Saturday, August 29, 2009

All wrapped up

Ok... so... I really have nothing to put here for this week. I ate WAY too much. Didn't really count on the days I had fast food (yeah 5 meals TOTAL!! HOLY CRAP!!) I only walked 2, maybe 3 days all week. So yeah... Besides being preggers, I'm not surprised by my 2.8lb weight gain. But oh well.

Today starts a new week. Food in my cupboards and fridge. Easy dinners planned for this week. Lots of comfort foods like I've been wanting. including Potato soup & chicken soup, both homemade. hhhmmmmm. I guess there are some good things about being preggers, I don't have to worry as much about the foods I make. :) LOL

It's going to be a great week full of good for me food and activity. It'll be like this week... never existed. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. :) LOL


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The best layed plans...

Are always the ones that fall flat. hahahaha!!

This has been an interesting week... Food has consisted of 3 fast food meals. 1 because I didn't feel good and hubby does not cook, 2nd because I went to make dinner and turns out my turkey was BAD... eeewwww... and it was already late so no time to defrost anything else :(, 3rd was today... lets face it... i didn't have enough groceries to pack snacks and meals to really keep me going for being gone all day. So, I caved and bought lunch. Good thing too, I was gone ALL DAY! An apple, peach and waffles would not have been enough. Oh well. So much for no fast food more than 1 day a week (we've bombed that test this week, next week IS another week though).

Exercise has SUCKED!! I have already missed 2 workouts, and again tonight... I'm missing a 3rd. Because we (I) ALL LOVE To place the blame elsewhere... we'll blame my hubby. hehehehe!! I admit... no matter how well I plan, when he's around... he is wrench thrown into my engine. oh well. I need to figure out a new schedule for our evenings, with him going back to graveyard... he's going to be around more in the evenings... I've got to stop letting him be the wrench thrown into my mix. But tonight I'll do some strength training instead and maybe some other exercises... oh yeah, maybe that handy dandy little side stepper I own. Ok... So I guess I can't blame him for tonight. DAMN!! :):):)

I say this all in gest, for the 1st time in a LONG time... I don't feel upset about this week. Maybe it's the lack of pressure because of the pregnancy, maybe it's my frame of mind that I've been trying to acquire. All i can do every day is TRY. I can do my best... and if I do that... I'll never fail... I may fall flat... but never fail. And although this hasn't necessarily been my BEST work at trying this week... I'm still ok :)

So remember... no matter how well you plan... there is always a wrench waiting to throw itself into your mix... be ready to catch it and handle it! :) I still need to learn that. :)


Monday, August 24, 2009

The randomness of me... and a little sunshine thrown in. :)

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're empty of thoughts... but at the same time... you feel like you're brain won't turn off. Lately, that's how i feel all the time.

Ok... wait, the truth is... MOST days I feel like my brain is naturally on crack. I can't keep my own thoughts straight some times. My husband thinks I'm loco when i jump from subject to subject... but this is just how my brain works. Am I ADD... ADHD... I don't' think so. I don't have a problem slowing myself down, concentrating... ect... My brain just never stops. A lot of times this isn't a bad thing... I mean come on... do you have ANY idea how often i work through my own problems in a day... because when my brain gets bored with it... i jump to something else... even if I'm still working on said problem... which is usually when i get frustrated and mad... because then I'm not putting 100%. But I always work my way back. Kinda like how they say you work your problems out in your dreams... you just don't know it. yeah well... i do that awake. :) LOL

Needless to say, I get frustrated A LOT! I hate getting frustrated, feeling like i don't know.

Anyhow, lately though... despite my wee brain's function... I've felt empty of all thoughts. Probably could be why I don't blog as much these days. Sadly though... I know I'm not empty of thoughts because I'm thinking all day. Over and over. I've tried writing blog ideas down, but usually by the time I get to the computer put fingers to the key board, I wonder... what did I want to say about that? Why did I even want to talk about that? WHO CARES!! Cause by then... even i don't. It's a sad world in my brain... if anyone has the capability to read minds... if they ran across me... I'd drive them to the looney bin. So, do I belong in a looney bin. Ah, I don't care. :) I'm happy, content these days (which in itself is a weird feeling for me), and not bothering anyone but my blog buddies. hehe!! So probably not.

~~~~~~~~~~~NEW SUBJECT! :)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This weekend has been one of those all out lazy weekends. I have gone NO WHERE!! Done just about nothing, I did however manage to work on another project (I need to finish it this week), mop my floors and wash all the laundry (hubby put it all away as usual). I've been lax on exercise, maybe that is part of my feeling empty lately... Which brings me to wonder... when the hubby is home, why do I feel the need to have that be an excuse to not do what i need to do? hhhmmm...

Speaking of walking.... I did go walking Saturday morning. I woke up to the sky being overcast and still a little sprinkle here and there... When i got out of the shower, I decided to go walking. It's one of my all time favorite things to do... walk outside when the ground is still wet and rain is still in the air. I wondered if it would rain again... and thought of maybe of not going. And then, I started to miss Washington state... So i went anyways. When i lived there... i walked no matter the weather, rain, shine and even snow. Of course, i had no car... so that was WHY. But still... i never let the weather bother me. In fact... I loved it. I've always loved the rain and being outside when it's wet and rainy and yes, even cold. So why since moving back to Az have I let the weather dictate when I do and don't go outside. I wish i knew. While walking and looking around, and really just plain enjoying remembering my old days when i still felt like a kid, but an adult at the same time... I realized WHY i love rain so much and which explains why i miss WA so much these days.

After it's rained, for me, it's like a fresh start. A fresh start for the world around me, the environment around me... and even for all of us humans. Rain just seems to wash every thing away. It gives us a new chance... everything living, a new chance. I've never looked at the dark sky and felt sad... i always felt like when the clouds did depart... I'd see a new sky... a new day dawning. A breathe of fresh air. It didn't matter for me if the sky was drab and grey for days on end... I knew what WOULD be coming. It always made the sun seem more bright. I know, it all sounds so Pollyanna (thanks Lisa, the term has been in my head for DAYS now. :) LOL) But the truth is... shouldn't every day be like this... rain or shine? That's what i thought about Saturday morning on my walk. Why is it here in Az... I don't feel like like that hardly ever... is it because I hardly get those days where I can look at the world and think... wow... it's a new day. Why is it just the dark drab sky gives me that feeling. Why not the sunshine? IS my world filled with so much sunshine... I just take it for granted? I don't know. But Saturday it certainly put all my thoughts (and my journey) into a new perspective.

Every day IS a new day, a new dawning... a new chance. Every day truly is a gift. No matter how healthy we are (or aren't) tomorrow could elude us and be no more. So we really should be thankful for every day... no matter our screw ups... our OOPPSSS I ate 2700 calories in a day (my Sunday)... or our lack of exercise (my Sunday). We shouldn't beat ourselves up. Because as the song DOES say... the sun will come up again, it's just our job to decide if we want to see it or not. That being said:

My challenge this month and until the end of September is to see the sunshine and the new day dawning (figuratively cause we all know I can't wake up that early) every day. Because I think I need the reminder of the bliss I used to experience everyday when I'd see the rain clouds... despite the lack of rain clouds. I miss feeling like, DAMN I'm glad it's today!! :)

I'll admit... today is a hard day for this one too... Because I'm all out drag out... tired. I need another lazy day. hehehe!! But I am glad it's today.

So today, i am thankful that I'm healthy enough to BE pregnant, despite my weight/health. I am thankful I am capable of taking care of my family. And most of all... I am grateful to be here today. My journey is going to be strange one over the next 8 months... But damn it, I'm thankful to experience it... no matter how weird it may get. :) LOL

But PLEASE grant me the patience to not get frustrated today. :)

What are YOU thankful for today? What makes you see the new dawning?


Saturday, August 22, 2009

All wrapped up

This week has been a rough week for me. I won't get all sappy and moody again. You can just read my posts this week if you REALLY wanna know. :) LOL

I did, by the graces of god, lose weight this week. I don't know how. Lost 2.5 pounds this week. Which I find crazy. I've been slacking on working out and 3 days this week... I just gave up counting and caring. So... With that being said.

Here's my breakdown for the last week.

Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 0

Food: 1169 calories, 30WWP
Exercise: Walk 20min/1mi, Strength 11 min

Food: 1608 calories, 38WWP
Exercise: Walk 22min/1mi

Food: 1335 calories, 29 WWP
Exercise: 0

Food: 1279calories, 24 WWP
Exercise: 28min/ 1.31mi, strength 11min

Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 19min/ 1mi

Food: Didn't keep track for nothing!!
Exercise: 0

The days I didn't keep track of my calories or points was just pure laziness. i ate all day, munched on BAD food choices, etc. Eating lasagna all week didn't help either. hahaha! BUT it was so good. I've got to figure out HOW to make it less points/calories. But I won't be making it for a while, so I'm in the clear. :) I certainly didn't starve myself either.

That's one thing I can say I've completely NOT been doing... OK maybe a little before my Dr apt yesterday... but I've been making sure I'm NOT hungry because lets face it... I really do need to make sure I stay "healthy" in the sense of my pregnancy all the while not gorging myself. It's a FINE line. A very fine line I'm trying desperately not to pass, but I'm doing so far so good. All in all, despite my mood I'm fine with how the week turned out, ok wait... missing 3 days of exercising was BAD, but I'm still ok with it. :):)


Friday, August 21, 2009

That's better. :)

I ended my day yesterday a little on the icky side. It boils down to my body just isn't processing right these days...

BUT TODAY!! I feel AWESOME!! Maybe it has a little something to do with having my first OB apt today and knowing they will do an ultrasound and I'll get a first peek at my little peanut, shrimp or hot pepper. Whatever it is in there at this stage. I'm certainly blessed.

I'm also going alone... hubby woke up just a little grumpy and I told him I wouldn't be mad if he doesn't come. It's his choice, I'll bring home a pic of the nut so it's just a matter of if HE wants to be there. Hell, if I didn't have to go... I wouldn't go watch a pap smear being done. hahahahaha!! So the point is... I also feel great about having a few hours ALONE. IT happens so rarely.

Talk to ya all later and remember to make today an amazing day...
because you ARE AMAZING!! :)


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Pull me up by my boot straps

So... yesterday i really didn't eat much. I made 2 really big meals that left me pretty stuffed and only room for brownies. hehehehe!! I made lasagna last night. Kinda made it up as I went along, based on recipes I've made before. It was a turkey, vegi lasagna... very yummy. Not as cheesy as I usually like, but it was JUST barely under 500 calories (11 WW points though... OW!!), so it's good where it was. And if I'd made it serve 8 instead of 6... it would have been less calories & points, but come on... I wanted me SOME lasagna... no girly portions allowed!!! hahahahaha!! Tasted so good that all through breakfast this morning all I could think of was having lasagna for lunch... 2 hours later... I did. hahahahaa!! If I eat nothing else all day... i could have it for dinner and still be good points and calorie wise... BUT I probably shouldn't, unless I'm just not hungry again until dinner.... hhhhmmmm... we'll see. :) hehehehe!!

I've been trying all day to pull myself up by the boot straps and kick my ass (sorry for the language) out of this funk. I decided to take it as an easy day. Sit enjoy, relax before we have to go spend time with the paternal in laws. And then i decided to pay bills... and then saw the money hubby spent on stuff we're not ALLOWED to buy if we want to pull ourselves out of this second job trap AND pay bills AND go on vacation in 2 weeks AND buy food and gas, etc... etc...

And... well... now I'm pissed again and REALLY happy that his cousin is sick with icky sickness that i would NEVER allow my daughter to be around because there's just no way. And that means he gets to go visit all by himself (I saw them earlier this week) before they leave town and I... get to stay home and on his 1 day off... not be around him. Because lets face it... this week... he has really got me seriously wondering about what the hell I'm doing here. Makes me sad and cry to realize how excited I am to NOT spend time with him on his 1 day off this week. Which makes me so much more angry at him and so much more sad and in a funk. DAMN HIM!!!!

Anyhow... other than that. I'm glad I'm not turning to food. Sadly, I feel sick a lot this week because of the situation from earlier this week that has put me here. Normally when i feel sick, I eat... but I'm just too sad to bother. At least I'm eating, don't get me wrong. Baby is getting PLENTY of food. hehehehe!! I made brownies the other day... and miraculously... they are not all gone. HOW? i don't know.

BTW... next time try making brownies in cupcake cups and only add 1tbs of mix to each one.... they end up the perfect size AND it lowers the calories/points. :) easy peasy portion control too. :):):):)

Anyhow... I'm done ranting and feeling sorry for myself.

Before I go... Did I mention I went walking this morning? I went this AM because originally i wasn't going to be home this evening... and I wanted to get it in. I didn't go as long as I normally would, because kiddo has been getting up earlier and earlier and didn't want her waking the hubby up since he worked all night at his 2nd job. But still... i went and did a mile. YEAH! :) Since I'll be home tonight, kiddo and I will be doing our usual routine. :) DOUBLE YEAH!!


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Not much to say...

I'm here. Been reading, been keeping up with you all... but I've been quiet.

I've been a little down.

More than a little.

The good news is...

I'm eating within my points and I'm trying to still exercise. Even though all i want to do is crawl into bed and stay there.

I've also been keeping myself busy since really, crawling into bed and staying there... also brings the feeling of wanting to eat. At least my To-do list is almost empty every night before bed. And don't get me wrong... I've been doing some eating... I made brownies... but I'm working hard on CONTROL!!! So far, so good, sorta.

Hopefully I'll get out of this funk tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

And the Award goes to...

So sweet, Both Hollie and Chubby chick awarded me the lovely blog award yesterday. You ladies are pretty amazing and your journey's are always full of inspirations. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. :)

Here are the rules for the award:

Acknowledge the giver

Pass the award to 15 other blogs you love

So... here are the recipients I've chosen to receive this award:

2. Jen

6. Jo

7. Lisa

10. Bella

12. Penny

13. Jenn

14. Hollie - because I just can't NOT give it to her.

15.Chubby chick- Same thing... i just can't NOT give this award to her also. These ladies are amazing. :)

Have a great day everyone! I'm running REALLY short on time... So if I haven't left you a comment on your blog yet today... I'm sorry, i will. But you ALL deserve this blog. :) All the blogs I follow are pretty fantastic- that's probably why i read them. hahahaha!!! :)


Monday, August 17, 2009

let it out.

So much has been going on around here. I've been working on tweaking our budget (really we never had one), I've got a list of projects to do over the next 9 months, cleaning house, seeing friends, getting ready for a vacation we can't afford (can we EVER afford it?), what else... goodness there is a plethora of things on my mind these days. This is just SOME of it. :) LOL

I NEED to start strength training again. I was suppose to start it this last week... and that just didn't happen. So last night after getting all my chores done, my walk completed and the kiddo to bed, I knocked out 10 minutes of it. I only did 1 rep of each exercise, but I'll tell you what... i was feeling it GOOD. The exercises I'm doing I printed from a list of exercises from that are safe for pregnancy. I didn't think there would be so many... and core ones too. I'm excited, just need to get THAT motivation. Isn't that always the key? Anyhow, I'm hoping to do strength training 3-4 days a week. I'm not going to push it. So I'll work up to 2 sets of reps. Nice and slow is key. I think the ankle weights during my walks... really are helping because I can't tell you how many days my legs HURT. :) LOL

Last week I finished 1 project from my list and I'm excited to start using it this week. Back in 2003-2005 I was using for my menus. If only I had exercised at the time... I probably would have lost much more weight than i did. I couldn't even tell you how much i did lose. It was that insignificant. But i also didn't weight over 160 either. I was still using it by the time my daughter was conceived I was pretty much eating vegetarian. I didn't miss meat, and when i did... I ate it. No biggie. And then while i was pregnant. MY GOODNESS!! I craved it and ate it... a lot. Amazingly, I didn't have the same issues I used to with it (too long a story to explain)... and still they have not come back. So i still eat it.
Anyhow, the point is... all the recipes and menu's I printed back then are vegetarian. They've been sitting in a binder needing to be combed thru. A lot of the recipes I didn't like... and I had more than 3/4 of it being doubles. So... this last week or so I spent my time cutting all the menu's apart and organizing them in the binder so that i only had 1 copy of each item. This week i can finally use it the way i always wanted. For menu planning. It's kinda a pain in some ways, only because the recipes are for 1. Which is good if it's something Hubby won't eat, bad if I want to make it for leftovers for us for another day. Just a lot of work really. BUT since it's all vegetarian all i have to do is substitute with chicken or turkey when Tofu and such is called for. I'd eat vegetarian again... but lets face it. I do love chicken and I'm really loving ground turkey. The recipes are even easier than others that i have because it's all stuff i already buy. VEGETABLES, FRUIT, etc... When i went shopping yesterday, i didn't have to buy anything abnormal. I LOVE it. IT does mean cooking more for lunch. But I can cook the night before and lunch will just be a re-heat. Lunch yesterday was soft taco's. HHHHMMMMM.... I ate lunch so late that by the time it was time for dinner... i wasn't hungry. So i just had a bowl of cereal after my walk... and then some cottage cheese and cantaloupe after my strength training routine, because this girl has got to make sure kiddo is getting nutrition. :)

I'm hoping this will help rein in my eating too AND get me relying less on comfort foods. My normal menu was just getting TOO boring, no ideas in this brain. Anyhow... before this kiddo is born I'll be going through all of my recipes that are sitting in a box. But I'm not tackling that anytime soon.

Our budget has changed DRASTICALLY. I have got to get us spending LESS money on things so that i can show hubby we don't NEED his 2nd job (although I'm afraid we do). He's really getting burnt out and stressed out about things and for him... this freaks me out. I'm afraid it'll make him want to use again. And with the second baby on the way, he's SUPER stressed. Plus, I didn't sign up for being a SAHM and him working 2 jobs. I'd rather have the 2nd job become something for "fun" money only and savings. Really, he works for a company who has already claimed bankruptcy and he's lucky if he gets 30 hours a week 1/2 the time, the other 1/2 he gets close to 40. So the 2nd job also supplements what's missing from the hours he no longer gets. But still. that would take 1 or 2 days a week... not the 3 or 4 he has been doing. I'm not used to shopping in a budget. I usually just use whatever is leftover after bills are paid for the week... but really, that's how a few bills always get paid late. So... I've got a few weeks lefts of this month for my learning curve and we go live next month. Thank goodness our vacation won't really come into play since it'll be this month we're trying to come up with all the money for it. I should say, HE is trying to come up with the money for it.

Trying to get my life organized and all my ducks in a row before this kiddo is born is my #1 priority... but it's still below staying healthy. When i wake up feeling bloated, I get afraid. But seeing the scale doing a down ward slide makes me feel better and makes me think... maybe I'm not so bloated as I feel... maybe it's just that hormone that makes you more flexible when you're preggers that is making me feel so achy in the mornings.

I feel like i eat all the time... and other times I feel like I don't eat enough. i do have to stay on keeping track... or I'm OVER board. :)

Here's to a great week.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

All wrapped up

Goodness me. The end of the week was a busy one for me. Lots to do. Throw in a few more headaches, literally... and you get a smear all kinds of crap. LOL

It was an overall good week though. Spent with good friends and family. :) Love that. :)

I did weigh in yesterday and surprise to me... I was @ 185. AARRGGHH!!! What do you do though right? I've been bloated for DAYS now... no big surprise, I have not been drinking enough water lately; add in the foods I've been eating... I'm really not surprised I gained weight.

But WAIT then today i stepped on the scale and I was @ 182.5. What the heck. So can you IMAGINE what I'm going to do... change my WI date on my side bar for this week. hahahhahahaa!! Obviously I've lost some water weight from yesterday to today, I'll take it!!

Here's my breakdown for the last week.

Food: 1400 calories, 28WWP
Exercise: 0

Food: 1650 calories, 25.5WWP
Exercise: Walk 27min/1.24mi

Food: 1907 calories, 38WWP
Exercise: 0

Food: 1044 calories, 26.5 WWP
Exercise: Walk 45min/1.81mi

Food: 1651 calories, 28.5 WWP
Exercise: walk 50min/ 2.4mi

Food: didn't count -calories, 45WWP
Exercise: 0

Food: didn't count- calories, didn't count-WWP
Exercise: walk 19min/ 1mi

As you can see... eating and exercise were all over the board. The days I didn't walk... was because I was either suffering from my back hurting or a migraine. Thurs and Fri I didn't count calories or points. I just gave up trying. I admit, I ate ALOT of comfort foods this week. There's really no excuse, well... except there wasn't anything healthy to eat because I didn't go grocery shopping. But when you just don't go because well... you don't want to go... there's still no excuse. It's not like I couldn't go. Anyhow...

This week I'm working hard at setting myself up for success. I'll tell you all about that later today. I better go eat breakfast now.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So sad...

After my walk, I got up off my butt and did a few things around the house before taking the kiddo for her 1st dentist apt. That was an adventure all on it's own.

Went to lunch with the family...

And some where along the way... my get up and go...

Has officially got up and went. For 2 hours now I've been laying on the couch dozing as kiddo plays and wakes me up. I'm still no more awake than I was before laying down.

Now I'm having some coffee... HOPING against hope it'll help give me just enough ooommmppphhhh to get the rest of the things done today. Like oh I don't know... cook dinner.


Yeah me!!

I only have a minute before I have to start my busy day. But I wanted to share with you, my YEAH me moment for the last 24 hours. :)

Last night after working, I went to my moms and we went walking together. We walked for 45 minutes all the while talked and visited. :) I wish we lived closer to do it more often... but instead I'll have to remember when I'm in her area for work or play dates... to make the time :)

And then this morning, i crawled out of bed wishing it was NOT time to get up... jumped in the shower to shake off the sleep... then went outside and went for a walk. I did my usual 30 minutes, but i walked thru the park instead of the streets. I did less mileage than usual, but I assume that means I was walking pretty fast... or was I walking slower... Not sure which. I'm just glad I got up and went out there. I braved the heat. :):)

I realized this morning how much faster and easier it is to walk when I'm not pushing the stroller. Go figure. Does that mean I get more of a workout when I'm pushing the kiddo? hhhmmm... I have no idea. I did however forget to put on my ankle weights... which after leaving I decided was maybe a good thing because of the sun being up and I'm not used to walking with the sun beating on me any more.

I'm glad the mornings are starting out in the 80's instead of the 90's. I think I'll start walking again in the mornings at least a few times a week. I'll still be walking in the evenings because, well lets face it... my walks keep the kiddo from throwing a tantrum when it's time to go to bed. Which also equals me keeping my sanity and blood pressure not rising out of stress. hahaha!!


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It started out well...

And then it all went to pot. LOL

Yesterday my day started out pretty good. I was thinking and working on getting my act together... at least mentally. And then i headed off to work. While driving around downtown Buckeye Az. My back started to hurt, and before I got home... it felt horrible. No amount of bengay (my husband swears if we had stock in it... I'd make us rich on how much I use this stuff) relieved it. It hurt so bad I was sick to my stomach.

How fun is that... what a joy I was to be around on my husbands day off of work. I made a sucky dinner (what i thought would be yummy though) because I didn't pay enough attention to my recipe I was "changing". I just felt miserable. i ate pretty well all day until dinner... then it all went down hill from there. Add in that I stayed up late, ate some more... and didn't exercise. Yesterday was just one of those days.

Today I feel better. Tired, but better. i need to quit forcing myself to stay up and watch TV. I've been doing it for days... I need to stop. It's just TV... nothing earth shattering like a book that makes me happy or a kiddo not sleeping. :) Today i am going walking, Since I have to go to Buckeye yet again... I'm going to stop at my moms and go walking with her. After today, hubby has the next 2 days off and It's going to be a lot of work keeping "my" routine in tact. As when he's home... it's always harder.

Have a great day everyone and remember,



Monday, August 10, 2009

My brain is empty... or is it

These days i don't find myself with a ton of thoughts in regards to weight loss, exercise... even any "learning" about myself. When i started this journey, i had so much to talk about. These days, i feel like my brain is empty. Maybe it's the change in routine... my quiet "alone" walks by myself in the mornings... got me thinking. My walks in the evening with my daughter. I'm usually just walking, reminding myself of Dora from nemo.... just keep walking, just keep walking. Trying to distract the kiddo from asking to go play on the play ground and myself from wanting to quit. LOL. The difference between me walking in the morning and me walking in the evenings, is night and day. hahahaha! pun intended. :)

I know my brain isn't empty though. This last week I just keep running thru my head all the things I want to get done before this new baby is born. The projects I started when I first had missy, but have yet to complete... I need to complete them. Things I want to do in preparation for this baby and things I want in general. The projects I'm HOPING to start with missy for Christmas presents. I'm excited about all of these things and I'm working on accomplishing them 1 at a time. Working on 1 until it's done and then I'll move on to the next. Too bad nesting can't start today... I'd be done in a month. hahahahhaa!!

But really, I almost feel like these days, weight loss and exercise, just aren't important. The self reflection and growing I was hoping for and doing on this journey... like they just aren't as important any more. But that's not true. They are... they just seem way laid. Or are they? I don't know. I do know I can't lose focus over these next 9-10 months because if I do... I'm afraid I'll never get back on this journey and that would be bad for my self and my children, not to mention the hubby. :)

I feel like a whole new journey in my life is starting, and i haven't even some what accomplished anything from the last journey I was on. BUT isn't this the whole point of life... the road widens, turns, gets smaller, branches off, etc... all the time. I need to find balance and get comfortable while i can... But I need to keep looking in ward and forward and working hard to keep focused. These days, I just don't feel focused the way i should be... but this is how I've felt for a very long time. Hence, why in some ways, I had fallen off the wagon the more summer warmed up.

Sadly, I feel lost without my morning walks. I think that is what it boils down to in a lot of ways. I need them back... but I need to figure out how to deal with the full brunt of the heat then don't I?

Ok... I'm done rambling. I have a lot to think about, but right now, all I hear is my tummy rumbling.


Sunday, August 9, 2009

All wrapped up

Last week was a weird week all around. As I fumble around trying to figure out what my calorie zone and WW points should be, I've some how lost 2.4lbs. How I have no idea. I'm chalking it up to the pregnancy (although I'm not dealing with morning sickness) and maybe (I hope) the ankle weights I'm using while walking. Here's how the week wrapped up.

Food: 1891 calories, 29WWP
Exercise: Walk 33 min-1.51mi
Food: 1342 calories, 46WWP
Exercise: day off

Food: 1401 calories, 35WWP
Exercise: Walk 39min- 1.71mi

Food: 1588 calories, 31.5WWP
Exercise: Walk 30min- 1mi

Food: 1341 calories, 29WWP
Exercise: 1 hour mopping floors

Food: 1619 calories, 36WWP
Exercise: Walk 33min- 1.4mi

Food: 2093 calories, 43.5WWP
Exercise: 20min- .75mi

As you can see... i was ALL over the board food wise. It was CRAZY!!! How the heck did I lose weight? Exercise wise, I only officially missed 1 day. Wed I didn't go walking, but i also stood for 2 hours in my kitchen working on a diaper cake for one of my best friends, and then spent an hour mopping my floors. So that was exercise enough for that evening. Friday when i got home from shopping, I was tired, when the kiddo asked to go home after walking for 20 minutes (she was also tired) I said OK. :) LOL So how the heck did I lose weight? I don't know...


I decided a couple of things HAVE to happen this week. I'm going to keep things at the 28 WWP that i decided on for the pregnancy and calorie wise, i think adhering to ONLY the 28 will help bring those down too so that I'll be more in the 1200-1500 range consistently. I SERIOUSLY need to adhere to said points/calories and not rely on my FP points, etc... Because this week was probably a fluke. At least in my eyes, I'm finally getting the whole exercise thing down. I took yesterday off because of the baby shower. But today starts strength training and walking.

Before I go, I'll leave you with a picture of the diaper cake I made. :) I'm so proud of it. :) And thankfully, she (and everyone else) loved it. :)


Friday, August 7, 2009

It's been an interesting week

This week has been a very oddly strange week. But quite normal. If normal is strange. hahaha!!

I haven't been on because I feel like I'm void of words. Which is weird for me. If you knew me in person... I'm a talker, if you haven't already gotten that inclination from my posts. :)

I've been good at walking all week. I'm averaging 1.5 miles in 30 minutes. This week I started adding ankle weights to my legs for the entire walk until it's time to start cooling down, then I take them off. I'm keeping my heart rate above 130 on days that are just plain 'I don't want to walk days' and 150's when I'm really wanting to push it. I'd go for higher, but those ankle weights really do make it a harder walk.


Food wise seems like it's all over the place, but my calorie counts seem good to me and my points, WOE Nelly. Oh well. I'll post more on that tomorrow as it's weigh in day and i plan on listing my calories, points and workouts for the week. I like seeing what everyone else does, so i think I'll do the same... and i think I'll be more accountable to myself if I know I'm posting my weekly stats... kinda hard to hide then. :):) Which BTW, if this morning's scale reading is anything to go by, I've managed to lose weight... how i have NO IDEA!! You'll see. I think I can only chalk it up to the kiddo growing in my belly, because it defies ALL reason. :) LOL

Speaking of food. Last night i did make a VERY yummy non diet friendly dinner. 9WW points but it was under 500 calories, it's just bad if you have more than 1 portion. But OMG!! It was so good, how can you NOT have 2 portions... i just couldn't stop myself. It was THAT good. I can't wait to enjoy the leftovers. I'll have to figure out how to make it more health friendly, but it may just be a preggers staple for the next few months because lets face it... Italian food casserole style, is just to die for. Add the fact that i didn't use anything that was in the "prepared" style foods category. i think It's worth it. But i will be playing with it each time until i get it more WW and calorie friendly. Oh what fun!! :)


Anyways, I've been busy working this week. Working on getting things done on my To-Do lists (i have too many), trying to get AHEAD of the game on my paperwork for work in the coming weeks, figuring out a new household budget (which makes me feel like I need a degree in economics or something) because we spend WAY too much money on SHIT!! That's the only word for it... I've been working on keeping my house clean, which I hate to clean, so that's been a task in its self, I've got a plethora of things I've been working on for 2 years now... that in the next 9 months I've got to figure out how to finish because with 2 kids around... it'll NEVER get done. Guess it's a good thing I'm feeling motivated, too bad that nesting period doesn't start earlier, I'd be banging this crap out and WOW! I'd be so set. hahahahhaa!!


This weekend I have a baby shower for a good friend and then a lazy Sunday planned because Next week will be even busier. Between my daughters 1st dentist apt, a play date, my moms 30th work anniversary celebration, dinner with an old friend, work 4 days and a busy household schedule... Needless to say, I'll be exploiting Sunday & today's laziness factors for all they are worth. :)

Have a great day!!


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Life does go on.

I've had a lot bottled up lately. Most of it has been pushed down by the grief I've been feeling. BUT life does go on, it has been going on for months now. So it's time to reach down deep and Move on. I'm sure over the next few months as the memories come forth of last year, tears will fall. BUT I will get thru it.

So, with that being said. A LOT has been going on. But today I'll just update you on my health track and weight, pregnancy... etc.... the rest will come later. :)

I did go to my PCP. I'm off the cholesterol meds. AND my blood pressure was better than it was in february. We'll do a blood work up AFTER the kiddo is born and re-evaluate at that time where to go at that point. I hope it'll be no more meds, but the truth is... Sooner or later I just might need them anyways. If heredity has anything to say about it. So I've come to terms with that. I can stay at my calorie intake and WW point level if I choose too. He said that with my extra padding (my words not his) it is perfectly feasible to have a healthy pregnancy AND not up my calories. He said in order to help "way lay" my chances of pre-eclampsia (I had it with my 1st) I need to stay on my healthy eating track AND walk every day for at least 30 minutes. No matter the pace, just walk. Other than that, he said to just stay on the road I was on prior to getting pregnant. So... here's what I've decided after talking to him. :)

1. Exercise: I'm VERY motivated to walk for at least 30 minutes a day. Last week i even went to my moms after a play date to walk instead of coming home and then walking... because I knew after driving all the way home... i wouldn't walk. it wasn't a full 30 minutes, but still... i walked. Since going to the Dr I've only missed walking 1 day. And there have been a few days I just didn't want to go. And I did. WHOHOO!! I've even been working all week at looking up strength training for pregnant woman. I want to be safe. That will start Saturday, my mom is also giving me her exercise ball... so I'll be using that too.

2. Calorie intake: I did up my WW points by 5 (couldn't find a WW guideline for pregnancy, just for nursing). I'm not going to necessarily SHOOT for this... I'll still be sure to get my daily 23 in. BUT if I by chance go over (which I've done a few times this week... damn pizza)... I've got the 5 to cover me and then my AP and FP. I just want to be safe and not end up starving myself because of weight gain, etc... Calorie wise, I'm not sure where this leaves me. I was not counting calories until the same time I found out about my preggers state. Since the 1st I've been in the range of 1300-1500 calories. I did have 1 day that was EEEKKKK 1800 calories. Holy moley. But it was only 1 day. The 1500 range was due to Pizza for dinner 1 night and left overs for lunch the next day. So... I'll be watching that. Anyhow... Really... I don't have any idea where my calories should be. I've never counted calories before. But I'm LOVING mydiet on facebook. So... I've been keeping track. I kinda figured if I can stay around 12-1500 on average (1200 being a losing weight range right?) then, I guess I'll be ok. It'll be something i'm going to ask the OB about later this month. I admit... I need some direction when it comes to calorie ranges.

3. I'm trying to ditch coffee... so far in a week I've gone from full caffeine to making my own version of 1/2 caf, to now @ a 1/4 caf. Although my Dr told me with the 1st he's ok with 1 8oz cup a day... I still want to try and kick it. We'll see How I am by the end of next week. hahahahaa!!

That's my general plan. So far I'm good. I'm proud of myself and I'm feeling like I'm in an awesome place. I feel elated 1/2 the time and on cloud nine. I don't remember feeling this happy with the last pregnancy. I don't know... something is different, that's all I know. And probably it's just me and who've I've been growing into. But still... it's a pretty awesome feeling. :)

2 last things... my insomnia seems to have cured itself with the pregnancy. I have been insomnia free since finding out. It's probably all mental, but i don't care. I have a REAL live, internal clock these days. I'm asleep by 11:30 and up by 7:30 without any clocks!!

I've changed my weight loss widget to just a weight journey widget because I still want to track... I'm scale obsessed... lets face it.... I'll still be tracking, might as well share with all of you. hahahaha!! But I am wondering if I'll end this pregnancy with having only gained baby weight like I did the first. We'll have no idea until those weeks after the birth when the swelling goes down. Then, a whole new phase of my journey will begin. For now, I'll just keep track and be happy with whatever happens. :)

this whole post seems discombobulated. hahahahaa!! Sorry. :)


Sunday, August 2, 2009

Grief is never far away

Yesterday I was all set with a post to update you guys on things the Dr said, things that have been going on around here, and really, just a really great update. And as usual I got caught up on all my favorite blogs first (because lets face it I love hearin' what you all have to say). :)

And then i read Jenn's blog @ Priorfatgirl. And I couldn't stop crying when i read about the sudden and tragic loss of her mom. My heart started bleeding and I started crying for Jenn and her family. For their loss, for their pain and the sorrow that they will be going thru for months to come. If I was there with her, I'd be doing anything and everything i could to help them thru this. I know there are NO words I can say to her or her family. But just being there to sit beside them to help them thru this. But I can't. I live too damn far away... oh and yeah, there's that little thing of I really don't know Jenn. From everything I've read that her mom wrote and Jenn said of her, she was an amazing woman and even blog land is going to miss her, miss her dearly.

But i have to admit... Reading about the loss of her mom; ripped open a seam that has yet to heal in my own life. A seam of grief that since I found out about this pregnancy has slowly been loosening up. Almost immediately finding out about this pregnancy, I thought of my dad and how I can't share it with him. Which led me to my brothers wedding, he will be missing from that occasion too. And then as August quickly approached, I started to remember that August is when life in my family, started falling apart. The beginning of August is when Dad found out about the cancer. August 14th is when dad had his surgery. August is the last time he laid eyes on my daughter, he had a short few days where he was actually recovering very nicely... and then he went down hill again and had to go back to ICU. August is the last time I ever had a REAL conversation with my dad. August was the start of losing my dad.

So when i read about Jenn's loss of her mom, although the tears started for her and her family... the tears haven't stopped because that loosening seam ripped open like a geyser and has not stopped. Despite how excited I am about the next 9 months... the next few months are going to be the 2nd hardest of my life. Last year I spent 2 months having hope my dad would pull thru. Sadly, in my heart... i think i knew he wouldn't make it. But the longer he held on, the more hope I had. And Dad had been sick before... very sick... sick where we feared he wouldn't make it... and he DID!! He ALWAYS persevered! So really, my hope was based on the past. His past will to fight. Some times I still hope he'll walk thru that door and give me a hug. Like it was a cruel joke. I wouldn't care about the cruelty of it... I'd just be glad for my dads arms to be around me again. For him to just be here.

I try every day to be sure I talk to my daughter about my dad. She has pictures of him she looks at every day. My cousin made her a scrapbook of pictures of my dad, so she can always remember. We have him in our nightly prayers and I know he's up there looking down on her playing and laughing along with her. But yesterday and today... I'm just feeling the loss of him even more than I have in months.

He died Oct 17, 2008. 2 months after his surgery. And a year later it feels like yesterday. So the post I had in mind will have to wait. I have some grieving to do and some tears to get out. Memories to remember. Yesterday, I even realized I has forgotten he always called my daughter his little Cheeky girl.