Today's challenge & goals.... BRING IT ON!

All I can think of this morning is what today is going to be like. I have a lot I need to do; which is nothing new from any other day's To-Do list... But I have Hubby thrown into the mix. Even though he just got off of work a few hours ago, he's staying awake. He doesn't work tonight until 12:30am so he is raring to go and have it be a family day. Really, he's raring to spend time with us today during day light hours. Which i know, is a good thing and I'm grateful and even excited.

But usually on days like today... My needs and wants and expectations get a little thrown out the window. Hubby wants to eat out, we eat out. Hubby wants to spend time together watching TV, we watch TV, Hubby wants... we do. Which since he doesn't EVER get a whole day to be with us on HIS schedule, it's usually OK. BUT I wasn't anticipating this for today. So... my To-Do list will probably go out the door, but today is the day i need to really bring my wants to the fore front and make them heard. So here are my goals for today (essentially my MUST DO To-Do list).

1. Walk/run my usual 20minutes (still can't believe I'm at 20 min). --DONE
2. Stepper/Bands Circuit- 8min --DONE
3. Stepper/crunches circuit-6min
4. Stepper/combo circuit-8min
5. Complete Wed paperwork before I go to bed
6. Eat ALL meals at home and stay within my points level.
7. Go to Lowe's
8. Go to Sam's club
9. Call landlord before Lowes -- DONE
10. Look for personal trainer --DONE
11. Easter menu shop AND Easter basket shop
12. Get truck insurance so mom can cancel her policy. --DONE
13. Complete Tues paperwork
14. Work -- DONE
15. Fit in 20 minutes of additional exercise.... Hhhmmmm.... might need to do a video for this today... we'll see. Or Maybe I'll just go do some really fast laps at Sams club. hahahahhaa!!!
16. Drink 8 glasses or (4 bottles) of water

All the while doing all this I still have to take care of missy and make sure Hubby feels like his needs and wants are being met. Sometimes I hate being a woman, but not today. Today I'm saying bring it on!! I will put the 1,2,3,4,6,15,16 ABOVE all else today. I'm up for the challenge!

I'll let you all know how it goes before I go to bed.

What's your challenge for today? How will you meet it?

Always,
Jules

All said and done.

Today was a good day... Mind you, I didn't have to work both shifts today so that helped and I didn't cook dinner (we ate out and I stayed within my points while using my AP points for missy's leftovers). All together today, including my walk/run I did just under an hour of exercises today! HOLY CRAP! That really adds up. I'm shocked once I did add it all up. WHOHOO!!! Now, I don't think I could have fit all that in at once today... ok, well i could have if I would have gave it an effort after my walk... but I like reading your blogs... Guess it's a trade off some where :)

The side stepper (not this one that the link takes you to, but similar) I have is one I've had forever. It not only goes up and down, it goes from side to side. I even have a video for it. But this thing works my legs so well that 2 minutes of hard work on it = I'm jelly. Yes I realize it's my fitness level. But by the end of the summer I hope to be able to use it on days it's just too freakin' hot to go outside instead of my walk/run.

Here's how i did my version of a circuit.
2min on Side stepper
2min resistance bands-arms
2min on Side stepper
2min resistance bands-arms

next set went as follows:
2min on Side stepper
1min crunches (slow and steady focusing on breathing and technique)
2min on Side stepper
1min crunches

This evening I did the following:
15min walk with Hubby & daughter... Just to get out of the house and feed the ducks.- My beat the TV monster strategy

Then i did:
2min on side stepper
2min resistance bands-arms
2min on side stepper
1min crunches
1min pelvic tilts.

This along with my 20min walk/run put me @ 57min total today. I would have never guessed at this all day.

Really, you can the do circuit however you want. I just wanted to get in all the stepping usage that i did and i can't do very much on the resistant bands or crunches @ 1 time. Doing it this way helped me get in smaller, easier to handle exercises that i can do without taking a break. And by splitting it up into a circuit, i get to keep my heart rate up for a few more minutes at time than if i tried to do sets. Anyhow...

We'll see how tomorrow goes; I'm going to try to do the same thing and see if it works better for me. If I have to I'll take my stepper outside so that missy feels like I'm "with" her while she's out there. We'll see... I will try harder to continue on this path of fitting it all in smaller bits at a time. It's so much easier to handle and I'm exhausted so that's a plus.

Always,
Jules

If only....

If only every day could be like today. I'm getting ready to leave for my evening shift of work and I'm looking at my To-Do list. I've done amazingly well today and I've learned something. HHHmmmmmm.... I don't feel so guilty when I'm taking a break from my work (and little miss) if I do it with exercise. OK, Even I'm asking myself HUH?

Here's how My day has gone so far.

~ Get up, fart around on computer
~ Walk/Run, then fart around again on here
~ Get missy up and fed, all the while working on organizing today's paperwork
~ Eat Breakfast
~ Get caught up on last weeks paperwork while sun bathing and watching missy play
~ Do a circuit between side stepper & Resistance bands - 2 min each for a total of 8 minutes.
~ Snack of apple & new PB I bought (2 WWP and YUMMY)
~ Get caught up on Monday's paperwork while Watching Monday's 'D.O.O.L'
~ Do circuit between side stepper & crunches. 2min on stepper then 1 minute of crunches (30 total) for a total of 6 minutes
~ Eat Lunch
~ Work on today's paperwork for this evening while watching 'GREEK'
~ Get missy laid down
~ Getting other To-Do list things done and when i get home from work it'll be time for Dinner and the I'll get 4 more minutes on the stepper done, 30 more crunches and 2 more minutes of resistance work. AND I'm hoping to get Hubby & missy out for a walk.

PPPHHHEEEWWWW, reading that made me tired!

I'll tell ya I feel like I've been going non-stop, but I haven't been stressed once. I HATE doing my paperwork for work... hence Why I'm so far behind. Usually days like today are full of stress for me. But stopping to exercise and such has been a blessing. I didn't spend ALL day on it like usual and still end up with more to do when Missy goes down. NOPE NOPE NOPE! Not today. It's all done before I even have to leave, which speaking of i better get out.

For anyone who is having trouble getting the time in, or getting motivated, I have just proved how much easier it is to split it up. :) If I can do it, you can do it too! :)

Always,
Jules

Lying to yourself... well err... myself

So, here's what I'm learning... or really, just finally admitting to myself. I'm fat. I've known that for a long time... BUT for a long time the person I see in the mirror IS NOT the person i see in pictures. Why is that? I mean come on, it's the same me... I don't morph an extra 30lbs (they say 10, but i see 30) when a picture is taken. It's there always & forever every minute of every day... really, it's an extra 75lbs that seem to morph into pictures. How does that happen, it's a bunch of LOADED bulls**t. So i just don't take pictures because they lie.

Except the truth is... it IS a lie I choose to not see. the fat, It's always there, when i look in the mirror I lie to myself. I look for what's good, or ignore the really bad. Which means all i ever really see is my eyes up or my ankles down. Isn't that sick. There's so much more to me... So where am I in my minds eye? how did I disappear? By lying to myself. It's so easy.

When i saw my wrist disappear, you know that definition that is usually there. Better yet where did that balloon of a forearm that extends from my hand come from? The pudgy sticks attached to my palm, where'd they come from? Why won't my wedding rings fit any more? The one I love... i don't even look down at my feet because then I have to bend over some. I mean HELL!! These are things I've been dealing with for years now and I'm JUST realizing How much I've missed them. The lies I told myself were stupid too. It was always like that... or of course you can't be the same as you were when you were 18, as you get older your body changes. Or it was always like that, you just chose not to see it. All lies. And even ignoring the problem is a form of a lie. Ignoring it as if it wasn't happening is a lie.

Do you lie to yourself about anything?

Since starting this journey I've been working VERY VERY hard at not lying to myself. And some day's the image in the mirror isn't what i see in pictures. But now it's different reasons; like I'm losing weight so of course it's going to be different.

No more ignoring the view either, i see all my fattiness in it's full disgusting glory and try to see the changes (I don't see) that others see. Side note: My mom horrified me on Sun when she excitedly grabbed me and said how amazing I look and look how loose my shirt was. I think I look the same, but -11lbs is what the scale says. (yes, I know see the new lie.) I felt like my shirt fit the same. Anyhow.. this all leads to now that I'm not lying to myself pictures don't scare me. i don't scare me. I see my current view as a Halloween costume, a fat suit I'm forced to wear for the time being. it's a fat suit I don't have to be comfortable in... But I must feel comfortable in the person inside the fat suit.

For years I've said I'm looking to find who i am... Because I was hiding her, lying to myself about who she must be. Why? I'm still looking for the answer, but while I work on shedding this grotesque Halloween costume I MUST get happy with my inner me or this fat suit will forever be my view. Which means getting down and dirty as to why I've been hiding her and who is she? Why would i need to hide her?

So if you are lying to yourself, STOP IT! You are worth the truth no matter how hard it is to face. You'll be better for it! Without stopping the lies you tell yourself daily, you can't shed the lbs. Ok you could... but You'll gain it right back. For the 1st time in my adult life, I'm trying to change the why I'm fat, not just the fat. I've Yo-Yo'd before and I won't do it again, so the lies are under the bright lights and I'll tell ya, I'm scared shirtless. Really i am. Some of the things I've been remembering or bringing out of lies freak me out and make me want to eat and cry and worse, hide again. I almost wonder if I need therapy... but isn't therapy just the work you do with someone else to uncover what's going on and changing the view of those events?

For now, you all reading this, is my therapy. not sure what I'll share... But it's therapy none the less. Is this my safe place?

Always,
Jules

P.S. My view is changing!! Yesterday I noticed the balloon on my forearm is deflating. i can see some wrist bone. HOLY CRAP!! Maybe I need to add taking measurements to my weigh ins 1x a month to help further improve my truthfulness..... hmmmm.....