Some of my favorite things

Since starting this whole new lifestyle I've been searching for replacements for things that I love. I thought I'd share a couple of those things with you :)

This is the BEST flat bread I've ever tasted and it's only 1 WWP! Can't beat that :)

OMG! These are the hands down ABSOLUTE BEST!! These are so Yummy, healthy and almost worth gorging on if I was still into that. :) They are only 1 WWP and very high in Fiber.

Next to the flat bread these are my other favorite healthy carb. 1 slice of this bread is only 0 WWP (yes count them 0) so when I'm craving toast or need to up the fiber of a meal it's perfect!!

My other new favorite which needs no picture is good ol' fashion egg whites (not the boxed kind either), Canadian bacon, fish and vegi's. I admit I probably don't eat enough fruits, but I eat more than my share of vegi's every day.

Always,
Jules

I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD...

If I could get onto my roof I would get up there and scream while crying right now! I feel so fantastic it's bringing me to tears. Yeah it's that good and although I'm a cryer... I'm not usually a cryer when I'm happy. :) So you might be asking yourself... why is she so ecstatic?

1. We don't own our house, we are renters. Thank god we have a great landlord who is not someone who will foreclose on us in these trying times. Anyhow... he lives a mile away from our house in our neighborhood. Really, he's right on the other side of the park I've been walking in. yesterday was the 1st, rent's due. And although I had a TON of stuff to do last night when I got done with a few of the MUST do things on my list... i grabbed missy, put her in the stroller and went for a walk. Yep. yesterday i did 2 miles total for the day. AND I even tried running with the stroller. It's not for me right now, but i can do it when need be. :)

Now when i woke up this morning... OMG! For the 1st time since starting this journey. My legs ached. I mean actual stiff, can't walk kind of aching. The I over did it kind of aching. Which led me to #2.

2. I knew I needed to walking despite the aching in my legs. So instead of playing around on the Internet this am I uploaded new songs to my MP3 player as the songs that were on it were getting too repetitive for my liking. So I finished that, did my stretches and headed out there door. All the while all i could think of was how much i ache and how much i just was able to push it. I tried to keep a good pace, but it was difficult. Before I even reached the stretch of pathway that leads to my running spots I had already taken more time than usual to get there. I pushed thru though and was thankful when a REALLY upbeat song came on. As approached my gate that is my starting point I just kept telling myself, "just go slow, work on your breathing techniques". So when i got to my gate, I slowly started out. I worked on remembering what coach taught me all those years ago and just breathed. Ignored my legs and the tempo of the jog, just breathed. And what do you know, i settled in for a good time. :) When i got to the spot between the 2 light poles where I've been stopping for the last week... I felt good... mind you I was still ignoring my legs. I wasn't winded and I was feeling it, so i pushed on. And I made it to the 2nd light pole, still not out of breath! I actually did a little jig while turning around to head back. When i got to the 1st light pole to start my jog back... I did the same thing as the 1st leg of the run! And I did it!!! I actually started crying and was pumping my arms like I was crazy person doing a jig, because lets face it! I was!!! I can not tell you how amazing it felt. Despite the aching in my legs, despite starting out feeling like I can't do it today! I PUSHED THRU!!! I DID IT!! I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!

I finished my walk strong and in tears, for the first time (not really, but figuratively) I saw the hills in my little park and realized some day, sooner than i could ever imagine, I will be able to change up my routine and run those hills. I'll veer from the concrete path and run in the grass and run those hills.

Someday, i will be this amazing person who I can be proud of instead of the fat girl i was always dissappointed in. OH WAIT!!!! I already am that person I'm proud of, and look I'm still the fat girl (for the time being)!!!!

Mind you when i got home and told Hubby about this... he was very confused because he's never seen the handy dandy pictures I posted on here and he's never been on my walk. he did say he was proud of me, but alas he still looked at me like I was crazy for crying. he just doesn't get it as he's never been where I am before. oh well. let him be confused.

OH and i decided that I will push hubby & missy to go out on walks with me in the evenings at least 3 times a week. Which means, turning off the TV and leaving the house as a family. WOW!! What a concept... ooowww... that will help me with my TV addiction! Ok... So I wrote here, I've committed myself to that challenge... Tune in to see if we do it! If he won't, missy and i will :)

Always,

Jules

P.S. I forgot to mention that I also finsihed my walk/run with the best overall time to date! I will not let the new time daunt me for future walks either! I can do it!!

I FEEL GREAT!!!

I feel like Tony the Tiger saying I feel great. hahaha!

1. This morning I told you I did go for my walk/run, but what I didn't tell you is that i actually decreased the time it took me to complete my mile. On Monday i was @ 21.33min/ 1 mi; today i was @ 21.13min/ 1 mi. Okay, Semantics is that it wasn't by much. But hey, I'll take every little bit I can get. :) The other thing I realized this morning is I need to start not only timing the entire mile, but I also need to take a look at how long it takes me to get back to my neighborhood every day. I use my street as part of my cool down and slow the pace down the closer I get to home. the sucky thing is that i would have cut my mile down by almost 2 minutes if I hadn't slowed down. So... tomorrow we shall see, but I was excited by the 20 second decrease in time! WHOHOOO!!!

2. While at the play date, I did not partake in even 1 mini-muffin and I held to my guns that the girls needed to take the care packages I made them and keep them. I did however lick frosting off my fingers from when i gave one to missy. But hey, it wasn't even a 1/4 of a teaspoon so i won't beat myself up. Even though all there was to eat was things I shouldn't partake in, I did so sparingly to nourish myself and stopped. Even though i wanted more yummy goodness of croissant sandwiches. Yum. All in all I did very well and after last nights debacle, I'm very proud. I love this group of girls and I don't know how I would get thru life without them to support me and just be my friends. :) It'll be interesting to see me slowly grow thinner while 1 of them slowly grows her belly for baby #2.

Just an oddball thought and question in here. Lately I've been thinking of freedom a lot. What it means to me and how I can better achieve my own personal freedom. Something that goes along with this for me is birds. How beautiful and free they look when they fly.

That age old question of what would you be if you were an animal?
I used to answer it: Tiger...
Any more, I know I'd want to come back as a bird. Any old bird, i just wanna fly like the wind. Instead I'll just have to get my inner me and my outer me to match so i can fly within my own freedom.

So to all of you who are struggling and have been having harder weeks than usual lets stand tall and have the peace of mind to know that WE ARE CAPABLE of doing this and that we will succeed.

Always,
Jules

Control... having it and losing it

Today while on my walk all I could think about was control... Having it and Losing it.

My addictions:
Food - thought I had control
Internet/computer - need to get control
Television - need to get control

Ok... So the point of these and why they were on my mind.

Food:
I've been addicted to eating for a long time, i don't just eat to fill a physical hunger. I also eat to fill an emotional hunger. For the last month I've been working tremendously hard to gain control of the emotional hungers. I'm learning to not just work around them but solve them so they don't keep roaring their little heads and I can once and for all be done with them. I need to get to an understanding within myself of the WHY's and I think I've done a pretty good job. I've even cut out finishing my daughters food (and MY own) when there is food left on the plate. Even if it means money down the drain dang it, no matter how hard times are I will not continue to eat beyond what i need and since this changes meal to meal if it's not something that can be saved, I'll throw it away. I know, what a crime. but I've been committing a crime against myself for too long now. One of the other behaviors I've eradicated is tasting food throughout the cooking process this I dropped cold turkey and have done very well with....
Until...
Last night! Holy cow! Today is one of my dearest friends BD and we're getting together for a mommy play date, I mean playgroup for the kids of course. 1 of the friends in this group is famous for bringing the gooiest most fattening thing she can find and she knows just what to say to get us all to help her eat it! A month ago I told her she can't do that any more because I'm such a weakling and I want to be strong. Can't fight her & myself. She said ok... But to further combat this... I offered to bring the celebratory dessert. On monday I had it in my head I'd do something really low fat and try one of the millions of recipes I've been dying to bake. But lets face it... i let time get away from me and since i had 3 boxes (yes 3) of cake mix the freezer & 2 containers of frosting in the cupboard just dying to go bad. I decided to make a spice cake into mini muffins & this way, i can portion control the fattiness. Lets just say, last night turned into a VERY bad idea and the realization I'm NOT ready for home made baking no matter the content. I probably ate 12pts worth of batter while spooning into the muffin cups AND enjoyed 2 mini muffins when they were done (without frosting really doesn't matter either; yes I rationalized like that last night). So... after feeling REALLY bad and wanting to cry at my blatant mind off slippage, I packaged each and every one of them up and am armed so that the girls will take them all home and I will not. I did make a small batch for hubby & daugter. But I have no fears of eating it because I'm just disgusted with my lack of control last night. I still want to cry. But no more! For Easter I was dying to bake for my relatives, no more. I'm bringing a healthy WW friendly dish... and maybe 2. They may be all I can eat all day. :) yes, I am still learning and this too shall pass. :)

Internet... Ok this one is easy and fast, lets just say that I am addicted to blogger, I'm addicted to Facebook & myspace and spend hours between the 3 doing absolutely nothing when i should be doing a whole lotta other stuff. So... This one i need to cut my time down and stick to it... Sitting here all day when missy will not throw a fit isn't helping me lose weight, even if I am not eating here any more. but what's a reasonable time? hhhmmmmm.....

TV- I've known for a while now that i watch too much TV. So does my dear little girl! Although I must admit I love the "hhhmmm... lets see" & the "I have idea", along with a few other phrases that she's picked up and are just adorable. :) Anyhow... I DVR just about everything the darn thing will allow me too and I have been trying to not just sit and watch, but an image of my daughter asking me to come out and play and me telling her I have something to take care of and me coming in and sitting down and watching tv popped into my head while walking this am... HOLY COW!! Are ya kiddin' me jules? This is ridiculous. So from now on, if all I'm doing is watching TV I need to stop! Either do something at the same time or just plain stop!!

Now here's something I thought I lost control of and thought I could gain control of and now am afraid I won't be able to... My cholesterol. It's dis-heartening to me to learn that all of my mothers siblings, grandmother, mom & brother are all fighting the cholesterol monster. I'm 31 and on medication already I've been hoping that with my lifestyle changes that at my 6 months check up that I can see about getting off of it... and now, I'm afraid that despite my getting myself to be needing the meds in my 30's... I may not be able to stop due to heredity. It's sorta depressing and has made me feel like what am I working so hard for? I know I know... negative talk sucks! But getting off those meds and staying off of them has been a driving force for me... and now... So i don't know. It's a lesson for me in, you can't control everything.

Also... here's a thought. Kids do all kinds of things with no control, reckless abandon really... and as adults we don't, we're reserved and we chose our recklessness in ways that we consider appropriate and responsible. We control ourselves to be proper and normal, etc... I wonder how much happier we'd all be if we shifted that control and used it to enjoy the little things a little more. To have less control in our lives where control is not needed. Like in laughing, crying and smiling. hhmmm... Food for thought or maybe not.

Always trying to control everything,
Jules