my old plan.

I'm suppose to be working on the following this week:

1. Food journaling EVERYTHING I eat 7 days a week.
2. 10 minute Modified workouts 5 days a week.
3. 64oz of water/ day

I thought for sure I'd be able to get on task for day 1. Yeah right! talk about the day just falling apart. We ended up being gone ALL day... So, yeah, didn't do too well. I didn't journal anything because I was lucky to even eat, I know, not healthy. I tried to pack snacks, etc... but it was one of those days where your best intentions just fell flat. I didn't even get 1/2 of the 64oz of water I needed to drink either.

As short as those 2 things fell short on, I DID do my workout. I'm using my 10 minute Pilate's ball workout DVD- the flexibility segment to get back on track. There's only 1 thing in that 10 minutes I can't do without feeling some "ouch". I've been very worried about how I'd fit in working out into my day, and yesterday I just went DAMN IT!! I can do this. I grabbed my son and actually fit him into the workout too... so essentially we did a mommy and me workout. Worked perfect, may not have had full range of motion because of it... BUT in the end, it's ok... I'm really not suppose to be doing much as it is, so he keeps me from going past what i'm suppose to be doing. :)

here's to another day and getting my goals met!!

Always,
Jules

He's here!! He's here!!!!

2010-04-07T18:11:00.004-07:00

Goodness me!

My newest little angel is 8 days old today.

Currently, daddy has whisked munchkin away to play catch across the street and what do I do instead of catching some ZZZZ's? Get on blogger. hahahahaa!! I've been thinking about you peeps ALL week. I'm caught up on facebook and on my family website and now I wanna update you all.

Here is my newest favorite man in my life:

We named him Logan Orion. He was born 3/30 @ 8am (gotta love scheduled C-sections). He was 6.15oz and 20.25" long. He has been an absolute blessing since he was born. I don't know what i've done to have 2 wonderfully blessed easy going content babies. But I have. And no, it's not that new mom Bliss. He really is very easy going and happy. 3 nights in a row now he's slept 4.5hrs straight right in the middle of the night. Ok... now I'm just bragging. :) lol

I am doing well, recovery has been going well and monday i even started going for walks/bike rides with my daughter in the evenings. If she rides her bike it's the PERFECT pace for me to be sure not to overdo it and I can't possibly push myself to start walking faster sooner than I should be. BUT at the same time, it gets us both moving outside and it's something that we can do together that's just for her. Although we didn't go today, because I'm drag out tired. That's ok though. :) We did go to the store for 2 hours...

I haven't started my food journal yet. I admit... I'm too tired to even care. BUT on the other hand... snacking is to a minimum and I've limited my "sweet treats" intake to only 1/day. I've been making healthier snack choices like fruit over sweets too. YEAH!! For some reason, my sweet tooth just isn't there and since I'm tired most the time... i just don't care to get up and get something when i do have a sweet attack. I'm taking the rest of this week off as "directed" and next week I'll start slowly getting things into some sort of, well for lack of a better word, routine.

I forgot about post baby swelling, so that has been a SORE and painful subject for me. I'm more swollen now than I was before he was born. Dr said it's normal, but darn it! I want my foot back and I want to feel my fingers again. But all good things in time right? Either way, I'm just glad things are going well and despite the swelling it's REALLY awesome to get on the scale and see it going down. 15lbs lost so far (of course I've been expecting to lose weight after the baby) and although I'm excited to see the scale go down, I'm not looking forward to the day when the scale STOPS!! Hopefully I can get a program in place before the swelling is done going away so that I can continue to see the scale moving... just not so dramatically... but no, I'm making no promises either. :):)

For good reason I'm behind on my blog reading, so I hope you are all doing well and happy and had a wonderfully blessed happy Easter. :)

Always,
Jules

Just a few days away.

2010-03-28T10:01:00.002-07:00

Just 2 more days to get through... today and tomorrow... and then life begins again. hahaha!!

I realized the other day that I feel like I'm waiting for the rest of my life to begin anew again. Like pregnancy has had my life on hold... YEAH RIGHT!! I had me on hold... BIG time.

I'm afraid to look back and see what I've gained... I'm afraid of the #.

OK... I just looked my fear in the face... 34lbs from July 1,2009- today. I was pregnant July1st... just didn't know it until the middle of the month, hence why i picked that date to go by... besides, I don't keep weekly #'s these days, just my 1st of the month weights.

I'm Even more afraid that when the swelling goes down... that the weight I am today... will be the weight I am, that it'll be my new starting point. I am officially heavier than when i first started Feb 1, 09. Of course I'm pregnant...this counts for SOMETHING.... but still... when the swelling goes down... Will I or won't I be heavier than when i started my journey? That makes me afraid and makes me feel like I defeated myself... makes me realize what I've been hiding from all these months. I should say, hiding behind.

I'm afraid I've taken such a HUGE step backwards that i won't get back on the wagon when i come home. I know I need to give myself time, etc... But I'm afraid even 1 day at home after delivery without jumping back in the game will = a never getting on and never getting healthy.

So part of me is full of fear...

But the other part of me is really excited to come home next Friday and start getting back in the game. I am planning on April being my learning curve month again. Feb 09 was my learning curve month. Learning and getting habits in place... So now April 2010 will be that month for me. may 1st will be a do or die date. Do get on the wagon and work hard at getting healthy or plan on dying young. I don't want to die young and leave my babies behind... so... there you have it. How it'll all work with a newborn in the house, a possible eviction due to landlord foreclosure sale hanging over our heads, financial status in the air and life in general is BEYOND me. But isn't the point of life learning how to deal DESPITE the balls you have to juggle?

All I know is no matter what life is throwing at me and holds for me... April 3rd (the day after I come home from the hospital) I need to become proactive and work on making sure that MY healthiness does not go to the back burner that i AGAIN start working on making my healthiness journey a #1/1a priority... Because a newborn does qualify as #1 for a while... but I can still share that #1 status... more like 1a... :) I know I don't have to be #2 or even lower on the totem pole.

Always,
Jules

Some times you must go through it to see it.

2010-03-22T09:26:00.002-07:00

It's been a month exactly since my last update.

Lordy... let me just say I don't feel like I had this much to do waiting for my 1st child to come along. And we moved 8 days after she was born... so i was BUSY. Crazy life is just as crazy this time if not more.

In exactly 1 week... i'll have my C-section and little man will be here. He's yet to get a name, hell we've yet to narrow down the name options to something more manageable so that when we see him after he's born, we can then choose his name. The fun and power of choosing a childs name.

I've been an eating machine... trying to be a moving machine, but it's been hard. At least I'm not totally a couch potato, but I can already tell ya... it's not going to be easy to get back on the wagon.

But last night, for the 1st time in my life... I couldn't fit into a booth. Ok that's not 100% accurate, I've had times in my life where fitting into a booth at a restaurant was difficult or uncomfortable, you know too close- boobs on the table kinda deal. But I've never experienced the whole actually can't fit into the booth phenomenon. I was actually slightly horrified last night. Had to keep reminding myself "your preggers... your preggers... your preggers". But it did make me feel much more motivated to be sure that I get back on the wagon... i never want to experience that feeling in a non preggers state.

Around here we have a lot to deal with in the next coming months. And lots of it is stress involved. I know it'll make it harder to get back on the wagon, but at the same token... I'm looking forward to starting things off with a bang!! Whomever said life would be easy... must have stillbeen a kid.

My husband is already asking what the new parameters for our deal last year will be... I actually forgot all about it. He helps me lose weight and stay on track he gets a new tattoo. So it's time to set up a new program (or restart old one) start date, end date and goals. It's time to figure out how to get this party started so that he can help me achieve my goals so that he can finally get that tattoo he wants. Because if he doesn't help me... He isn't getting that tattoo EVER!! hahahhahahahaha!! I know, it's up to me... but it'd be nice if he would help curb my laziness, help cook and not complain about menu choices and options for food in the house.

So, here's 1 last hello before I become a mom of 2 and hopefully I can start organizing my life better so that i can blog and read blogs more often the way I want to. Can you tell I'm a dreamer? hehehehehe!!!

Always,
Jules

roller coaster called life...

2010-02-22T09:00:00.003-07:00

Has it really been almost a month since I last posted?

WOW!

I've been a busy girl. Life has been busy and in some cases not so nice. I won't complain because truthfully, there are those out there going through so much worse than me and despite the low points... life has been nice, even in those hard moments.

Lets see, I've been busy trying to keep my family above water, trying desperately to keep that lovely swelling at bay (yeah not working), trying to keep from over doing it (yeah not working) and trying to get ready for this baby boy while wishing he'd come today!

At the same time, I must admit... I've kinda sorta given up. I don't exercise at all these days. Well, I keep moving and busy, and it is good enough. I haven't been keeping track of what I'm eating and I've found myself reverting back to mindless eating. I eat when I'm hungry, but I'm not reining myself in and I'm not always making good choices. Doesn't help that i cringe at the thought of cooking and preparing meals. I've been eating a lot of cereal in between dinner meals; meaning breakfast & lunch. I've found myself choosing meals that consist of crackers and by the time I'm done... I'm so stuffed I'm sick. WTH! Why am I back to mindless eating. Well, I KNOW it's because I'm not keeping track and not being mindful. I KNOW it's laziness in planning and I KNOW it's just not giving a damn.

sadly, I just keep telling myself... I'll get back on the wagon when this little guy is born and I no longer have an excuse at being lazy in my healthiness, like the excuse of I'm pregnant and tired and will just eat what i want. Cravings have been PURE hell this last month or so. All in all I've been gaining and losing the same 5 lbs over the last month. Gotta LOVE that swelling and bloating. And I know it's due to crappy eating, not enough exercise and water. Nothing like KNOWING what the problem is and doing nothing about it right? How silly can I be? My weight gain has been, ok... I don't remember my starting point. But i know it's not even been 25lbs because my Dr has been very happy with my health and rate of gain.

I am looking forward to his arrival and can't believe it's just a month away! March 30th is looming quickly. In between that time, i have my brothers wedding this weekend, 2 baby showers (1 mine, 1 my cousins) and a life to prepare for... in more ways than 1. I'm gonna be a busy girl!

I hope your all doing wonderful and although I've been away from blog land... I do miss having time to sit and read your blogs. Time at this screen has just not been there and when it is... it's busy busy busy. Oh where did my lazy hours go? :-( Some how I'll find them again. Some how.

Always,
Jules

Seems like...

2010-02-03T08:50:00.002-07:00

All I can say lately is well, sorry I've been gone.

This time I haven't been hiding though. :) LOL

I've actually been super busy. The last post was Jan 25th and since then I've pretty much been go go go. I hardly have time for sitting in front of my computer and reading, let alone writing. matter of fact, even as I type this my husband and daughter and telling me we need to get busy. ugh! Anyhow, I've been busy enough for a lifetime and this month isn't going to be any better. My brother gets married at the end of the month and lets face it I have ALOT to do to get ready for that, add in Dr's apts, misc other apts I have to keep, and things to do to get ready for little man... I kinda wish this month would just let me wake up to march 1st. :) Things have been crazy enough that i had a wake up call the other night... I had a scare of labor contractions starting. Talk about a wake up call to slow down. Sadly, I can't slow down too much as lets face it nothing much (but laundry) gets done around here if I slow down for too many days in a row. Don't worry, I'm taking care of myself. Just trying to do less in 1 day and working on being better at listening to my body.

I'm eating pretty good. Dinners are excellent these days (except 1 night last week w/FF and last night with FF). Making my menu based on taste AND calorie/serving size info was an excellent idea. These days because I seem to look at my menu going "ugh nothing sounds good" I made a 12 meal menu and a list of must buys before making each item (you know those darn vegi's don't last 2 weeks). Luckily there isn't much I have to buy for most meals and it all sounds so good I've got the problem of which one to make. :) Every meal is under 500 calories for 1 serving and I was sure to pick things that the serving size would equal a good portion, not 1c of it for 500 calories. Makes me excited to cook. the 2 FF days were because of scheduling and not being home to even think of cooking. Lunches and breakfasts I'm working hard at being a head of my hunger and I'm giving myself a break if I eat a little crappily in between meals. Which really, with no snack foods in the house, just means eating leftovers from the night before and toast. I bought tortilla's and have been making wraps again. Last nights FF was churches chicken. Today, i plan on tearing the fatty yummy fried crap off and peeling the chicken off the bone to make a chicken Cesar wraps. I'm excited. :) May not be the BEST chicken in the world to use, but I'm thinking re purpose and remove what fat I can... better than I used to do :) LOL

Exercise has been a little to the way side because of my schedule. I know I need to fit it in... But ya know, these days, with less than 2 months to go before little man arrives, I'm doing everything I can to just get things in order. How has 7 months flown by. Feels unreal. Since I'm not sitting on my arse all day, I'm pregnant, not gaining any weight these days AND keeping swelling to a minimum... It's just gotta be ok. :) You gotta do what you gotta do and in my state and after the scare I had earlier this week... I'm all about being more careful these days. Do i sound like I've got a lot of excuses or what? All I can say is... with 2 months to go. excuses be damned!!!

However, I have made a promise to a friend of mine though, Starting 6 weeks after little man arrives, no matter my shape.... I'll be hitting what she calls upchuck hill (everyone throws up when they run it she says) with her at least 1x a week. Although I told her I'll have to watch her run it while I walk it cause I won't be in shape enough to run it when I start. But at least I can do it 1x a week (hopefully more, we'll see when the time comes) with her while our girls play and since she used to be a track and field cohort with me from HS and NOW owns her own martial arts gym... she'll kick my arse into running that hill in no time. hahahaha!!

Anyways, today's a busy day... after taking most this week off due to those contractions, I've got to clean house, clean the garage and watch my husband steam clean the carpets. I have a feeling he's going to beg outa that chore, but either way... I'll be getting some good walking in today while he does all the heavy lifting. And that for once (at least for once) is good enough for me. :)

Always,
Jules

ugh

2010-01-25T08:47:00.003-07:00

Ok, Straight truth.

Last week I worked out 3 days in a row, mon-wed. YEAH!!

And then... I sorta well, I feel like I was clinging on to the back of a moving wagon with my legs flying behind me... cause my proverbial wagon took off and I barely hung on. Needless to say... yeah... I wasn't tracking and there is an entire bag of chips missing, at least it took 4 days to eat, but they were hubby's, I don't even care for the flavor of them... yes sad, very sad... and I even ate my daughters munchkins, i shared i did... but I wasn't suppose to eat them at all.

Oh well, crap happens and the 5lbs of water retention is REALLY sucking and the constipation I'm dealing with is well... both of them are my due punishment. Nothing like being pregnant to help you gain umpteen pounds in swelling.

So... today,

I'm keeping in mind how desperately I need to stay up on the wagon, full body not clinging and flying; lots of water this next few days so that by Wed's Dr apt my weight can be a little more realistic. PLUS I need to be on my game.

I guess the good news is, there really isn't anything else left in the house to snack on except popcorn and I'm too lazy to pop it. hahahaha!! And there is getting to be little food in the house so I'm working on a new menu schedule. Remember my complaining about recipes with no calorie info. Side note: I also hate it when it doesn't tell you how big a serving size is for the recipe. So as I sit down this week to make my menu and then grocery list I'm going to set myself up for more success. I won't even put the dish on the menu unless I can also add the calorie AND serving size to the menu BEFORE i even buy the food for it. This way, if I don't have the info... I'm forced to sit down and get it myself with sparkpeople recipes OR I'm forced to ditch the meal off the menu. By deciding on the serving size BEFORE I cook it... it'll help me know how much to take BEFORE i eat or even cook. Like last nights dinner, I realized AFTER I cooked that a serving size was only like 1/2 a cup! WTF!! Woulda been fine if i hadn't added all my vegi's into the dish... so the dish was all there was to eat, no vegi's to pile on my plate. But I admit... OMG!! It was really yummy and I added all kinds of vegi's too it that it didn't call for and even cut the cheese in 1/2 for the whole dish. But still... Shoulda known a potato dish wouldn't be big portions and doubling up put it over 600 calories just for 1c. Anyhow... the point being, i need to set myself up for success before I even go to the store. Not to mention that I'm hit with hunger so quickly these days that there is no time for cooking for lunch. And due to money, we don't have a lot of ready to eat meals. We don't even keep much in the way of sand which makings except PB&J. I've gotten so good at making sure leftovers are minimal that I've been in trouble this last week. Anyhow, I need to set myself up for success all day. Working on that this week before I'm desperate for the store... New ways for menu planning will be key. :)

So this week I'm working on new ideas and as long as I continue to keep telling myself no on baking some home made banana bread I'll be able to be more successful. And just let me say, I've been craving that banana bread so bad that i even keep thinking of ways to healthify it to help my lovely bowel problem. But in the end, I know I'll eat the whole loaf in 2 days... so it doesn't matter what i do to it to make it healthy... won't be healthy to eat it all in 2 days. So, I guess that's a plus in my willpower. :)

Make it a great week peeps!

BTW, have you noticed when i fall off the wagon... I don't comment on your blogs? Well, yeah... that's cause I hide and don't read so I can stay in my fog. BAD BAD BAD blogger friend.

Always,
Jules

quick update

2010-01-20T22:10:00.003-07:00

Not much to say...

Eating's been So-So. Seems like 1 minutes it's good, the next it's crappy. But I'm still tracking and I think in general, I'm keeping portion sizes realistic, not expanded. snacking has been to a minimum. I've yet to have a root beer float with the makings for one that the hubster brought home... but I've certainly been enjoying the mini Oreo cookies he also brought home. I know, i know... I need to kick him in the butt. :)

So far, I've exercised 2 days in a row and as soon as I get off of here, I'll be onto 3 days in a row.

I know, exciting stuff. Not much to say, been busy busy busy.

Always,
Jules

Wrapping up the week

2010-01-17T09:56:00.002-07:00

I haven't posted these last few days... how long has it been? I'm too lazy to look.

I have been a busy bee. So busy that by today, my body is achy. I found out I'll be heading to the hospital to have little man delivered via C-section March 30th. I'm super excited and it's sparked some "get r done" action into me. My growing list of things to get done before he arrives is sometimes overwhelming. Add that to my normal every day To-Do list, there's a lot. I've just been working on tackling as much as I can every day without overdoing it. That hasn't left much time for the computer. Strangely enough this week has been a "quiet" week for me. Thoughtless week... meaning I've just not had much to say, even on my beloved facebook. Hence why I've been "gone".

Tracking went to the wayside this week, mainly because I've been making A LOT of meals that i have no calorie information on and just have not taken the time to get on sparkpeople.com and enter the recipes to get the info, plus just have no interest in figuring it out. I am however watching my portion sizes and am working hard to be sure what is going into each meal and taking that into account with how much I eat of it, etc... I've kept my snacking to a minimum and worked hard at keeping it accountable. Some of the meals I made, I do know were pretty healthy as they were 100% home made, even down to the sauces, etc... at least in the sense of no added crap.

Exercise was better than the last few weeks... in the sense that I got in 3 days instead of 2. :) YEAH!! hahahahaha!! I know, only 3! But that's good for me. :) Every little step forward in the right direction makes me happy. But when i consider the physical labor I've been doing this last week... It's just gotta be good enough. Know what i mean jelly bean.

So that's the short story on my week. This weekend has been very busy, on my feet alot and today, I'm desperately wanting to take a do nothing day... But again that damn To-Do list is looking overwhelming and I just don't feel like I can. My house doesn't look like I can. I'll take it easy for the most part though, because I need to.

My goals for next week are to:
1. get at least 3 days of exercise or more in
2. figure out a way to track those meals that I have no calorie info on that is easy and not time consuming. Sparkpeople.com is just too time consuming and I'm not making a seperate pot just for me so that I can measure out each portion of each ingrediant and track that way- ANY IDEAS for me?

Have a great Sunday!!

Always,
Jules

Tuesday without a hitch

2010-01-13T09:57:00.002-07:00

Yesterday wasn't a bad day.

Somehow with all my snacking I managed only 1590 calories

AND despite my lack of Will (Yeah I know... when i got done posting yesterday I said I was gonna go workout, I didn't... life just happens) i did exercise for 20 minutes which according to mydiet put my burned calories at 2684 for the day.

I don't know how accurate Mydiet really is... but hey, it's just a guideline right? :)

Anyhow, that's 2 days in a row of pretty decent eating and exercise.

I can do it a 3rd day in a row! I know i can. :)

Always,
Jules

It's the little hurdles that count

2010-01-12T14:33:00.002-07:00

yeah me!

Hubby brought home Chips for the Cardinals game this last Sunday and again for the coming game this weekend. Of course he told me to help myself.

I haven't yet.

But today, I've been thinking about them chips. I think it's the salt I must be craving. Doesn't help that for 2 different meals I have sour cream AND cottage cheese (both fat free) in the fridge. HUH you ask? 1 of my favorite snacks is lays classic chips dipped in plain ol' sour cream or cottage cheese. Yeah, I know... sounds... ummm... interesting. Blame it on my mom. hahahaha!!

Anyhow, I have yet to open that bag. YEAH! For lunch i wanted that all time favorite snack, just that and nothing more. I restrained and instead told myself "your not even hungry yet, NO". When i got hungry enough for lunch, I made another Cesar salad (when will I get off this kick!!). the YEAH part is... after the salty goodness of adding just a little parm cheese and cottage cheese on my salad, cukes, the dressing (I added salt to my homemade recipe before adding it onto my salad today) AND some extra croutons... I'm so satisfied those chips aren't even on my mind. YEAH!!

Sorry, really proud of myself for restraining that i just had to share.

Now that I'm done with that... off to have my small square of dark chocolately goodness. YUM!

Always,
Jules

Sometimes, you just have to quit fighting

2010-01-12T08:42:00.002-07:00

Some thing I realized yesterday...

Why am i fighting myself?

Deprivation has never been my forte. I can't do it and trying to do it causes me to BINGE!!!

So why am I so gung ho oh trying to go 4 days no sugar? Cause, the only way I've been able to accomplish this is by keeping so busy that i don't think about food AT ALL!!! But it doesn't stop me from wanting it the minute I slow down. And I mean, can't get it out of my mind until i have it kind of thinking!

I had 1 good day, but I was jam packed and busy, so I had to force myself to stop to eat as it was. And then yesterday as I stuffed my 5th peice of candy in my mouth, it hit me!! Telling myself all day i wasn't allowed, AT ALL!! Was bad! Was my down fall. Hence why I've been failing/caving. i don't do well with deprivation... i do better with parameters. Rules. I do better with giving myself the option, doesn't mean I have to take the option, but having it there takes the pressure off!!

So! There ya go. I'm done trying to deprive myself. I'm not going to try. I am however going back to my rule of only 1 small piece after lunch and dinner. This equals either 1 dark Hershey kiss or 1 square of dark chocolate off of a bar. Sometimes, only 1/2 of those per meal.... that's how I used to do it, before getting preggers. Most the time I wouldn't even eat the whole amount of what I had deemed the RULE. And I always enjoyed that little bit, savored it when i wanted it and didn't miss it when I didn't want it. I still have to figure out what to do with those jelly belly's I haven't opened (some thing I horde and savor also) yet. I think i need to figure out the dark chocolate equivalent of them so that i can add them to the rule when my dark choco is all gone. We'll see. maybe I'll just give them to the kiddo. Luckily, I don't pig out on those. Never have, so I'm not worried. But i should decide on a rule, just in case!!

So I won't rehash the weekend. I will however tell you about my monday. :):):)

It started out feeling like 1 of them days... But i pulled it around, i don't know how... But I did. I found a new home for my exercise ball, and guess what i'm using as chair right now. Yup! Why not? Keeps me engaged right? I don't know, thought it was a good option though for when i'm not exercising with it. We'll see how bad the kiddo is with it... usually causes some issues, but it's time for her to learn. There isn't exactly a spare room to hide it in any more. Anyhow, my calories for the day came in at 1580. I wasn't even hungry all day with what i ate. YEAH ME!! No starvin' marvin!! I did have those 5 pieces of candy that along with 2 pieces of toast as a snack, equaled more than any of my meals. Lunch was salad, YUM! home made Cesar salad kick hasn't ended. Dinner was home made stir fry that was so good, hubby took the leftovers to work and darn it!!! I was planning that to be lunch today. Oh well, at least for once, he ate leftovers without being forced. :)

My activity for yesterday wasn't too shabby either. Mydiet says I came in at 2549 calories burned for the day. Not too shabby for a slow day. I hadn't exercised all day and then right before bed (20 minutes before to be exact) I popped in my new ball pilates DVD and did a 10 minute flexibility segment. I'm in LOVE LOVE LOVE!! So i'm thinking I'm going to do everything I can to do that segment every night before bed. I can certainly use some flexibility. Being pregnant it was certainly a good workout for me, but not too straining or hard that i need to worry about over doing it in my current state, which being so inactive these last 7 months has been a concern for me. But it's enough of a challenge that i still should see some changes over the next few months in my flexibility. :) Also, I'll still work towards doing my Wii Pilates in the mornings 5 days a week. Speaking of which, I need to get off of here and go do that workout! NOW!!

Always,
Jules

Another cave in

2010-01-09T15:23:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was another day of crappy tiredness. Got nothing, i mean nothing done. Not 1 iota of a darn thing. And it felt good. hahahahhaa!! I really didn't want to clean those bathrooms anyways. I did make a To-do list for the weekend and into next week though. hahahaha!!

Sadly, I did cave in to some chocolate... my daughters Christmas stash. How sad. Oh well, she said she'd share with me, so i'm off that guilt hook. I don't feel guilty either for having caved. This 4 days is really about getting off the daily sweet overload and proving to myself I can do this. Once I get this 4 days over I can go back to only 1 tiny piece of dark chocolate after dinner... not a bite size candy or 2 after every meal. They add up. Then i'm going to work on portion sizes of my meals. Anyhow... Another post really.

Today... I feel GREAT! Lots of energy and although I have some tiredness happening. It's nothing like the last few days.

The best part, I've YET to have any sweets. YEAH ME!! So today is Day 1 of no sugar. I KNOW I can do this and I will. I haven't exercised yet today, but I taking myself off the hook for that today. I've been a very busy bee. I took down all the outdoor Christmas decorations and I've finally forced my hubby to help me deal with the furniture in our spare room (Soon to be babies room). We are taking a break (for food) from re-arranging our bedroom to fit a piece of furniture in there and then we have to tackle the rest of the furniture in the spare room to fit it into the rest of the house or get rid of it, whichever ends up best. He's doing the bulk of the hard work, but boy am I sweating!!

So, here's to a great weekend and getting through day 1 with no sweets!

Always,
Jules

All it takes is 1 little cave

2010-01-08T10:11:00.002-07:00

Ok, so let me just say, I caved!

It didn't start that way though... But i snow balled. Don't I wish there was snow here to roll in for picture effect, but you can imagine. :)

I did so good ALL day on Tues. i swear I did and then I got hit with a bout of pure exhaustion that called for a pick me up coffee... I always make a full pot in the morning and only have a cup or 2 in the mornings. If I need a pick me up, I just heat it up. Sometimes it's not the greatest tasting and there fore I make it a new way some times. Well, Tues without even thinking about it I made a mocha with coffee and hot cocoa. DAMN IT!! 1/2 way through it I realized that constitutes as a sweet. I even checked in with my facebook buddies wondering... ummm... does this count? Yes, i knew it counted, finished it and they agreed it counted. So I figured ok, no more for the night and I'll restart the 4 days tomorrow. YEAH ME!! Tues that was my only treat ALL day!! So not too shabby if you ask me. But still called for restarting the clock. And that was ok too.

Wed & Thurs however were horrible days for me. I have been hit by the kind of exhaustion you get from non stop moving and little sleep for days on end or a horrible illness. I have been unable to MOVE myself off the couch let alone think. Consequently Wed I did not work out. Really, I didn't even get on the computer all day... you KNOW i was tired then. I'm addicted to this device. I did not track my food either and I caved. Caved to the damn apple pie in my Freezer. Hubby even went and bought me ice cream for it because as it turns out, he finished off the ice cream I was hording just for the pie. Why can't I eat apple pie without ice cream? hhhmmm... Another day to ponder that. Thurs ended up with more of the same. I thought for sure when I went to bed Wed I'd be ok thurs. At the very least not so tired.

Boy was I wrong. More the same. I almost didn't work even. Again, no computer all day and the only thing I did accomplish was work, damn finances couldn't afford for me to blow it off otherwise, i would have and almost did despite our needing the money.

So for 2 days I have not tracked even 1 bite of food, I've been eating sugar and not moving from the couch. Poor kiddo, I got home last night from work, she ran into my arms and said I'm so glad to see you!! I wish you felt better, you go rest. broke my heart. I've been such a lax mommy these last 2 days. Wed Hubby and I did do some cleaning out of the spare room that needs to be converted to the babies room. But it's not even 1/2 done yet. it was just moving his collectables out, it was really HIS moving to get it cleaned out. Maybe today I can get us to work on moving the furniture in it OUT into the rest of the house. We'll see.

Today, I'm still tired, too tired to pull myself off the no exercise wagon. I know I need to force myself, I just don't have the energy to talk to myself about it. BUT I'm on the computer because my life has got to STOP STOPPING just because I'm too tired. Today, i WILL track my food, I will journal and I WILL NOT EAT SUGAR!!

I hadn't decided to track or start my 4 days without sugar until i read Dianes post from the other day about first choices. I really needed this post. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning thinking there was no way i'd be able to do my 4 days of no sugar until after that pie had been eaten. All gone. I felt like I'm such a spineless weakling I'll have to wait until it's all gone, I couldn't bear the thought of throwing it out. And then I read Diane's post. I needed it. I know this journey is ALL about choices. I'm choosing not pull myself onto the exercise wagon today because of how I feel. I'm bone tired. And I'm honestly, ok with that. BUT why am I choosing to eat crappy!! It's not like I can't eat healthy. I bought all these fruits and vegi's that i love to snack on so why not CHOOSE them instead. Why not choose to be tired and lazy, but healthy? I know... it all sounds counter productive to me too. But I'm wanting to fall asleep as I write this. So i'm just gonna live there. BUT I'm also choosing to throw that pie away in the trash and to start my 4 days no sugar today!! Not when the pie is gone... which will be a few days still.

So there you have it. That's where I've been. I'd feel like I was avoiding you guys and avoiding eing accountable if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't even been on FB for more than a minute each day.

Here's to my choices today! May they be good despite my being too tired to move.

Always,
Jules

I'm a rockstar!!! (ok not really, but I feel like one)

2010-01-05T08:53:00.003-07:00

WHOHOO!!

I did it! Yesterday, no candy, no treats, no sweets. WHOHOOO!!!!

And let me just say, that was no easy feat! I felt like that little devil inside of me was beating the angel into submission. For whatever reason though, angel won.

I think part of what kept me from having any was tracking my calories after each meal. Seeing the #'s really made me think all day. Made me consider each morsel into my mouth. Talk about an Ah-ha moment. DUH!! That's what tracking is FOR!!! Sadly though, my calories weren't any lower than the day before. 2450 for the day. And looking at what i ate, I can tell ya what did not help. 3 1/2 cups of 1% milk throughout the whole day. Dinner was on the high side, but it was home made ham and beans with corn bread. Just like my daddy used to make. And I can tell ya what went into that crock pot was not bad (ok the fatty ham bone was BAD). I had to get that Christmas ham bone cooked. I kept my portion to 1 1/2c of bean mixture. Cornbread, bad girl, 4 pieces when all was said and done. I know, BAD choice!! But hhhhmmmmmm.... it was worth every calorie too. Since I didn't enter the recipe into anything and figure out the calories per serving I just had to guess on FB Mydiet. But, who cares, it was yummy. The rest of the day besides milk was good. No snacking even. WHAT!! No snacking. What happened to me yesterday?

Will Power, motivation... why? Where's it been this whole time? I don't know, maybe finally getting back to being accountable and reading my blogger buddies blogs for inspiration. Facing pregnancy is NOT an excuse and just finally going, ok, enough is enough. I'm determined to spend the next 3 months getting back to basics so in April I can get down to hard work instead of needing time to "get into the groove". Determination is an amazing friend.

So what's that all mean? I'm gonna work on 4 days no sugary treats, no candy, nothing. Thank god there are no baked treats in the house. That's my TRUE weakness. I was smart and threw them all away Dec 27th! Wait! There is corn bread. But I omitted the sugar out of the home made recipe.... so... yeah, ok they count still cause baked goods are my weakness. NO SNACKING ON THEM JULES!!!

Anyhow, the other thing that makes me feel like a rock star is today is my 2nd day waking up and exercising. No turning on the computer, no making coffee, no nothing before exercising. YEAH!! I feel good, albeit tired. I feel good.

Make it YOUR greatest day today!

If I can do this!!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

(Heather, are you reading this!! Stay strong!! YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!!!)

Always,
Jules

just keep swimming...

2010-01-04T15:13:00.002-07:00

Let me just say that for the last 3 hours all I can think about is chocolate. Just 1 litttle peice, i know if I went in there, all i'd eat is 1 little peice (gotta love bite size). That's what i have been eating after lunch and dinner for WEEKS!!

BUT I'm working VERY hard to stay away!!

Just keep swimming.

Lord please help me stay strong today! I think I can stretch this to no candy AT ALL TODAY!!

Wouldn't I be so proud of myself. I'm gonna try. :)

In the mean time, I keep telling myself...

Just keep swimming! I hope it keeps working.

Jules

So how do you handle dinner when....

2010-01-04T11:27:00.002-07:00

So how do you handle dinner when.... You just are too tired and out to cook.

Yesterday my calories landed me at 2420. I'm starting to see a trend. UGH!

I spent most of the weekend (yeah, not exercising) taking down all my Christmas stuff. i'm all done except for the outside stuff, but that'll have to wait until next weekend. So I didn't exactly just sit around doing nothing.

But last night by the time I got done I realized I had not even thought of dinner and although I could have made a non heated dinner. I was just too tired and hubby, lets face it. he does not cook... he'd rather starve or eat candy, popcorn and chips... junk to give himself substance. So, as usual, when i'm just too damn tired and can't bring myself to even deal with what to eat (cause I'm the opposite, I'd rather starve than deal with cooking when i feel like i did last night) we ordered take out. Pizza to be exact. We don't exactly have the money, used gas money to buy it even. We'll deal with that issue when it arises later this week or the weekend.

Anyhow, I am proud to say I only ate 2 slices, tried the wings hubby wanted though... Why did I eat 4 when i didn't like them (too fatty tasting)? I don't know. When I entered in my calories on FB mydiet today I did however enter in 3 slices instead of 2 because they didn't list the exact wings we bought and I can't remember if I had an after dinner treat. I know, I probably did... but i wasn't sure, so I decided to pad the pizza calories to be safe. So maybe I'm over reality... but it really doesn't matter. I still need to face the issue of how can I pre-empt myself on those tired nights... and lets face it... I'm coming up on having A LOT of tired nights that i don't want to cook.

Today I officially started my 3rd trimester and I'm already noticing i'm more tired. Add that in 3 months little man will be arriving and I doubt he'll sleep 5-6 hours straight like my daughter did. Who gets that lucky 2 kids in a row. I don't know anyone. Anyhow... So my dilemma I'm posing as a question to you all

What do you do about dinner when you're just too exhausted to even consider eating let alone cooking, but know you HAVE to eat. How do you keep it healthy? Sandwiches just really aren't as healthy as they sound... and usually leave me more hungry, probably the bread. :)

On a different note, I did wake up and workout this morning. :) YEAH ME!!

I'm also going to work on being strong today and stay away from crappy foods. I doubts it's going to be good to detox from Sugar while I'm pregnant, but I will certainly do everything I can to keep my "treat" for today ONLY after dinner, not after lunch and dinner like I have been since Christmas. :) I can do it! I know I can!! Okay, I'm lying to myself... i'll probably be fine detoxing from Sugar... but I'm being real here, until Hubby gets rid of his candy... I know I'll be a weakling and steal his and that'll cause him to be mad and me to be stupidly spineless to steal it from his stash. I've got to come to terms with this issue and detox from sugary foods... Ok, I'll think on this one. think think think jules, you CAN DO IT!! I'll have to talk to him tonight about this. I really need to get on track as much as possible these next few months and candy & money are not gonna help. I can't do much about money... but i can do EVERY THING about candy. But I admit... I'm not ready for cold turkey.

I also got good news this morning. I have been worried the last 4 days about a message my Dr left me Thurs morning before his office closed for the 4 day weekend. I had my glucose test last week and they never call unless there's a problem. I have been scared and worried that I'm going to have to deal with gestational diabetes. NOT what i want to hear or deal with. Turns out, I'm all good. :) They called to tell me I'm anemic.... Could they have at least waited until today then instead of making me worry, of course not. Anyhow...

happy monday!

Jules

Spineless

2010-01-03T11:13:00.002-07:00

I gave in last night. I wasn't strong. I could blame hubby because I wasn't craving nothing until he had ice cream, but that's even more spineless isn't it.

I did so well yesterday. I was snacky, but I was also having trouble with some nauseousness... and for whatever reason, toast is what i go for and often until it goes away. I swear it helps me to not throw up. What do you do right?

But last night after dinner, i had my after dinner treat/dessert. 2 miniature baby ruths (or some other 2 miniatures is what i do for a treat) and I was good. nice and toasty full. Very happy. Sad how full I get on so little. hahahaha!! Anyhow, My husband decided to break out the ice cream we have in the freezer that is for the apple pie in the freezer and OMG!! I felt like I was starving, I drank a bottle of water and STILL couldn't get warm apple pie and ice cream outa my brain. I was trying to be strong. Even put the pie back in the freezer when i told myself, HEY! You have to let it defrost first, isn't this stupid!! But I let the craving get the best of me... I had 8 red vines instead. I felt so sick after!! WHY!! Cause I was spineless!! Because of those damn red vines I ended my day at 2401 calories. I'm trying for 2000 a day. Mind you, I'm not exactly keeping track WHILE I eat it, but I know how to ball park it when i'm making food choices..... and Did good the last 2 days doing that. But I caved and didn't make a good choice. I am wondering today, how will I ever go back to eating and counting again... But i know i can do it. I just have to. I'm trying to figure out what to do about money, food, etc... But I guess having 3 more months to figure that out is a good thing. I just need to start counting BEFORE I eat and start tracking those choices for then. I almost wonder how I'll ever go back to eating 12-15oo calories a day, but I won't be preggers and unless I breast feed, I have NO excuses. :) But... I'm still a ways away. so why am i worried?

Still... no exercise yet today. I am however TOTALLY caught up on my blogs. Although for some reason, some of them i can't view. hhhhmmmm... No comments today. just reading. Tomorrow, i'll get on the support train again. :)

I'll let you all go and go do some Wii Pilate's with my new daisy fuentas game. :) Can't wait for this kiddo to be born to check out the Jillian Michael's game I got. :) I just have this feeling it's gonna be intense for me while I'm preggers. But the Pilate's is fun and like 20 minutes tops! Perfect for my lazy butt!!!

Have a great sunday every one. hope your weekend ends on a wonderful note! :)

Always,
Jules

Back on the wagon again

2010-01-02T12:48:00.002-07:00

Ok, so this last couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of soul searching.

I've come to realize:
(not like i didn't already know, I just faced the music)

I'm using my pregnancy as an excuse to revert back to the old me ways. The old me who was just perfectly happy to hide behind my fatness and be lazy. The old me who was willing to lie to herself. The old me who just didn't want to get up and do the work. And this just CAN NOT be ok!! Why am I doing this to myself? Because it's easier than all the hard work. it's easier than trying to figure out how to deal with money and buying healthy food. It's just easier to hide.

To be honest, last week I had an internal meltdown of catastrophic personal proportions. i ate and ate and ate my way through my feelings. I didn't say no and I didn't care... I just wanted to not feel so helpless, really to feel in control since I wasn't in control of how I was feeling.

So what happened?
A few things.
1. It was time to buy some new things due to my ever increasing body size (yes I know it's common in pregnancy).
2. Shopping for a bridesmaid dress for my brothers wedding.

Pass this part over if you don't want to read about personal girly issues:)

Let me just say that instance #1 really was a freak out for me. NEVER in my life have I been a DD girl and guess what.... Holy crap! I am now!! That was very depressing for me... D was already too big and already really difficult for me to handle, not too mention that before getting pregnant (even my last pregnancy) I've always had a lopsided boob issue to deal with that made buying bras REALLY difficult and all of a sudden, I don't have that issue either, they are BOTH DD. I wanted to curl up and die. I felt even bigger and fatter than I already feel. And let me just say that being Bigger to begin with AND having to buy new clothes in an even bigger size REALLY sucks even more. It's not easy to buy things and go oh it's ok, you're just pregnant. It sucks. I hate my view in pics even more than I did before. I don't see the pregnant girl when i look at pics, I see a HUGE elephant. I know the reality, but it's not what i see. I'd have to say the ONLY nice part about being preggers is not being as worried as I used to be about how tight something fits across my belly. Cause, well, it's the 1 time in my life I can flaunt it. Does that sound as gross to you as it does to me?

Now, some flip sides to #1 (cause I'm in a better mood to see the brighter side). I haven't had to buy many newer clothes. Although I'd been getting rid of things as they got too big the beginning of last year... i also haven't really "grown" out of much of anything in my closet... that can be a double edged sword, but for today... it's a bright side. I'm not wearing bigger clothes than I ever have in my life. AND my pregger clothes from my last pregnancy are TOO BIG!! I have acquired a few new pieces for special occasions like Christmas, clothes that would not be baggy and would show my preggers belly off. So... despite the DD's entering my life, I must be doing something right? right?

This parts not so girly... you can read. hehehe!!

Issue #2. Money is, as always, tight. Revelations over a month ago while searching for a bridesmaid dress revealed that being pregnant and bigger to begin with was going to equal a dress that would far exceed what I can afford and really, in tailoring a whole new dress. So, my soon to be sis in law agreed that if we can make a dress from scratch, she is perfectly ok with that. :) YEAH!! And then we went dress pattern shopping. With my current measurements, I'm too big for pregnancy patterns, Plus size patterns are WAY ugly and NOT appropriate for being a bridesmaid dress, and basically, nothing we can buy in the store will work. I became defeated that day and even that evening when i shopped on-line for patterns. I don't want to look like I'm wearing a Moo-Moo at the wedding, but i don't want to all my cottage cheese showing either. It was ugly. Did I mention both instances, 1 & 2 were pretty much the same day? Needless to say, it took me DAYS to get my arse out of depression mode. My mom and I did find a pattern that will "work" i'm still not totally thrilled though. I'm having a hard time seeing that I will in fact not look like the blueberry girl after she's become a blueberry (although the dress will be black) in the movie Willy wonka for my brothers wedding. I'm still having a hard time seeing myself as anything other than WAY TOO LARGE!! And I don't feel like it's "just pregnancy" because lets face it, today... Jan 2, 2010, I weigh exactly what i weighed Jan 1st 2009. The difference is my boobs and the direction my belly sticks out. I know, I know, don't be hard on myself. Anyhow, the dress issue... We're going to make the dress, no matter what happens, I'm going to need SOMETHING to wear to the wedding. My mom has agreed if it comes right down to it and I just can't bring myself to be in the wedding, she won't be mad at me for having made the dress... I still have to wear the dress though. hahahahaa!! (she didn't really say that, I did) And that i'm ok with. It's different wearing it and feeling that way while attending and wearing it, feeling that way AND being in the wedding.

Anyhow...The point is. I'm working on getting BACK on the wagon.
I'm working on taking 1 day at a time again. 1 impulse eating at a time... 1 snack attack needless eating at a time, 1 minute at a time. This is what got me through in the first place.

My first step I'm taking is journaling
Since, 12/29/09 i have kept a written journal of just what i put in my mouth and how much. Talk about CARB LOADED!! I'm also using MyDiet on facebook again. Since I'm on there so often anyways... It's worth using it to track my calories, even if I'm not focusing on WHAT the # should or shouldn't be. I track the day after I eat it so that I don't freak and take a chance on hurting my growing little man with my own ideas of "OMG!! Too much, OMG!! Too little!!" But over the next 3 months it'll help me get back in the game. That's what I need to do. Get back in the game!! It's helping me "see" just how much of what I'm eating. And THAT i do need.
So far my calories have stacked up as such:
12/29- 3714 (had WAY too many "treats")
12/30- 2269
12/31- 2032 (I beat my before bed snack attack of I WANT MORE of everything and anything!!)
1/1- 2038

I'm not hungry and I haven't been depriving myself. BELIEVE ME, I have not been. Hence the too many carbs. :) LOL

The other thing I'm working on doing is working out every day for at least 10 minutes. I've realized the last 2 days that if I don't do it as soon as I get up and outa the bedroom... I won't find the motivation to do it. So I MUST get up and get right too it. Doesn't matter, just have to. I admit... haven't started on this yet as of today. :( Today is when i realized that i must do it immediately or I won't do it. So tomorrow... day 1 on that regime. I don't plan on pushing myself... just moving and just trying to get back into routine. if I can get back into a routine before this kiddo is born and stay on a light Dr approved routine those first few weeks when I'll be restricted after he's born... I'll be ready to shine and get back to the harder work.

I just have to... i don't like the way I've been feeling and resorting back to fat girl me ways. IT'S unacceptable!!

So... Happy new year! I vow to do whatever it takes to keep you all updated daily (or at least every other day :) and to keep myself accountable. but i admit... i'm gonna need the support and kick in the arse along the way. I'm hoping to again catch up on blogs here in the next few days and get back to supporting you all too.

Always,
Jules

PS!! As usual, thank you for listening. :)

Big Surprise

2009-12-10T09:29:00.002-07:00

Big surprise, i haven't worked out. Not once.

It's again been 1 of those weeks where every day I'm so busy that i don't even really sit down to do nothing until after dinner. Which, yes, I know I could exercise then... But... I haven't been.

My eating has been decent and my swelling has been noticeably less... So I'm taking that as a WIN!

I know, such exciting stuff to tune into and read.

Always,
Jules

Tomorrow I will...

2009-12-05T22:47:00.002-07:00

Just got home. I had a relaxing day and topped it off with an insane crowd at the xmas light parade; walked about 2 mi (I think) total tonight. As I'm getting ready for bed, I'm thinking of what i should or need to do tomorrow and I'm here to say...

Tomorrow, I will exercise.

I swear I will.

It's my solemn vow to exercise tomorrow...

Now lets see if I can summon the gumption to do it.

Tomorrow I will exercise, i will... I WILL!!!

Always,
Jules

Ok... OK....

2009-12-04T14:53:00.002-07:00

My butt's been kicked and I've been told I need to get back on here... Thanks heather!!

I've been around the internet every day, but I sadly admit... I have not been around on blogger. I've been a horrible blogger support person as I've not been reading, not been writing... nothing.

What's my excuse?

Come on... I could list a million, but they are just that... excuses.

It really boils down to lately, I feel like I have nothing new to say, no new revelations and 1/2 the time I feel empty of thoughts. Ok... not of thoughts, but of healthy living thoughts.

I'm doing what i can...
But i'm back on red meat... I know, I know.... My cholesterol is already through the roof being pregnant, add that it was high before getting pregnant... It's probably heart attack through the roof by now. But what do you do when you are broke and need the meat. You go red. I have been trying my best to keep it low and have even done everything I can to limit the ground beef, no matter the % of fat. Trying to be smart, back to trying to balancing our meals better too. Qualifying for the food stamps I never asked for (only applied for medical) really helps, especially with how work has been for me and how hard the end of the year always is because of my forced work hiatus the last 2 weeks.

Other than that... I'm doing what i can to exercise, but looking back at my calender I've averaged 2 days a week. Mon & Tues before I get over run and no time. I know... there is always time. I admit... being pregnant and not able to LOSE weight has really taken a toll on my mind. I'm trying to not gorge, even when i want to. And I've been pretty successful if you ask me. 3 meals and 1-2 snacks a day. But I haven't been saying no either. At the same time... I've gotten into this place of being so busy that I don't have time for exercise, I don't even have time to sit on my ass all day. Did I mention how although I'm still tired, my energy levels have been WAY off the chart. I think it has to do with the holiday's and how much I love this time of year. hahahha!!

Anyhow... every morning I look at my schedule for the day and think holy cow how will I exercise, there's no time. I barely know if I'll take the correct time to eat lunch let alone sit down. So, although it wouldn't fly if I was trying to lose weight... I've been choosing the lack of time to sit, my ability and schedule to move move and move some more as my form of moving. I mean come on... isn't that what they tell us. It's not about WHAT you do... it's about moving? I know, I'm taking it too literal. I NEED to actually move in an exercise form. And I do on the days I'm slower, I've been trying to get back onto the Wii action. I've been asked Santa for a TON of the exercise games, we'll see if I get any. :) Really it boils down to I've been lazy and slacking in the department of healthy living and my new pre-pregnant lifestyle. I'm off the wagon in a lot of ways... But I'm letting being pregnant be the good excuse it is. but within reason. Does that even make sense?

On other notes, My Dr and I are proud of my low blood pressure. If he didn't know my history with my Daughter and before this pregnancy... he'd have no reason to even be worried of the possibilities of what i could end up going through. It's that low! YEAH!!! Must be doing something right, right? As of last month i haven't even gained a full 10 pounds yet and he's glad of that. Although swelling city is going on around here so I never know when I wake up if the # on scale is real or what. I think I might need to change my weigh in time... it's hard to tell these days upon waking up how I'm doing when swelling is causing the scale to gain another pound every morning, but by mid day... I can tell the swelling is less. Trying to not worry or deal with it... let the Dr tell me to worry at the next apt kinda thing.

Anyhow... So that's how I'm doing. Baby boy is moving like a mad man these days, I get nauseous from it some times. Is that crazy or what? It is to me.... My 3 year old never really moved around... couldn't even force her to move as a matter of fact. She was just so calm... even when she was born. Oh my do i realize how much trouble I'll be in come April when this little guy arrives.... I'm afraid... very afraid. hahahahahahaha!!

So... there you have it. Me in a nutshell. I'll try to get back on a regular schedule and try to get back to reading. But as much as I love my computer, these days. I have to admit... It's the last place I want to be sitting. Well, unless I'm screwin' around on facebook, but even that has cut WAY down.

So on that note help me get back into the swing of things,

please tell me... How are you?

Always,
Jules

happy anniversary to me... i mean us. :)

2009-11-05T09:59:00.003-07:00

So i was planning on posting today with how yesterday went... and well... the day is already getting away from me. Lets just leave it at... i did a big fat nada for exercise. 2 days in a row of nothing already, no big surprise. And how will today go....

Today is my 5th wedding anniversary and last minute hubby and I are trying to see what we can or can't do today. That's us... always waiting until the last minute. LOL I'm hoping this evening I'll have some energy to take kiddo for a walk (he'll be sleeping by then). But evenings are always when I'm most dragging.

Anyhow, I can already for see in my future.... Pizza for lunch at our favorite place, but no whole pies for this trip. Cheap lunch specials by the slice. :) For dinner will be home made Tostada’s (right down to the beans and even crisping my own corn tortilla's-store bought soft) for dinner. Luckily there isn't much money we can afford to spend, so no matter what we end up doing to celebrate...we'll take our own snacks.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Always,
Jules

HOLY MOTHER OF DONUTS!!!

2009-11-04T11:18:00.002-07:00

Lets see, we last left you off with our Halloween adventures and my proudly tooting my own horn of doing so well with sticking to my normal plan of restraint where those sweet little devils of candy goodness are concerned.

Yes, well, let this be a lesson to you all... DON'T TOOT YOUR OWN HORN!!! hahaha!! At least not until you can positively say, without a doubt and ONLY once said devilish little treats have cleared your house.

Sunday was a hard day for me. I was exhausted beyond the point of living. Thankfully the few things I needed to get done that day, were few and far between so therefore taking a semi day off was perfectly ok. At least in the sense of housework, but I should have worked out. Especially since lord only knows how much candy I actually ate that day.

I did however manage to get in 4 days total of exercise last week... not too shabby if you ask me. :)

Monday, I woke up more refreshed but still tired. Despite how I felt, I worked out :) YEAH ME!! And candy sweet candy... again passed my lips, along with 3 1/2 of the cookies dear hubby brought home. UGH!!!

Yesterday, I did not work out. I had my ultrasound yesterday and when i got home... lets just say, I thought my belly was trying to melt off my body. I felt so sick all day, I was in pain. So nope, no exercise, no healthy eating and again... sweet candy little devilish treats passed my mouth triple fold of the allotted 1-2 per day.
BUT the morning was exciting. i love ultrasounds! We found out this bundle of joy is going to be a little boy. We are measuring at being 18weeks and 6 days along instead of the 18weeks, 1 day along that we were originally at. And from what the technician was able to tell me... HEALTHY as healthy can be. :) Now the fun can begin. Boy do we have a lot to get ready for too. :) The main thing will be trying to get the 2 of to agree on names. That's always the fun part.

Today, my goal was to exercise, do what i could do to be healthy. And then, dear hubby brought home Donuts. Oh my, sweet donuts!! Let me tell you... being preggers and hungry... OF COURSE Donuts are a good idea. Turned out NOT to be a good idea. 1/2 an apple fritter left me feeling nauseous and yuck! OMG!! I think the sweetest thing I've had to eat for breakfast since getting pregnant has been syrup on waffles. 2 hours later... I still feel sick. Do you think that will stop me from having any more today? I think not... How sad, i'll try to be strong. We might go to the fair tonight... So I'll use walking around the fair as my form of exercise for the day or I'll do my routine here at home. We'll see.

Always,
Jules

OH YEAH!!

2009-10-31T09:22:00.002-07:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Today is an extra special day. It also happens to be the day of my brothers birth. Although he's mentioned in the past he sometimes feels jipped by the holiday, it's still an extras special day and i never can spend Halloween without him in my thoughts. for instance, 3 years ago when we took my daughter out for her 1st trick or treat (she was 1) I remember my dearly departed dad, my mom, hubby and I all standing in the street saying happy birthday to him when he called us back. So little does he know, I can not spend a trick or treat trip without him in my mind and heart! All day i think of him and his BD more than i do the spirit of the holiday.

So enjoy your day, celebrate your loved ones and embrace the spirit of fun!

And don't forget to figure out a way to limit your candy intake... But don't deprive yourself or you'll gorge!

Me... I admit I horde 1/2 my favorites in the freezer and limit myself to 1 or 2 a day until it's all gone. The other 1/2 my hubby gets to scarf down before mine are all gone or he knows I'll steal them and replenish my stock. Although, he eats my favorites faster than a kid with cake. :) hehehehe!! Kiddo gets only a few pieces a day and guarantee you, by Christmas we'll still have halloween candy that hubby will refuse to let me throw out.

Always,
Jules

What's your opinion?

2009-10-30T11:26:00.002-07:00

So... Just got back from getting her stitches out and getting ready to eat lunch. I'm wondering though....

If I wear my ankle and wrist weights while i mop my entire house... do you think that can count as my 30 minutes of exercise for the day?

Hhhmmm.... I'm undecided. Especially since I don't use a traditional mop, I use a Hoover hard floor cleaner. hhhhmmmmm....

Tell me what you think. :)

Always,
Jules

Yet again... A weakling.

2009-10-30T09:34:00.004-07:00

What is wrong with me. Geez!!

I did not work out yesterday. Instead I did a lot of other things in order to avoid it. ugh.

Today, i am moving REALLY slow. Woke up extra congested and a tight upper back, which is making me feel headachy. Which means I'm even slower and less motivated than you could ever guess.

I NEED to get moving this morning. I have a lot to do. Like mop these floors that have been gross since last Friday, take my daughter to get her stitches out, give her a bath to get the marker off her body that she put on her yesterday... and good lord, a plethora of other things I just have no motivation to do.

Could some one please ship me my motivation back? I bet some one out there has found it and doesn't know it's mine. I really need it and it's been missing for over a month now?

I know, such a motivating inspiring blog these days isn't it?

Always,
Jules

Such a weakling!

2009-10-29T08:53:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I gave in to doing nothing. I didn't exercise. Just couldn't talk myself into it. Why... I wish I had a good reason. I was dragging arse all day, I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing. Which except for plotting out work for the next few months, is exactly what i did. Nothing.

Breakfast- Quaker oatmeal squares
Lunch- leftover dinner, eggs W/ vegi's & potatoes
Snack- chips w/ sour cream & a root beer float
Dinner- hamburger spaghetti (2 bowls, WAY too much)
Snack- another damn root beer float.

When I look at it. It really wasn't as sucky as an eating day as I thought. The red meat issue still makes me feel sick. I really hate using it and buying it. And damn does it taste so good. Doesn't help that I know while you're pregnant you're cholesterol is naturally high... So I feel double worse about the possible consequences to my body when this kid is born. I did however add fresh mushrooms and zucchini to the scetti dinner. At least I got in some vegi's for the 1 meal. Thankfully we are out of ice cream and I think I'll purposefully let that root beer defizz so I can't want to buy more yummy vanilla ice cream for floats.

Lately, I just feel like such a failure every evening. I know I'm pregnant and all. But this isn't about just 6 more months of my life. I can't keep putting off my health and life like I used to and I feel like I'm settling back into that pattern. I feel lost and like I don't know what to do. Like I don't know how to be "healthy" and pregnant. I don't know. I certainly don't feel like I'm jeopardizing the baby in any way, well... except by not exercising. I'm trying to remind myself that i do need to give myself a break... but how far, how much is too much or not enough.

I think that's really the reason i haven't been blogging much. Because I feel like I'm not really IN this journey like I should be. And isn't that the whole point of this blog? So if I'm not IN it... what do I say. Nada? I mean really... What is it you readers want to hear about if I'm doing nothing about being healthy?

Anyhow... as usual I'm fumbling around here trying to figure it out.

With all that being said, i think I'll go make a healthy egg white (which I've also back slided on... lots of whole eggs these days) & vegi breakfast. Go to the store and come home and watch America's Next Top model on DVR while i do my workout. If that's all i get done today, than so be it. But I am going to get those 3 things done.

Always,
Jules

It's been a long 2 weeks

2009-10-28T11:15:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on around here. Forgive me if I'm all over the place again today. :)

I was sick for a week and a 1/2. I'm still congested and my OB said I can look forward to being congested the rest of the pregnancy. UGH! I was like this when I was pregnant with my first. I was hoping I was in the clear this time around since I hadn't had any problems yet. I'm just glad it's over and am praying that I don't get sick again. With my first, I was unnaturally healthy. Hubby needs to not bring anything else home. I don't think I can handle being sick and pregnant again. Yep. I'm a wimp and proud of it!!

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Exercise this month has been Nil. from the 1st to the 26th... just 6 days total. This week I've worked out 2 days in a row now. Mon & tues both for 30 minutes total. 15-20 minutes of power walking in place (with some extras thrown in that I learned from Leslie Sansone) and 10-15minutes of exercises on the Ball. I do it while catching up on my DVR and so far so good. Even though i don't want to do it. I'm forcing myself. Today, i feel like crud. So I've yet to do it. BUT as soon as kiddo is done watching cartoons (and 1 more cup of coffee) i plan on getting to it. I can feel the bloating every morning. So I MUST get back to it. I'm afraid of the road of not doing it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Food wise, I've been all over the board. Money has been REALLY tight these last few weeks. We're down to food and gas coming from the $100 a week my hubby makes at his 2nd job. Some how we've managed to get all the bills paid but 1; that one we can handle once I start getting paid again... just in time for the shut off notice :) LOL Thank god WIC has started supplying fruits and vegi's otherwise, we'd have non in the house. I'm trying to keep it healthy, but I'll be honest. Trying to keep snacking to a minimum with no "good" food in the house is hard. I've been struggling with making healthy meal choices too. Nothing sounds good so therefore I've been relying on snacking for nutrition. Not good. Add on that while I was sick cooking was the last thing I wanted to do... It's been a food fest. But I'm trying. I can't wait to get back to how I was eating before. We've even had no choice but to go back to red meat for protein choices, and not the 93/7 kind either. I hate it, hubby loves it. But just a few more weeks and we'll hopefully be back to normal. We'll see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnancy is going great. I'm 18 weeks along this week and this time around I can already tell this kid will be a mover and shaker. hehehe!! My first was so quiet I often had fears due to lack of movement. It won't be like that this time. My blood pressure has been good so far. For that I'm grateful! I just need to keep it in check. As of today, I've only gained 1.8lbs since 8/1/09. Not too shabby. Until I looked at what i last weight when i posted on here and today's weigh in... 4.3lbs up. That was in a month and a 1/2. Not too bad, but be still my heart... it's still hard to adjust my brain into a different mode of thinking. So far the Dr has had no concerns with weight gain. So I just focus on that. Nov 3rd we have our anatomy ultrasound, we'll find out what we're having. YEAH!! I can't wait. I just hope this kiddo co-operates because I'm not good with surprises. :) Got the H1N1 shot yesterday from my OB too. Now just need to wait for the other 2 to get it and we all still need the seasonal flu. I hate shots.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We did manage to scrape some money together for my daughter's 3rd BD. That's probably why we're hurting so bad this week, but it was worth it. We've been using our credit card more than we want this month too, it's suppose to be for emergencies. But sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. Last week we transitioned her into a toddler bed (which the credit card bought). It's kinda weird knowing she's old enough to not need the crib any more. Thankfully, she transitioned beautifully. 2 days of no napping in 1 week. not too bad. As long as she stays in her room... i really don't care where she sleeps or how much she plays. Although, napping is far better than no napping. We have this week left for "training" before I start back to work. I hope we have a week full naps so that i can go back to work without her in the afternoons (hubby is home sleeping too) and feel safe and comfortable. Her BD was this last friday. I made her cake, decorated the house (stuff we already had) and we splurged on $5 Pizza from Little Cesar's. The party was suppose to be just for immediate family, BUT no surprise, the in-laws couldn't bother to come. So instead we had my mom, sis in law and a few friends. Hubby has yet to talk to his family. He's pretty mad at them still for not coming and for letting us know that non-important things were more important for their niece and grand daughter. I'm hoping i can use it to my advantage come Xmas. Long story, but this year I just really want to stay home and be together, not do the whole 2 family thing. :) Anyhow....Kiddo gave herself a really good BD present on her BD. She managed to split her chin open and get stitches because of it. Made it a stressful day, but we'll never forget it will we. :):):)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lets see, we finally got our fridge fixed and almost resulted in going into legalities in order to get it fixed. Because of this mess, we've decided we will be looking into moving some time next winter (cause moving in Az summers is a form of torture). As much as we don't really want to, We just feel maybe it's time. Since the landlord has met his current GF, we've had a lot of trouble getting things taken care of around here. We both hate moving, we were hoping to stay here until we either A) bought a house or B) just plain outgrew it. Which is rapidly happening with this baby coming as it is. However, we are afraid of getting a worse landlord or even a landlord who forecloses on us, so it's going to be a hard thing to do. Add in coming up with money for deposits, etc... It's going to be a long road ahead if we do. Anyhow... At least our fridge is fixed. I'm very thankful, i can not begin to tell you how much. :)

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Blogging and reading blogs has been at the bottom of the list. I am finally caught up on reading my blogroll although i didn't really comment on anything. Just wanted to catch up with old friends so that I can start fresh tomorrow. So You'll be hearing from me. i promise. :):):):)

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Today, it's a blustery 65 here in Az. That's SO not normal for this time of year yet. so i'm loving it. Even wearing my flannel PJ's today and kiddo is wearing some of her new warm PJ's. If only we had a fireplace, I'd be in almost heaven (would need green landscape and snow for that). Maybe that's why I feel like crud. Maybe it's not crud it's that innate desire to cuddle up and be lazy. :)

I think that's MORE than enough for now. I hope you're all great and have a wonderful day.

Always,
Jules

I did it anyways

2009-10-13T12:16:00.003-07:00

Last week I was bad at exercising. Only 2 days out of 7. This week i planned on getting back on track (Do I say this every week)... But I'm sick. And since I can't take anything... It feels 10x worse. ugh.

I've been eating like crap. Within my means I should say. I haven't been saying no to much. But it's no surprise. I never eat great when I'm sick. I really don't have much in the house that's unhealthy except cheese, dairy and butter. :) But I have been doing a lot of carbs and whatever is easiest during the day. I even admit, I made buttermilk ranch and have been eating vegi's every other day. So really, it's probably not bad for my pregnant state... just not the best in the manner of healthier living aspect.

Yesterday though, despite being sick. I did the on demand walk away the pounds. I only did a 20 min workout (1mi + a warm up and cool down). Today though... I'm not sure if I can summon the energy. I'm going to try. But I had to go grocery shopping and to an apt I had this morning, so I feel pretty wiped.

BUT hey, I just gotta keep telling myself. Look you did it yesterday. So I'm going to have lunch, rest and keep repeating, if you did it yesterday, you can do it today. :)

Always,
Jules

Oh my!

2009-10-10T08:09:00.002-07:00

This week has been a plethora of Blah, I don't wanna and just plain blankness. But I have some things to share, it's going to be a jumbled mess... i warn you... I'm going to be ALL over the board. LOL :) At least I warned you. :)

I did get some work this week. $200 worth of work. YEAH!! Lets just pray it keeps coming my way, even in smaller increments until the 1st. :) I'm praying. And I've been plain exhausted this week. Turns out... i'm getting a cold. DAMN HUBBY!!! He brought it home. And I can't take anything. SON OF A B!!!!

A couple of good things happened yesterday. Hubby got his usual bill from the unemployment office (a long story and issue from back in 2003) and then the next day, he got another letter from them saying that his denied request for unemployment from back in 2007, which had been denied DUE to the 2003 issue of owing money, has been over turned or whatever the wording was and he'll be receiving almost $700 in a week. Now the money would seem like a WONDERFUL thing. BUT it's got misgivings with it. We have to be sure that it doesn't get overturned YET AGAIN and he ends up owing even more money before we spend a dime of it. The really good news to it is hopefully it's his IN for getting his 2003 issue resolved. AND hopefully by the end of the month... We'll know for sure if we can spend that $700 or not. As practical as I'd like to be... let me say, my mind has been singing hohohoo!! merry Christmas ever since we got it. Yeah! Practical huh? It'd be the first Xmas in a long time where we could actually buy presents for each other and maybe not stress over making gifts for family or searching for $5 nice gifts for people.

On top of that... i was FINALLY paying bills for the first time this month... yeah I've been putting it off. I had a little freak out. When i went to pay our electric bill I noticed what looked like a previous balance due and then remembered the shut off notice we'd gotten in the mail... that i yeah, didn't read and threw away because I said to myself... whatever, it's paid, this was sent probably at the same time. HOLY CRAP!! Did I screw up and NOT pay all our Sept bill? No way, how could I screw up on something like that. NO WAY!! The credit card maybe. I immediately hopped on the phone, sat on hold for 15 minutes and explained, while almost having a heart attack what my problem was. The nice girl looks into it and says, no Mrs... You're Sept bill was paid in full. What happened is that we credited your account $140 due to XYZ and so the 60 is what is left for you to pay this month. I started crying on the phone. Obvious tears too. I couldn't speak. YEAH ME SPEECHLESS... no one can believe it! hahaha!! I asked her if she was kidding explained I couldn't afford to be messed with, told her just some of what we've been going through and she said nope. Really, you only owe $60 for this month, due before the 19th. I actually started crying worse (still want to cry) I told her she was an angel that i needed that good news more than she could ever imagine and she just made my month!!! She just made up for all the crappy crap we've been going through for the last 4 weeks. She was so happy, elated really. She said it's so nice to hear that she some how, made a difference, even though she didn't do it. :) Anyhow... Made my day. I paid the bills. ALL of them but 4. And those will be paid next week, all before the due dates. We still have money left over, but are feeling much more relieved that even though in 2 weeks we won't know how to pay for gas and food, (unless I get more work next week and the following week) at least the bills are paid.

I did have a mini break down yesterday. Watched Michael Buble on Oprah. Started crying and thinking of my dad... all in good ways. That mans singing voice always makes me think of my dad. I miss him. Next Sat, 1 week from today... Will be 1 year. I'm still not ready for it to have been this long.

I then went grocery shopping on what i thought was a full tummy. yeah... turned out no. I was ok. I held on... until i went to check out and eyed the french bread. hhhmmm... that'll go so good with the dinner we are splurging on (shrimp linguine, not super healthy, but IT WAS YUM!). lets just say... Dear hubby got 1/4 of it... i ate the rest of the 3/4 of it all by myself. I haven't done that in AGES! I have to admit... that's why I don't buy FRESH french bread. And every time i tore another piece off... my brain would kick in and start to talk... and that fat girl who hides deep inside me... shut up my brain. I became almost non functioning until the piece was devoured and then moved on with my life like it didn't happen... until the next piece. ARGH! I've worked so hard to quit this kind of eating. Thought I'd moved past it... especially when I've made things like cookies, brownies and other favorites and NOT done this, when those used to be my foods too. I've been able to NOT do this... and I caved. I know it has to do with emotions. Especially when while watching my DVR of greys anatomy when I started crying and asking myself why is it Izzy got to live and my dad didn't. OK I know... i do. Kathryn is only PLAYING a character, she isn't really Izzy. But still... that's when i knew... Ok... I'm hiding again. So by them, bread was gone and while watching... i just let myself feel. I need to remember to let myself feel, or I eat the whole damn thing.

Anyhow... I'm done... I have more to say... But I think this post is LONG ENOUGH!! :) I'll share it later today or tomorrow.

Anything good & out of the blue happen to any of you this week?

Have a wonderful weekend!

Always,
Jules

Benefits of being poor

2009-10-03T16:23:00.002-07:00

You don't usually think of the benefits of being poor until something happens.

Like today, when our fridge decided to quit working (we rent, so now we're waiting on the landlord).

Came to our attention that if we weren't in our current lack of money situation... Our fridge would be FULL, we would have frozen meats, and a plethora of food to be freaking out about.

Currently though... We only have to worry about the Dairy (which we're on WIC, so we have a lot), condiments and the few odds and ends. No meat to speak of either. We also cleaned out the freezer of things that we didn't need, like the frozen banana's hubby's been begging me to throw out. And we realized HEY! We could be eating the frozen (defrosted now) fruit in the bottom of the freezer, that i forgot about.

So, for today, Being poor was a good thing. Although we really didn't need this bad news especially since last night we informed our landlord we are $100 short. I also thank god for friends, who went WAY above and beyond to help us get ice chests to help keep the food cold :)

Does stress raising your blood pressure count as exercise? hhhhmmmm

Always,
Jules

Gutless Will Power

2009-10-03T08:05:00.002-07:00

Ok, So the last 2 days I have NOT worked out. We're allowed a break right? But 2 days IN A ROW!! Come on Jules!!

I did get a project tackled yesterday. My recipe Box is now almost 1/2 empty. Yeah. It was time. I had a lot of doubles and even some that I've never tried and was honest with myself... the ingredients were just too "abnormal" for me to be ok making it for 1 time and than have something in my house I'd probably never use again. That means 4 projects off my before the baby comes to do list. Today i plan on going through 1 cookbook my cousins school put together and weeding through it and only keeping what I want to my box. After that, I'll only have cookbooks and my box. :) YEAH!! I love organization! hahahaha!!

So although it happened and I gave into the whole I don't wanna/don't feel like it attitude. At least I spent 1 of those days being productive, even if it was on the couch going through countless recipes (it took me ALL day, that's how many I had).

Today though I AM going for a walk as soon as my daughter gets up. After that I'll do some Wii Fit and EA active for some Fun exercise. The scale has showed a loss the last 2 days. YEAH!! I'm only 1lb away from being where I was when I went on vacation. Not that I'm trying or anything. If I posted my food journal for you guys... OMG!! You'd be appalled!!! But obviously my moving this week is helping me get rid of water weight. :) I'll take it. :)

Tonight I have a party I'm going to. A Diva party (lingerie party). I'm excited to just go hang with my friends and watch everyone have a good time, me included. I wish i could buy something... I could use some new bras that fit and aren't as expensive as lane Bryant or Fredrick's... But Oh well. I'll dream.

Tomorrow my plan is just to exercise and stay home and finish my weekend To Do list.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Always,
Jules

Day 3 and trying not to give into to doing nothing.

2009-10-01T11:33:00.004-07:00

Ugghh. Yesterday was one of those days where you work you're hardest to just stay on top and keep plugging along. Today isn't much better.

I did go walking for 30 minutes, but didn't do much else. I did get some "computer" work done that I've been putting it off. But I ended up being super tired yesterday. I did journal and by god did I eat alot!

Today... So far, I've been sitting here feeling like a mag truck has rested it's rig on my A$$ and isn't moving. UGH!!

Oh well, today just may end up being my day off this week. But at the same time I feel like If i don't just MOVE today... i may end up taking the next day off too. Does that make sense. Almost like if I take today off I'll be taking a step back. Especially since I didn't work out this weekend.

Oh the joy. hahahahaa!!

I did get some good news. I have 6 hours of vacation pay I'm aloud to cash in (didn't know I even GET vacation time until yesterday). So even though it's only 6hrs... It's something to get in a paycheck. It's hard to believe I'm so happy about a whopping $50, but hey! Right now... that $50 could be what keeps our utilities from being cut off or food in the house next week. :) YEAH!!! Also, my boss emailed me and she has a job for me that is roughly almost an hour and a 1/2 and 60 miles away from my house. That's about $100 the following week. So if this keeps up.... if I can fill in some blanks here and there with other money, we can survive on $30 for food a week and we will hold on tight to what sanity is left. To feel the stress slowly release it's grips is a good feeling. :) Now if only we could win the lottery or have LOTS of money drop from the sky... i'd even be willing to share. :)

Always,
Jules

Day 2... On track with a little beat down on the side

2009-09-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

I'm so proud of myself.

After 3 weeks of sloth and exhaustion I can feel the precipice of the first trimester woes ending and being behind me.

My skin is finally clearing up, I'm not AS exhausted as usual... But still tired. I'm being more conscience of my eating and my hunger and... tada.... I'm exercising DESPITE not wanting to. :)

Yesterday i again journaled everything I put in my mouth... I find it pretty easy to curb the snacking when there really isn't anything to eat in the house. LOL. I did finally go grocery shopping last night. I found it really hard to make some hard choices that are less healthy. For instance, we always buy hebrew national hotdogs, 97% fat free. Hubby and kiddo love hot dogs. And since I'm trying to keep them healthier, I opt for those. Today i'm making a big pot of Chili (as we have WAY too many beans in this house) that will be for 3 meals, chili, chili dogs and chili potato's. But we just can't afford the healthier hotdogs. I just couldn't do it. I also struggled with turkey over beef for the chili. Turkey won out, I can avoid eating the hotdogs, can't avoid the chili. Instead of the 93/7 that i prefer though I did buy the 85/15. I HATE making choices I feel are unhealthier. Like deciding NOT to buy any fruit and vegi's other than apples, potatos & carrots. I only had $30 for food (and the desperately needed cat litter). It's hard. I am going to look for ideas this week that I can cheapify. I probably could have gotten frozen vegi's, but I admit... i opted for the tomato soup I have been CRAVING like a mad woman. I know... BAD!! Anyhow....

I did not go walking, but that excuse is because of my daughter. She didn't want to go... and really, it's not worth the fight to force her to go. I did however do 30 min of Yoga. Although i love my Prego yoga video, I opted for Ondemand's exercise TV and did a relaxation Yoga segment. I've just been full of tension and it sounded perfect. I'll tell you what. WOW! There was only some of it I couldn't do due to not being able to lie flat on my back... But when i got done, my muscles felt weak. I was shocked! Before I went to bed I did my Ab routine and passed out after. :) After my Yoga I dragged out all of my belongings (minus the workout stuff and breakables I took down for the holiday's) from our spare room and went through it all made trash piles, giveaway piles and keep piles. I gave new storage homes to everything and also made a space for my craft stuff next to my desk here in my front room. Except for the few things I left in there, I did my part to make room for baby #2. Now to get Hubby to tackle his belongings. :) LOL

All in all it was a good day, until we checked the mail that is. When will the bad news finally stop coming. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but i know it's there. I know it's there, I'm just waiting to see it.

In the meantime I will wake up every day and do what i can, handle what i can and enjoy what I can. It's the only thing I can do without falling into despair.

Always,
Jules

Day 1... back on track.

2009-09-29T08:39:00.003-07:00

Yesterday i journaled EVERYTHING i ate. :) YEAH ME!!

AND I exercised yesterday. I walked for 27minutes (It was flippin' hot out too) and I did my old Ab workout routine with some modifications due to the pregnancy. I didn't do the Yoga, instead I opted to decorate the house for Halloween. :) hehehee!! So instead I did my shorter Ab routine. :)

Today i plan to again journal everything AND go for my walk, do the Ab routine and do some prego Yoga. I'm also going to set up some new Wii Fit and EA active routines for other days.

I plan on rotating, Yoga, strength training, and the Wii. So I'll do them every third day. I'm going to try to do the Ab routine every day since it's the 1 muscle you can workout daily and not have a problem. And hopefully if I can keep this up... by the time I have this baby I'll be in better shape.

Now the only issue is keeping the energy to do all of this. We'll see. All i can do is my best.

Bring it on day 2!!! I have a lot to get done today, so it's going to be a busy day.

Always,
Jules

It's been WAY too long... so much to tell you.

2009-09-28T16:44:00.001-07:00

It's been way to long. So much has been going on in my life and it all amounts to STRESS.

Lets see if I can break this down the best and fastest way possible.

1. Haven't worked out since the 5th.
2. Haven't kept a food journal, counted calories or WW points since the 5th
3. Spent Aug making a budget for my family to live on and also to phase out my husband's 2nd job income from our resources, mainly so that he could either a) quit or b) have it become savings.
4. Right before we left for vacation got the estimated bill from my Dr for the pregnancy (just his portion) that's $600 we have to pay by Dec. And so there goes the 2nd job being a quitting possibility.
5. Right before we left for vacation my husband's position took a HUGE hit. He has been short hours and therefore $100 each week for the last 3 weeks. Which in our lives, is HUGE!!
6. Had a great vacation and left our worries at home. Thankfully Aug wasn't a bad financial month for us, since we used that phased out 2nd job income to save for the trip.
7. Got back from vacation and things went to pits.

The hardest Hit:

8. Immediately found out that my job is now on Hiatus. Due to lack of work for my area... I'm out of work until November.
9. Hubby's 2nd job is down to 1 day a week

So, despite our vacation, this month has been hell month. It didn't start that way though. While on vacation my hubby and I had decided that ok... his 3 weeks of crappy pay will be ok. We'll be short on rent but the 2nd job will help us recover and then we'll be back on track in a few weeks. We also realized Oct would be a great month for us since there are 5 pay periods for us... which since we both get paid weekly, will mean 2 extra paychecks... Kiddo's 3rd Bd is in Oct AND car tags are due in Oct. AWESOME!! YEAH, 2 extra paychecks!!! No credit card needed. WHOHOOO!! And then we get home from vacation. And it feels like we're still at the beach, but instead of sun and sand... we're caught under a wave scrambling for air to breathe. It sucks.

Without the income I bring home we can not pay the smaller bills (like credit cards, student loans, etc... of course these are all the ones with late fees associated with them), gas, and food. I've not been fired or laid off so i can't even get unemployment. Hubby's 1st job is messing around with his days off so the 2nd job we now need to rely on.... is currently down to only 1 day a week, Which hurts us even more. So car tags, will be on the credit card (which is the one thing we've been avoiding that is our ONLY emergency money) and kiddo will have a very quiet, try to make her feel good 3rd BD... But it certainly will be less then I would ever want for her. And I know she'll be ok, love is more important. But as every parent wants... you just want them happy and at 3... to see them smile and light up on their BD. It's hard to see how to do that with no money to even buy a box of cake mix. Sadly, that's where we are. Presents I know she can live without... But still not how a parent wants things to be. Anyhow... in reality, we have a few weeks to figure out her BD. But this is my frame of mind these days... pretty self pity party. Or at least trying to keep the self pity at bay.

Pregnancy... our insurance SUCKS!! They pay very little. So we're already getting bills in from just the 1st round of lab tests and with the $600 we have to come up with by Dec... we're feeling screwed and a little stressed at how to make this work. We can't call my Dr's office yet and ask for a different payment plan, because well, there is just no money to pay him. And of course come Nov-Dec we'll have even more lab tests, ultrasounds, etc... to come up with money for. How to be pregnant and pay for the pregnancy? It seems impossible. Paying for this kid once it's here seems more possible (because well, that's another blog all together). I now have a little more understanding of how people who are down right broke and poor, go without healthcare while they are pregnant. I almost feel like the stress is worse than waiting until I go into labor to deal with this. BUT no worries, I won't go that far. My previous health and pregnancy scare me into that IS NOT AN OPTION!! I am forming a plan, but it still equals no money. :) LOL
My daughter is due for her 3rd well check visit... and we owe her Dr money, we can't take her in until we can pay it. Thankfully it's just a well check up. But I hate feeling like I'm letting her health down by not getting her in for her shots, and check up. How to get them paid... I currently can't see.

Food: is another issue.
We came home from vacation to no food and still have no food. I don't think our cupboards have been this bare in over a year. We resorted to the food bank which sadly, only helped in supplying bread. I've made my meal lists based off of what we have and are given. We are on WIC. So eggs cheese, cereal and bread it is. :) LOL But this also means I've had to come to a decision about things like counting calories, food, etc...

I'm not going to count. I've got enough stress in my life right now that to add something like how many calories I'm eating or more like not eating to add to it. BUT that being said, as of today, I have gone back to keeping my food journal because I know I need to be accountable and keep track. But the quality of food I eat will greatly differ. I refuse to go back to red meat. So this limits our options for cheap meat to next to nothing. How this will all play out and STILL keep me being healthy is still baffling me. I have so many things to be healthy for and I WILL!! I am determined in that. Will it be as balanced, fresh and clean as I like it. Nope. But I'm determined to make it work. Now, I admit... this week, and last week, the menu has been VERY carb related. I'm out of ideas for meals to make. But I'll get there. I'll find a way... i know i will.
Another thing I'm determined to do this week is getting back to exercising. Today I went for a 27min walk in the heat. I HAVE to get back to basics. And that's a good thing. I still plan on doing some Yoga today in hopes it'll help release some of this tension that has been building for DAYS! And I'll be working on starting up my Wii Fit and EA active again later tonight, at a light level of course :) I need to get an workout schedule made, but It'll be hard to keep up with it. I'm exhasuted from the time i get up to the time I go to bed. But soon... I'll be past that hump of the pregnancy... so they say.

Right now I have little or no control over my finances, so i'll take control of the things I can control... my eating and my exercise. I'm looking for ways to help our financial situation but I've yet to see the light.

My life feels like it's a sinking ship. But I'm a fighter and DAMNIT!! I will fight!

Always,
Jules

Edited to add:
I know letting this all out is SUCH a downer. But after having gotten that all off my chest... I admittedly, can feel the sadness of what we're going through even more, but amazingly, I actually feel LESS tension in my shoulders and neck. It's certainly cathartic complaining sometimes :) Especially when if I talk to hubby about how I'm feeling about our finances it makes things REALLY hard between us. Anyhow... THANKS for reading!! I certainly am feeling better. :) how about you? hahahaha!!

Yeah me

2009-09-26T09:24:00.001-07:00

I'm working hard to get caught up on all the blogs I follow :) I've missed you guys :) LOL

As soon as I'm caught up with you all... I'll catch you all up on my own life. And it's a doozey.

Always,
Jules

HI!!

2009-09-22T18:24:00.003-07:00

So, I'm home... Alive, tired and had a WONDERFUL time.

3lbs worth of wonderful! hahahaha!!

I even got to spend time with an old friend from grade/high school. You never truly realize how much you miss someone until you spend time with them... her I've missed having in my life. Even my husband has agreed that after this kiddo is born we'll have to go back out to Cali and see her and her family again. YEAH!! :) But that takes money so we'll see. :)

We had a great time at Sea world and my daughter has been cracking us up since we got back with her imitation of a dolphin, Shamu splash, etc... Makes me laugh. She got this little shamu purse (has shamu in it) and she adores it. Takes it every where. :) I LOVED our time on the beach and wish we had a day just for the beach, but we'll have to make a point to go just for that some day. :) I'll post pics when i get the time to finally finish downloading them. :)

However since getting home I've been SUPER swamped with issues that have come up, things I didn't take care of before vacation, etc... Add on that I've been exhausted and it's trouble. I haven't even been spending as much time on my obsession... facebook. :) LOL

It kinda boils down to this; 1st trimester exhaustion is kicking my arse.

I'm SO far behind on reading and catching up on my favorite blogs... I've not even tried to catch up yet. 1st I have a plethora of things at home to finish taking care of first. So... I'm here, i still adore you all and can't wait to catch up, think of you often... But time is an issue. HECK, having the energy to sit here is an issue. I just really have to catch up with my world at home and the problems that have arisen in it before I can devote the time it'll take to see what you all have been up to since I left on the 13th.

In the next few days I'll tell ya what's been going on around here that has me a little upside down. :) In the meantime... I thought I'd ask you:

What has been up in your life over the last week and a half?
I'm dying to hear :)

Always,
Jules

Whirl wind

2009-09-11T09:34:00.003-07:00

It's been a crazy few days. I've been a busy bee trying to stay on top of work... for this week and next week. Trying to get on top of housework, so we come home to a semi clean house when we get home. At the same time trying to get things ready to go on Sunday so that Saturday all I have to do is pack our bags and load the car.

Eating wise, i admit... I haven't been tracking my food. But I do feel I've done a good job at portion sizes, amounts and limiting my snacks to only when I'm actually hungry and limiting them to snacks... not BIG meals :) LOL. I've definitely had a lot of restraint this week and not being hungry, but not pigging out. I even made these wonderfully chewy, delightfully tasting chocolate chip cookies I made last Xmas to take on our road trip to Cali. Let me say... I've only had 4 since baking them 2 days ago. That is major for me. :) I'm a baked goods fiend. :) YEAH!!! Exercise has been out the window. But I'll make up for it when we are in Cali (lots of walking to get done) and I'll get back on track when we get home next week.

How are you doing on your journey or in your life in general?

Always,
Jules

I love it when...

2009-09-09T10:28:00.002-07:00

You find out money you thought was "taken/stolen" falls back into your lap. YEAH!! We have an extra $60 to go towards groceries & things we need to buy for our San Diego trip. That means that I don't have to spend any of the money we've been saving for the trip. YEAH!! Extra spending money!!! YEAH!!!

Sorry... I am too excited it's taken over 50 days for the bank to resolve this issue for me. YEAH!!!

Always,
Jules

Some times...

2009-09-09T09:09:00.002-07:00

Some times... i just have to remind myself to lighten up.

But can you guess what happens when I do?

I become lazy.

These last few days have been great... Saturday's rain and weather really changed my mood and how I have been feeling. The weekend went well. Saturday I spent the evening with some old friends. It was very nice, but a late night. Which means Sunday... I was extra tired. Monday was my moms BD and my daughter, with my help- a lot of help, made my mom a cake. It was nice just sitting around visiting with her. Watching my daughter play with Charlie, moms great dane. They are too cute together. I'm glad I was right about his attitude toward her when she was just a baby. He's so good with her now, even if he was a worry back then. :)

Since deciding on what to do about calorie counting, etc... I've felt much more at ease. I'm trying very hard to lighten up and realize... if I can't count (like Saturday night and the last 2 days) due to schedule conflicts or the food involved.... It's not the end of the world. To eat in moderation and be thoughtful about what I'm eating is more important than the # on those days. It's working.

BUT I have not worked out since Saturday. So lightening up... yeah, maybe I'm taking it a little too far. Part of the problem is I'm exhausted by 5. So exhausted that it's just not in my will power to get out there and exercise. Count that while sleeping at night I'm so damn hot that I'm not sleeping well.... Which I know I won't be sleeping well any more until after this kid sleeps through the night... so we're talking a LONG while. oh well. But I need to adjust. I just do. I need to work out at home when I've got the energy... just in case I just can't make my walks. I know as soon as it gets cooler... I'll go in the mornings... But we're still a month away before it'll get cool enough in the mornings to go when "we" get moving around. Anyhow... i need to get back on track exercise wise... it's imperative.

Why is it so hard to keep both food and exercise on track at the same time? Do you have problems with that too?

All in all... I feel good about where I am. I've got my portion distortion under control and I'm working hard this week to get things ready for our trip to San Diego this Sunday! I can't wait!! I need a vacation!!!

Always,
Jules

On the bright side

2009-09-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday turned out to be a horrible day for me. As the morning and day progressed... I acquired myself a nice HUMONGOUS migraine. I was nauseous and miserable most of the day. I ended up making poor choices for lunch out of the need for convenience. I felt so miserable that my poor daughter got the brunt of it by the end of the day. I tried to hang on to my patience, but I just lost it and dear ol' hubby was no where for relief. As he won't be again today. I quit getting migraines my last pregnancy (only while i was pregnant) which was a GODSEND!! This time around: They have not stopped and Tylenol is like eating candy... N.o. H.e.l.p.

BUT I did manage to make a wonderfully comforting and yummy dinner. OG Style Zuppa Toscano soup. OMG!! It brightened my mood. I didn't go for my walk because I felt like throwing up every time i moved and my head felt like it was in an ever tightening vice grip... But when the headache FINALLY subsided (right before I was ready to go bed), I decided to do some Yoga in hopes of loosening up my muscles that tightened up during the day.

And then this morning (as usually i wake up feeling sick from the after math of my migraines) I woke up feeling tired, but good. I heard rain on my bathroom window and instantly felt my mood lifting. And realized... You know it's going to be a good day when before breakfast you go outside and do some puddle jumping with your 2yr old. :)

Why is it that rain ALWAYS makes me feel happy? Even when i lived in Washington state and it rained all the time... i never got sad because of it. Home sick... but never sad. i always have loved it... I'd rather walk it in and get wet than be under an umbrella. Anyhow... Have a wonderful Saturday. I know I will. I have a party to go to later. :)

What are your weekend plans?

Always,
Jules

2009-09-04T09:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did a ton of research, weeded through a ton of crapola on the Internet and this is what I've come up with for an action plan. It's at least a start and I'll see how it goes over a 2 week period and readjust where need be.

I found a website that went into the whole calories in/out subject AND had a calculator to help estimate what you burn just to live. With that info I went to a few other sites I use for tracking and info... here's how it stacked up:

Estimated calories I burn just to live with light activity: 2137
Mydiets estimate of what i burn sleeping 8 hours and being a couch potato for 16 hours: 2020
BabyFit wants me to eat 2160-2460 calories a day while I'm pregnant.

Obviously everything is estimated because I know without a professional and #'s based on my OWN body... I can't get anything other than estimates. I don't know how BabyFit decides how many calories you should eat. I changed my weight multiple times, being severely obese AND severely skinny... it stayed the same as with my actual weight. So... Here's what i decided on doing for the next 2 weeks and then I'll re-evaluate & change where needed.

1. I changed my calorie intake to 1800-2100 calories a day. Which I think is higher than I was orginally shooting for
2. I'll use BabyFits eating plan for 2 weeks (I did change my calorie range to the above on the site) with variations to meet my needs. ie... no beef and I'll change the meals where needed to be things I actually buy and use so that I have room to play and hubby and kiddo will still eat too. But it'll be a good base. After 2 weeks... I'll see how it goes.
3. I'll still do what i have been... walking 30 minutes a day-no matter the speed and I'm going to add my yoga Mama tape & I'll switch that with strength training every other day.

Hopefully sticking to this plan will do 3 things
1. Curb my all or nothing mentality I've acquired
2. Portion control- Which I've also LOST.
3. Give me some direction so i don't feel so lost.

So here's to direction and hope. :)

Have a beautiful weekend and be safe.

Always,
Jules

Food, food, I'm plagued by food.

2009-09-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

OK... so I meant to write this yesterday, but yesterday turned out to be a REALLY bad day. Doesn't help to have a good day when the hubby comes home from work and we fight... and then me... get all upset and crying all day. Yeah, I see today it's probably the hormones going full speed because... all i want to do is cry and it has NOTHING to do with yesterday. Go figure.

Anyhow, it's time for me to write this post. I just need to get all this off my chest. Where else better to do so than here. :)

First of all, disclaimer here: I'm not an idiot, I'm being healthy.... in no way am I endangering myself or my child I eat when I'm hungry plain and simple.

I'm struggling with food. BIG TIME!! I just don't know WHAT to do, where to go, how much to eat, what to eat. I'm struggling with changing my habits I gained over the last umpteen months in a healthy balancing way and still eating enough for the baby and myself. I'm just plain struggling with food.

1 minute I feel like I'm on a free for all. Like last week. I ate relatively well, outside of the 5 fast food meals I ate. This week, what got into me when i went grocery shopping? Cheese Nips, lays AND sour cream (a deadly combo for me as the 2 are just too good together to pass up). I baked cookies for the hubbies lunches instead of buying them because well, we have 3 jars of PB and have no other way to use it up... and what have I been doing. EATING them, but not portion controlling very well, Portion control is key... is that what I'm lacking? I don't know, it's probably part of it.

All in all. I wouldn't say I'm binging. I'm snacking. When i get snacky, I grab the cheese nips, eat more than my fair share (probably 3 servings) or I grab the lays (same thing probably 3 or 4 servings) AND the sour cream (Which was suppose to be used for a meal) and eat... I do think I go overboard, because anything OVER 1 servings of anything is sometimes going overboard. But I don't think I'm binging because I do stop and I don't go grab something else after, i just snack till I'm snacked out and then... by dinner... I'm still full from snacking... and don't want to eat, but have to. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself. After dinner or lunch is when i usually get snacky for sweets. Instead of my frozen dark kisses to lull this monster... I've been grabbing 3 or more cookies.

I feel lost at what to do. On one hand... My head is screaming YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!! What have you learned all these months!! If i listen. I eat like I was... I eat my points, ALL of them (plus 1 or 2 extra if I exercise and I try not to eat more then 5 flex points in a day)... but calorie wise, I end up on the really low end. I do eat when I'm hungry despite the points and calories, i just try to make smart choices on those day's I'm being "good". I'm talking 1100-1300 calories, tops on those days. HOW? Just eating the way I used to. Which scares me... that seems WAY too low for being pregnant. But for being an obese pregnant girl? is it? I just don't know. I had JUST started counting calories when i found out i was pregnant. So i don't know what i averaged before.
So then i freak out a little and listen to the part of me (maybe the devil side) and eat more... add more cheese, eat a full on sandwich as a snack... eat those cheese nips, etc... and then I'm up towards 2400-3000 calories a day. WTH!!

Where is my in between person? What is right. I know, talk to my Dr. I don't feel he was much help. He said that if I want to raise my calories don't go over 10% higher of what I was eating before my pregnancy and we can adjust if need be. But i don't know what I was at before since I was counting points, not calories. I don't know if 28 points +AP & FP points is too low. I looked in my prego book and it says 300 calories more a day... BASED ON WHAT!! On a dieters calories of 1200-1500 or normal maintaining calories which i don't even know WHAT those equal.

I'm lost and fumbling and confused. I don't really know where to go what to do. I admit this week I've felt like I've given up. And today... this is why I feel so upset and sad. I'm probably putting too much concern on all of it. But I'm afraid 8 months from now that I'll be back at square 1 and don't want to do that. But I HAVE to be at least as healthy as before I was pregnant when this child is born. I do, it's a fact. For me and for this baby to not be at risk like my first was.

I know i need to re-focus, re-evaluate and find my bearings. I need to do this FAST!! But I'm not sure where to start. Looking up calorie counting gives me so much to search through... I don't know where to go on the WWW. It's daunting.

I have been walking this week. I admit though, I had 2 days off in a row. I'm just so tired by the time 6 rolls around. It's hard to go walking. But I told myself I WOULD NOT miss more than 2 days this week. So I will get my 5 in. I FEEL that in my bones. That I will not falter on. That i vow. I do need to get in my strength training and be more consistent with that. I've been BAD since starting. Today I'm going to start using my Yoga Mama prego tape from my last pregnancy and hope it also helps soothe my mind and soul and give me the added benefit of just moving.

So there you have it. I'm a food mess. Food used to be on my mind 100% of the time... but these days, I just can't get it OFF my mind AT ALL. It's plaguing me.

What website do you use to give you knowledge when it comes to healthy living, Calorie counting, etc... I'm open to suggestions of where to go from here. :)

Thanks for listening or ummm... reading. I don't feel ready to cry any more. Now I just feel like I have a lot of work to do in research.

Always,
Jules

Do you ever

2009-09-01T16:50:00.003-07:00

Do you ever sit there going... I have something to say... i have something I need to get off my chest. Thoughts flowing through your head, you just need to sit down and get them out... and you just can't get yourself to type them?

Yeah, that's me right now.

Although I'm realzing the time and instead of getting it all out... i need to deal with the dinner I've done nothing about (forgot to defrost anything) and I refuse to get fast food this week.

So hopefully tomorrow.

Always,
Jules

All wrapped up

2009-08-29T09:32:00.002-07:00

Ok... so... I really have nothing to put here for this week. I ate WAY too much. Didn't really count on the days I had fast food (yeah 5 meals TOTAL!! HOLY CRAP!!) I only walked 2, maybe 3 days all week. So yeah... Besides being preggers, I'm not surprised by my 2.8lb weight gain. But oh well.

Today starts a new week. Food in my cupboards and fridge. Easy dinners planned for this week. Lots of comfort foods like I've been wanting. including Potato soup & chicken soup, both homemade. hhhmmmmm. I guess there are some good things about being preggers, I don't have to worry as much about the foods I make. :) LOL

It's going to be a great week full of good for me food and activity. It'll be like this week... never existed. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. :) LOL

Always,
Jules

The best layed plans...

2009-08-26T19:17:00.002-07:00

Are always the ones that fall flat. hahahaha!!

This has been an interesting week... Food has consisted of 3 fast food meals. 1 because I didn't feel good and hubby does not cook, 2nd because I went to make dinner and turns out my turkey was BAD... eeewwww... and it was already late so no time to defrost anything else :(, 3rd was today... lets face it... i didn't have enough groceries to pack snacks and meals to really keep me going for being gone all day. So, I caved and bought lunch. Good thing too, I was gone ALL DAY! An apple, peach and waffles would not have been enough. Oh well. So much for no fast food more than 1 day a week (we've bombed that test this week, next week IS another week though).

Exercise has SUCKED!! I have already missed 2 workouts, and again tonight... I'm missing a 3rd. Because we (I) ALL LOVE To place the blame elsewhere... we'll blame my hubby. hehehehe!! I admit... no matter how well I plan, when he's around... he is wrench thrown into my engine. oh well. I need to figure out a new schedule for our evenings, with him going back to graveyard... he's going to be around more in the evenings... I've got to stop letting him be the wrench thrown into my mix. But tonight I'll do some strength training instead and maybe some other exercises... oh yeah, maybe that handy dandy little side stepper I own. Ok... So I guess I can't blame him for tonight. DAMN!! :):):)

I say this all in gest, for the 1st time in a LONG time... I don't feel upset about this week. Maybe it's the lack of pressure because of the pregnancy, maybe it's my frame of mind that I've been trying to acquire. All i can do every day is TRY. I can do my best... and if I do that... I'll never fail... I may fall flat... but never fail. And although this hasn't necessarily been my BEST work at trying this week... I'm still ok :)

So remember... no matter how well you plan... there is always a wrench waiting to throw itself into your mix... be ready to catch it and handle it! :) I still need to learn that. :)

Always,
Jules

The randomness of me... and a little sunshine thrown in. :)

2009-08-24T11:17:00.005-07:00

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're empty of thoughts... but at the same time... you feel like you're brain won't turn off. Lately, that's how i feel all the time.

Ok... wait, the truth is... MOST days I feel like my brain is naturally on crack. I can't keep my own thoughts straight some times. My husband thinks I'm loco when i jump from subject to subject... but this is just how my brain works. Am I ADD... ADHD... I don't' think so. I don't have a problem slowing myself down, concentrating... ect... My brain just never stops. A lot of times this isn't a bad thing... I mean come on... do you have ANY idea how often i work through my own problems in a day... because when my brain gets bored with it... i jump to something else... even if I'm still working on said problem... which is usually when i get frustrated and mad... because then I'm not putting 100%. But I always work my way back. Kinda like how they say you work your problems out in your dreams... you just don't know it. yeah well... i do that awake. :) LOL

Needless to say, I get frustrated A LOT! I hate getting frustrated, feeling like i don't know.

Anyhow, lately though... despite my wee brain's function... I've felt empty of all thoughts. Probably could be why I don't blog as much these days. Sadly though... I know I'm not empty of thoughts because I'm thinking all day. Over and over. I've tried writing blog ideas down, but usually by the time I get to the computer put fingers to the key board, I wonder... what did I want to say about that? Why did I even want to talk about that? WHO CARES!! Cause by then... even i don't. It's a sad world in my brain... if anyone has the capability to read minds... if they ran across me... I'd drive them to the looney bin. So, do I belong in a looney bin. Ah, I don't care. :) I'm happy, content these days (which in itself is a weird feeling for me), and not bothering anyone but my blog buddies. hehe!! So probably not.

~~~~~~~~~~~NEW SUBJECT! :)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This weekend has been one of those all out lazy weekends. I have gone NO WHERE!! Done just about nothing, I did however manage to work on another project (I need to finish it this week), mop my floors and wash all the laundry (hubby put it all away as usual). I've been lax on exercise, maybe that is part of my feeling empty lately... Which brings me to wonder... when the hubby is home, why do I feel the need to have that be an excuse to not do what i need to do? hhhmmm...

Speaking of walking.... I did go walking Saturday morning. I woke up to the sky being overcast and still a little sprinkle here and there... When i got out of the shower, I decided to go walking. It's one of my all time favorite things to do... walk outside when the ground is still wet and rain is still in the air. I wondered if it would rain again... and thought of maybe of not going. And then, I started to miss Washington state... So i went anyways. When i lived there... i walked no matter the weather, rain, shine and even snow. Of course, i had no car... so that was WHY. But still... i never let the weather bother me. In fact... I loved it. I've always loved the rain and being outside when it's wet and rainy and yes, even cold. So why since moving back to Az have I let the weather dictate when I do and don't go outside. I wish i knew. While walking and looking around, and really just plain enjoying remembering my old days when i still felt like a kid, but an adult at the same time... I realized WHY i love rain so much and which explains why i miss WA so much these days.

After it's rained, for me, it's like a fresh start. A fresh start for the world around me, the environment around me... and even for all of us humans. Rain just seems to wash every thing away. It gives us a new chance... everything living, a new chance. I've never looked at the dark sky and felt sad... i always felt like when the clouds did depart... I'd see a new sky... a new day dawning. A breathe of fresh air. It didn't matter for me if the sky was drab and grey for days on end... I knew what WOULD be coming. It always made the sun seem more bright. I know, it all sounds so Pollyanna (thanks Lisa, the term has been in my head for DAYS now. :) LOL) But the truth is... shouldn't every day be like this... rain or shine? That's what i thought about Saturday morning on my walk. Why is it here in Az... I don't feel like like that hardly ever... is it because I hardly get those days where I can look at the world and think... wow... it's a new day. Why is it just the dark drab sky gives me that feeling. Why not the sunshine? IS my world filled with so much sunshine... I just take it for granted? I don't know. But Saturday it certainly put all my thoughts (and my journey) into a new perspective.

Every day IS a new day, a new dawning... a new chance. Every day truly is a gift. No matter how healthy we are (or aren't) tomorrow could elude us and be no more. So we really should be thankful for every day... no matter our screw ups... our OOPPSSS I ate 2700 calories in a day (my Sunday)... or our lack of exercise (my Sunday). We shouldn't beat ourselves up. Because as the song DOES say... the sun will come up again, it's just our job to decide if we want to see it or not. That being said:

My challenge this month and until the end of September is to see the sunshine and the new day dawning (figuratively cause we all know I can't wake up that early) every day. Because I think I need the reminder of the bliss I used to experience everyday when I'd see the rain clouds... despite the lack of rain clouds. I miss feeling like, DAMN I'm glad it's today!! :)

I'll admit... today is a hard day for this one too... Because I'm all out drag out... tired. I need another lazy day. hehehe!! But I am glad it's today.

So today, i am thankful that I'm healthy enough to BE pregnant, despite my weight/health. I am thankful I am capable of taking care of my family. And most of all... I am grateful to be here today. My journey is going to be strange one over the next 8 months... But damn it, I'm thankful to experience it... no matter how weird it may get. :) LOL

But PLEASE grant me the patience to not get frustrated today. :)

What are YOU thankful for today? What makes you see the new dawning?

Always,
Jules

All wrapped up

2009-08-22T08:52:00.003-07:00

This week has been a rough week for me. I won't get all sappy and moody again. You can just read my posts this week if you REALLY wanna know. :) LOL

I did, by the graces of god, lose weight this week. I don't know how. Lost 2.5 pounds this week. Which I find crazy. I've been slacking on working out and 3 days this week... I just gave up counting and caring. So... With that being said.

Here's my breakdown for the last week.

Sat
Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 0

Sun
Food: 1169 calories, 30WWP
Exercise: Walk 20min/1mi, Strength 11 min

Mon
Food: 1608 calories, 38WWP
Exercise: Walk 22min/1mi

Tues
Food: 1335 calories, 29 WWP
Exercise: 0

Wed
Food: 1279calories, 24 WWP
Exercise: 28min/ 1.31mi, strength 11min

Thurs
Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 19min/ 1mi

Fri
Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 0

The days I didn't keep track of my calories or points was just pure laziness. i ate all day, munched on BAD food choices, etc. Eating lasagna all week didn't help either. hahaha! BUT it was so good. I've got to figure out HOW to make it less points/calories. But I won't be making it for a while, so I'm in the clear. :) I certainly didn't starve myself either.

That's one thing I can say I've completely NOT been doing... OK maybe a little before my Dr apt yesterday... but I've been making sure I'm NOT hungry because lets face it... I really do need to make sure I stay "healthy" in the sense of my pregnancy all the while not gorging myself. It's a FINE line. A very fine line I'm trying desperately not to pass, but I'm doing so far so good. All in all, despite my mood I'm fine with how the week turned out, ok wait... missing 3 days of exercising was BAD, but I'm still ok with it. :):)

Always,
Jules

That's better. :)

2009-08-21T08:15:00.002-07:00

I ended my day yesterday a little on the icky side. It boils down to my body just isn't processing right these days...

BUT TODAY!! I feel AWESOME!! Maybe it has a little something to do with having my first OB apt today and knowing they will do an ultrasound and I'll get a first peek at my little peanut, shrimp or hot pepper. Whatever it is in there at this stage. I'm certainly blessed.

I'm also going alone... hubby woke up just a little grumpy and I told him I wouldn't be mad if he doesn't come. It's his choice, I'll bring home a pic of the nut so it's just a matter of if HE wants to be there. Hell, if I didn't have to go... I wouldn't go watch a pap smear being done. hahahahaha!! So the point is... I also feel great about having a few hours ALONE. IT happens so rarely.

Talk to ya all later and remember to make today an amazing day...
because you ARE AMAZING!! :)

Always,
Jules

Pull me up by my boot straps

2009-08-20T13:01:00.003-07:00

So... yesterday i really didn't eat much. I made 2 really big meals that left me pretty stuffed and only room for brownies. hehehehe!! I made lasagna last night. Kinda made it up as I went along, based on recipes I've made before. It was a turkey, vegi lasagna... very yummy. Not as cheesy as I usually like, but it was JUST barely under 500 calories (11 WW points though... OW!!), so it's good where it was. And if I'd made it serve 8 instead of 6... it would have been less calories & points, but come on... I wanted me SOME lasagna... no girly portions allowed!!! hahahahaha!! Tasted so good that all through breakfast this morning all I could think of was having lasagna for lunch... 2 hours later... I did. hahahahaa!! If I eat nothing else all day... i could have it for dinner and still be good points and calorie wise... BUT I probably shouldn't, unless I'm just not hungry again until dinner.... hhhhmmmm... we'll see. :) hehehehe!!

I've been trying all day to pull myself up by the boot straps and kick my ass (sorry for the language) out of this funk. I decided to take it as an easy day. Sit enjoy, relax before we have to go spend time with the paternal in laws. And then i decided to pay bills... and then saw the money hubby spent on stuff we're not ALLOWED to buy if we want to pull ourselves out of this second job trap AND pay bills AND go on vacation in 2 weeks AND buy food and gas, etc... etc...

And... well... now I'm pissed again and REALLY happy that his cousin is sick with icky sickness that i would NEVER allow my daughter to be around because there's just no way. And that means he gets to go visit all by himself (I saw them earlier this week) before they leave town and I... get to stay home and on his 1 day off... not be around him. Because lets face it... this week... he has really got me seriously wondering about what the hell I'm doing here. Makes me sad and cry to realize how excited I am to NOT spend time with him on his 1 day off this week. Which makes me so much more angry at him and so much more sad and in a funk. DAMN HIM!!!!

Anyhow... other than that. I'm glad I'm not turning to food. Sadly, I feel sick a lot this week because of the situation from earlier this week that has put me here. Normally when i feel sick, I eat... but I'm just too sad to bother. At least I'm eating, don't get me wrong. Baby is getting PLENTY of food. hehehehe!! I made brownies the other day... and miraculously... they are not all gone. HOW? i don't know.

BTW... next time try making brownies in cupcake cups and only add 1tbs of mix to each one.... they end up the perfect size AND it lowers the calories/points. :) easy peasy portion control too. :):):):)

Anyhow... I'm done ranting and feeling sorry for myself.

Before I go... Did I mention I went walking this morning? I went this AM because originally i wasn't going to be home this evening... and I wanted to get it in. I didn't go as long as I normally would, because kiddo has been getting up earlier and earlier and didn't want her waking the hubby up since he worked all night at his 2nd job. But still... i went and did a mile. YEAH! :) Since I'll be home tonight, kiddo and I will be doing our usual routine. :) DOUBLE YEAH!!

Always,
Jules

Not much to say...

2009-08-19T20:52:00.003-07:00

I'm here. Been reading, been keeping up with you all... but I've been quiet.

I've been a little down.

More than a little.

The good news is...

I'm eating within my points and I'm trying to still exercise. Even though all i want to do is crawl into bed and stay there.

I've also been keeping myself busy since really, crawling into bed and staying there... also brings the feeling of wanting to eat. At least my To-do list is almost empty every night before bed. And don't get me wrong... I've been doing some eating... I made brownies... but I'm working hard on CONTROL!!! So far, so good, sorta.

Hopefully I'll get out of this funk tomorrow.

Always,
Jules

And the Award goes to...

2009-08-18T09:19:00.002-07:00

So sweet, Both Hollie and Chubby chick awarded me the lovely blog award yesterday. You ladies are pretty amazing and your journey's are always full of inspirations. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. :)

Here are the rules for the award:

Acknowledge the giver

Pass the award to 15 other blogs you love

So... here are the recipients I've chosen to receive this award:

1. Carolina girl

2. Jen

3. Heather & Lynette

4. Karen

5. Jessica

6. Jo

7. Lisa

8. Amanda

9. Becca

10. Bella

11. RedStarmama

12. Penny

13. Jenn

14. Hollie - because I just can't NOT give it to her.

15.Chubby chick- Same thing... i just can't NOT give this award to her also. These ladies are amazing. :)

Have a great day everyone! I'm running REALLY short on time... So if I haven't left you a comment on your blog yet today... I'm sorry, i will. But you ALL deserve this blog. :) All the blogs I follow are pretty fantastic- that's probably why i read them. hahahaha!!! :)

Always,
Jules

let it out.

2009-08-17T09:33:00.001-07:00

So much has been going on around here. I've been working on tweaking our budget (really we never had one), I've got a list of projects to do over the next 9 months, cleaning house, seeing friends, getting ready for a vacation we can't afford (can we EVER afford it?), what else... goodness there is a plethora of things on my mind these days. This is just SOME of it. :) LOL

I NEED to start strength training again. I was suppose to start it this last week... and that just didn't happen. So last night after getting all my chores done, my walk completed and the kiddo to bed, I knocked out 10 minutes of it. I only did 1 rep of each exercise, but I'll tell you what... i was feeling it GOOD. The exercises I'm doing I printed from a list of exercises from Babyfit.com that are safe for pregnancy. I didn't think there would be so many... and core ones too. I'm excited, just need to get THAT motivation. Isn't that always the key? Anyhow, I'm hoping to do strength training 3-4 days a week. I'm not going to push it. So I'll work up to 2 sets of reps. Nice and slow is key. I think the ankle weights during my walks... really are helping because I can't tell you how many days my legs HURT. :) LOL

Last week I finished 1 project from my list and I'm excited to start using it this week. Back in 2003-2005 I was using Ediets.com for my menus. If only I had exercised at the time... I probably would have lost much more weight than i did. I couldn't even tell you how much i did lose. It was that insignificant. But i also didn't weight over 160 either. I was still using it by the time my daughter was conceived I was pretty much eating vegetarian. I didn't miss meat, and when i did... I ate it. No biggie. And then while i was pregnant. MY GOODNESS!! I craved it and ate it... a lot. Amazingly, I didn't have the same issues I used to with it (too long a story to explain)... and still they have not come back. So i still eat it.
Anyhow, the point is... all the recipes and menu's I printed back then are vegetarian. They've been sitting in a binder needing to be combed thru. A lot of the recipes I didn't like... and I had more than 3/4 of it being doubles. So... this last week or so I spent my time cutting all the menu's apart and organizing them in the binder so that i only had 1 copy of each item. This week i can finally use it the way i always wanted. For menu planning. It's kinda a pain in some ways, only because the recipes are for 1. Which is good if it's something Hubby won't eat, bad if I want to make it for leftovers for us for another day. Just a lot of work really. BUT since it's all vegetarian all i have to do is substitute with chicken or turkey when Tofu and such is called for. I'd eat vegetarian again... but lets face it. I do love chicken and I'm really loving ground turkey. The recipes are even easier than others that i have because it's all stuff i already buy. VEGETABLES, FRUIT, etc... When i went shopping yesterday, i didn't have to buy anything abnormal. I LOVE it. IT does mean cooking more for lunch. But I can cook the night before and lunch will just be a re-heat. Lunch yesterday was soft taco's. HHHHMMMMM.... I ate lunch so late that by the time it was time for dinner... i wasn't hungry. So i just had a bowl of cereal after my walk... and then some cottage cheese and cantaloupe after my strength training routine, because this girl has got to make sure kiddo is getting nutrition. :)

I'm hoping this will help rein in my eating too AND get me relying less on comfort foods. My normal menu was just getting TOO boring, no ideas in this brain. Anyhow... before this kiddo is born I'll be going through all of my recipes that are sitting in a box. But I'm not tackling that anytime soon.

Our budget has changed DRASTICALLY. I have got to get us spending LESS money on things so that i can show hubby we don't NEED his 2nd job (although I'm afraid we do). He's really getting burnt out and stressed out about things and for him... this freaks me out. I'm afraid it'll make him want to use again. And with the second baby on the way, he's SUPER stressed. Plus, I didn't sign up for being a SAHM and him working 2 jobs. I'd rather have the 2nd job become something for "fun" money only and savings. Really, he works for a company who has already claimed bankruptcy and he's lucky if he gets 30 hours a week 1/2 the time, the other 1/2 he gets close to 40. So the 2nd job also supplements what's missing from the hours he no longer gets. But still. that would take 1 or 2 days a week... not the 3 or 4 he has been doing. I'm not used to shopping in a budget. I usually just use whatever is leftover after bills are paid for the week... but really, that's how a few bills always get paid late. So... I've got a few weeks lefts of this month for my learning curve and we go live next month. Thank goodness our vacation won't really come into play since it'll be this month we're trying to come up with all the money for it. I should say, HE is trying to come up with the money for it.

Trying to get my life organized and all my ducks in a row before this kiddo is born is my #1 priority... but it's still below staying healthy. When i wake up feeling bloated, I get afraid. But seeing the scale doing a down ward slide makes me feel better and makes me think... maybe I'm not so bloated as I feel... maybe it's just that hormone that makes you more flexible when you're preggers that is making me feel so achy in the mornings.

I feel like i eat all the time... and other times I feel like I don't eat enough. i do have to stay on keeping track... or I'm OVER board. :)

Here's to a great week.

Always,
Jules

All wrapped up

2009-08-16T09:00:00.004-07:00

Goodness me. The end of the week was a busy one for me. Lots to do. Throw in a few more headaches, literally... and you get a smear all kinds of crap. LOL

It was an overall good week though. Spent with good friends and family. :) Love that. :)

I did weigh in yesterday and surprise to me... I was @ 185. AARRGGHH!!! What do you do though right? I've been bloated for DAYS now... no big surprise, I have not been drinking enough water lately; add in the foods I've been eating... I'm really not surprised I gained weight.

But WAIT then today i stepped on the scale and I was @ 182.5. What the heck. So can you IMAGINE what I'm going to do... change my WI date on my side bar for this week. hahahhahahaa!! Obviously I've lost some water weight from yesterday to today, I'll take it!!

Here's my breakdown for the last week.

Sat
Food: 1400 calories, 28WWP
Exercise: 0

Sun
Food: 1650 calories, 25.5WWP
Exercise: Walk 27min/1.24mi

Mon
Food: 1907 calories, 38WWP
Exercise: 0

Tues
Food: 1044 calories, 26.5 WWP
Exercise: Walk 45min/1.81mi

Wed
Food: 1651 calories, 28.5 WWP
Exercise: walk 50min/ 2.4mi

Thurs
Food: didn't count -calories, 45WWP
Exercise: 0

Fri
Food: didn't count- calories, didn't count-WWP
Exercise: walk 19min/ 1mi

As you can see... eating and exercise were all over the board. The days I didn't walk... was because I was either suffering from my back hurting or a migraine. Thurs and Fri I didn't count calories or points. I just gave up trying. I admit, I ate ALOT of comfort foods this week. There's really no excuse, well... except there wasn't anything healthy to eat because I didn't go grocery shopping. But when you just don't go because well... you don't want to go... there's still no excuse. It's not like I couldn't go. Anyhow...

This week I'm working hard at setting myself up for success. I'll tell you all about that later today. I better go eat breakfast now.

Always,
Jules

So sad...

2009-08-12T16:20:00.003-07:00

After my walk, I got up off my butt and did a few things around the house before taking the kiddo for her 1st dentist apt. That was an adventure all on it's own.

Went to lunch with the family...

And some where along the way... my get up and go...

Has officially got up and went. For 2 hours now I've been laying on the couch dozing as kiddo plays and wakes me up. I'm still no more awake than I was before laying down.

Now I'm having some coffee... HOPING against hope it'll help give me just enough ooommmppphhhh to get the rest of the things done today. Like oh I don't know... cook dinner.

Always,
Jules

Yeah me!!

2009-08-12T09:36:00.002-07:00

I only have a minute before I have to start my busy day. But I wanted to share with you, my YEAH me moment for the last 24 hours. :)

Last night after working, I went to my moms and we went walking together. We walked for 45 minutes all the while talked and visited. :) I wish we lived closer to do it more often... but instead I'll have to remember when I'm in her area for work or play dates... to make the time :)

And then this morning, i crawled out of bed wishing it was NOT time to get up... jumped in the shower to shake off the sleep... then went outside and went for a walk. I did my usual 30 minutes, but i walked thru the park instead of the streets. I did less mileage than usual, but I assume that means I was walking pretty fast... or was I walking slower... Not sure which. I'm just glad I got up and went out there. I braved the heat. :):)

I realized this morning how much faster and easier it is to walk when I'm not pushing the stroller. Go figure. Does that mean I get more of a workout when I'm pushing the kiddo? hhhmmm... I have no idea. I did however forget to put on my ankle weights... which after leaving I decided was maybe a good thing because of the sun being up and I'm not used to walking with the sun beating on me any more.

I'm glad the mornings are starting out in the 80's instead of the 90's. I think I'll start walking again in the mornings at least a few times a week. I'll still be walking in the evenings because, well lets face it... my walks keep the kiddo from throwing a tantrum when it's time to go to bed. Which also equals me keeping my sanity and blood pressure not rising out of stress. hahaha!!

Always,
Jules

It started out well...

2009-08-11T10:36:00.002-07:00

And then it all went to pot. LOL

Yesterday my day started out pretty good. I was thinking and working on getting my act together... at least mentally. And then i headed off to work. While driving around downtown Buckeye Az. My back started to hurt, and before I got home... it felt horrible. No amount of bengay (my husband swears if we had stock in it... I'd make us rich on how much I use this stuff) relieved it. It hurt so bad I was sick to my stomach.

How fun is that... what a joy I was to be around on my husbands day off of work. I made a sucky dinner (what i thought would be yummy though) because I didn't pay enough attention to my recipe I was "changing". I just felt miserable. i ate pretty well all day until dinner... then it all went down hill from there. Add in that I stayed up late, ate some more... and didn't exercise. Yesterday was just one of those days.

Today I feel better. Tired, but better. i need to quit forcing myself to stay up and watch TV. I've been doing it for days... I need to stop. It's just TV... nothing earth shattering like a book that makes me happy or a kiddo not sleeping. :) Today i am going walking, Since I have to go to Buckeye yet again... I'm going to stop at my moms and go walking with her. After today, hubby has the next 2 days off and It's going to be a lot of work keeping "my" routine in tact. As when he's home... it's always harder.

Have a great day everyone and remember,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

Always,
Jules

My brain is empty... or is it

2009-08-10T09:15:00.003-07:00

These days i don't find myself with a ton of thoughts in regards to weight loss, exercise... even any "learning" about myself. When i started this journey, i had so much to talk about. These days, i feel like my brain is empty. Maybe it's the change in routine... my quiet "alone" walks by myself in the mornings... got me thinking. My walks in the evening with my daughter. I'm usually just walking, reminding myself of Dora from nemo.... just keep walking, just keep walking. Trying to distract the kiddo from asking to go play on the play ground and myself from wanting to quit. LOL. The difference between me walking in the morning and me walking in the evenings, is night and day. hahahaha! pun intended. :)

I know my brain isn't empty though. This last week I just keep running thru my head all the things I want to get done before this new baby is born. The projects I started when I first had missy, but have yet to complete... I need to complete them. Things I want to do in preparation for this baby and things I want in general. The projects I'm HOPING to start with missy for Christmas presents. I'm excited about all of these things and I'm working on accomplishing them 1 at a time. Working on 1 until it's done and then I'll move on to the next. Too bad nesting can't start today... I'd be done in a month. hahahahhaa!!

But really, I almost feel like these days, weight loss and exercise, just aren't important. The self reflection and growing I was hoping for and doing on this journey... like they just aren't as important any more. But that's not true. They are... they just seem way laid. Or are they? I don't know. I do know I can't lose focus over these next 9-10 months because if I do... I'm afraid I'll never get back on this journey and that would be bad for my self and my children, not to mention the hubby. :)

I feel like a whole new journey in my life is starting, and i haven't even some what accomplished anything from the last journey I was on. BUT isn't this the whole point of life... the road widens, turns, gets smaller, branches off, etc... all the time. I need to find balance and get comfortable while i can... But I need to keep looking in ward and forward and working hard to keep focused. These days, I just don't feel focused the way i should be... but this is how I've felt for a very long time. Hence, why in some ways, I had fallen off the wagon the more summer warmed up.

Sadly, I feel lost without my morning walks. I think that is what it boils down to in a lot of ways. I need them back... but I need to figure out how to deal with the full brunt of the heat then don't I?

Ok... I'm done rambling. I have a lot to think about, but right now, all I hear is my tummy rumbling.

Always,
Jules

All wrapped up

2009-08-09T10:29:00.004-07:00

Last week was a weird week all around. As I fumble around trying to figure out what my calorie zone and WW points should be, I've some how lost 2.4lbs. How I have no idea. I'm chalking it up to the pregnancy (although I'm not dealing with morning sickness) and maybe (I hope) the ankle weights I'm using while walking. Here's how the week wrapped up.

Sat

Food: 1891 calories, 29WWP
Exercise: Walk 33 min-1.51mi

Sun
Food: 1342 calories, 46WWP

Exercise: day off

Mon
Food: 1401 calories, 35WWP
Exercise: Walk 39min- 1.71mi

Tues

Food: 1588 calories, 31.5WWP

Exercise: Walk 30min- 1mi

Wed

Food: 1341 calories, 29WWP
Exercise: 1 hour mopping floors

Thurs
Food: 1619 calories, 36WWP
Exercise: Walk 33min- 1.4mi

Fri
Food: 2093 calories, 43.5WWP

Exercise: 20min- .75mi

As you can see... i was ALL over the board food wise. It was CRAZY!!! How the heck did I lose weight? Exercise wise, I only officially missed 1 day. Wed I didn't go walking, but i also stood for 2 hours in my kitchen working on a diaper cake for one of my best friends, and then spent an hour mopping my floors. So that was exercise enough for that evening. Friday when i got home from shopping, I was tired, when the kiddo asked to go home after walking for 20 minutes (she was also tired) I said OK. :) LOL So how the heck did I lose weight? I don't know...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided a couple of things HAVE to happen this week. I'm going to keep things at the 28 WWP that i decided on for the pregnancy and calorie wise, i think adhering to ONLY the 28 will help bring those down too so that I'll be more in the 1200-1500 range consistently. I SERIOUSLY need to adhere to said points/calories and not rely on my FP points, etc... Because this week was probably a fluke. At least in my eyes, I'm finally getting the whole exercise thing down. I took yesterday off because of the baby shower. But today starts strength training and walking.

Before I go, I'll leave you with a picture of the diaper cake I made. :) I'm so proud of it. :) And thankfully, she (and everyone else) loved it. :)

Always,
Jules

It's been an interesting week

2009-08-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

This week has been a very oddly strange week. But quite normal. If normal is strange. hahaha!!

I haven't been on because I feel like I'm void of words. Which is weird for me. If you knew me in person... I'm a talker, if you haven't already gotten that inclination from my posts. :)

I've been good at walking all week. I'm averaging 1.5 miles in 30 minutes. This week I started adding ankle weights to my legs for the entire walk until it's time to start cooling down, then I take them off. I'm keeping my heart rate above 130 on days that are just plain 'I don't want to walk days' and 150's when I'm really wanting to push it. I'd go for higher, but those ankle weights really do make it a harder walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Food wise seems like it's all over the place, but my calorie counts seem good to me and my points, WOE Nelly. Oh well. I'll post more on that tomorrow as it's weigh in day and i plan on listing my calories, points and workouts for the week. I like seeing what everyone else does, so i think I'll do the same... and i think I'll be more accountable to myself if I know I'm posting my weekly stats... kinda hard to hide then. :):) Which BTW, if this morning's scale reading is anything to go by, I've managed to lose weight... how i have NO IDEA!! You'll see. I think I can only chalk it up to the kiddo growing in my belly, because it defies ALL reason. :) LOL

Speaking of food. Last night i did make a VERY yummy non diet friendly dinner. 9WW points but it was under 500 calories, it's just bad if you have more than 1 portion. But OMG!! It was so good, how can you NOT have 2 portions... i just couldn't stop myself. It was THAT good. I can't wait to enjoy the leftovers. I'll have to figure out how to make it more health friendly, but it may just be a preggers staple for the next few months because lets face it... Italian food casserole style, is just to die for. Add the fact that i didn't use anything that was in the "prepared" style foods category. i think It's worth it. But i will be playing with it each time until i get it more WW and calorie friendly. Oh what fun!! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I've been busy working this week. Working on getting things done on my To-Do lists (i have too many), trying to get AHEAD of the game on my paperwork for work in the coming weeks, figuring out a new household budget (which makes me feel like I need a degree in economics or something) because we spend WAY too much money on SHIT!! That's the only word for it... I've been working on keeping my house clean, which I hate to clean, so that's been a task in its self, I've got a plethora of things I've been working on for 2 years now... that in the next 9 months I've got to figure out how to finish because with 2 kids around... it'll NEVER get done. Guess it's a good thing I'm feeling motivated, too bad that nesting period doesn't start earlier, I'd be banging this crap out and WOW! I'd be so set. hahahahhaa!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This weekend I have a baby shower for a good friend and then a lazy Sunday planned because Next week will be even busier. Between my daughters 1st dentist apt, a play date, my moms 30th work anniversary celebration, dinner with an old friend, work 4 days and a busy household schedule... Needless to say, I'll be exploiting Sunday & today's laziness factors for all they are worth. :)

Have a great day!!

Always,
Jules

Life does go on.

2009-08-05T09:56:00.002-07:00

I've had a lot bottled up lately. Most of it has been pushed down by the grief I've been feeling. BUT life does go on, it has been going on for months now. So it's time to reach down deep and Move on. I'm sure over the next few months as the memories come forth of last year, tears will fall. BUT I will get thru it.

So, with that being said. A LOT has been going on. But today I'll just update you on my health track and weight, pregnancy... etc.... the rest will come later. :)

I did go to my PCP. I'm off the cholesterol meds. AND my blood pressure was better than it was in february. We'll do a blood work up AFTER the kiddo is born and re-evaluate at that time where to go at that point. I hope it'll be no more meds, but the truth is... Sooner or later I just might need them anyways. If heredity has anything to say about it. So I've come to terms with that. I can stay at my calorie intake and WW point level if I choose too. He said that with my extra padding (my words not his) it is perfectly feasible to have a healthy pregnancy AND not up my calories. He said in order to help "way lay" my chances of pre-eclampsia (I had it with my 1st) I need to stay on my healthy eating track AND walk every day for at least 30 minutes. No matter the pace, just walk. Other than that, he said to just stay on the road I was on prior to getting pregnant. So... here's what I've decided after talking to him. :)

1. Exercise: I'm VERY motivated to walk for at least 30 minutes a day. Last week i even went to my moms after a play date to walk instead of coming home and then walking... because I knew after driving all the way home... i wouldn't walk. it wasn't a full 30 minutes, but still... i walked. Since going to the Dr I've only missed walking 1 day. And there have been a few days I just didn't want to go. And I did. WHOHOO!! I've even been working all week at looking up strength training for pregnant woman. I want to be safe. That will start Saturday, my mom is also giving me her exercise ball... so I'll be using that too.

2. Calorie intake: I did up my WW points by 5 (couldn't find a WW guideline for pregnancy, just for nursing). I'm not going to necessarily SHOOT for this... I'll still be sure to get my daily 23 in. BUT if I by chance go over (which I've done a few times this week... damn pizza)... I've got the 5 to cover me and then my AP and FP. I just want to be safe and not end up starving myself because of weight gain, etc... Calorie wise, I'm not sure where this leaves me. I was not counting calories until the same time I found out about my preggers state. Since the 1st I've been in the range of 1300-1500 calories. I did have 1 day that was EEEKKKK 1800 calories. Holy moley. But it was only 1 day. The 1500 range was due to Pizza for dinner 1 night and left overs for lunch the next day. So... I'll be watching that. Anyhow... Really... I don't have any idea where my calories should be. I've never counted calories before. But I'm LOVING mydiet on facebook. So... I've been keeping track. I kinda figured if I can stay around 12-1500 on average (1200 being a losing weight range right?) then, I guess I'll be ok. It'll be something i'm going to ask the OB about later this month. I admit... I need some direction when it comes to calorie ranges.

3. I'm trying to ditch coffee... so far in a week I've gone from full caffeine to making my own version of 1/2 caf, to now @ a 1/4 caf. Although my Dr told me with the 1st he's ok with 1 8oz cup a day... I still want to try and kick it. We'll see How I am by the end of next week. hahahahaa!!

That's my general plan. So far I'm good. I'm proud of myself and I'm feeling like I'm in an awesome place. I feel elated 1/2 the time and on cloud nine. I don't remember feeling this happy with the last pregnancy. I don't know... something is different, that's all I know. And probably it's just me and who've I've been growing into. But still... it's a pretty awesome feeling. :)

2 last things... my insomnia seems to have cured itself with the pregnancy. I have been insomnia free since finding out. It's probably all mental, but i don't care. I have a REAL live, internal clock these days. I'm asleep by 11:30 and up by 7:30 without any clocks!!

I've changed my weight loss widget to just a weight journey widget because I still want to track... I'm scale obsessed... lets face it.... I'll still be tracking, might as well share with all of you. hahahaha!! But I am wondering if I'll end this pregnancy with having only gained baby weight like I did the first. We'll have no idea until those weeks after the birth when the swelling goes down. Then, a whole new phase of my journey will begin. For now, I'll just keep track and be happy with whatever happens. :)

this whole post seems discombobulated. hahahahaa!! Sorry. :)

Always,
Jules

Grief is never far away

2009-08-02T08:38:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I was all set with a post to update you guys on things the Dr said, things that have been going on around here, and really, just a really great update. And as usual I got caught up on all my favorite blogs first (because lets face it I love hearin' what you all have to say). :)

And then i read Jenn's blog @ Priorfatgirl. And I couldn't stop crying when i read about the sudden and tragic loss of her mom. My heart started bleeding and I started crying for Jenn and her family. For their loss, for their pain and the sorrow that they will be going thru for months to come. If I was there with her, I'd be doing anything and everything i could to help them thru this. I know there are NO words I can say to her or her family. But just being there to sit beside them to help them thru this. But I can't. I live too damn far away... oh and yeah, there's that little thing of I really don't know Jenn. From everything I've read that her mom wrote and Jenn said of her, she was an amazing woman and even blog land is going to miss her, miss her dearly.

But i have to admit... Reading about the loss of her mom; ripped open a seam that has yet to heal in my own life. A seam of grief that since I found out about this pregnancy has slowly been loosening up. Almost immediately finding out about this pregnancy, I thought of my dad and how I can't share it with him. Which led me to my brothers wedding, he will be missing from that occasion too. And then as August quickly approached, I started to remember that August is when life in my family, started falling apart. The beginning of August is when Dad found out about the cancer. August 14th is when dad had his surgery. August is the last time he laid eyes on my daughter, he had a short few days where he was actually recovering very nicely... and then he went down hill again and had to go back to ICU. August is the last time I ever had a REAL conversation with my dad. August was the start of losing my dad.

So when i read about Jenn's loss of her mom, although the tears started for her and her family... the tears haven't stopped because that loosening seam ripped open like a geyser and has not stopped. Despite how excited I am about the next 9 months... the next few months are going to be the 2nd hardest of my life. Last year I spent 2 months having hope my dad would pull thru. Sadly, in my heart... i think i knew he wouldn't make it. But the longer he held on, the more hope I had. And Dad had been sick before... very sick... sick where we feared he wouldn't make it... and he DID!! He ALWAYS persevered! So really, my hope was based on the past. His past will to fight. Some times I still hope he'll walk thru that door and give me a hug. Like it was a cruel joke. I wouldn't care about the cruelty of it... I'd just be glad for my dads arms to be around me again. For him to just be here.

I try every day to be sure I talk to my daughter about my dad. She has pictures of him she looks at every day. My cousin made her a scrapbook of pictures of my dad, so she can always remember. We have him in our nightly prayers and I know he's up there looking down on her playing and laughing along with her. But yesterday and today... I'm just feeling the loss of him even more than I have in months.

He died Oct 17, 2008. 2 months after his surgery. And a year later it feels like yesterday. So the post I had in mind will have to wait. I have some grieving to do and some tears to get out. Memories to remember. Yesterday, I even realized I has forgotten he always called my daughter his little Cheeky girl.

Always,
Jules

Lemon Tuesday

2009-07-29T09:37:00.003-07:00

I did great all day yesterday until the hubby woke up and smashed my happy bubble to smithereens. Why is it he is capable (and seemingly willing) to make me feel like shit at the drop of a hat AND NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR IT!!

I know... I'm complaining. He's a great guy. Most of the time. Yesterday, not so great. He really turned my day into lemons. And because I was feeling like shipola. We went out to eat instead of coming home and cooking the chicken I was marinating. I stuffed myself so silly that later I couldn't go for my walk because movement made me want to throw up. I even blurrped just from getting up off the couch once. EEEWWW!!!

So yeah, yesterday was a day full of happiness with an evening full of lemons and emotional eating at dinner. Today... I WILL BE SURE TODAY IS A BETTER DAY!!!

Always,
Jules

I wanna WIN!!

2009-07-28T08:27:00.003-07:00

Ok. So just recently I've started commenting and blogging and HOPING I can be a winner in other bloggers giveaways. I never enter because I feel like since I don't do giveaways (mainly because I haven't even thought about what, how, $, etc...), it's not fair for me to enter. But lately, I'm changing my tune. SOPE!!

Go check out Jen @ priorfatgirl. She is doing a giveaway of the following cookbook. I've seen it on a couple of different blogs. It looks amazing. And since well, really, I've only EVER bought 2 (a vegetarian cookbook and hungry girl) cookbooks in my life and all my other cookbooks are hand me downs from family. I SO WANT THIS COOKBOOK!! So please go check out her giveaway... but feel free to not enter so my chances are better. hahahhaha! Just kidding. Please enter and you should check out her older posts too... She's a HUGE inspiration!!!

Lets make it an amazing day!!

P.S. Did I mention she's giving a way an apron with the cookbook too? So go check out Priorfatgirl

Always,
Jules

AWesome monday

2009-07-28T07:57:00.002-07:00

It's funny how I feel like my outlook on life (since getting the news) has felt bubblier, more sunshiney. More like the real me. I'm tired, but I feel amazing. Like I can't wait to start the day. Normally, I grumble thru my morning until the kiddo gets up. And I feel tired enough to do so. But I'm not. :) I'm wide eyed and trying to be busy tailed. :) It's just a weird thought that hit me today.

Yesterday I ate awesomely!! I don't care if it's not a word. I did.

I've been tracking my calories (after I eat until after my PCP apt tomorrow) on facebook thru the mydiet app. I'm really happy with the app. It's just so much easier to use, well since I'm on facebook every chance I get anyhow. :) Yesterday I totalled at 1564 calories for the day. I felt like I was eating all day too. And that's all i was able to squeeze in. All healthy food too... ok except for that slice of pizza for a snack. But hey! At least I did well the rest of the day. I even made turkey meatballs for dinner. I'm REALLY loving ground turkey. I don't feel sick from the grease like I do after beef.

I did go walking for 30 minutes yesterday. Had some concerns with my heart rate. Takes nothing to get it up there does it? I was in the higher 170 range for most of the walk. I used to only get that high if I was running every 2 minutes. So holy crap! That's definitely something to talk to the PCP and OB about. I may get a heart rate (BP & rate) monitor I can wear on my wrist to be sure I'm in healthy zones at all times. Hopefully I can figure this out. I was good and done when I got home. 1 month of little exercise certainly took my stamina down. I even feel some twinges of soreness in my legs today.

Needless to say I WILL be walking tonight. No matter what. :) I love having my motivation back. I went walking yesterday even though I was so dog tired all I wanted to do was stay home. I even cooked dinner earlier so that was NOT an excuse to walk as it so many times is. YEAH ME!! I go see the PCP tomorrow afternoon. So things will either change or stay the same. :)

Here's to a great day and i hope you all have an amazing day too. :)

Always,
Jules

She is a riot!

2009-07-27T16:18:00.002-07:00

Friday night i told my daughter (2 1/2) about the baby... things have been a riot whenever it comes up with us:

Me: Nevaeh, guess what... *took her hand and put it on my belly*
You're going to have a sister or brother. There's a baby in my tummy.
Her: NNNOOOO!!! *all the while she is giggling*
*As she fell back onto the bed* That's silly.

She's just too cute.

I tried again yesterday to talk to her about it. She paid attention that time, but she was intent on lifting my shirt and trying to "see" the baby... via my belly button.

Now every time it comes up... she wants to see and will even poke into my belly button to touch it. hahahahaha!! It makes me laugh so much I can't seem to convincingly tell her it's not going to work. hahahahaha!!!!!

Always,
Jules

I only have a minute so...

2009-07-27T11:57:00.002-07:00

No big surprise here but I gained some weight this last week.

I'm up 2.4lbs.

And no it's definitely NOT from being preggers. It's more like my laziness ALL week and lack of exercise. And 3 days of eating out Fri-Sun surely did not help 1 bit. The bloating is killing me today. BUT oh well. What do you do right? I'm feeling good and I really need to start getting on my to-do list today as it is HUGE!!! Lots of oooppss I'm preggers things to do and take care of before I have to work later this week. :)

Have a great day ALL!! And thank you so much for all the congratulatory messages. You guys are awesome!!

Always,
Jules

Surprise Surprise... lifes unexpected turns

2009-07-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

So... as I told you, on Friday I bought and fit into a size 16 skirt! WHOHOO!!

The bad news (or in my case good news) is I won't be able to wear it very long. But by god I will wear it as long as I can, because I'm not ready to let go of that MAJOR NSV yet. So no returning of said skirt. :)

Friday afternoon I found out...

I'm pregnant!!!

Yeppers... If I'm right... I'm just a few weeks along. I'm SUPER excited! I want to shout it from the rooftops! Which is a HUGE change from earlier this year when i was scarred I was pregnant and totally had a mini freak out breakdown of oh shit I'm not ready for this. It was right when i started working on getting healthy and trying to lose weight. Yeah... I so don't feel that way this time that it's real. :)

I'm actually excited, This isn't planned, wasn't expected (is it ever?). BUT I must be ready. I have some concerns. I mean, I'm only 10lbs lighter than when i got pregnant with my daughter. hypertension and pre eclampsia plagued my first pregnancy and I'm not where I wanted to be weight wise to help "lower" my chances of complications. BUT considering 2 things: 1. being that with my daughter the ONLY weight I gained was her. When all that lovely swelling went down after she was born, i was at my pre-pregnancy weight with no effort on my part and 2. when i consider that all the "ideal weight models" say I'm obese and obese woman can actually NOT gain a pound during pregnancy and STILL have a healthy pregnancy. I have some Dr talking to do.

Part of me is afraid, Afraid of the set back in this part of my life's journey. Part of me is almost glad I am preggers NOW instead of after losing all this weight. I mean come on... the chance to lose it all just to gain it all... that would kinda suck. But at the same time... I'm afraid if my already lazy butt gets off the wagon even further than i am now... I'll never get back on. That lazy gene (or brain or whatever you wanna call it) has really been helping me get off track this last month... what will it do to me when i am 4 months preggers and just plain tired? Either way, I've got my work cut out for me.

Anyhow... So monday I'll be calling my PCP who's been working with me on my losing weight and all over health. I've already got my OB apt in Sept... which with the 1st one... they wanted to wait until the 3rd month to see me anyhow. So... I'm good on that for now. BUT I do want a Dr's professional opinion on how I should proceed with the road I've been on. With my health track record. Where do I go from here... I've still got blood pressure and cholesterol issues. I've still got weight issues, what do I do now? I know putting things on the back burner is what MOST woman would do, but with my health concerns... I'm not most woman. I want my baby to be safe, especially because of the hypertension. I'm not as stupid as I was with my daughter. Knowledge is power and this time... I've got the knowledge, now I need the power that the Dr can give me. :) I know I can still work out, I know how to eat... but do i count still? Where do i go. I just don't know. Especially since I read Obese people don't have to gain weight while preggers, but am I in that obese range. Everything says I am. Anyhow... seems like after 1 I shouldn't have many questions... but this time around I'm full of questions I never considered the first time around.

So... Here's what I DO KNOW!! Feels good to say that. :) 3 things and then I'm done :)

1. Jenn @ priorfatgirl & Annabel @ FeedmeI'mcranky, I'm sad to report... I've totally bombed on BOTH challenges. The weight loss challenge AND the water challenge. So this week I'll be buying $50 worth of groceries and donating them to the food bank since that is what i chose as my charity. I was going to give it a last ditch effort this week... but yeah... no. I can't do the kind of working out that i planned that would be required for said last ditch effort. But i guess I'm ok with that. :) Jenn, As for the water only and only 1 cup of coffee a day that I said I'd do... i bombed BIG TIME!! I've had more than my 1 cup of Joe at least every other day. I still only drank water other than said coffee. but it still equaled more coffee than i said I'd drink. :) BUT the good news is... as of Friday I'm forced to go back to decaf or no Joe at all... So, in a way... my body has totally won over of my brain. So I'll be on a 9 month challenge instead. In a way, I'm raising the bar of your challenge. :) Now to wean myself off so I don't go insane. :)

Anyone have any suggestions on that... I wasn't such a coffee fiend the first time around so it wasn't as hard... now I'm addicted. So what's the best way other than cold turkey. Any suggestions out there? I'm going grocery shopping later today... I'm not sure what to do.

2. I'm glad that this last 5 months I've learned to balance out my eating... in a relative, real life way. I'm glad that with the 1st pregnancy... I ate VERY well to insure my daughter's health. Now I feel armed with food power like NEVER before. I'm excited for the things I've learned to be carried over. As soon as I figure out what will be good for me calorie/point wise... I know what they say to do... but I'm not the normal preggers girl. I'm excited to start THAT changing part of my journey. I WILL NOT become a prego woman who eats for two. I will stay healthy in my eating. :) I've even been adding ground turkey to my diet. Holy cow!! :):):)

3. I'm even more motivated to work out now. I'm not sure about HOW far to take this since this last month I've really fallen off the wagon. But I will start walking again in the evenings, even if it's after dark until the weather cools down. I am going to go buy ankle weights later today and I will walk with both my ankle and wrist weights. At least until I can figure out what is good and bad for me in this department in regards to strength training and intensity levels. The point is I am more determined to MOVE than ever before. Tonight is the night I'll start walking and I'm going to do my Wii yoga every day. EA I'll probably have to create my own special workout to cut out some of the things I know I shouldn't do; I can do this on days I KNOW I can't go walking due to schedule conflicts. Etc... I'm sad to say i won't be training to run this fall. But... Next year I will. :)

Any of you out there who have been (or were) trying to lose weight, get preggers and still continue your journey? Any suggestions on where to go from here? Any tips or tricks to be safe, etc... I admit last time... I did NADA!! :)

Always,
Jules

So... well...

2009-07-25T21:54:00.002-07:00

I had planned on telling you all my "news" as mentioned this morning as soon as I got home this evening (I was thinking I'm be home about dinner time). BUT I'm too tired. It's almost 10pm. I just got home 20 minutes ago. I STILL haven't put anything away from today. Sope... you'll have to wait for tomorrow. But I promise to share 1st thing when i get up. :)

Always,
Jules

BIG news coming down the pipeline

2009-07-25T08:15:00.002-07:00

But first I've got to go to the store and spend my Saturday running around town like a maniac full filling obligations. So in the mean time, I'll say:

I've eaten pretty decent this week.
Been a munching maniac... but have somehow managed to stay in my calorie zone... but WAY off my points. yep... trying to count both now. I think i like Mydiet on facebook for counting calories over points... seems like I can eat more when i could calories than when i count points... or it's all in my head. Either way... been good.

Exercise has been a SUCKY issue again this week. Just not motivated and just been too tired, too busy... all the usual excuses. Doesn't help that all i long for is a nice gorgeous walk outside and all i get is a swealtering natural weight loss machine that makes me want to faint instead of a walk. Oh well... gotta talk more on that later.

BUT yesterday I went shopping, thinking I'd buy shirts... tried on a jean skirt for my trip to seaworld in Sept. Get this...

IT'S A SIZE 16!!!! The best part. They aren't tight. If i lose an inch they will have to be belted.

Holy shipola I can't remember the last time I wore a 16. When i started this journey in February i was a 22 squeezing myself into 20's (if they buttoned). I guess when you wear goucho's for the most part and avoid things that button... AND sew your pants so that they fit.... you just don't realize how much you've changed. That is 4 sizes 5 months. Even if that full first 20lbs is being elusive due to my lack of wanting to work out... I must be doing something right.

Anyhow... I really HAVE to go. Come back ya hear because I've got some more BIG news coming and I can't wait to share it with you all and even... ask some advice from all of you.

Always,
Jules

a little on the wonky side

2009-07-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

OMG!! Last week was one of those where you are uber busy that you just don't have time for anything and when you do... it takes all you can just to keep your self awake. Add insomnia into the mix 2 days last week and I was just too wonky. Work kept me busier than usual, sleep kept me exhausted... or that should read lack of sleep. Exercise was out the door... I only exercised 2 days, 1 hour total. Pitiful! I should have found more time, but I was having trouble just getting up and moving every day. And once I did... I was out the door. I wish i could say i was busy all week with things like play dates, shopping, and all around fun. But I wasn't. I even had to limit reading blogs!! EGHAD! I feel lost when i don't at least see how all my blogs I'm reading are doing... Oh well. Life moves on and here we are all the way into this week. :)

Food wise, I really can't say how well i did or didn't do. I was busy enough that a few days, I didn't even write everything down that i ate and by the time I thought about it... i couldn't remember 1/2 of it. I ate a few meals standing up in the kitchen, that's how busy I was... I don't feel I over did it... but my bowels have been off for a few days and I've been bloated for a few days.

When I went to bed I had planned on weighing in no matter what this morning... but at around 6am I woke up thirsty like a mad cow in the desert starring at a mirage... so i drank a bottle of water... yeah... I didn't weigh in 2 hours later when i got out of bed... So... I'll do it tomorrow. I just don't weigh in with anything in my system 3 hours before weigh in. And yes, I'm seeing the absurdity in that... But we all have our rituals. :):):):) I could have weighed in at 6am... but I admit... i was dead to the world and didn't even remember drinking the water until i picked up the empty water bottle when i got up at 8. I know it was full when I went to sleep and then the memory rushed back in on me... Ok, so repeat after me... EXCUSES!!! :) hehehehahaha!! Maybe it was a subconscious thing to help me avoid weight in... i don't' know... i just know, I was thirsty.

Onto better things... I've got a lazier week ahead, I'm looking forward to it... but as I stare at the calendar in front of me on the wall, I'm wondering where in my right mind I think it is a lazier week. Work will be lazier, but I've got plans tomorrow, Friday, a jam packed Sat AND I've got feelers out for play dates this week... I must be nuts. Oh well, enjoy it while i can right? The right to have fun!!

Friday I even get to go shopping, clothes shopping with my best friend. I'm not sure if I've lost enough weight to spend my money I've been savings for clothes, but it'll be fun to go check it out. :) And shopping with my BF and her daughter will be fun!! Did I tell you all that a few weeks ago I did try on a bridesmaid dress (for my brothers wedding) that when i put it on (size 18 which when i started this journey, 18 in anything was tight) I actually had to hold it tight in the back or have it fall down. Not just loose, but actually hold it on or bare it all to the world too loose. I was so excited! Which of course makes me excited to try on REAL clothes... But if i haven't dropped at least 2 sizes in pants (I can't tell in this department these days), I'm not buying anything... shirts, at least a size... because $200 only goes so far and lets face it... although some of my shirts are too baggy and I don't like them... I would rather wait until i drop sizes before buying than buy MORE of the size I have... I wish all brands were the same across the board size wise. oh well... it'll be fun! :) I'll make it fun!! :):):)

This week I'm working on getting my internal clock set back to some normalcy... even if it means drugging myself at 7pm for 10pm sleep. I'm setting the clock every day for 8am and working out by 9am. This am... I don't have to go any where so I'll workout when I'm done. :) Anyhow... this week will be about getting back into sleeping and working out in the AM, not the PM, because PM never works out.

I'll let you all know what my little friend, the scale, says tomorrow. :)

Always,
Jules

ok... i did it...

2009-07-13T11:46:00.002-07:00

For too many stupid reasons (money mainly) I have been avoiding my yearly with the OB. Even though I LOVE my Dr, the staff, etc... I've just not been wanting to go. So today... I up and did it. Made the apt. YEAH! Thank goodness it's not until Sept. hehehehehe!!

Next up... to look for a new Dentist that also does pediatric dentistry and make an apt for ALL 3 of us to go. Been avoiding that one since my dad had his surgery and passed away last year.

Time to get on top of it!!!

What appointments are you avoiding?

Always,
Jules