Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
In a way... we're all afraid. Afraid we can't really do this journey. That we'll fail just like all those other times we've tried. Because lets face it... we've all tried before and here we are again. Here's the thing though.
DO YOU WANT IT! (Like a coach)
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
DO YOU WANT IT!!
Then go for it! You will do it. Just keep reminding yourself you do want it. Remember that this is NOT a journey of "just until" it's not a journey of... I'm losing weight for my reunion, or my wedding, or to have a baby (1 of the reasons I have to lose weight)... this is a lifestyle change. You are working on your forever. And lets face it. There will be times AFTER you reach your goal where life will throw you curve balls and you'll fall off... why because you are human. And lets admit it... we're not perfect. So when we finally catch the curve balls, we'll jump back on the band wagon (hopefully with only that proverbial few pounds and not 100's) and we'll work on losing it. because eating healthy and exercising is for forever. You'll forever be working on losing, maintaining and being skinny, really forever working on not being fat. So one more time...
DO YOU WANT IT?
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!
DO YOU WANT IT?
Then go out there and do it. Do it today and don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. :) LOL You can do this! Don't focus on tomorrow or next year. Focus on today when you get afraid. Today you CAN do it. :):):):)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
After that time outside away from real life. I feel much more in tune with myself. That being said... My tummy is growling. I'm not sure if I'll exercise or not today as my back still hurts, but my head is better. Life feels good and I don't feel stressed today. It helps that I decided the work week is over with only Tues & Wed to show for my hard work. I'll worry about the lack of money in my paycheck next week :)
1. Tension (there are things I haven't told you all that happened in the last few weeks and coming weeks)
2. I've tweaked it some how
or drum roll please....
3. I worked my back hard enough the last 2 days that my muscles are actually SORE!!!
I didn't think the exercises from those to workouts 2 days in a row could possibly leave my back muscles sore... but I'm leaning towards this being the case. And that worries me, instead of making me happy. When my back hurts I get headaches. Debilitating headaches. My headache is getting bad enough this morning (all ready) that I'm actually getting nauseous. I really wanted to work out today... but I slept probably only 3-4 hrs (not straight sleep either) and am in pain... will I let these issues take me down. I'm not sure. I'm exhausted enough right now... that All I can do is sit here and wish I was asleep. I can't though... so we'll see.
I know when I wake up... I'll be really happy about the pain and exercise. I HATE my back rolls, even more than my belly rolls. So working my muscles just means they will disappear that much faster... but I could do without the pain and headaches.
Also... I haven't stepped on the scale since Saturday. I'm really glad... or maybe I'm just really afraid of it right now. Either way, it's a step in the right direction to stopping the scale obsession.
Before proof reading this post... I got up to get more coffee and realized... My calves hurt too... so I'm feeling better about the pain. More awake I guess. As soon as I get rid of this headache. I'll be working my butt off :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Ok... i am on a roll! I worked out for 62 minutes today. That's straight working out. ok, wait that's a lie. I did take a 30 minute break when i got missy up and I had to get her situated. But still... 62 minutes total! WHOHOO!!
So far eating has been in line. Some what. I've been hot and tired today... so munchie city... But I've been choosing wisely and staying out of the kitchen the other times. Tonight will be chicken and mushrooms for dinner as my mushrooms are looking a little wilted. Oh well, makes a yumm dinner.
Sadly, I did not work out on Monday. :( But I did give myself a nice big headache for lack of movement from the couch all day. :) I got a nice big icky feeling from doing nothing. What a prize :) hahahahhaa! BUT I think I needed that day of rest from my entire life. I did stay within points, even with pizza for lunch. Oh well. Not beating myself up. I'm not going to do it.
Tuesday, I worked out first thing in the morning for 40 minutes and stayed within my WW plan. I did need FP for the taco bell we got for dinner, as i was too exhausted to even consider cooking dinner. But... I'm not beating myself up about it today. So that's important. :)
Today so far I have already gotten my workout 1/2 way completed and while little missy eats breakfast I'll get the other 1/2 completed. I'll stay within my points today, no fast food and I'll be happy. As i really do feel happy today. :)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Lets see... 2 weeks have gone by. I've been a busy girl. I'm doing my best to stay up and at 'em. to not "slip" too much and just hold my own. That equals, taking less time on my computer. Just sneaking in and reading (as I love all your blogs) but reading and typing... just isn't enough time in the day for both. And although I am ALL about me... I'm also all about you guys! :) But I NEED to figure out how to balance it all... computer time on here to blog and my real life. My Accountability feels like it's at an all time low. Support feels like it's at an all time low... because without blogging... how can i get any?? Especially when hubby comes home with Slurpees... for ME!!
SO: Here's a quick recap of the last 2 weeks.
2 days of 1hr sessions
3 days of 30min sessions
5 days total- Great Job
2 days of super crazy out of control days
1 day where I was just semi outa control
So 4 days of good eating and OP AND only maybe needing my AP points
2 days 30 min sessions
2 days 1 hour sessions
4 days total- not too shabby considering my schedule this last week
4 days of crappy crappy eating - more on that in a minute
3 days of awesome OP days
All in all... breaking it down like that... I can really see where my weakness was and how bad it REALLY was or wasn't. The week of the 11th wasn't as bad as I thought. I worked out 5 days and only screwed up eating 3 days. Last week... was a huge slippage though. I think it could have been a really strong week... if it just didn't keep going downhill.
Fri night I should have just said no to the twizzler bites and popcorn at the movies... and then no again to my favorite Chinese food restaurant that we live too far away from to go to.... ever!!! Side note: We saw the new Terminator... it was actually pretty good. :) I liked it. I really did :)Here's where Sat & Sun went wrong....
Death by cake
Sat I should have thrown the cake away that I decorated at a bridesmaid event for my brothers wedding... It was a cake decorating demonstration for all us bridesmaids and we got to keep the cake we decorated.
Except for cake... too much cake... Butter recipe with buttercream icing (removed before i ate each bite as I don't like buttercream) a whole 3 layer cake sitting in my house. JUST FOR ME!!! If it wasn't for the Cake.... I didn't do too bad on Sat. This just proves WHY we don't keep baked goods in my house. I haven't found that control button yet. I'll tackle it some day... I'm just not ready yet.
Death by cake continues
Cake, calling my name... teasing my taste buds... begging me to eat it. My daughter begging for cake... cake cake cake... Sunday was still death by cake.
Although, Sunday I AM proud of myself in some ways... but disappointed in others. We had a BBQ at the IN-LAWS AGAIN!! I'm tired of these freakin' people 2x in 1 month! Enough already. Sh*t... coming home smelling like cigarettes and waking up with swollen eyes SUCKS! Feeling crappy around them SUCKS! But I WAS a good girl and was very nice and such a joy to be around. If they only knew at heart I was dreaming of their deaths! Did i mention that everyone over the age of 35 are drunks? 1 lovely visitor was such a drunk she kept passing out. death i say, death! I know... I know... ok, the dreaming of their deaths really was just an exaggeration... the drama queen coming out... but still. You get the point. I didn't want to go.
Since burgers was the menu, I made a HUGE salad. Didn't count the points for it as it was lunch and dinner (because of cake) was told there would be a fruit and vegi tray so i also took my hummus with me... I took 2 bottles of water with lemon in them (I only drink it with some lemony fresh goodness in it) and figured they have a water bottle stand I'll drink that if I need to minus the lemon. No biggie. Yeah... we get there, no fruit and vegi tray... no water... artery clogging materials for consumption left and right. Ok... no biggie... until we ended being there so late that i was dying of thirst after 3 hours, hungry 2.5hrs after dinner... and no where to turn for substance of any kind. I used my usual hint to hubby that is was time to leave (always works) didn't work. I had no choice, but to starve and die of thirst (or drink tap water, I'd rather die) OR to choose the best of the worst evils available. Which equaled soda for beverage and the only thing I could even rationalize eating was the chips and salsa. At least the salsa is fat free right? I didn't gorge... I even stopped before i was even satisfied. Stopped at starving still... but it was something to keep me from getting nauseous from hunger pains... until I drank the soda... I ended up wanting to throw up. I haven't had soda from a can in so long... it made me sick. I guess I need to be ultra prepared in these instances like when kiddo was an infant and I took everything under the sun... just in case. Lesson learned. Boy was it.
So... even though that reads pretty negative... You can SEE the goodness in me. Trying to rise and claw to the top to win! Now if ONLY i could rise and claw my way to the top like that over cake.
I did end up cutting up the cake (after icing removal). I cut it into small portions and froze it as treats for the kiddo. Hubby bought me my VITATOPS so that i had something to turn to when i was in need instead of the cake. If I eat 1 more piece of that cake... i will toss it all away. Kiddo will live! :) I know, such a good mom. :):):):) Keeping cake just for her... yeah right! But I will throw it all out if I eat any more. I swore to myself, and I never break those promises... hence why I'm putting it on here... if I say I ate cake after Sunday... you all better let me have it!
Almost done with this long over due ramble. Today is Monday... I'm taking the day off from the world as I've been away from home so much... I miss my home. I did wake up a little on the down side from the last few days escapades... I'm battling PMS as my period is fast approaching so when it came time to step on that scale... I decided not to do it. I did take my measurements... but I didn't weigh in. I decided if I wanted to be strong against the darn cake monster... i needed the break from it since no matter the loss or gain... my PMS and the last 3 days will make me crazy with wonder.
Before I go to bed... I do vow to work out... I've been trying to talk myself into it ALL day... hasn't worked yet. Oh well. What do you do. I will though. I HAVE to!! I didn't work out the last 2 days, so today... I HAVE to! And I'm just not feeling it... hhhmmmmm... wonder why?
So there you go. That's where I've been for 2 weeks. Even though I've talked more about this last week... You can pretty much change the word cake to the word FOOD... all FOOD and still have a very good description of that week.
I hope you all took a moment today to thank those you know who do/did serve in the armed services... no matter your views... they risk their lives every day for us. All by their own choice. I for 1 am grateful.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Busy trying to NOT spend so much time on the computer. S
pending a lot of time trying to get my eating BACK under control. I think I stretched my stomach back out some where along the way... because I'm having trouble NOT being hungry. My period is coming any day now, so I've been hungry, in pain and just feel miserable 1/2 the time. That being said, I'm doing MUCH better. So far, I'm back on track. :) trying to stay strong. :)
I've been busy trying to get back onto a good workout schedule. trying to get back into walking every day... but the weather has not been very co-operative. I think I need those morning walks to keep me motivated. Time wise, my workouts haven't been where I want them... But I'm trying to get back on track.
I've been busy trying to keep work and home life balanced and in check. Trying to stay on top of everything. I've been doing a good job, So good in fact... pigs MUST have flown this week because my entire house (OK not my bedroom) was clean by Tues... it takes me all week to do it and then it all starts over again the next week. Oh well. I'll start again Sat and hope for the best! :)
I admit... it means less time on here. Hubby just started the Wii so I better go workout.
OH!! Before I do! I did lose 1.7lbs last week! I'm almost to 20lbs! WHOHOOO!! Now if only my period wasn't so close I could feel confidant I'll reach it this week. Oh well. :)
Friday, May 15, 2009
Here's the stats.
Exercise = none
Points = umm... yeah... ummm... moving on
Water = 5 bottles
Pills= AM & PM
Wake up = 7am
Bed time = 10:40
So... there you go. As for what happened. I'm working hard on putting it behind me; days like yesterday happen; but I'm not going to let it drag me down.
Today is a new day; I'm going to make it be a GREAT DAY!!!
One other totally different subject... anyone catch Grey's last night? Is anyone mad at waiting until fall? I hate season enders!!! DAMN IT!!! I'm loyal, you don't need cliffhangers to keep me as a loyal fan/viewer. I'll always return like a puppy to it's master. I'm sad over next season's possibilities. They made me cry. Although... they always make me cry. :) LOL
Anywho... there you have it. :)Always,
Thursday, May 14, 2009
It was a struggle though to exercise yesterday. Finally at 8pm last night. I forced myself to do my 10min ab routine, 15 minutes of Fat burn workout and 30 minutes on the Wii all before I went to bed. No matter how much a struggle this week is for me. I will NOT lose it. I won't. Here's how my goals broke down for the day
Exercise = 55min of cardio workouts/ Wii+ video's
Points = Total of 19.
Water = 5 bottles
Pills= AM & PM
Wake up = 7am
Bed time = 10:40; but i stayed awake reading until midnight... kinda defeated the purpose of going to bed. oh well. It was a damn good book though.
Hubby threw a curve ball at me this morning while i was in the shower. He told me how proud of me he is. I asked why (hoping I was on the same page as him) and he said because of all the hard work I've been doing to get healthy. So I used that as a way to thank you, BUT! I need him to be more supportive. To up his part of the anty. When I'm getting lazy and say screw it; lets just eat out... i need him to also stick to the plan and say no only 1x a week. Some days, i just want to give up. And I need someone who is willing to NOT LET ME give up!!! He lets me give up. And it's damaging and quiet frankly, makes me wonder who i married sometimes. Anyhow... He said he would work on it and would also try harder to get on track WITH me as; remember how I said he said he'd work out with me, but I said I'd believe it when i saw it. Yeah, i think he's only worked out with me like 3 times. He's been killed all 3 times too. I work him harder than he works himself and it's just my normal routines; although they do kill me too, just not as bad as they do him. :)
Anyhow... I think I'm going to go get some things done before kiddo gets up..
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Exercise = 40 minutes
Points = 24 daily pts + 2 AP points
Water = 4 bottles
Pills= AM & PM
Wake up = 7am
Bed time = 10:37
So as you can see, not too shabby. I didn't do any of my ab routine... But I have to admit... after not watching the biggest loser all season... I JUST HAD to watch the season finale. I wish they didn't drag it out to 3hrs. Allison looked fantastic. I'm a HUGE days fan and she's always been my favorite since I was a little girl. :) I thought all the contestants looked great and was shocked the old guy kicked every one's ass! :) LOL By the end I was rooting for Tara and was disappointed she didn't win. But what do you do.
Anyhow... i am going to do my ab routine today, even though today is only cardio day. It's only a 10 minute routine... so I'm just going to do it anyways. It'll end up 2 days in a row... but right now... i just really want to do it. :-)
Other than that I battled the munchies yesterday. I've noticed that since I got a little outa control the last few weeks that I'm back to being a munch monster. I'm working hard to battle it. But I hope it doesn't take weeks again like it did before. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I feel hungry all the time again... But I also know that if I stick to not munching that my body will go back to being in the new normal stage. Which means satisfied with the food I give it instead of being unsatisfied until i stuff myself silly.
Anyhow... I'm going to run because I'm feeling icky this morning and need to get feeling better so i can have a great day!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Exercise = none
Points = daily allowance = 24pts + 17 flex points
Ate fast food
Water = 3 bottles
Pills= AM & PM
Wake up = 6:15 (for work)
Bed time = 10:30
So there you have it. I had an amazing day. I FELT amazing! I sang it was my Bd from the rooftops... and normally, I don't; I almost hide it. Big 32. ooooowwww. hahahahhahaa!!
So I've decided to do weekly challenges and map out my week. Since Monday is weigh in day it is essentially the start of my week. So I'm going to pretend today is Monday. :)
Tuesday- 30 min strength + 30 min of something fun
Wed- 1 hour of cardio
Thurs- 30 min strength + 30 min of something fun
Fri - 1 hour of cardio
Sat - 30 min strength + 30 min of something fun
Sun- 1 hour of cardio
To stay within my points of 24 daily + AP on an if needed basis. 1 day of daily + flex points
1. Fast food no more than 1x/ week and sit down non fast food restaurant no more than 1x/ week
2. To drink 4 bottles of water a day, but water I drink during exercising DOES NOT COUNT
3. Bed time: 10pm. wake up time 7am
4. To stick to my exercise plan
5. To stick to my points plan
6. take my vitamins both AM & PM
I think that's it for this week. Have a great day everyone! Stay strong!
This is my life. This is something I'm trying to change; my life. I'm trying to change my forever, BUT.... I've become focused on my weight and gotten away from focusing on changing my life. Focused on weight wasn't my goal, but it's become a goal. Which is OK. But I don't want this journey of weight loss to become a lose it then learn cycle. I need to figure out HOW to lose weight AND live my life. I need to figure out, how to have the fun things like ice cream, and eating out, etc... and still live! I need to learn balance so that for now... i lose weight, but so that when that magic # appears on the scale I can go OH WOW! I've lost 75lbs. So I can go... OOOWWW! My life doesn't have to change. I can still eat do all I've been doing, but add some calories. Like CHEESE to keep me in maintain mode; or the turkey with favoring added, or the REAL store bought hummus, instead of home made, or to be able to just add extra turkey, or the full serving of mayo, or... you get the picture. At that magic # maybe I'll eat the same, but workout a little less. Maybe every other day, not every day. maybe... just maybe... My life won't be a... OH CRAP! NOW HOW DO I KEEP IT THIS WAY. Because everything I've been doing will have already been something I'm used to.
The point is... What's been floating around in my head is that this whole process is starting to make me feel out of sorts, starting to make me feel like I can't do this. I'm starting to feel weak, not strong. Starting to feel like But why can they and not me syndrome. HUH? For example why is it other people can eat out and I can't. I KNOW!! STUPID! I can, i just can't do it every day. I need a plan. I need a goal. It's great that I've lost every week with only 1 week that showed a gain. But I'm starting to feel deprived and it's starting to get me into out of control mode. I've kept it in track... but here's the truth. I don't know how I lost 2.5lbs last week. I did exercise more... sort of. When i worked out, i worked out harder. But I had 3 days of out of control eating. i even ate crappy enough on Sun night... That I was so sick. I puked. And in reality... it wasn't that much. It was 1/2 a sleeve of Ritz, 1 little debbie apple pie and 2 tablespoons of home made hummus (yummy). it was all tasting good... but so unhealthy... after an hour... I felt so sick i was in tears and ended up creating a binge and egad... purge moment. This is where I'm headed. I don't know how I got to where I feel deprived, because really... I don't deprive myself. I have a piece of candy if I feel that i really really want it. i have fast food when I am the reason we're having it. But some where in me... I'm feeling weak and out of control. I'm feeling like, yes, ok i do this... just until. Just until, means ok, you can have that but you have to work out extra hard... or the rest of the week you have to be really good. or just don't eat the rest of the day... or.....And just until will land me back in fat world... and I don't want to die because of my fatness.
Anyhow... so... I'm going back to challenges, I'm going back to the beginning in a way. I'm going back to my weight is just an indication that i'm on the right path, not the goal. I'm going to set up a lifetime of challenges and goals, I'm going to do this; because failure at this; at my life... is un-thinkable.
Monday, May 11, 2009
1. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to mmmeeeeeee, happy birthday to me :)
Yeah, I know... silly, but it's my blog and if you don't like my singing to myself... you can go away. :-):-) I feel like shouting to the world... and lets face it. This blog is my only way. Gotta love it!
2. I LOST 2.5lbs this last week! WHOHOOOO!!! Which again leads me into the happy dance singing
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to mmmeeeeeee, happy birthday to me :)
I am only 2.5lbs away from having lost 20lbs. I'm ecstatic and I'm giving myself a fantastic day off for my birthday and I think if it kills me... i just might work REALLY extra hard to lose that 2.5lbs this next week so i can say again...
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to mmmeeeeeee, happy birthday to me :)
Have a great day all! I'll be back tomorrow with a lot to say!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I'm having a good one, mixed with a little pissiness towards the in laws. So, I'm going to make the MOST out of today. I hope no matter what kind of day your having... you make it amazing :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
Ok, so I'm not much of a "writer" per say. :) But really, to recap yesterday; The day did have a blow to the head kind of moment. And I'll get to that in a sec. As I told you all yesterday the day after a migraine is always a rough one for me. I might as well come off of being sick. That 1st day you start to feel better and you WAY over do it kinda of crappy. Well, it went from bad to worse... I ended up with another Migraine. I know, exciting stuff. I did manage to do some work housekeeping and that was about it until i started feeling better.
I got hubby and kiddo up in the evening as usual... he asked if we could NOT go for our walk because he was too tired. Wuss. I told him ok, but we had to do video work later. So i started dinner, I decided to make a chicken stroganoff type of dinner. I am pretty sure it would have tasted VERY yummy if I hadn't made 1 terrible horrible mistake. When my daughter was a baby I would keep cornstarch in a tupperware container for diaper rash (if you've never tried it... use it, works better than any cream). Well, dinner ended up being a tad too runny, so i wanted to thicken it up for a creamy sauce over noodles... I took out the container in my cupboard I THOUGHT was cornstarch. Even had a moment when I went "DUH" (homer simpson style) because I saw a box of cornstarch also. In my mind... i obviously thought I was out of it at some point and double purchased. giggle giggle. how could I have forgotten i keep in the tupperware. giggle giggle. Well... I added it... noticed dinner starting to foam and thought... I don't remember seeing food double in size the last time I used corn starch as a thickening agent. Huh? Oh well... and then i tasted it... OMG!!!! I used baking soda! HOLY CRAPOLY!!! I tried to salvage it... even took it all the way to the table... hoping against hope hubby wouldn't notice the weird flavor of the entire dish... yeah, no... I ate my chicken and mushrooms, none of my shirataki noodles (which i didn't like anyhow, if I'm going to eat noodles, I want noodles to taste like noodles) and as little sauce as I could eat. Hubby ate nada.
So the moral of this story... label your containers!!! Obviously at some point a box of baking soda got to be too cumbersome or something and needed to be kept in something so that it didn't spill all over the place (the ONLY reason i would have put in into tupperware) and I didn't label it... so yeah. LABEL CRAP!!
Ok, from there we sat down and watched some TV until kiddo went to bed. During said television time it comes out (blow to the head) that hubby didn't think we were celebrating (in my mind acknowledging) my 2 holiday's this month. Mothers day sunday and my birthday on monday. Are you kidding me!! Just because we bought the Wii as our combined gifts, DOESN'T MEAN I want my days ignored. I still deserve a card, or a hug or him (egad) cooking for me. I mean geesh. Don't I deserve some sort of non-gift related acknowledgement? I guess not. This is why, (childishly) I'm glad my holiday's are before his (bd and pops day) because he gets what he giveth. I've already been planning shit... since last month for him to celebrate him. Aint a happenin' now. i know I know... How childish. but ya know, after 6 years of giveth giveth giveth... and getting ignored time after time... you kinda get sick of it. I know I know... i see the stupidity in it. He's probably giving me what he feels he gets. Vicious cycle. But the dude doesn't ever think... hmmm... maybe I should treat her special these days, something! It's just been the last 2 years that I've gone to shit... Anyhow... it's nice when you see your own stupidity and don't give a crap enough to change it. hahaha!
Ok... So onto the rest of the night. Stayed up past midnight again. As soon as the kiddo went to bed, we did a 20 minute workout video. I gave him my list of ones "i approved" meaning I checked them out and like them. He goes searching thru OnDemand and finds some other one... and i tell him, ok... but I've not looked at this one... so i don't know. Something called Fat Burn could be really hard. Boy was I right. It was my favorite trainer from 6pack abs something or other... and this woman... has abs. Holy cow! ALL ABS!!! Anyhow... I don't know why, she makes me want to hate her with those abs, but i like following her in video's. So we did it. 20 minutes of kick your ass can barley make it to the end workout. Even hubby was struggling. More than me in a lot of ways and I more in other ways. He has no flexibility, I never noticed... Can't even squat. Anyhow... to complete our 10 minutes we turned on the Wii Fit so he could give it a whirl because he hasn't tried it yet. 1.25 hrs later... I went to bed. After he got himself tested and into the system... He started checking out exercises. I did the exercises he did with him, on the floor... Not so hard when your not on the board. Kind of amazing how much easier it is when you take the board away. :) LOL He had to go get ready for work after an hour of playing/farting around on it. Worked hard to bump me out of #1 spot a couple of times, just pure meaness there. Oh well, he got a kick out of it and a REALLY hard workout because of it. :) I then did 26 minutes of hard work of my own, on the board. I even unlocked the boxing aerobic workout... HOLY COW! I wasn't really all too interested in "boxing" i mean come on... i hate that sport. BUT I LOVE doing it! I felt strong, really strong once I got the hang of it.
This morning... i feel like my own punching bag full of bruises... really no bruises, just sore muscles. My legs, my abs... and not all over abs... down low girly pooch area abs. My lower obliques too. Tonight is strength training and if I do my normal routine... tomorrow will be very sore. But I'm loving it... sore means I'm working. :)
I've been bad this week scale wise, I've gotten on it EVERY day. I'm not beating myself up about it. I've decided this weekend I've got to get my head wrapped around whatever is going on in it so that monday i can go back to setting mini weekly goals and work on keeping them... that little girl in the back of my head trying to make me realize something is really starting to annoy me and it's getting hard to avoid her. So I may have to really do some MAJOR self reflection this weekend.
On the other hand the weekend I'm NOT looking forward to is seeing the mother in my life who treats me, her son and grand daughter like crap. Why are we celebrating a mother who doesn't act like a mother, why are we rewarding a mother who makes her son cry, who makes him feel like he'd be better off without her, who makes her son feel like he's not part of the family and makes him feel like she'd rather him not be her son. WHY!! And that's after realizing my own mothers day is now non existent for myself. All my dealing with a child who these days... has hit terrible 2's with full force (makes me want to go back to work 1/2 the day and put her in day care) equals nothing. I know... feeling crappy. It's not even gift related. I want/need to be celebrated or otherwise I feel like my hard work is for nothing. And lovely wonderful mom of the year gets celebrated instead. I'll be damned!!! Anyhow... I made him change plans a little because there is NO WAY in my life will i go see his mother and not see mine. So Sunday will be busy and long. He'll get off... (if my moms says ok) we'll go to breakfast with her, go see his mom by 11am... have us home in time for naps by 1pm and he'll go to sleep until it's time to get up and go to work @ 9. He said ok sounds good; tol dhim I'm sorry i feel the way i do, I know it's childish... but until she just treats him a little better, I just can't see feeling any different. Besides, if we didn't change plans... I'd be spending hours over there, and I'm not doing it.
Ok... so as you all can see... I've got a lot of childish ranting built up in me. A lot of childish attitude pent up and it's ALL hanging loose today. I really need to get a more adult outlook on some issues, but probably goes along with avoiding... i don't wanna!!!! And you can't make me. :) hehehehehehe!! Some times, you just gotta.
I hope you all have a great day. I hope you've made it to this point and gone.... ppphhhheeeewww glad that's over. Enjoy your weekend and to all of you moms out there, have a wonderful beautiful mothers day on Sunday. Celebrate you, you deserve it! You deserve a mothers day every day because you work damn hard and need the reminder you're awesome!! If you're not a mom yet, celebrate your mother with gusto because believe me... until your a mom yourself... you really have no clue how hard she worked to get you to where you are. :) celebrate, celebrate... Just celebrate, celebrate!
Just finished reading that last part... and seems to me I need to take my own advice in regards to the MIL department... But...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
1. I always feel cruddy the day after a migraine
2. I stayed up WAY too late working out last night.
All I want to do is go to bed. I could have slept in. But i got up, why? Because I have some housekeeping for work that I NEED/HAVE to do and it involves this wonderful contraption that also has the Internet on it called the PC. And ya know what... I've been on here for what, over an hour now and I've STILL not even cracked open my work files. Holy geezus all i can think of is all I want is for hubby to get home so i can sneak off to Starbucks and get some stronger coffee than what i have at home. Why? Because I'm tired, and although i could make my own non-fat latte... I'm too tired. Of course, as I type that, i also realize the absurdity in that whole things because leaving the house ALSO means getting dressed and being some what presentable. i know... DUH! So yeah, looks like I'll go make me a non-fat latte when I'm done farting around on here, and I can pretty much guarantee you... it ain't gonna happen before the kiddo gets up. Sad, I know... sad. And that's not just the coffee...that's work too. I need to get myself under control!!!!
So WHY in the holy heck did I stay up so late last night, KNOWING that my history of migraines always brings on more cruddiness the next day? Because I felt better finally and had gotten some grocery shopping done AND hubby mopped the floors when i left for work AND there really wasn't anything for me to do with my evening but sleep and exercise. So, you got it... I exercised. I did 65 minutes worth of strength exercises yesterday. 20 minutes of video's and 45 minutes on the Wii Fit. let me tell you, despite the air and ceiling fan being on... I was sweating! I tried to walk in place on the Wii Fit while changing the exercises so that i was always moving. I figured out WHY i like the Wii Fit compared to video's... ie. working out indoors. it's because I can change it up. I'm a person who HATES monotony. I hate watching 4 walls stay stationary. i hate that in a video, although the exercises change, the scenery doesn't. I hate that i feel "bored" a lot of the time and that = wussing out for me. HUH? easy, When I'm bored I realize how tired I am, how sore I am... How fat I am... How much I hate what I'm doing, etc... You name it. So when I get "bored" with the video I'm doing... I quit. OnDemand has been great because if I get bored... i just stop the video and find a new one. But the Wii is even better because I can keep changing. This does mean I stand around too... But like I said, if I walk in place while doing so... I'm always moving then. Anyhow... Can you tell I should be an independent seller of the Wii Fit. hahahahahhaa!! So @ 11:30 i finally packed it in and went to bed. Hardly have been reading my book I've been so tired by the time I go to bed. I need to work on my sleeping schedule and get it back in control. Tomorrow right?
So i mentioned Hubby mopped the floors yesterday. our entire house is tiled except for the bedrooms, in order to keep exercising, sleeping, working, blogging on here, facebook/myspace stalking, I have NOT been keeping up on my housework. Part of it has been that i really HATE housework and part of it has been just putting other things aside so that i can do the things I NEED and WANT to do for ME!! Anyhow, when i asked Hubby why he said well, it needed to be done and I was helping. Bullsh*t. He did it because he was sick and tired of it and didn't trust me that I'd get it done today (which is when i told him I'd do it this week). I'm glad it's done... but I'm really tired of him being such a clean freak. I'm tired of him not trusting that I WILL get it done, even if it's not on his schedule. And I'm sure he's sick and tired of me NOT getting it done. Anyhow... frustration I need to let go of. And if I stepped up to the plate better and got back on track with the housecleaning... he wouldn't feel the need to do it.
I've got some things on my mind that i need to get out... I've been avoiding my internal self though. I can feel her pinching me and prodding me... It's something BIG... i think. Big for my journey at least. I just have been avoiding... and i admit... avoiding means eating and making bad choices. I've been working hard since tuesday to get his BACK under control. But I'm not ready. I don't know why. Part of me feels like I've made ENOUGH changes, Why do I need more. Why do I need more EYE OPENING self reflection. When is it enough. I know... all stupid. Do you see her coming out... I'm pushing her back in and going to facebook so I can yet again avoid her. :)
Reading that totally just sounded like I was a skitzo. hahahahaha!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tape it up on your blog somewhere.
Pass it along to 5 fellow super bloggers, and comment on their blog to let them know how lucky they are today! When you present your Super Blogger awards, link back to the super blogger who gave it to you , Summer & Hollie... I can't thank you enough. :)
Hubby and I finally worked out together. We went for a 2 mile, 40 min walk. Told him he had to make a choice, he keeps the pace or I keep the pace. He's tall and long legged, but he walks like a turtle. He chose me to keep the pace and by the end he was hurting. :) Which was good because I was able to push it and that's what I needed. keeping my timing and miles in a range that I like AND keeping my heart rate up the whole time is what i like. I'm glad he chose me, but I did feel bad. I was going to do 20 additional minutes on the Wii Fit last night but after a fight with the kiddo to get her to go to bed... I decided to go to bed myself.
I made another loaf of bread last night. It's yummy. I still need to figure out how to get MORE fiber into it. So more tweaking, but I'm almost ready to post it. I LOVE my bread machine.
Point wise, I was only 1 over yesterday and that was so that i could have a Vita top as I was craving sweet last night. not too shabby. I need to keep it this way all week so that i can counter balance Monday. Which means I've got to get rid of this migraine and go shopping this morning after work.
Today is strength training this evening. I'll try to get in an additional 30 minutes of my own working out before bed. hopefully before strength training. Pray this headache goes away, because we're running out of food and I've got 2 shifts of work today... BUSY day, there is no time for migraines and getting sick like I'm getting.
Summer thank you for the award... I'm VERY honored. :) I'll do more on that one later when I'm feeling better :)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday we were suppose to start a new "together time" workout routine... yeah right. Sunday Hubby wants that to be our 1 day off. Ok, no biggie. I don't care what day we take off. We went out and bought the Wii and the Wii Fit. Because it ended up being so late, yeah... you got it. Fast food for dinner. We got Pizza. Ok... no biggie, but geezus my week turned into an eating fest(Sunday is my last day of the week). After he left for work and kiddo went to bed, I played around on it for 17 minutes. I had fun and was looking forward to today. :) I would have done more, but it was getting late. :)
Today I had my day all planned, work, exercise before kiddo got up on the Wii Fit, laundry and housework I've been "avoiding". At 9 this morning a friend of mine called, she was pulling together a VERY last minute play date, do I want to come. Well, OF COURSE! No brainer! Of course I do. New baby to meet and my daughter really needs to be around other kids more... she's getting to be a little... I don't know the right word for it. But she needs to be around them more. So off we went, got us both dressed, breakfast pulled together to take with us and out the door we went. Because my friend hadn't been to the store yet, she ordered... you got it... Pizza for everone for lunch. I felt horrible for having taken no money with me, but usually we just do PB&J so I didn't even think about it. I even had, egad! A cookie..... hhhmmm... it was SOOO yummy :):):):) LOL. Did I mention my breakfast was left over pizza? Yeah... i know. This boils down to, yes I could have had some foresight as I usually do and packed some food to take with me... But come on... i was excited to sit around with my girlfriends and was just looking at getting our butts out the door. :):-). Today, didn't end well on a good note in the food department. i ended up deciding today was my "free" day. I made salads for dinner that were chock full of vegi's, but once you notice the loads of olive, croutons, shrimp, etc... Ended up being ALOT of points, more than needed to be. Which was super yummy so tough cookies. :) But the donut that followed for dessert... Not a good choice.
And yeah I'm thinking the same thing... when did I decide a free day was warranted? I don't know... I've got some things floating in my head that I've been avoiding. So onto a different thought. :) Yes, I'm good at avoiding :)
In the exercise department I did 59 minutes of strength interval training along with the Wii Fit; alone! Hubby stayed up pretty much all day while i was gone doing MY housework and other various things around here, so by the time kiddo and i got home this evening from working; he had hardly been asleep 3 hours. So as soon as she was in bed, he went back to bed. Whatever... I knew it was too good to be true. we'll see what his excuse is tomorrow. :) LOL
Anyhow... I love this Wii Fit thing. I love it so much and am so grateful for hubby for having the gumption to spend the rest of what money we had left from our tax money to buy it, the entire Wii and Wii Fit, plus extra controller... i could go wake him up before he leaves for his shift and give him some nookie. BUT alas, i won't... I'm exhausted. My 31 minutes on the Wii really took it all out of me. :) I'm excited about it. I love unlocking more exercises and checking them out. i love trying to improve and being able to change it up when I'm feeling wussed out. I LOVE being a part of the crowd and making screaming crowd noises for myself. hahahahaha! I almost don't care if we buy any "games" just get me Wii Fitness discs. :):):)
Anyhow... I'll wrap this up with 1 more thing because I'm seriously ready for bed and I still need my facebook kick before I go to bed :) I mentioned Hubby stayed awake all day doing MY housework. Before any of you start going oh how sweet... yes, it is sweet... but it's because he's obsessive compulsive and he's sick and tired of the house being dirty. It's great that he steps up to the plate, but it's frustrating and sometimes makes me feel REALLY bad; like I'm a horrible wife. I'm working on that issue as I know it's all in my head. I know a lot of husbands won't sweep, do laundry or vacuum, etc... without being forced and I am grateful he doesn't have to be forced... but couldn't he do it FOR me... not for his obsessive complusive itch. :) Yeah... I know... go a head say it. I've heard it all... I'm still complaining and not jumping for joy. :) LOL But I do love him. :)
At first I was like NO WAY! There has to be more than that which is gone. Please... Oh PLEASE!!!
But then i remembered last weeks "ill fated eating" and thought I'LL TAKE IT! WHOHOOOO!! .8lb loss I LOVE you!
It's a busy morning full of catching up, so I'll talk to ya'll later. :)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday: Had a GREAT day off. But i wonder why I never truly in every sense of the word, in EVERY part of my life take a day off? I did enjoy the day though. I spent most of it outside with my daughter. She played and kicked around in the pool and I kicked around and took her toddler bed apart. We've had this bed since I bought it when I was pregnant. She's getting closer and closer to being ready to transition (I'm not ready) into the toddler bed, but I want to stain it and try to get a uniform color (if I can) in the color scheme of her furniture. So... I took it apart and started sanding it. I've never actually sanded anything with a sander before. I've always done it the old fashion way (which SUCKS)... I LOVE sanders! OMG!!! Talk about Easy :) I did have a "moment" of tears though... looking at the sander wondering how it works made me think of my dad and all the things he won't be able to teach me... like how to use a sander. But I'm grateful for the things he did teach me... like that I need to go buy some machine screws (I never knew what those were until 2 years ago) to replace the missing screws in the bed. NOT just plain ol' regular screws, machine screws. :) Some lessons never leave us. :)
Today: I spent today, working AND shopping with hubby. We even made a trip to the humane society to see the MIL at work. We were in the neighborhood and missy got to see doggies and kitties. So why not. yeah... Well, I'm still mixed on the MIL part (i'll bring that up another day when i've had time to think about it some more), but it was fun seeing missy with all the animals. :) Today I even surprised myself with a little impromptu nookie with the hubby RIGHT after I woke up. Yeah... that surprised me... ME initiating RIGHT after waking up. I'm not that person. he hadn't been home long and worked all night, needless to say; He was even more surprised than me. But I'm realizing that I HAVE to make the time and since evenings are out (because he's working) and waking hours for missy are out... When else is there; I gotta make the time. But I guess you could call that was an NSV considering that I have no sex drive these days and usually only do what i have to... not what i want to. Today was a want. I know, I know.... TMI... but whatever :):):):):)
Tomorrow: Will be more shopping with my mom in the morning and probably Hubby again in the evening. Tomorrow also will mark the beginning of a new era with between us. We're going to start working out together. I'm hoping I can not be a control freak and can learn that we have different paces, tough crap and deal with that attitude can be acquired. Working out together in the evenings would 1: give us something to do together other than watching TV and 2. I hope will help us get to the same place health wise. 3. I won't feel guilty taking time away from my family if my family is ALSO doing what I'm doing. We're going to shoot for 3x a week cardio for 30min and 3x a week strength training for 30 minutes. All BEFORE dinner after I get home from work; which means building a snack into the menu before I get home. I'm excited. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know.
Weekly Points: this week has been, well... lets just say slightly OFF kilter. I'm hoping Monday's weigh in will reflect my hard (could have been harder though) work in the exercise department. We'll see. I've had 3 days this week which were WAY over my allotted 24 daily points. Those 3 days were over my 24 as follows:
1. 21 points
2. 8 points (actually i normally wouldn't consider this bad though)
3. 33 points
That is crazy and insane! And although I'm concerned.... I'm not. This is REAL life. Even when i lose weight and get "healthy" I'll have weeks like this. Do i need to institute a "how many times a week we eat out" rule. YES! Do I need to stick to it? YES!!! So we'll be discussing that over the next few days and see what hubby thinks. I HAVE to have him on board or it won't work. I also need to get some meals made ahead of time for those lazy days of summer. Isn't that a song? Really I mean just for lazy busy days. I need to be better about getting dinner "prepped" no matter how "easy" it may be to cook and prep. When i get home and am starving and hubby didn't cook while i was gone (that'd be another miracle)... 30 minutes until dinner leads me to laziness. But... I don't feel bad right now... and I'll have to try and keep that mind set when Monday morning rolls around. Because we all know how I feel about that today... won't be how I feel by monday after I weigh in if the scale has jumped UP instead of slinking down.
Exercise: I've only had 1 day off so far this week (mon-Sun) and that was Friday. Since hubby and I will be starting a new regime... I won't be taking tomorrow off either. I had 2 days where I worked out for 1 hour and 4 days where I worked out 30 minutes. Tomorrow will be a hour day as I'll walk in the AM and workout with hubby in the evening. I might not have logged as many AP points this week... But I feel good about my activity level. And today when i really just about talked myself out of going for a walk or doing any exercise at all really... I told myself NO! You took Friday off... you can't have 2 days off in a row. You KNOW that, that is the rule. I was proud and happy when I got done. I even took missy with me for my walk, that stroller really does add an intensity that i don't get alone. But their are pros and cons to it... which is why i don't do it often any more.
I'm in a good place, and I'm realizing I need to up my game. I'm excited to work on that these next few weeks. :)
I hope you are all having a good weekend!
Friday, May 1, 2009
It's Friday! Betchya didn't know that. hahahhaa!! JK. I feel like a kid in school, the bells about to ring and I'll be outa here for summer. Don't I wish. :)
But it feels good to feel this way. :) If only.... well, if only I could get myself to feel this way every day :) LOL
I'm taking today off. Hubby and I just talked and decided to use the last of our tax money on a Wii & the Wii Fit. We're doing it as mothers day, fathers day & both of our BD's (may & june). I'm excited. I'm excited to start holding Wii tournaments in our home in the evenings. I'm excited to turn the TV shows off and do something together; all 3 of us. Even though I'm not into video games per say... I am into the Wii. Probably because I feel like it's not all about sitting in front of the TV zoned out, drooling on my favorite t-shirt kind of zoned into the game. I'll watch REAL TV and drool on my t-shirt instead of playing it thank you. :):)
Anyhow... He ALSO agreed to start a workout routine TOGETHER!!! So on Sunday we'll start doing strength training and cardio together in the evenings on alternate days. We'll see how it works out, but really... what I'm excited about is spending time together doing something OTHER than watching TV and playing with the kiddo. I'm kinda sick of our old people routines that we have. We've only been married for 4 years, together for 6 and it feels like we're already dead as a couple. Add in no sex drive (mine)... you've got a room mate situation for life. It sucks and makes me feel very unsatisfied and what does a food junkie do when they are unsatisfied? EAT! I haven't eaten, but still... I don't want my marriage to fail and this much un-satisfaction, can lead to failure. I can see it.
So I'm excited at the prospects. How long will they last? who knows... but I'm willing to try anything! And I'm going to have to learn to be OK if hubby loses weight faster and better than me. Because he's a guy and guys do that kind of crappy thing without even trying. Pinch them and they lose weight. Ship heads. Instead I'll look at it as a good thing to get in shape together and I'll make him not tell me how he's doing # wise :) Unless we decide to throw in some friendly competition... But I don't think we're there at this moment.
Well, that's it for now. I'm going to head out and set up the pool for some outside fun today. I'm working today and tomorrow. Which is new for me friday's & saturday's are usually days off for me. But I'm taking today off... at least from exercise; I've been good 4 days in a row. Maybe... i feel like I'm itching to do some thing. :) The changes in me are pretty amazing... itching to exercise. hahahahahaha!! It's a good thing. :)