Monday, March 9, 2009

Personal Truths

Over the past year it's become very clear to me that I'm an addict. Not a drug or alcohol addict; but a food addict. Which is why I KNOW this time around I have to deal with the "inside" my head issues of my weight problem. The Why I eat, etc... And that is why i picked up the Dr Phil's ultimate weight solution book that has been sitting in my house forever now. I know I probably won't follow his diet suggestions because I am at the point of knowing I MUST be realistic in my dieting quest. I don't so much need to diet as change my lifetime eating habits and I just don't think on my families budget anything other than WW will honestly help me get there. Anyhow, in reading his book a little bit ever day I've realized I am right. i am an addict. i may not be an anorexic or a bulimic... but my god! I certainly have more than enough issues to deal with when it comes to food. The more I take a hard look inside my head, the more I realize, I have a serious problem! BUT really... i always knew this. Sad when you ignore yourself, but I have been for way too long. I'm really not learning anything i haven't already known way down deep inside me.

So what's different this time. That's what i keep asking myself because I need to keep reminding myself why and what I'm doing all this for. It's not easy changing. And although in a lot of ways, I LOVE change... i don't love changing my self, but who does. I digress. I know the answer to what's different this time. Just like drug/alcohol addicts have to... i must have hit rock bottom and not even realized it. I think in all things in life a person must hit there own personal rock bottom before change can ever occur no matter the subject matter. And I must have hit mine because it's really not been hard to attack the changes I've made. Although i struggle with the laziness I've ingrained in myself, it's not been hard to stay on track. Although i still struggle with going back to my old routines, it's not been hard to stop myself before eating, cooking or looking for food and count points, which makes me think. Which makes me slow down before I eat. it's not been hard to stop and say... is it worth it? And when it feels like it is... i go in eyes wide open. Really, it boils down to this time i feel in control. And I'm a control freak and I've been living my own personal truth in an out of control manner. This time is different, because I'm finally in control of my own personal truths.

Always,
Jules

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