Do I haveta? and other updates

Ok... so... here I am feeling cruddy for a couple of reasons.

1. I always feel cruddy the day after a migraine
2. I stayed up WAY too late working out last night.

All I want to do is go to bed. I could have slept in. But i got up, why? Because I have some housekeeping for work that I NEED/HAVE to do and it involves this wonderful contraption that also has the Internet on it called the PC. And ya know what... I've been on here for what, over an hour now and I've STILL not even cracked open my work files. Holy geezus all i can think of is all I want is for hubby to get home so i can sneak off to Starbucks and get some stronger coffee than what i have at home. Why? Because I'm tired, and although i could make my own non-fat latte... I'm too tired. Of course, as I type that, i also realize the absurdity in that whole things because leaving the house ALSO means getting dressed and being some what presentable. i know... DUH! So yeah, looks like I'll go make me a non-fat latte when I'm done farting around on here, and I can pretty much guarantee you... it ain't gonna happen before the kiddo gets up. Sad, I know... sad. And that's not just the coffee...that's work too. I need to get myself under control!!!!

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So WHY in the holy heck did I stay up so late last night, KNOWING that my history of migraines always brings on more cruddiness the next day? Because I felt better finally and had gotten some grocery shopping done AND hubby mopped the floors when i left for work AND there really wasn't anything for me to do with my evening but sleep and exercise. So, you got it... I exercised. I did 65 minutes worth of strength exercises yesterday. 20 minutes of video's and 45 minutes on the Wii Fit. let me tell you, despite the air and ceiling fan being on... I was sweating! I tried to walk in place on the Wii Fit while changing the exercises so that i was always moving. I figured out WHY i like the Wii Fit compared to video's... ie. working out indoors. it's because I can change it up. I'm a person who HATES monotony. I hate watching 4 walls stay stationary. i hate that in a video, although the exercises change, the scenery doesn't. I hate that i feel "bored" a lot of the time and that = wussing out for me. HUH? easy, When I'm bored I realize how tired I am, how sore I am... How fat I am... How much I hate what I'm doing, etc... You name it. So when I get "bored" with the video I'm doing... I quit. OnDemand has been great because if I get bored... i just stop the video and find a new one. But the Wii is even better because I can keep changing. This does mean I stand around too... But like I said, if I walk in place while doing so... I'm always moving then. Anyhow... Can you tell I should be an independent seller of the Wii Fit. hahahahahhaa!! So @ 11:30 i finally packed it in and went to bed. Hardly have been reading my book I've been so tired by the time I go to bed. I need to work on my sleeping schedule and get it back in control. Tomorrow right?

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So i mentioned Hubby mopped the floors yesterday. our entire house is tiled except for the bedrooms, in order to keep exercising, sleeping, working, blogging on here, facebook/myspace stalking, I have NOT been keeping up on my housework. Part of it has been that i really HATE housework and part of it has been just putting other things aside so that i can do the things I NEED and WANT to do for ME!! Anyhow, when i asked Hubby why he said well, it needed to be done and I was helping. Bullsh*t. He did it because he was sick and tired of it and didn't trust me that I'd get it done today (which is when i told him I'd do it this week). I'm glad it's done... but I'm really tired of him being such a clean freak. I'm tired of him not trusting that I WILL get it done, even if it's not on his schedule. And I'm sure he's sick and tired of me NOT getting it done. Anyhow... frustration I need to let go of. And if I stepped up to the plate better and got back on track with the housecleaning... he wouldn't feel the need to do it.

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I've got some things on my mind that i need to get out... I've been avoiding my internal self though. I can feel her pinching me and prodding me... It's something BIG... i think. Big for my journey at least. I just have been avoiding... and i admit... avoiding means eating and making bad choices. I've been working hard since tuesday to get his BACK under control. But I'm not ready. I don't know why. Part of me feels like I've made ENOUGH changes, Why do I need more. Why do I need more EYE OPENING self reflection. When is it enough. I know... all stupid. Do you see her coming out... I'm pushing her back in and going to facebook so I can yet again avoid her. :)

Reading that totally just sounded like I was a skitzo. hahahahaha!

Always,
Jules