Thursday, April 30, 2009


Here's where I'm at. After the dinner we had last night... I'm bloated. i feel like a beached whale! This sucks. Why is it i can't think ahead and remember that EVERY time we "eat out" I bloat and feel crappy. I don't know... maybe I need to get a food saver and start making home made TV dinners for these I don't wanna nights. Anyhow... not going walking today. i slept in... i am however going to get up right now and go do some kind of video on OnDemand. Cardioke maybe? or maybe I'll bust out the good ol' Cindy crawford video's out of the cabinet. I haven't decided, the point is... Day 3 of getting in 1hour of working out... here I come. :)


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Just another day

Today's been just one of those days.... I did manage to get up and do 30 minutes of strength training and I'm about to do another 30 minute set while catching up on some of my DVR shows for this week (yes I'm addicted to watching EVERYTHING via DVR... no commercials) :). At least that is my goal. I didn't stay on plan very well today... OK wait... that's not true. I did GREAT all day, until it was time to cook dinner. I have had a headache all afternoon and horrible PMS cramping and back pain along with it. So i didn't feel up to cooking... what'd hubby do... lets just go get something. So dinner threw my points out the door.

Good news is... wait bad news is.... OK this one is a double edge sword. I haven't been staying away from the scale this week after monday's weigh in (BAD). This morning the scale showed a 3lb loss since monday (good). I'm NOT banking on that for next monday's weigh in though. But it feels good to know my slippage isn't (so far) effecting me. So if I can effectively fit in 1hr of working out into my days this week... i should be ok. :) Hopefully... Life is full of hope and i guess... really, that is a good thing. :)

Have a great night!


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Staying focused

I'm working hard today to stay focused and on top of things. I went grocery shopping and avoided buying any "wants"; even if they were healthy "wants". Because eating is not about "wants" it's about sustenance. Since I'm feeling so darn snacky I didn't buy anything that wasn't on my list. Ok... that's a lie. I did buy fresh pineapple and fat free cottage cheese. But those will be good for the kiddo too. When this snacky attitude goes away I'll go buy some of those wants.


This morning before leaving I made some homemade bread. I've been buying natures own double fiber bread for a while now... and it's just too darn expensive. So I'm going to start experimenting with homemade breads to get a good high fiber low calorie recipe pinned down. Hubby doesn't like the home made bread unless it's white french bread. I'm fine with it home made. It just takes some tweaking and some playing with it. So when i got home I tasted it... pretty good. A little heavy... but good. I need to up the fiber in it and work on the consistency still... But I'm happy with it.


Anyhow... This morning I walked 2 miles in 20 minutes (could have been faster... but I took a slow cool down). I did an additional 20 minutes of exercises here at home 20 minutes after getting home so that i could round it out to an hour.

I've been on points and have dinner planned out. Actually... i need to go get it ready so that it's ready to get cookin' when I get home tonight. Although i have a major headache right now... I'm feeling better and strong! Really that should read... STRONG!! Even if at the same time I feel like a weakling due to the headache...

Have a great night all.


the good, the bad and the ugly

Really... the only good to yesterday was the playing with the kiddo that i did and my 30 min walk. Otherwise, yesterday turned into an eating fest; put it this way... when i sat down and tallied up my points for the day... I'd eaten enough points for 2 days. OMG! I HAVE to turn this around. What the hell is Wrong with me. Today i am only focusing on exercise, eating and grocery shopping. Because OMG!!!!!!


Monday, April 27, 2009


Ok... so maybe the title is a little misleading... But that's how I feel today when i think of the last 4 days. Gluttonous. Mind you... I didn't REALLY get involved in a lot of gluttony in regards to food. But in the Lazy section I devoured every inch of lazy I could get my hands on. Here's the skinny on how things have been going...

Thurs- No exercise. On point until dinner... needed FP points to get me thru
Fri- No exercise, but I did spend 2 hours outside doing squats and tossing rocks around. On point until dinner... needed FP points to get me thru the pizza we ordered.
Sat- no exercise, my hamstrings were beating me up for the squatting for rocks on Fri. I could say i was on point... but truly... I have NO IDEA. I didn't even count a single point. But I am sure I went over. I did however only eat 2 meals... I know... bad but there were 4 slices of thin crust pizza calling my name and then a BBQ involved. I didn't eat the provided food at said BBQ though. I was going to take Kabobs for myself and ended up taking chicken to grill and a salad to put it on top of. I didn't weigh or measure anything though.
~~ Side note: I AM however proud to admit that I DID not partake in any of the desserts that were calling my name so loud that I think EVERYONE was avoiding me because of the "haunting" we were all experiencing. hahahah! JK.
Sun- again no exercise. Again.. Didn't count. Did ok again until... Ok... here's where things went a little haywire... I had a good Breakfast. Good lunch... realized the filling for my wrap was too much for just 1; so i made 2. And ate them BOTH! This was only a total of 6 points all together... But too much food for my belly. I felt gross and so full I wanted to puke. Forced myself not to. Then, before my belly was even onto an even keel... I ate a HUGE squish them together to fit into a hand full of gummi bears. 1/2 way thru eating them I "saw" was I was doing and ignored myself. I ate them all... at which point I really almost puked, was disappointed in myself because WHY? I didn't know why i did it. Why did I feel the need... I didn't know. I wasn't even hungry. i did have a sweet tooth, but just a few would have sufficed it. Anyhow... needless to say, i spent a few hours forcing myself NOT to puke because I deserved the pain I was feeling and eating til I puke makes me feel like a bulimic and i don't want that. So... I didn't. I did stop it there... I didn't eat anything else. Nothing. By the time 8pm rolled around I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. And since cooking would be another 30 minutes and I'm out of sammy fixings and wrap fixings (I need to go to the store badly) I opted for 2 corn dogs. So I didn't count points, But If I backtracked... i'm sure I stayed within points with maybe a few FP points thrown in there. Breakfast, lunch and dinner (without bears) were only 18pts.

As you can see, I did a whole lotta Nuttin' huney the last 4 days. Yes, flinging rocks yet again was moving... But I didn't count it since I managed to get really sun burned (despite the sun screen I used) in the process and as soon as I was done... I laid out by the pool and did nothing. So i burned calories, but... Come on... I did it JUST so I could have the pool up for me and missy... notice I said ME and missy. I'd like to say the laziness was in part due to the HUGE amounts of things I managed to get done around the house... but I didn't touch my to-do list until yesterday and even that was in between catching up on DVR shows starting and movie watching. I had a great time. Did I mention that since Thurs my alarm clock has been OFF!!


Today I'm focusing on not focusing on the last 4 days. I'm focusing on realizing that even a little binge (as it was a pinprick compared to the old days) is not the end of the world. Today is a new day and a fresh day to start anew. So I am. I'm actually not upset over the last 4 days... especially when I woke up and a lovely little visitor has shown up. AH! No wonder the lazy's were in my house. I always get really really tired and lazy right before I start and to top it off... i get constipated AND then... I get... well... Lets just say.... everything flows. Literally... Yeah, don't think on that one too hard. It's gross even by my standards... I'd re-write it to not be gross... But i don't wanna. :) LOL

When I got up BEFORE the alarm this morning I knew I'd turn it around today. I'd contemplated NOT weighing in today, BUT decided I needed to face up to whatever I did these last few days and ignoring my actions by not weighing in... was cowardly and not the way to go. And then, I went to the bathroom and felt so much better. Cause HEY! If the scale says I gained I can blame in on my period and NOT my laziness. hahahahahaha!! I can blame my constipation on my period NOT my lack of water and fiber. YES YES YES!! Some thing tangible to blame. hahahahha! Isn't that just a kick in the pants!! hahahahah!! Yes, I know... It's still me, but hey... So I stepped on the scale and was very pleasantly surprised by the scale showing a .2lbs weight loss. WHOHOO!! I'll take it. NOW, here's the kicker... give me a day and my body will turn it around for me, history shows the constipation goes away 2 fold and my body has a natural colon cleanse effect. Yeah... i know... GROSS! Skip ahead if you like. But the point is... it'll all be ok in the end... However i also know that if I don't work hard to get back on track this week my body will let all the fat from the pizza and corn dogs and gummi bears I've been eating settle in to a home on my hips, butt or tummy. I know my body will pay me back for not being good to it. So... I'm not out of the woods, I know. But at least I can feel relieved that today's weigh in wasn't an increase and if I get back on track... next monday's weigh in will be a good thing for loss and not a gain. But i certainly can't have another week like last week for a long time.


Before i go just 1 more note about binging. While on my walk this morning I was thinking about WHAT and WHY... I realized that i haven't binged, wanted to binge or even tried to binge since early January. I realized that the root of yesterday's mini pin prick binge was all because I felt deprived Sat from not enjoying some of the yummy goodness that was around me. It was because I want to be able to enjoy thigns like that, but can't yet. Can't yet in a way of the bingeing isn't totally gone yet, so it's not time to be able to go there yet. It was because I was feeling a little like what the F**K. I was feeling a lot Lazy and after 4 days of being lazy... the old me was starting to sink her teeth into the new me and pull her back. Laziness is contagious from day to day... and after 4 days... the old ways start coming back. It's sad how easy it is to slip back into old ways, and it's even sadder how easy it is to fool myself. So no more! back to the old stand by of not more than 1 day in a row and not more than 2 days in a week. :) I feel good and I feel powerful with knowledge. :) What a great way to feel. :)

Have a great Monday everyone! I know I will. :)


Friday, April 24, 2009

Welp... I did it. :)

Really means....I didn't do it. I didn't get much done today. :-) I didn't even do any traditional exercising today. I did however spend 2 hours getting Missy's pool area scrubbed of rocks and laid out a new rock free (if you can really ever be rock free in a rock filled back yard) area for the pool to live at this summer. I'm quite proud of how it's turned out. I took pictures that I'll post some time this weekend. By the time I got it done, Missy didn't have much time to swim really because today was a cooler day than it's been all week. That's how it goes here, 1min it's in the 100's the next it's cool. But I'm not complaining by the end of next month the 100's will just stay and I'll be limiting her time out there because of the heat anyhow. Today i had to make her come in because her lips were purple from the breeze. If it hadn't been for the breeze, it would have been perfect weather for the pool today. Oh well... there is always ALL summer :)

I did smash my finger really bad and it's now throbbing from typing. Guess that's a sign to get off of here. I did nothing else today, but watch TV, relax, give myself a headache and spend 4 hours outside. My back side has a good pink tint that should hopefully go away tomorrow. Guess that's what i get for all that rock throwing and digging I was digging. :)

Have a great weekend all. Tomorrow is my husbands biological fathers (he's deceased) family BBQ. They see me for who i am, adore me and see me as a good thing for the hubby. So I can't wait to catch up with them all. :) I'm taking my own Kabobs so that I can have a healthier option than steak (I don't eat red meat anymore) & twice baked potato's. i just need to decide between shrimp, mushroom or chicken kabobs. Can't decide. Oh well... The rest of the weekend will be shopping and staying home. Aaaahhhh... i can't wait. :)



Little Bear on Noggin' makes me laugh. Today a Duck's mother is a chicken and because she's on a farm she can make every sound but a quack. hahahaha! A duck making chicken, Moo and oink sounds. hahahaha!!

The end of the week wrap up.

Ok... So, This week has been grueling and icky for me. I work Mon-Thurs and essentially i work out of the out of my car 2 shifts a day. Missy goes to work with me in the am and I usually leave her at home with daddy for my evening shift. This week though, all of my work was out in Buckeye. Where I needed to get to averaged anywhere from 29-45mi away from home depending on my starting and stopping points. Well, put it in perspective. I drove a total of 500 miles in 4 days... so you get the picture. In order to help me not be stressed out about an hour break between shifts I decided to spend every day IN Buckeye during my breaks. This meant packing enough food and beverage every day for the kiddo and myself so that we didn't have to buy anything. She has really not eaten very well all week. On top of that it also meant she has not napped in 4 days; Not that she naps regularly these days all on her own, but come on... I had to force it this week (she doesn't sleep when she's not at home, she refuses). Luckily I have family and friends who live in Buckeye so at least I wasn't sitting in my car 100% of the time during my breaks, but being away from home with missy for over 8 hours a day... is grueling and tiring. Physically i did less "activity" than if I'd stayed home and sat on my couch, but I was physically exhausted and ready for bed every night by 7:00 just from the schedule I was keeping. Go figure.

Some good that came of it is she got to play 2 days of it with her friends (My friends kids) and got to see her grandma 3 days of the 4. She loves her ba-maw. :) Next time though... i just may come home anyhow. I feel like I've only been home to sleep. This must be what working out of the house moms feel like. I envy them for having day care though. Imagine them keeping the kids ALL day while working and not being home at the same time. I think the suicide rate would go up in a split second if that were the case. But I just don't know how those moms do it either. Every night this week I've either not eaten dinner or had corn dogs for dinner. I've just been too tired and wiped out to even consider cooking and since I'm out of turkey lunch meat... I literally have no options for sammy's either. Ok... I can now think of a lot of options, like a vegi wrap, tuna, etc... but I admit... they all took effort and it was all i could do to keep my sanity until the kiddo went to bed so i could catch up with all your blogs and go to bed. HOLY COW! Miss 1 day and I've got 20 blogs to read, can't say I'm not dedicated. :) Hehehehehe!!

Anyhow, I managed to squeeze in as much exercise as possible mon-wed. Didn't top the 30 minute mark... but at least I was moving. Yesterday i made a pack with another blogger that i would do 20 minutes if she would... Although she hadn't messaged me back saying she would... just saying I would meant I would even if she didn't. I admit, I'm disappointed in not keeping my word. I don't promise something and not deliver... ok wait, I'm human some times I do... but not like that... not to other people, just myself and the hubby. My morning was more hectic than normal and when i got home last night I all but fell asleep on the couch. If kiddo had been in bed... I would have. Guilt is driving me today to do every minute of exercise I can.


Last night as i was getting off the computer my hubby's aunt emailed me asking questions regarding a comment I made on a picture website I have for the in-laws. I was a little thrown at the interest IN ME and didn't have anything to do with the kiddo or hubby. I mean, she wanted to know about ME... HOLY COW! Did pigs fly yesterday? Umm...background. My in-laws hate me. Hate me so much that they don't talk to my hubby because he's married to me and god forbid he didn't listen to them and leave my butt. Not that I haven't antagonized them with child like quality out of anger at the situation, but that's a whole other blog (or is it). :-) I've done what i can do apologize for my smart comments after realizing i was being petty. But here's the simple truth to put it into perspective, they liked me enough up until he asked me to marry him. And then they reared their little heads and their true feelings surfaced. Even on our wedding day, they told him the "you can still back out. You don't have to go through with this just because the big day is here. There is still time to walk away." 2 weeks before our wedding his mom had a nervous breakdown and then again another one when she found out we were pregnant. Really, any childish issues I've set forth were after the kiddo was born because they can't respect me (or us) for our parenting decisions. And lets face it... when some one treats you like dirt and your a new mom and your trying to hold it together... You kinda lose your cool. Besides we all become an attacking bear for the sake of our children. Yes, when things escalated I did screw up with words and I've done what I can to atone for it. But this year, Hubby and I decided until they treat him the way a son should be treated (because they don't treat him like a son, more like a black sheep cousin) I'm out of it and don't have to put any effort towards them. Anyhow... so nothings changed in a year except I don't have contact with them except for a shutterfly picture website that I HATE doing that I have for them. Yes, hates such a strong word, but no body likes doing things for people who don't like them. Anyhow, That's the short of it... believe me the long of it... Is pretty hellish. So getting an email from his aunt asking nice things about me... kinda threw me off...

Coincidentally it was about a comment on a picture I made in regards to my walking/running path in the park on a day I walked with her and took pictures of her by the pond (I shared them with you in an earlier post :) She emailed me asking me what i was up to, etc... So I ended up writing her this HUGE long email last night. Just like it was one of you. Giving her background, essentially, giving her my story. I didn't do it grudgingly or anything. Quite proud of myself. In the end... I realized, all I want is for them to like me (because I'm a very like able person) :) and I've still not come to terms with how and why they don't like me. Because all I want is to be a part of his family and they ARE his family, as long as they don't like me, I'm fine not dealing with them... but her just being a little nice to me... made me realize how much deep down I'm still so upset over the fact that they hate me so much that they don't call or see their own son, nephew, brother. They don't see their grandchild, neice, etc... except at xmas and this year, I'm tempted to say no we won't come for xmas. We need to be surrounded by loved ones, and they don't even act like they love us (ok me and they treat hubby pretty crappy all year long EXCEPT for xmas). Even hubby is feeling like he isn't loved these days. And no amount of talking to his mom last year about the whole thing has changed it one bit. He tried with olympic efforts to get things in a better place... and it's just not worked except for there is no longer any word bashing.

And really, I'm so afraid she'll grow up the way I did... thinking her grandma hates her all because of the way grandma treats her parents. So... they say a little kindness goes a long way. his aunty proved that. My brother tells me to continue to bestow kindness on them and some day they'll come around. But how long am I suppose to bend over backwards to be liked... I've been doing it for 6 years and in 1 of those I've managed to make it worse, all because of being a mom. I spent 6 months last year trying to make up for my mistakes, and it still has gotten me no where. Xmas day was even uncomfortable because they made it very clear how much they didn't want me there... like I was the white elephant in the room. I've given up, for the time being. I think it's enough to expect them to have a relationship with their son, before I extend the proverbial hand out again. But last nights email makes me think and my brother makes me think.

Sorry I got into all that... didn't mean to. Wasn't going to... But it just came out. Talking to hubby really gets me no where because he's done talking about it until they show him just a little care.


So today is my day off... i WILL exercise, not sure how or how intensely, but i will. I WILL stay on point and get my eating back into line where I'm NOT using my flex points; I've made good choices and had good snacks, but corndogs for dinner means needing flex points and usually don't use them. I WILL spend most of the day being lazy and hopefully if it gets warm enough (because I can't tell what the weather is doing right now).... set up missy's new pool and spend it lazing in the sun working on a sun burn. No not really... But I'll hope that under the SPF50 I'll put on that some of the whiteness to my body will disappear. I'll gather my old to-do list and make a new one for this weekend into next week, because I've been too busy to even look at it. Hopefully I'll get caught up (ok dent) on my DVR as I've watched nothing on it all week. I'll cook dinner, but i don't think it'll be very time consuming. I will make a grocery list for tomorrow and I'll balance the checkbook and be thankful the bills, for once in over a year... are all paid... ok not all of them... But the ones that keep us in the house, eating and with cable are. :) The Dr bills will have to wait until there is more than this weeks paycheck was. Probably will pay those next week because my woppin' 500 miles and 17 hours will bring home enough non-regular bill, gas, grocery paying money home that i can actually pay some of them. :-) I WILL sit back and enjoy a day off today... the only kinda of day off a stay at home mom can have... a lazy day mixed in with some gotta get it done kinda chores. Ahh... to have a non-mom lazy day would be heaven. :-)

I hope you are all in good spirits today. And although I've kinda been MIA... I've been reading religiously this week. :)


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Just wanted to share a quick thought.

The Beauty and grace of life isn't just in your dreams.. Unattainable and hazy... It is real and in front of you All you have to do is open your eyes and believe, believe with all your heart and soul... Only then will your dreams be one with your life. Do you dream or do you live the dream?

This is my favorite saying-- Sadly I'm not sure If I picked this one up some where or If I dug really deep in me and pulled it out. hhhmmm... Wish i could remember. I've been using it for so long on myspace I just can't remember... tried to look it up... can't find it. maybe i did make it up. Anyhow...

The reason I'm posting it is this. I've realized that although I've had it posted on myspace as a reminder to myself of HOW to live... I've realized I don't live my dream. I haven't been for a very long time. But I'm slowly getting there and am excited for the journey ahead.

So, are you living your dream or are you just dreaming? Are you working towards living your dreams? I hope you all are on a journey to be living the dream. :)



The nice thing about my walk/runs (or just walks in general) compared to my run/walks is that the slower pace and less running gives me time to reflect with in my self. Which is ALWAYS nice. :)

Today's I've realized a few things and also made some decisions about a few other things.

1. My frustration these last few weeks has been due to the "lack" of weight loss... or better put... my ever increasing bloating that has been occurring... the why of it and the way it effects the scale. And along with that means that I've been frustrated that all my hard work in a safe and healthy way is not letting me lose as much as I did that 1st month. I have been banking on losing 2lbs a week. And not reaching that goal week after week this month is really what has me feeling inadequate. And yes, I KNOW any amount of weight loss, no matter how big or small is a good thing. Is a step in the right direction... Still, it's been a deep rooted issue I've not been acknowledging. SO!! TODAY I've come to the realization that I'm being a dumb ass. Sorry, there is no other word for it. I needed to be slapped and in a way... one of my readers did so by a comment she'd left this week. Funny thing is... it was a Kudos comment. Wasn't even a proverbial slap. But it was a sort of a wake up call for me. That mental slap we give ourselves when we have that light bulb go off. That HEY! Stop that attitude. So what you're not losing 2lbs every week... YOU'RE LOSING!! YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF A LOSER JULES!! And that is the whole point of any of it. It's not the amount of weight each week... it's the loss.

2. I've realized that I am really impressed and inspired by Hollie and all that she is doing for herself to take control of her life and the food in it. I never thought I would be some one who could give up sugar. I'm still not sure I can. I'm not sure I could give up caffeine. BUT I do know that I CAN limit myself. I already do. I used to drink a tad bit of coffee with my creamer and a tad bit of coffee with my sugar. Over this last 6 months since my dad died I have cut those to... just a tad of each in my coffee. BIG switch! I no longer get yummy fattening coffee drinks when i buy them at places like Starbucks... i buy just a plain ol' non fat latte. Pretty amazing coming from me. Since starting in this new lifestyle change I've cut red meat out of my diet. I have not had it ONCE since Feb 1st. And I'm a steak and taters girl. Who cut out taters and sides alike over a year ago. Taters are only a must if the dish calls for it to be a must. And red meat is now a thing of my past... although I crave it every day... I just KNOW my cholesterol can't take it. I can't take it if I want to live forever... hahahahhaa!! (insert evil Jules laugh). That being said... it's all just proof I can do whatever I set my mind too. Now although i don't want to cut sugar out of my life completely because, lets face it. I like me a piece of cake or cookie on the RIGHT occasion. BUT I don't need it all the time or even daily. So, I after following Hollie on her blog and thinking I can't... I've realized, I don't want to... but I do WANT to change that relationship. I WANT to be able to make cookies and not scarf them down in 2 days. I want to be able to make a BD cake and not eat it all in a week by myself. So, I decided I'll start experimenting... sort of. And I'll start looking for recipes, cookbooks, Internet sites that are all based on sweetening naturally without sugar. Like with apples, etc... I used to do it when my daughter was teething from the 1st years diet section of the book... so why not do it for all of us. So I'll be working on that over this next year until I've perfected it. hhhmmm.... I can't wait. I think Hubby's work and the family get togethers will be getting a lot of trial and errors from me. hahahaha!!

3. Lets see... along with that, I've decided to work on cutting out artificial sweeteners. I've never been a fan of them. And hence why i NEVER NEVER EVER EVER will be caught dead with "diet" anything. I'm even leery of "light" things because I think things like splenda, equal, sweet n'low, etc... all have a funny taste in foods and beverages and just don't like it. Hubby hates how long ti takes me to compare the light and regular ingredients and nutrition labels. Admittedly though... i do know I have foods in my house with them in it. Like my Fiber 1 original cereal. I don't know what I'll do without it.... i really don't. So, with this, comes research. research on what to look for how to deal with it and how to cut it out. Personally... if I'm gonna die from something let be the real thing and not some chemical. And yes, I lump splenda in that category because it also tastes funny to me. So no comments on it's made from sugar please. i know... It's not the same though.

4. I'll be working on getting my entire family to be eating cleaner. I feel we do a pretty good job in this category, but I know we can do better. I've got to do it slowly so that hubby doesn't see what's coming. When he doesn't see it coming... he eases into it and accepts it. When he sees it coming... he fights it. So we'll see how it goes. #'s 2-4 all take time for research though... and this week i just don't have time for it. Even right now... I should be getting onto my workout video, but i love talking to you all so much; that I'm slacking. :) LOL

5. Last thing I've decided on. I'm giving myself more realistic goals. And 1 of them I'm coming to terms with is AZ is a freaking sauna AND oven all at the same time. Which, I've always known this... But here's where that comes in as a problem... Hubby doesn't get home until after 7am which means unless I start getting kiddo up earlier and take her with me on my running traning (which I'm not ready for stroller running)... I refuse to get heat stroke just so i can train to run when I'm this out of shape for it. It's not worth getting sick over every day right now. I know at some point when I'm in better shape i will be able to handle the heat... differently. 7am in June is cooking an egg hot and I know I will die trying to run out there. I know... do you hear a lot of excuses? Well, they may read that way... But here's what i realized... I can wait to train for running until next fall. I can still get in shape and be healthy WITHOUT running. 7am hot is still OK for walking... just not the running as I get over heated. So, every time i walk... I'll gauge how I feel... If I'm up for it... I'll run intervals like I've been doing. If it's too hot for me that day... i won't. I'll walk. On top of that I'm committed to doing an additional 30 minutes every day of Cardio/strength training anyhow... So all that really means is that come fall WATCH OUT! I'll be a training machine and by then; if I stay strong and do what I'm trying to do... walking AND cardio for about an hour a day (all together) then I'll be almost to goal by fall. And therefore running by winter and when next summer comes, I'll work on training for running in heat. Anyhow... As you can tell... I'm again changing things up, yet again. But only for the better. If I don't want my cholesterol to kill me no sense letting heat stroke do it. :)

So that's where I'm at today. A little discombobulated maybe, but that's everything that went thru my head last night and this morning. :) I swear getting healthy takes more changes and re-thinking than a college student who changes their major every semester. :) LOL


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Just had to share

While visiting with my mom after my evening shift... I realized some thing pertaining to my earlier post... I HAVE CHANGED! I'm complaining and frustrated over NOT being able to exercise the way I want to. Instead I'm having to compromise and do it differently. Who is this person? I mean, me... complaining about NOT exercising... Sheesh. It feels good. I did do 30 minutes of combined cardio AND strength training this morning. Today I also came to terms with need to suck it up and just be ok with whatever I do get done as long as it's moving... That's all that matters. :)



This week is going to be a little nutty and yesterday proved to me just how hard it's going to be to fit in exercise. I WILL DO IT!! I WILL!! Just may have to be willing to do less than planned. Yesterday i spent too much time reading my favorite blogs and catching up with all of you that I didn't leave the house on time for my walk... No biggie. Just will be home later than usual. Well, I live in Az and nice cool days are now a thing of the past. Here @ 8am it's already over 80 and yesterday was no exception. I ended up so hot that i had to cut my workout short. I came home and was needless to say, off kilter all day. I couldn't let it slow me down though because there was still a full day of work and we're in Buckeye all week. Blah. So off running I went... a little off kilter which means my patience levels SUCK!!

I finally got to my friends house during my lunch break and thank goodness for her. :) She had cookies. Believe it or not... Despite the fruit, eggs, turkey wraps I'd already eaten up til then... those 2 cookies I swear put me back on track. Crazy! no more headache... I don't, low blood sugar... who knows... I'd been eating so that just seems like an I think not kinda thing. Oh well, they were yummy and I did count them. Anyhow... By the time i got home from Buckeye and all my work done, it was 7. Just enough time to eat dinner, sit and play with missy and then off to bed. I felt like I'd run a marathon.

This morning I got up @ 6:30 (15 min earlier than usual) so that i could leave for my run/walk by 7:15... Hubby gets home and lets me know he's getting the oil changed will be back before I leave for work. CRAPOLA!!! No run/walk... I would have asked him not to go... But we really needed the oil change. So i just finished 30 minutes of exercise video's on OnDemand and I'm feeling wimped out and frustrated. My grand scheme of things needs to be adjusted so that i feel satisfied in the exercise department... But how. Well... maybe I'll just check out my moms FitTV today while we're taking our lunch break there.

Guess what kiddo's up screaming... better go start running as it'll be another day of blah schedule in Buckeye. At least I'm alive and kicking. :)


Monday, April 20, 2009

My Measurements

Earlier this month i decided to start writing down all the nifty things my scale tells me when i weigh in AND to start taking my measurements to give myself a better all around view of my weight loss. Particularly when I'm feeling like the scale hates me... I figured it'll be a better visual every few weeks. So here we go...

04/05/09 04/20/09
Weight: 188.7 185.9
Body Fat in Lbs: 78.7 75.5 (-3.2)
BF %: 41.2 40.5 (-.7)
BMI: 38.5 37.6 (-.9)
Bust: 44.5 44 (-.5)
Waist: 44.5 44 (-.5)
Hips: 46 44.5 (-1.5)
Thighs: L-27 L- 26.5 (-.5)
R-26 R-26 (-0)
Arms: L-14 L-14 (-0)
R-14.5 R-14.5 (-0)
Right above Knees: L- L- 18.5 (-0)
R- R- 18.5 (-0)
Calves: - L- 17.5 (-0)
R-17 (-0)

Today i measured my calves and the area above my knees because I remember in HS when is started running... By the time i lost weight... i had massive thighs and massive calves. It was pure muscle. And I'm curious to see what if any changes occur to the 2 of them. If I could get that V back again above my knee... I'd know I was in heaven. :)

Over all I'm very pleased because I haven't felt like the scale is reflecting all my extra hard work. So It's nice to see the changes taking place... Even if I can't "see" them, they are happening. Some downfalls to the measuring... it's really disgusting to see in #'s that my bust and waist are the same size... That is just puke my guts out disgusting. In 2 weeks I've officially gotten my body to be 1 big huge apple instead of a lovely pear. Oh well... I guess progress is the game so if my truck all measures the same... well, I guess I'll take it for now since it IS a change and maybe in 2 weeks... well, i won't go wishing because then I'll get my hopes up. I'll just pray for constant changing #'s. Since I've been adding in strength training... I'm sure those arm #'s will change too. in 2 weeks I've lowered my BMI and my over all fat... So I'm happy. Now if only I could do this weight loss without the scale. Because I'm starting to hate it. I'm pretty sure I've grown a hatred towards it this weekend... So I think not weighing myself every day this week MIGHT be easier. Lets hope.

I better run... literally, I've spent so much time on here.. I'm 30min late from leaving for my run/walk. Today is going to be a hectic kill me kinda day. I can't wait for the break in between when i get to take Kiddo to see my friend and she'll get to play with her kids in the pool. When i get home from my running/walking... I'm hoping to have the energy to fit in 30 minutes of something else before I start running around here like a maniac so that we can leave. Maybe 30 day shred... we'll see :) if not... i'll have to force myself to do it tonight... oh lordy I know I'll be tired.

And remember.... With a little planning you CAN fit in exercise and good eating. If I can do that today... YOU can do that today. We can do it together! Have a great day all!


Saturday, April 18, 2009

holy cow!

Since Hubby wasn't home this morning for me to go on my walk/run... I did the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred 1... HOLY COW! My butt got kicked. i'm ready to go back to bed. :)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Turned it around... Sorta :)

So, after a morning of sitting on the couch, reading, listening to cartoons, with my daughter laying 1/2 in my lap & 1/2 on the pillows I was using to prop up my book... I turned it around. I spent 1.5hrs outside working my tail off. Here's a little background...
We are renters, but we have a landlord that as long as I keep the house looking better than when he moved out... He is happy. So he always says, do it! Without a lot of thought, but not a lot of foresight we picked this house, with NO grass or flower beds. Just rock. Front and back. Great for the water bill... Sucky for playing. Anyhow... here is a picture from last summer. The little boy is my good friends son. As you can see in the background... nothing... If you look REAL close you can see a lonely little plant I tried to keep alive and failed miserably. The rocks extend all the way to the wall. Last Spring I spent all of my time clearing the back fence and 1/2 side wall (not seen) of rocks to make flower beds. That is where the turtle and dead plant are at back there. Last spring I also spent the rest of the time clearing an area for my daughter to have to play in other than rock country that makes up our back yard. It's her sand box. What kid doesn't want a sand box? So we gave her the grand Pu-ba of sand boxes. As you can see here on the right, it extends from one side of the porch all the way to the other side. It goes out about 3' or so and is bordered by bricks to help keep the rocks out. IF she'd not put the rocks BACK in... She'd have a rock free area to play in because I worked my A*S off getting those rocks out of that entire area. It was hard back breaking work. And then to fill it with sand. Geezus. No wonder I didn't do any planting until summer that year... which was too late, so they all died in the Az heat before they could even get established.

Now jump forward to this Spring. I want plants. I want Green, and color... something other than rock country to enjoy. So... These last few days I've been working on re-clearing the flower beds (that are again full of rocks). :( Planting 7 plants; 1 of which was already planted but i took the gamble and up-rooted it and moved it into a better position. So once all 7 of those went in... i decided that i needed MORE plants and although i wanted perennials... i couldn't afford them. so i got some annuals and will hopefully pick up perennials at a later date.
I got 2 sections of new plants planted yesterday and today while out there enjoying their prettiness and getting ready to plant the others; I got a craw up my butt and decided the damn rocks were blocking their view from my house... So off I went to start moving yet again... MORE ROCKS! Why don't I just throw the damn things over the fence... or put them in the front... or wish them away. Oh yeah... i can't... 1. I'd hit a car on the main road behind my house 2. I'd track them all over the house 3. my fairy godmother is on a permanent vacation and 4. technically i don't own these stupid rocks. I am growing to hate rocks.
So after all this hard work today. 1.5hrs of moving rocks, digging holes into dirt that is like clay and even after all the rain we've had AND my watering... still is so rock hard that i can't get down in there... After turning the dirt I did dig up over and over and over with soil and yucky dirt... I'm still not done. I still have 1 stubborn area that just will not budge in the digging area. I think it's going to take a whole new bag of planting soil and a few 1000 gallons of water to get it even manageable. That same area still needs rocks cleared and even out. When I finally finish I'll post pics of all my hard work :)
After 1.5hrs of back breaking work (did I mention i actually was moving rocks AND slinging mud across the yard?) I've given up. And I AM COUNTING THAT AS EXERCISE!!! If my back hurts, knees hurt, hands hurt, arms hurt and thighs hurt... I'd say that MUST be enough to constitute exercise. Yes, i know yard work is exercise, but I'm trying not to rely on JUST these types of activities as exercise. I got here by relying on these kinds of activities being my form of exercise for... i don't want to know how many years. But today... i will make it count, because I also need to remember that it does. :)

BTW.... Yes, all the while, all that work... is on a house we only rent, so some day (when the market is better and our credit will allow us to buy a house... which is never) we'll move and I'll probably have to start all over again... but for today. I'll enjoy it and keep improving on it.
P.S. Thank you for the suggestions earlier. I needed the boost to get me up and going.

uuuggghhhh... inspire me... some one... any one...

Anyone out there have any inspiring ideas as to WHY i should work out today? I'm exhausted, my body aches and days like today are the days I try REALLY hard to work out because the days I don't feel like it seem like the most important days to try. But I can't find it in me, the dauntingness of my "lack of getting things done around here" AND my schedule this coming week are starting to wear on me. It's got me feeling a little stressed. I know next week is 3 days away... but you have to understand the schedule next week to understand why I'm 3 days away from starting the stress.

Although I keep telling myself I've only taken 1 day off ALL week... My week doesn't end until tomorrow, so what's the harm? The harm is Today I feel like never doing it again. I feel like throwing in the towel. Yes, I am that tired, I am THAT exhausted. I am amazed at how exhausted all this exercising can make me. Maybe it's really something else that's the culprit, but I'm assigning blame today. And the blame trophy goes to... dududuh... Exercise.

Anyhow... I know I will be doing SOME moving today as I have to finish planting those pretty plants and moving huge amounts of little freaking rocks away from the flower beds today... But.... I feel like that is not enough.

Anyhow... looking for some inspiration? You got any? Bring it on. :)


Thursday, April 16, 2009

How in the world...

So, I don't know HOW it happens to me. But it did. I'll get to that in a sec.

I went for a 1.75mi walk in 37min with missy today. I guess I'm going to have to walk all the way to Reems Rd (a major rd) that you can see from the park I walk in JUST to get 2 miles in without going onto the main roads or counting my neighborhood. Kinda sucks... i even wonder if my pedometer is off. But while out there today I realized, I don't care who ya are, but pushing a stroller while walking is harder than walking alone. I don't know, but i got a work out. My legs weren't jelly but they certainly were tired by the time I saw my street... I just was begging for my house to get up and meet me 1/2 way. If only it had stilts and a mind of it's own... probably would need a brain too in order to know I was coming so it could greet me. Oh wait, that would be ESP. :) If only, If only. LOL

When i got home we both had a snack, changed clothes and headed to wally world. I don't know... What we got there between 11:30 or 12:00 and next thing I know, it's 2:15 when i got in the car. Holy cow! For buying panties for both us girls, boxers for hubby, a ball, soil and 8 plants... that's a whole heck of a long time! I don't even know for sure how I managed it! Geezus! So much for a healthy lunch; corn dogs it was. My wally world shopping reminds me of my book I'm reading right now In the Dark of the Night By John Saul. Every time the boys go in this 1 room... they lose all track of time. It's like they are possessed and have no concept of time... This is me, that is my world every time I go there. you'd think i must spend a TON of needless money... but i don't.

Right now Kiddo is still in there refusing to go to sleep. Please some one, any one come take this monster of a 2 year old away from me! Ok really, she's not a monster, but geez. She's ONLY 2! SHE NEEDS A NAP!!! Damn it! No naps is killing my patience and I've already got problems in that arena... i don't need a cranky no sleep 2 year old helping it any. Oh... thank goodness for work tonight. in 40 minutes I'll be leaving dear hubby to the cranky kid... and I think I'll just run some errands before coming home... Please lord let me run away... just for an hour, 1/2 a day, a day. Anything and while your at it... bring back my child who sleeps.

Yes, I love my daughter. No hate mail. I'm just frustrated.

Other than that... I've got 2 sections of the flower bed planted... I have 4 sections to go and then i think I'm going to ask Hubby if we can buy some bark or mulch... some thing to dress it up so It's not all rock and dirt between the plants. Anyhow... I better go. Maybe I'll go do some digging and ignore the screaming that way.


Random thoughts for today

Chubby Chics post really got me thinking and for all intents and purposes got my brain thinking. So for that i need to thank her.

When I logged on this morning, for no reason at all I didn't want to go workout. None at all... really it's because I'm feeling low, alone and like a failure. Why? Because of the damn scale! I won't rant about it because frankly I'm starting to feel pissed and that is a good thing... gets me motivated. So anyways, I was ready to throw today out the window and count today as a no workout day. But really... I don't need to. I need to change up my day.

So when I get missy up, I'll take her for a walk... I'll leave the "how long" at the door and just walk until I find my 2 miles WITHOUT resorting to the part of the park that has a hill that I'm just not ready for. I'll do this and be OK with it. We'll go enjoy the day together and maybe feed some ducks... we'll see how it fits into the scheme of the time mile search. Then since I don't have to work this morning... we'll do some dance cardio or some other type of "fun" looking ExerciseTV option. Some thing to get us laughing and moving. MAYBE just maybe if we have time... We'll go to the store and buy some more plants and then plant them. Anything to keep us moving today.

Side Note: Yesterday I spent an hour outside digging 7 big holes and planting all my plants I've already bought. Figuring out how I want them to be placed and then redistributing rocks and dirt that i had to displace in order to do said planting. :) I felt great!

Anyhow... I'll pray to god that kiddo stays on the potty training road and I'll pray she'll start using the regular toilet because I'm ready to be rid of her little potty. I'll pray said 2 year old will take a nap without throwing a tantrum... I'll spend said nap time tantrum praying the terrible 2's will please go away. I'll pray to keep my cool and not feel like an animal lost in the wilderness. Because these last few weeks... that's how I feel. Lost. Lost in more ways then 1 and not all related to her.

On top of all of that i will do what i can to get the house clean (maybe) and I'll drag out the toddler bed and see what needs to be done to get it stained and ready to go into her bedroom. I'll do all this and still work this evening, cook dinner, and force the 3 of us out the door for a walk this evening. How will I do it... i probably won't but it's sure a great idea for today. :) I'll certainly work on getting the working out parts done and the rest... will fall in line depending on the time available afterwards :)

I hope you all have a great day! Despite my "low" self esteem today, I am ready to make it great day; I will not let today's challenging mental issues make it a bad day! :)


What's your plan?

These last few days I've been struggling... struggling with what to say. WHY? Because I don't want to admit the truth, that I've been feeling like a failure. WHY? Stupid old Jules reasons. Not for any valid reasons. It's been a struggle to keep reminding myself that JUST BECAUSE the scale does not move; or better yet, does move just up not down. Does not mean I'm a failure. So when reading Chubby Chics blog this morning and reading about her Plan and what she's doing to get healthy. Reading her question of what is your plan?... I was inspired to do the same in her honor. :) If you don't read her blog... go check it out :) It's sparked words flowing thru my head to share with you all. So here we go. :)

1. I'm doing Weight watchers. I don't pay for the plan so I'm sure I'm doing some things different. But currently I'm eating 24 points a day. I try hard to stay away from my Flex points and instead rely on my Activity points because I feel like IF i need the extra points I should earn them. I try very hard to only use them if I need/have to. Not to use them just because. I don't count calories because I don't like to.

2. I am working very hard to reach the goal of drinking 4 bottles of water a day. I'm almost consistent on this but not yet. I don't count my coffee as part of my fluid intake as WW suggests because caffeine is dehydrating and that's just crapola to count it. Sorry that's how I feel. I don't drink anything else all day. just my 2-3 cups of coffee a day and water.

3. I work very hard to only eat when I'm feeling hungry and to stay away from snacking. I eat 4-5 times a day and try to have at least 1 bowl of Fiber 1 cereal a day, preferably 2 bowls a day. When i do "snack" I choose foods that are NOT considered normal treats.

4. I workout 5-6 days a week. My "days off" fluctuate and I DO NOT take 2 days off in a row. lately my workout consists of 21-30min a day of walking/running. I walk to warm up and run as long as I can... walk and then start it all over again. In the last few weeks I've realized this is not enough. So I'm working on tweaking my routine and that new routine will start on this coming Sunday. But I've found skipping no more than 2 days a week and not more than 1 day in a row has really helped me stay motivated. Even if I'm not motivated to work out... just telling myself I can't today because I did yesterday has really helped.

5. I take a gazillion vitamins a day to help keep me healthy... well... OK... I try to take them every day 2x a day... and I'd guess 2 days a week I probably "forget" or get too busy. But I'm trying :)

6. I've been trying really really hard to only weigh myself 1x a week (and am still trying to beat that obsession) and I started taking my measurements 2x a month so that i can have a 2nd way of seeing the changes my body may be making that the scale may not be showing :)

That is the basic of what I do... I'm sure there is more in there I could throw in. But I can't think of them right now because all i can think of is today. So I'm going to write another post for that. :)


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Simply un-human

Ok, to save money I've been downloading all of our CD's so that i can create a workout playlist. We just can't afford I-Tunes or Rhapsody or any other thing like that. I'm only 1/4 of the way done (over 300 CD's) and am going thru all those CD's I've already done trying to create said playlist from what's available... Which means I am listening to a lot of freakin' music and something has hit me...

Am I simply not part of the human race? ok... don't shoot me, don't quit reading my blog. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't hate me or I may just go eat all the hubby and kiddo's Easter sweets that i really don't care for.

So here goes.... What's the flippin' deal with the Beatles? I really just don't care for most of their music. I like a few songs... but really, I'm admitting take them or leave them... I'd rather leave them. And that's coming from a girl who LOVES LOVES LOVES other groups and music similar to theirs.

That's all i got for ya today. I just can't get outa my head how that seems like I must be an alien and not part of the human race. I mean doesn't EVERYONE love the Beatles?


P.S. It's flippin' chilly and very windy today! I LOVE IT!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Just checking in

I know you are all just dying to know where I've been all day :) LOL

I've been a busy girl, although by the looks of my To-Do list Iv'e done a WHOLE LOTTA NADA!!

I've been eating great today... i think a little too great in the 0pt food category... I've still got 16 points to eat for today and I'm not hungry right now... so snacking is not an option right now. oh well, I've got a Yummy dinner planned with Chicken and butternut squash. hhhmmmmm.... Maybe we'll just have to go for ice cream! Yeah right!

I did my walk/run this morning. I did pretty great if you count the fact that I was really tired and struggling today... then maybe not. I was walking like a turtle when it was time for the walking parts. But I did increase my distance. I need to figure out how to get 2 miles in outside of my neighborhood since I use those streets as a warm up and cool down. Of course as I write that I'm realizing that i then need to reset my pedometer at said new start point...not at the house... Hmmm... will work on that one more this week so that i can fine tune it :):)

I spent my morning looking for training ideas. I decided to save the money and not get a trainer. That means I need to hit the internet which is so time consuming. BUT i found some great plans and ideas on runners world website. So I'm excited and monday will be the start of my new traning. :) In the mean time I will work on fine tuning the distances available in my park outside of my neighborhood and I will work on looking for options for my additional 30min of exercise every day. Yes, I've got my circuit... But lets face it... I really don't feel motivated to do it... hence why I've only done it twice. So i decided Kiddo is getting kicked off of the television (not that she watches it 1/2 the time, but you know kids; you change the channel they freak!) from now on and I'll have to tune into ExerciseTV at OnDemand. This Am I tried out 3 of the workouts (out of a few hundred). 1 pilates... didn't care for it... too much tummy to be able to do anything. 1 Yoga... same thing. Why don't they make a pilates or Yoga video for fat people. I mean come on... my body DOES NOT move like the skinny peoples do. Contorting a bunch of fat just doesn't quite work. Oh well... I like Pilates, but haven't done it since I gained weight. Now I know why. I'll go back and try it again at a later time in my weight loss. The last one I tried was Cardioke, this one I turned on because the name made me curious. It was actually A LOT of fun. I can say that I'm realizing a down fall to cardio workouts is that the tummy fat also jiggles. Just too much jiggling on my body, between boobs, arms AND belly fat. Holy cow! I Gotta lose this weight!!! Anyhow...I can't keep up wiht Billy banks Jr very well, but really... It's all about moving so I did my own crazy thing 1/2 the time. My own dance moves that were similar. I barely made it thru the 28 minutes. But i had fun and it was great seeing Missy running around me saying exercise exercise. She was trying to dance/workout along with me. It was hilarious. We were stepping all over each other. So I'll spend the rest of the week checking out others and writing them down so that I have a pre-made list of what I like so that I can fit in an extra 30 minutes and that way... So that I won't any excuses like.... well... but there's nothing i want to do, or I don't want to do that so now what... This way, I'm armed with Knowledge because Knowledge really is power. No matter how corny that is to say. :)

I also started a recipe Blog because I'm starting to forget some of the things I've made and liked. I'm one of those cooks who just tosses everything together and hopes for the best. I've had a lot of luck with it in the past. But since starting this new journey I've never even really measured anything. Recipes have always been some thing of a guideline... never something i followed to a T. But now that I'm trying to cook healthier, better for me and counting points... I HAVE to measure things out. But my personal kitchen junk drawer is getting a little over run with recipes. So... This way I can share and they will be all in 1 place. :) Anyhow... I better go I still have to do dishes before I leave for work. When i get home I'll cook dinner and clean the floors. Oh what fun!

I hope you've had a fantastically beautiful day!



Some times... I really just have nothing to say. hehehe! I know, hard to believe. :) This morning is one of those times. BUT i did want to say...

Have a FANTASTIC and STRONG day! Stick to your guns!!!


Monday, April 13, 2009

Today's challenges

That is exactly what today has been for me. A challenge. Here's what I'm battling
1. The munchies. And i don't know why... i didn't munch yesterday... But I'm sure i ate more points than i should have; even with the moderation technique. Not dwelling on it though. Still... no munchies and no sweets yesterday. hhhmmmm
2. Exhaustion. The kind I used to suffer from. I've barely been able to stay awake today. I've been on the couch all day unable to stay awake; dozing in and out. I've not been ignoring kiddo's needs, but still... it's not been pretty. She's been doing great though. She must know I'm tired because she's pretty much just been letting me and even climbing into my lap to watch cartoons with me while i sleep. Although i am proud and a little sad to say that when she failed to tell me she had to potty and didn't make it to the bathroom on her own (we're potty training still). She went in her room, put on clean panties and put the dirty ones in the dirty clothes. She didn't tell me she went either. She just let me walk into it on my way to the bathroom. Oh well. Like I said... a little sad on being out of it and her not coming to tell me. A little proud at the big girl she's becoming. :)

So today's been a wash. I've not given up... I'm hoping to get the 3 of us out of the house for a walk, but first I HAVE to convince myself to cook dinner and NOT go order out. I did look at my points and I'm proud to say I've written everything down and still have 12 points for the day. so although I HAVE been eating a lot today... I've kept to low point foods that are some what filling. :) WHOHOOO!! Anyhow... here's to an early night (as missy has refused to nap so she'll go to bed early today) and maybe I'll clean the floors, maybe I won't. Tomorrow IS another day. :)


A whole lotta randomness. :)

Since I woke up this morning... That's all I can think of... Goodness me.
I am exhausted. I even slept a whopping.... umm... lets count... 8.5 hrs. HOLY CRAP! I don't know the last time I slept that long and hard. I even woke up this morning thinking I'd slept thru Monday! Yeah, what world do i live in where a hubby & 2 year old would allow that!! Not mine!

The last few days have been a busy and a little wonky. I've been exercising and eating on mark. I finished last week with more AP points than normal AND I didn't even eat them all. My FP points were only 2 for the week! WHOHOOO!!

So where did all that darn bloating come from? I can feel it today again. My feet ache. When my feet ache like this it's due to bloating and my skin being stretched out. When I was preggers, it was like this 100% of the time. Because of the bloating I didn't get on the scale this morning. But why have I been fighting this bloating issue so much these last few weeks. I almost wonder if I need to go to the Dr and see if it's something medical. But what could it be? I don't know. I'm working REALLY hard at upping my water intake and I'm almost consistent @ drinking 4 bottles a day to equal my 8-8oz glasses a day. So... I'm a little perplexed.

I decided this am, while groggy and still trying to wake up, that I would try to kick this scale habit. No more every day. And right now, believe it or not... I'm itching to weigh myself so i am drinking my coffee and telling myself I can't, I've already consumed something, so I can't. Who knows how tomorrow will go. But I will try VERY hard not to do it every day. AND I will be sure that if and when i do weigh myself I'll give it at least a day before I do it again... I'll work up to 1x a week... Because I don't want to go cold turkey and fail. Failure is not in my vocabulary right now. I NEED to kick it, but I NEED to do it gradually so that i can succeed! :) Anyhow... onto something else :)

Fri & Sat were spent getting ready for Easter and wrapping up work for the last few weeks. I did get my in on Friday and walked and ran over and over again. I really like the starting and stopping I've been doing. I get a harder workout and I get more intensity out of it. I even improved my time by adding in 2 more places to run! WHOHOO!! I officially was caught up on work Fri when i laid missy down for her nap. It felt GREAT to be done. So we'll see. I did a TON of shopping on Friday to get everything I would need for Easter. Sat my mom came over and we colored Easter eggs with missy. Hubby was so tired he seemed almost like he didn't want to be there. But oh well. We only did a dozen, but that's because we don't eat a ton of hard boiled eggs around here unless they are deviled AND I can't have the yolk :(. She dyed those eggs over and over again until she was wearing more than the eggs. :) It was so funny to see her really enjoying it. The rest of Sat I spent my time watching the rain flood my back yard. I LOVE THE RAIN! I miss Washington State for that sole purpose (ok that and being so close to the ocean & seeing green every where). I puttered around the house and got a few things off the To-Do list, but still no REAL housework. Oh well.

Easter was FUN! I started my day out by going on my walk/run and just not being able to do it. I went back to my old just a mile route. I did manage to get myself to run walk every chance I got. And I did do it. But just a mile. And that was ok. I don't know what was up with my body, but I just was dog tired and felt jelly the whole way. Oh well. At least I exercised. :) I used to give up when i felt like that and stay home (kinda like I'm doing today). After I got home, the easter bunny hid the eggs with me and we set out the easter baskets. I let missy sleep as long as humanly possible since she wouldn't be getting a nap that day. We woke daddy up and started the fun. I can't wait to see her running around the yard in a few years looking for hiding eggs instead of eggs that are out in the open. After some chores; we headed out to my grams house and had so much fun. Nevaeh went on another easter eggs hunt over there, and I got tussled to the ground during the adult easter egg hunt. Did you just read Adult Easter egg hunt? I meant to say, the big kid easter egg hunt. Anyhow... Kiddo ate candy pretty much the WHOLE time we were there and at home she fed on dried fruit from her eggs. Dinner was pretzels and more of the fruit. Oh well. I was too tired to fight her. She ate a whole lotta nothing, and had a whole lotta fun. We got home and I had to do laundry and just crashed. We all pretty much did. :) I love spending time with my family and wish we did it more often.

Today starts a new week and i need to learn to fit paperwork, work, life and exercise all into 1 day. I'm taking today off because I feel drugged from sleepiness and my body aches. I can feel it, I need a day off. Even though I took Sat off... I know. Oh well, I'm allowed 2 days off a week... So it's just gonna be today for one of those days. I will be working on making sure missy has NO sugar today as I'm sure she's probably still got more than enough coursing thru those veins from yesterday. My evening will consist of house cleaning. Hubby's already been put on notice that he has kid duty when i get home this evening. :) So today will be another full day despite my taking the day off from my walk/run.

Weigh in yesterday showed a thankful 1.7lb lost! Just under 2 lbs. I'm 7.3lbs away from 20lbs since 3/1/09. Despite the last few weeks of blahness on the bloating front and scale front... I'm encouraged. I can't fight bloating the way most do, so i just need to find a new way to deal with it in My world. I hope you all had a great Easter and have a Super Monday!


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone! Hope you have a great day surrounded by loved ones!

Stay strong today when you're celebrating and eat healthy and in moderation! I plan on enjoying everything available at lunch/dinner today. I'm taking a 1/4c (maybe an 1/8c we'll see) measuring cup with me and I will use it to to gage how much of each yummy dish I am allowed. Points will NOT be counted, but moderation will be counted!!! I will take my own yummy dessert (VitaTops) to help me stay strong. And tomorrow will definitely NOT be a day off from exercise! So enjoy your day and figure out what will keep you strong and on track today! :)

I was planning on updating you all on what's been going on with me this last few days, but i can hear missy in there rolling around in bed, either waking up or tossing and turning. Since I still need to leave this AM for my walk/run... I better go get to it instead before I find out she is AWAKE! :)

Happy Easter~

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Today i am HAUNTED

Today i am haunted by my past, haunted by the fat girl I'm running away from, haunted by my failures.

Running away from....
that's my most fitting....
my most poignant statement of my life.

So where to begin. 1st of all again, I will tell you. I'm scale obsessed. Yes, it's an obsession I need to break. Haven't figured out how to. Let hubby hide it from me and only bring it out on Sunday mornings? What... how.... I don't know. Do I really want to? So far it's been a blessing in disguise. HOW? Because so far it's been something that has had a positive effect on me. But this last 2 weeks, it's been a negative AND a positive. A Positive that is pushing me to my limits. Both mentally and physically. I choose to see every negative as a path to a positive. BUT just like last week... The scale has been mean. really, you could just read last weeks post except for a little change. So here's where I'm at

Sun +.2
Mon -2
Tues +3
Wed -2
Thurs +1

Yes I know those #'s are EXACTLY why you're NOT suppose to weigh yourself every day. But here's the thing... Until this morning, those #'s mentally meant nothing to me. I mean really, I KNOW the only # that matters is Sunday's weigh in. But just like last week, I'm freaking today. I've got 3 days until weigh in and what the hell is going on? Why? I've been working so hard this week. So hard to eat just like I did those 1st 4 weeks, to exercise more and harder. To just be the ME I know I can be and AM!

So, tune in to this morning. Here's where things started going wrong for me. Step on the scale, see it's at 189 again. WHAT THE HELL! What am I doing wrong? Enter in little miss fatty (my devil)
her: what's wrong is you can't do this. See... you can't lose weight
me: BUT I can. I know I can. This is not me
her: but the scale doesn't lie
Me: Silence
Her: think about it, every time you try to lose weight, you lose it just to gain weight. you're happier fat. You're body is tryin' to tell you it doesn't want to lose those 11lbs you've lost.
Her: no really, think about it... you lose, you gain, you lose, you gain. That is your bodies signal telling you it's happier with the weight you lost and it wants it back.
Me: but I'm not happier. I'm worse
her: #'s don't lie

I walked away. I finally shut her down. This is exactly what I've always battled. No matter how much I've ever weighed (it was like this when i was 140 too), when I Yo-Yo I always used to tell myself that it's because my body is naturally happier with the extra. BUT DAMN IT! I'm not! I walked away because all i wanted to do was cry... and this feelings leads me to feeling crappy... and consequently i eat. I was even feeling hungry. So I came in here and sat down for some comfort. I turned to all of you. I turned to the blogs I follow and just read. And then, I got up, put my shoes on and left the house. Reading your blogs helped me feel stronger. Feel better. And then, as I strapped on my MP3 player and my watch... I got mad! DAMN IT!! MADDER THAN H*LL!!!!

Side note: the song playing right now is The Cranberries - Free to Decide. And damn it! I am free to decide. Free to be rid of this fat. Free to decide to stop this vicious cycle.

So I started my timer and set off in a different direction this morning for my walk. And just thought. Thought about my week. Except for eating out 1 day (and It was a 7pt choice, and then kiddo's leftovers were 8pts), I've stayed on task. I haven't used any other flex points or AP points, EXCEPT For that eating out day. I've been exercising... even have decided on a circuit training regime and implemented it. I've done so good. So why? Why? why? why? And while thinking about this i decided the WHY doesn't matter.

Here's the facts of Me: I'm a retainer. I'm some one who retains every ounce of water her body can hold. 1 tsp of salt and I'll retain for weeks. I'm still trying to get into the habit of drinking 4 bottles of water or more. I'm lucky if I manage 4 bottles 1x a week. So... there you go. Here's another fact... I need to up my amount of time I exercise. It's a fact that i need to up the intensity, I need to push myself to the limits and I'm not.

So while changing my starting point and changing direction I realized. That's kinda the whole point of this excursion of lifestyle change that I'm on. Every week is a new week and every day is a new day. I tell all of you that every day in my comments and although i follow it and live it. I need to up it. I need to up the stakes. Every week I need to look at what more I can do to push the limits; my limits.

And without realizing it, I already had done that this morning. I woke up 15 minutes earlier than usual. I started my walk earlier so that i had more time before missy had to be up. Originally I wanted to fit in a circuit before I got her up. BUT instead I did something I thought I was a few months away from doing. I decided to increase my distance. No more just a mile. Damn it! I need to start walking until i can't any more. Not only did I walk. I ran. I ran... lets see.... 9 different times today. I can't say how far each one was... But my breathing stayed slow and steady and I pushed myself. I didn't over do it each time. I made sure my heart rate stayed in my zone and by the time I saw my street to go home... I felt jelly legs coming. I started to tell myself I wouldn't be able to go the same way home that I started out on... and there fore, turned the can't into I will. I pushed the stride a little harder and took the same path in as I took out. When I saw the street where I can see my house... I ran it. Total i did 29.29min and 1.47mi. I'd say i ran 3/4 of that, but I don't know for sure. I feel like I did more than that, but most importantly I kicked the haunted feeling to the curb. No matter what the scale says... I am doing this not for the weight. I'm doing this for my life. To live longer and weight is just a bonus. I need to remember that daily.

That's all folks. Kick your own haunting to the curb today. Even if it's just for today. :) So as bad as the day may have felt when i started... it's so a GREAT DAY!!!


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Today's challenge & goals.... BRING IT ON!

All I can think of this morning is what today is going to be like. I have a lot I need to do; which is nothing new from any other day's To-Do list... But I have Hubby thrown into the mix. Even though he just got off of work a few hours ago, he's staying awake. He doesn't work tonight until 12:30am so he is raring to go and have it be a family day. Really, he's raring to spend time with us today during day light hours. Which i know, is a good thing and I'm grateful and even excited.

But usually on days like today... My needs and wants and expectations get a little thrown out the window. Hubby wants to eat out, we eat out. Hubby wants to spend time together watching TV, we watch TV, Hubby wants... we do. Which since he doesn't EVER get a whole day to be with us on HIS schedule, it's usually OK. BUT I wasn't anticipating this for today. So... my To-Do list will probably go out the door, but today is the day i need to really bring my wants to the fore front and make them heard. So here are my goals for today (essentially my MUST DO To-Do list).

1. Walk/run my usual 20minutes (still can't believe I'm at 20 min). --DONE
2. Stepper/Bands Circuit- 8min --DONE
3. Stepper/crunches circuit-6min
4. Stepper/combo circuit-8min
5. Complete Wed paperwork before I go to bed
6. Eat ALL meals at home and stay within my points level.
7. Go to Lowe's
8. Go to Sam's club
9. Call landlord before Lowes -- DONE
10. Look for personal trainer --DONE
11. Easter menu shop AND Easter basket shop
12. Get truck insurance so mom can cancel her policy. --DONE
13. Complete Tues paperwork
14. Work -- DONE
15. Fit in 20 minutes of additional exercise.... Hhhmmmm.... might need to do a video for this today... we'll see. Or Maybe I'll just go do some really fast laps at Sams club. hahahahhaa!!!
16. Drink 8 glasses or (4 bottles) of water

All the while doing all this I still have to take care of missy and make sure Hubby feels like his needs and wants are being met. Sometimes I hate being a woman, but not today. Today I'm saying bring it on!! I will put the 1,2,3,4,6,15,16 ABOVE all else today. I'm up for the challenge!
I'll let you all know how it goes before I go to bed.

What's your challenge for today? How will you meet it?