Monday, June 29, 2009

I have to admit...

That when the alarm went off, i got up, peed and went back to bed. I couldn't even keep my eyes open. My goodness... going to sleep after 12:30am and getting up at 6am don't mix. I wish i could figure out my insomnia.

BUT a kudo to me is that last night when the hunger started... i ignored it. Luckily I fell asleep shortly after. I know if I'd been awake much longer, I wouldn't have been able to ignore the pains. But still... i did not eat at midnight. WHOHOO!!!

The other kudo's is that as soon as I wake the kiddo up here in a minute(aka as soon as I'm done posting) I will get on the Wii and do my hour... Yes, an hour of exercising. So, although I didn't wake up and go walking at 6am. I AM GOING TO WORKOUT! Not later, NOW!!

I decided while cleaning the shower this morning that i would set the alarm every morning for 6am... today I stayed awake for less than 5 minutes before going back to bed. Tomorrow... if I don't make it for my run, I will force myself to stay awake for 5 minutes before going back to bed. I'll start increasing my "you MUST stay awake for at least ____ min" every day... until hopefully the alarm going off and my body start to comply. Hopefully, like today, knowing I did not get up and go for my walk will be the motivation I need to get up and exercise on the Wii. If nothing else... i guess it's great to have a well, I didn't do that so i must do this. :) I also hope to continue going walking in the evenings with my daughter on the days i don't work in the evenings. I just have to figure out that evening schedule so that she's not up any later than her bed time.

Anyways, anyone have any great ideas (besides sleep aids) for getting to sleep earlier than usual? Sleep aids, including benadryl leave me groggy and I usually need a good 10 hours for them to be out of my body so I can function... I don't get 10 hours of sleep. Kidding me. So no go. But I'd love some ideas, including homeopathic, on ways to get to sleep earlier than usual. What works for you? What time i go to the bedroom and lay down does not effect how fast I fall asleep... i can go to bed and lay down at 9pm and I'll still be awake at midnight. I always read when I go to lay down... it's my wind down time. I NEED that time... but even a REALLY boring horrible book, does not put me to sleep. :(

Anyhow... Any suggestions?

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL day. And remember...

You are FABULOUS just the you are!!


OH I almost forgot! I lost .1lb in 2 weeks. I'll be thankful that the bloating isn't so bad... but I woke up with my eyes swollen shut & my fingers and toes like snausages again... which means that the bloating is still here. I'll be glad for my period to end (any day now) and then a day or 2 later I'll be back to my normal amount of bloating. :)

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Self reflection

These last few days I've realized how VERY un-motivated I am. I just can't find it in me... I haven't given up... But I'm acting like I've given up. I am NOT motivated to wake up early and get going on my day to exercise. I'm not motivated to even TRY to exercise despite my get up time. If I can find the time to sit and be lazy... I can find the time to exercise. I KNOW this. But every day I think later and later comes and I don't.

I need to get back into the game... I just feel so alone. i know, even typing that sounds weird to me. I feel alone in my own skin.

I realized this weekend that a big part of my problem in motivation has been the lack of enjoyment in exercising in doors. i really hate exercising inside, I like using my Wii don't get me wrong. But it gives me no self of self. No way to just let go and be free. No way for me to really FEEL. I don't know, I can't really explain it. I miss walking. I miss the challenge of training for running again. I miss it. I love nature, I miss it even though it's right outside the door. I miss coming home feeling like ME! That's really the problem with feeling alone in my own skin. Before the temps rose here in Az I spent every morning (almost) outside walking and just feeling FREE!! Free of fat, free of my feelings and even when i didn't... by the time I got home, I felt tired and great all at the same time. When I'm outside I feel more like I'm working TOWARDS something, working out indoors I feel like I'm on a road to no where. I've always been like this. Indoors just sucks for me. Probably always will be like that.

So why not walk. Because as the temps rose, so did I. I was hitting heat exhaustion levels in my body temp. i was feeling sick and nauseous. I couldn't leave any earlier because the hubster wasn't home yet and I'm not willing yet to upset the kiddo's sleeping schedule. I see the excuses, but i also want that time in the morning for me; which means keeping her schedule as is. I just need to quit sleeping in so late so that i can get back to the Wii in the morning.

BUT this weekend I learned something... Hubby's schedule is changing. He is going back to day shift... some of the time. Tomorrow starts a week of ALL day shifts, we'll see how it goes after that. They keep looking to take him back to nights some how because of course he rocks and they trust him... but it would mean working day and night shifts and that equals trouble for his health. He'll have to work less for his 2nd job... but luckily really that's to cover the lack of shifts he's been getting at the 1st job AND extra money. So if he goes back to 40 hours a week... he won't need the 2nd job. :)

Anyhow, the point is that with working days he'll be home in the mornings. So i could get up earlier than I was in the winter and go walking. I just have to get up early. Now I admit... i don't wake up until after 8am every morning. Kiddo wakes up at 9:30 every morning (long story). In order to walk before it gets too hot, I need to leave here around 6am. I think. I'm never up that early to know for sure what the temp is... but still... that's early for me, the insomniac. So... I'm going to work on that. I'm going to work on getting to bed earlier and walk on the days that hubby will be home in the mornings for me to leave that early. I am a little daunted and afraid I won't be able to drag my arse out of bed... but then again... i never said I couldn't come crash on the couch until kiddo gets up. :) hehehehehe!!! We'll see... being up and not in bed yet... doesn't help me get off to a good start.

So, here's to tweaking things and getting my motivation back. If the hubster wasn't so worried about it... I'd walk really late at night... But he'd be too freaked out and worried about me. I don't blame him. Oh well... I've also been thinking I'd really like a Bike. but maybe next year or for xmas. I better go.

How do you keep yourself motivated? What works for you?


Saturday, June 27, 2009


So, today the scale was MUCH nicer to look at... even though i technically wasn't suppose to be looking at it. :) hehehe! Can't wait for Monday. :)

I was sick most of yesterday due to a migraine. So i admit, eating sucked, no exercise. What do you do. Sickness sucks. But today... I've been a cleaning machine and a healthy eating machine. WOOT WOOT!!

Also... another great thing i forgot to mention. On fathers day i wanted to look nice and frankly cute shoes have not been a part of my wearable wardrobe since I got pregnant. They just don't fit and at this point I've gotten rid of them all but 1 pair. Even though they are PAINFUL and horribly un-wearable... i just haven't. I love these shoes. :) Well, Sunday i tried them on... and OMG!! They fit! I'm not used to wearing shoes other than flip flops or my running shoes (3 yrs now since I last wore these shoes) so of course by the end of the day... my feet hurt. BUT OMG!! they fit! HOLY COW!

That's another reason to lose weight... cute shoes. :) WHOHOOO!!

Have a great weekend. Stay strong and get it done!


Friday, June 26, 2009

Happy friday!

Happy Friday Everyone! Now go out there and make today a FABULOUS day!


Thursday, June 25, 2009

I'm in pain and in a groove.

I'd just like to share that although I'm feeling like over inflated turkey being gutted for thanksgiving dinner... I just finished 30 minutes of exercising. WHOHOO!! The reason I'm so proud. Because i just didn't wanna. It hurts to stand, hurts bad... But... i just told myself I have to. AND I've hit an all time high!

I decided to not do the Wii and instead used that handy dandy stair stepper that is hiding in my dining room. Normally 2 minutes just KILLS me. I can't do more than that at a time. Today, I did 3- 6 minute sessions. In between each session I did 5 minutes of upper body strength training and then topped it off with 2 more minutes of boxing with the weights. I feel great... but I'm so done.... I'm ready to be basted and have the little red temp thing pop up to tell ya all I'm done.


Eating hasn't been on spot today, damn butterfingers hubby brought home AND pizza. BUT the flip side is, I've only used 5 flex points all week... so I've got some breathing room for some orange roughy tonight for dinner. hhhmmmm....

Have a great night!


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just a quick note to say HI!

Ok, so I'm still here. But I've been "taken down" by that lovely little thing called PMS. My body is so screwed up right now, I'd swear to god I was pregnant (which I'm not) or 13 again going thru the body changes about to have my first one ever. Holy crap I hate being a woman. I'm in pain, I'm still working on moving and eating right.

I'm so bloated that the scale on monday morning said that from sunday morning to monday morning I gained 6 pounds. Uh yeah... No. Even I know there is no way i gained 6lbs overnight. Especially since I'd been showing a 3 pound loss for 3 straight days in a row. i just wasn't that bad all week; yes, some enjoyment... But just not 6lbs worth. Damn it... 6lbs worth... i shoulda had the whole damn brownie cheescake instead of saying no. Anyhow... I even did very well at the buffet on sunday. I did have some salmon, 3 fried shrimp, and 6 season frys; yes I counted all of them. Otherwise all i had was fruit and salad with dressing only dipped into with the tongs of my fork and then shaken before adding the salad on each and every bite.

Side Note: I figured out while i was there WHY I have quit eating so much when we go and why i stick to the salad bar. i am APPALLED at the way people eat when they are there. I'm afraid too... I mean OMG! It makes me want to cry and I try to think was that me? i just don't know... and then I get afraid... i don't want that to be me. So... it kinda is a deterrent for me. Guess it helps to be in the moment and aware of your surroundings. So anyone who goes and loves them. Just take a good hard look around and I bet you'll feel the leash rein itself in and you'll be ok... no binging. :)

Anyhow... so i needless to say scrapped monday's weigh in and ignored it. The calender says I'm slated to start by this weekend... so I'll just take this week off from the scale thank you very much. I have been working VERY hard to get this bloating down, but shipola even the diuretic isn't helping. So i think I'm just screwed until i start. I did lose 1lb though in 1 day... so maybe it is working. i don't know, it's not helping enough though. oh well. on top of myself being in pain in my joints, my back, my um... boobs, being bloated to hog heaven, my poor child is sick; yes AGAIN!

How is it that a kid who spent 2 years of her life (she;s only 2 1/2 now) with only 3-4 colds (ear aches included) that WHOLE time and I always exposed her to non fever sickness to build her immune system. How is that she has been sick now off and on for 3 weeks. She got over 1 and another popped into it's place over night. She's running fevers, won't eat, won't drink. Took her to the Dr... just let it runs its course kinda cold. It's her throat though. I'm hoping the naturalpathic stuff I bought will do the trick and I'm hoping that what hubby and I are taking will keep it at bay for ourselves... otherwise our household is screwed. I miss my friends. boohooo. Kiddo needs to get better so mommy can have her some play dates and see her friends while she plays with their kids. yes, play dates are more for me than her. I love it! hahahaha!!

Anyhow... I'm eating great. Working on a muffin recipe that is healthy, low fat, next to no sugar and chock full of fruits and vegi's (last nights batch is only 1pt per muffin. Yum!!). As soon as I get it down to where I LOVE it... I'll be posting it. Next batch should tweak it just right :) But until the batch I made last night is all eaten.... I aint cookin' any more.

Anyhow... so there you go. I'm moving, I'm eating healthy and smart choices, even convinced hubby NO pizza the other night (even though I had the points). So Hopefully this PMS will quit kicking my arse and hopefully kiddo will get better FAST!!

BTW! Have any of you checked out If you haven't you HAVE TO. I mean HAVE TO!! I'm hooked. I've been posting notes on all the gas pumps while I'm working. I'm loving it and today at the pediatricians... i left 4 all over the building. It makes me feel very happy at the thought of the person about to read it. So go check it out and tell me what you think. Like it, love it... can do without it. Just share. :)


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Operation Beautiful

I'm very thankful for Jenn @ priorfatgirl for leading me to Annabel @ FeedmeI'mcranky who in turn has led me to Caitlin @ healthytippingpoint.

Caitlin has started Operationbeautiful. A crusade to stop fat talk. It's amazing. you have to, no questions about it, you have to check it out. If you do NOTHING else... You HAVE to check it out.

All of us working towards a common goal of losing weight have ALL done it. I'm sure... I know i wouldn't have gotten to 200lbs if I had at some point stopped the fat talk in my own head (ok that and a few other things, but still).

I'm afraid my daughter will end up down the same road. I've just never really known how to TRULY stop it. I try. That's all I can do. I think thru operation beautiful... It will keep me constant on the road to stopping it and forever changing my life. I've already posted my first note and I WILL make it a daily occurrence. Even if I have to post it on a random strangers car (since we all know i sometimes don't go any where).

So... that being said.



Saturday, June 20, 2009

2 delicious treats... or maybe it was 3.

Tonight I pulled my act together. It might have been late in the game, but i did.

WHOHOO me!! :)

Dinner turned out amazing!!! I made my recipe blog because at the time i was doing a lot of experimenting and trying to find low point full flavor recipes to cook. Well... these days, I don't do much in the way of recipe cooking. It's chicken or fish pan cooked and some vegi (usually broccoli) for the side. All that changes it the way I season the meat. I know... so un-inspiring. BUT tonight I decided to play with my fish. I've been on an orange roughy kick these days. It's not as cheap as Cod or Tilapia, but it's not as expensive as salmon or halibut. AND the kicker is... it comes in REAL portion sizes (5-7oz), not some freaky 1-2oz portion size. it's low in points and I really like the flavor.


Delicious thing #1
Tonight I sauteed up some onions, mushrooms, sweet orange peppers, zucchini, cooked my fish in the midst of it all with some old bay seasoning AND some seafood seasoning I bought at Sams Club. Just as it was all done, i threw in some fresh spinach leaves on top... just to wilt them. I broke the fish up and wallaaa... instant bowl dinner. OMG!! It was so good. I was wishing I had made more... it was that good. It tasted light, yummy, the onions were caramelized to perfection. hhhmmm... i could almost go make more now... I'm making myself hungry. I'll have to post this in for the record. It was a whole 6pts!!! I don't count my EVOO (I know for shame) But i spray it in the pan and then spread it with a paper towel... So... kinda really isn't there. At least, I that's the lie I tell myself but considering I don't eat a lot of oils (except dressing which I count). Tough ship. The dish would work just as well with chicken. Onto other things before I go eat something from making myself hungry. :)

Delicious thing #2.
I went walking. Yup! I did it. despite being dog tired today... i went for a 30 minute force the kid to stay in the stroller heart pumping walk. I kept my heart rate in it's target zone. Wasn't as long as I wanted, but after almost what like 2 weeks of no heart raising activity. I'm proud. :) Missy was being so good that I cut the walk short and we drove to the BIG park that's lighted at the ball park.

Which leads me to maybe Delicious thing #3.
We went to the big park because our neighborhood park, the playground lights... are well non-existent. We spent an hour at the park playing. I was hoping i could convince her to go walk around the pond/lake... because she's been really getting into "running" along side me for part way and I can walk fast then and maybe stretch my workout time. But oh well. today she actually branched out and was ok with me staying OFF the playground equipment and just walking around the ground following her like a puppy. She won't let me sit off to the side like the parents... but that's ok. Some of those kids make Mama bear come to the surface the way they treat the younger ones (including mine) so it's probably better I actually be where I can SEE what happens if something should happen or I just might let her claws out and shouldn't have. :)

Anyhow... Tomorrow is Xmas in June/BD celebration/fathers day with my husband's biological paternal grandmother and her husband. I adore them and they adore me. So it'll be a VERY nice change to spend time with in-laws who like me. :) Hubby wanted Peter Piper Pizza i begged for Egads... a all kinds of food buffet... because at least then I can pig out on salad and not pizza. And I know what your thinking. But really... whenever we go to this particular one... nothing really looks appetizing enough to BLOW IT on; so I'm happy with the vegi's for Salads and I've learned to dip my fork in the dressing on the side so that i can portion control even that. I go girl!! :) I'm glad we'll be with someone other than myself & the kiddo tomorrow because tomorrow will be a hard day with it being the first since my dad passed. I miss him. And yes, i see how maybe tomorrow being a hard day a buffet could spell disaster, but I know in my heart... i'll be ok. Because I always am at this one. :)


Finally getting around to... well just moving around period.

Last night was F.U.N. Wii games, good food, & good company.

Not that i didn't think it wouldn't be. I've been best friends with her since we were in 3rd grade. We've stayed friends ever since. We spent YEARS where we only saw each other once a year if that. Back in the day (until I moved home in 2000) we were pen pals (in the same city even) more than anything. But she's always been like a sister to me. heck... We even were born the same year, 1 day apart. Hows that for close. hehehe!! We're so different in so many ways, but we're alike in so many others. I couldn't ever in my life ask for a better friend and as much as I love my husband. I see her and I growing old together... our kids taking care of us and reminding us who we are more than I see any one else. hahahaha! We even joke about it. Her daughter has already said she's not changing any diapers; period!! hahahhaa! And I do hope my hubby is around, but there's nothing like someone who's known you for what might as well be your whole life.

So of course we had a good time. We don't really get to "catch up" as much any more as her daughter is now old enough (14) to understand what we're saying and gets the logistics of what we're saying. I adore her daughter and she's my first favorite girl, my daughter is now my bestest favorite girl over her, but she'll always be special for me. Which also means so far she hasn't outgrown hanging out with us. i hope she never does... but if she does, WOW will we be able to talk about A LOT more. :) Last night I even realized how much I miss the code talk we had between us so that kiddo (then MUCHO younger) wouldn't get whom we were speaking of. It was always so much fun. :) Now we have to talk in hushed tones like teenagers again so that our parents, er I mean her daughter, doesn't hear us. hahahahaha! I knew adults went backwards as they got older. hahahhaa!!

Anyhow, I did pretty good on the indulgences; that is until my hubby got there after work (he's been working swing shifts just to keep his job) and brought with him brownie cheesecake. ooohhhh my god! I completed 5 deadly sinful bites that will some day send me straight to hell... they were that good. I can even taste it now. Holy cow am i SOOO glad I convinced my bestie to keep the rest at her house for today & fathers day... I'd be in gluttonous hell. Oh but some sins... are to die for. :)

I didn't get home until after midnight. 8am rolled around WAY too early! I'm so tired. Exhausted to the bone. A little afraid of monday's weigh in... but at the same time. Am praying I do well today and tomorrow to counterbalance it. We'll see. So far so good. I do hope I can deliver the strength and energy to go walking tonight with my daughter. We've got 100 degrees temps around here again and that doesn't help being too tired for things. It looks like they are here to stay for the summer... no big surprise, but this summer has been a surprise around here, normally we've been 100 degrees for a month now. If not... i think she and I will be playing the Wii and at least getting in some Yoga. If I can wake up.

OH and did I tell you today i gave myself a fat nose with a beautiful cut across the top? yeah I did. I have this fear of Bees... it stems from a long story. But I'm afraid... I went in to the garage (door was closed) to clean all the crud in the car from yesterday as I left it all there last night when i got home. Heard this buzzing. Figured it was a horse fly... until it slowed down long enough for me to see it was a bee. Ok... calm, be calm. I grab the bug spray (which says it won't work on bees... but what else was I to do) shoo missy into the house; grab this wooden crate right next to me to stand on... and SHIT before I even put it down... the damn thing flies RIGHT at me. F**CK!! I put my hands up to shield myself... yeah i don't know what i was thinking either. it's not like my hands could stop it... I smacked myself in the nose with the crate because I was still holding it. Oh my goodness does my nose hurt. it's giving me a nice little headache. Lovely... I've got a fatter nose than normal. hahahaha! At least it's the bridge and not the end like when i was a kid and looked like rudolph with no make-up. hahahah! that's a whole other story for another day that is an awesome memory my dad. Oh crap, here come the water works. I'm outa here.

You all have a WONDERFUL weekend and please give your dads an extra warm hug.


Friday, June 19, 2009

Back in line

Luckily yesterday the guilt was VERY low. Kiddo is doing great. Except for a few it hurts mommy.... she really was ok. I even got her to stop freaking out over the medicine I have to put on her owie last night. She ended up laughing and crying all at the same time. i love it when she says tickles mama. It's so cute. if only i could spell it the way she says it.

We went grocery shopping ALL day yesterday. Missy and I had a lot of fun.

My eating is TOTALLY back in line. WHOHOO!! The scale today (i wasn't suppose to get on it) even reported a loss... but I don't believe it as it's not Monday yet. I do feel bloated... so good thing my plan is to eat lots of fruit today and high fiber as I have plans tonight with my best friend since 3rd grade and I don't want to look at dinner wondering... how many points is this? I want to enjoy the evening. I'm even providing dessert and the sides... I've picked desserts like the Sara Lee Bites... I've been dying to try them... but don't trust myself to not eat all 40 in the container... so perfect, the 4 of us will share them. :) Portion control handled. :)

Anyhow... I haven't exercised worth a damn this week. But ya know... I'm ok with it. This is my real life. No excuses for it... but I have been busy, and that happens... even if I were skinny... this would happen. Today will be another busy day getting ready to go over to her house this afternoon... so my plan is to get back on track tomorrow for exercise.

You all have a great Friday! And be kind to yourselves.


Thursday, June 18, 2009

What the heck!!

Why is it... i finally break down and go buy a blender... A REAL blender; not a stick blender like I have now and I get it home... try to make a smoothie to take with me for more grocery shopping (so that i don't end up getting fast food or junk to snack on as I'm not ready for dinner yet)... and the damn thing won't even chop of the fresh fruit. What the F**CK. Guess it's back to wally world tomorrow. Maybe that was my first mistake.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

bad day.... bad... bad day

Today turned out to be a bad day for me. It started out with work work work. No big deal. Until a bizarre accident happened to my child. And I'd describe it to you... but it's just not easy to explain without... well. Anyhow... It was bizarre. Caused me to freak out. Have a worst mom of the day award and I've been ridden with guilt. i know accidents happen. But this happened because I was too involved in my own work to pay enough attention to her. I know it happens. But when an accident makes you try to figure out if it's the ER or the Dr... you kinda feel the guilt. At least i do. So... lets see... 4 slices of pizza later AND a burger king chicken grilled sandwich value meal medium... soda and fries and all... Yeah... that's all I've eaten all day... and enough calories to send me into overload for the rest of the week.

Thankfully kiddo will be ok. But every time i hear it hurts mommy or she screams in pain when I apply the antibiotic ointment... makes me feel all the more guilty and is enough to make me cry.

So... yeah.... bad, bad day for me.

As you can tell... i don't handle guilt AT ALL!!!

Luckily tomorrow is a new day.


At least I tried.

Still feeling very blah. Not much energy. But I'm working on getting my workout mojo back. It may have been a slow walk last night as the kiddo insisted on walking instead of riding in the stroller, but we did walk for 30 minutes last night. Actually i walked. She was insistant on running. I kept asking her if she wanted to walk or ride. No mommy... I running. It was very cute. I know my heart rate did not even kinda go up. But... at least I moved. :)

Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm back

Yesterday was again a busy busy day. No exercise. Didn't count points Sat or Sun because I was too busy. Ate pretty good though, so my guess; I was at or under my allotted 23 points.

But I'm back in the game baby!!

I'm a loser again! I lost 1.6lbs last week. WHOHOOOO!!

That's despite the lack of exercise due to my health and schedule.

As excited I am about it... I feel like crapola. I really wish i was dead. I've officially caught Hubby's and now Kiddo's colds. I'm sure the last 2 days of all day work didn't help how I'm feeling. So today... I will try to get out there and exercise. Even if it's just a walk with kiddo after work this evening. But that's if i can drag my butt up. I think the weight loss will finally help boost me.

WHOHOO! I'm a loser again! Just 1.6 more pounds to lose to take me back to where I was before I started gaining a month ago (180.6). WHOHOO!! I'm excited. Can't you tell?


Sunday, June 14, 2009

What the cat dragged in

Today I am the dead, bloody, oozing, un-recognizable animal the cat dragged in during the middle of night.

Yesterday was a grueling day. When missy finally got home and it was time to put her to bed. I couldn't bend over to pick her up off the floor (as she was determined to sleep there) it was that grueling. I got up at 6:30. Started working around here by 8 or 8:30. Did not stop until 11pm last night. Only rested to eat. So maybe total... I rested 1, maybe 1.5 hours. When i look at my list of things to do today... which is still a mile long. I feel like I got nothing accomplished. But my house is super clean. I put up 4th of July decorations (stars) which are doing double duty as birthday decorations. I made a new flower garland for my kitchen (as the one I had was a fall decor) it has twinkling lights and everything. Very cute. I blacked out my high kitchen window as although I love natural light, crave it, worship it... that window only succeeds in furthering the heat in my house in the summer. I'm surprised at how dark it made it... but how little it effected the overall light flow of the house. WHOHOOO!!! :)

Anyhow... I did so much here and there. I just never stopped. Hubby even ended up helping. Although he tells it like he cleaned all day (he did after 2pm) and did a lot to help me; the truth is....he didn't. He always does the folding of the laundry so that wasn't really "a help", I wasn't planning on cleaning my bedroom or my bathroom as guests WILL not see those and he cleaned them, I wasn't planning on "cleaning" the out of doors and he is such a neat freak he cleans out there... the only things he did that were actually a help and off my to do list were vacuum kiddo's room, grate cheese (the only thing i asked him to help me with) and change the litter box litter. At least i don't have to do those things now. :) And at least the things he did are done. But he gets a HUGE kudo's for his efforts because
1. he stayed out of my way and
2. he had planned on sleeping in all day and he didn't. :) Woulda pissed me off if he had. hahahahahaa!!

He did do 1 other thing last night that I liked. He went and got me (us) liqueur. We don't drink much around here since he got a DUI while I was pregnant. For various reasons we've decided to keep the house a drunk free zone and so we just don't do liqueur around here. Well, he went and got us some last night. I was craving slow screws (slo gin instead of vodka screw driver), but he bought vodka. And let me tell ya... DAMN it tasted good. And after yesterday and then again today's schedule... I could really use to sleep in a buzzed stupor.. Really to sleep for a few days straight. Or maybe just 1 day. Maybe I'll just have to get buzzed before the in-laws show up. Just to keep me happy; although I'm tired and exhausted enough... It'll probably just put me to sleep. WAIT! Double bonus!!! hhahahahahahhahahahahaha!!!

Anyhow... You all have a great day. I'm going to go start my busy day and pray I get it all done so that i can get all beautified before they show up or maybe just so I can sit and veg for a while before they do.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

How sad

Kiddo just left with my mom for a day in the mountains.

I almost feel like my left arm is gone.

Feels strange to know she is not here... and won't be until bed time.

But that is OK. I have a bazillion things to do today.

I hope to take a nap, as boy am I tired and 6:30 came too early as I did not sleep again last night. But if I don't find time... It just means I was busy.

I'm hoping to exercise today... but if I don't... it means I was too busy cleaning... spring cleaning kind of cleaning. Which will just HAVE to count as exercise. But how do i enter that into EA active. I'll figure it out :)

Yeah, what's up with that spring cleaning type of cleaning?
That is the stress I feel from the in-laws coming over tomorrow.

Hubby's party decorations will be doing double duty as 4th of July decorations. So I'm excited to do that! I love decorating for the holiday's. I just never get around to doing it early enough.

I hope you all have a great day!


Friday, June 12, 2009

A little recap.

So... I'm proud to admit. I have NOT exercised today... so, lets see... that's 3 days in a row now. I'm not proud that i haven't exercised. What I'm proud of is not beating myself up over it.

Yesterday was all work from the time i got up until i went to bed, literally.

Today.... OMG! I have been going non stop since I woke up this AM. Food has been pretty decent. I'm WAY under what i usually am by this time of the day. Kiddo has been a hamper on how fast things get done. I have a 1/2 sheet of paper full of things to do and get done all before Sunday @ 3pm.

Thank god my mom is coming in the morning to get little missy so that
1. She can visit and play with her
2. So that i can get my shit together and not be so stressed :) LOL

I found out hubby is off tonight (after his swing shift) and he doesn't work tomorrow until midnight. And I'm torn apart about how I feel about it
1. I have to share the bed tonight... yeah I know, but I've gotten used to having that Cali king all to myself. When he's there to sleep... I don't sleep as well.
2. Damn it!! I was looking forward to being ALONE tomorrow
3. Damn it!!! We could use that time to go out on a date. And we can't because I have too much to do.

I know the things that rack my life with trouble. :) hehehhe! However I am excited to ice and decorate my first home made ice cream cake. I'll post pics to share with you the results. Ok... better get back to work. :-)


Thursday, June 11, 2009

My pride and joy

Nothing really to say... today's been a grueling day with no end in sight. Food sucks. no exercise in sight as I have too much to do. Kiddo is not napping. Why... I don't have the energy to go put her down. She's sick and it's going to be a fight. I didn't meant to say all that.

What I really came on here to share with you is this:

The best sound in the world... is her laugh. :)

Her laugh makes it all go away. :)


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Could some one PLEASE kill me now

So yesterday was a semi good day. I got the munchies and ate a whole bag of popcorn during a movie hubby and I rented. Ended the day with 35 points. So yeah... 12 points over my allotted. I only worked out for 27 (hard) minutes when i was hoping for an hour because of another headache and laziness. BUT my arms are sore from the last 2 days and I feel good about yesterday besides the 12 points over my daily 23. It was Tues and I am sitting better than I have the last 3 weeks.

Today is suppose to be my 30 day challenge day off. I was planing on doing 20-30 minutes of my Wii Yoga and then take a 30 minute walk this evening. I figured I'd get caught up on work today... And I had been planning on getting my grocery shopping all done before 9am.

But the reality of today is a totally different story.

I have not worked out.

I have thrown up 2x and am totally off the points game.

I woke up with a violent migraine. 2 bites of wheat bread made me lose my cookies. I waited until i was less nauseous and took my imitrex. yeah... 20 minutes later threw that up! F**K it was my last one and i have no money to go buy more this week. After an hour I finally got off the couch, went to the store, bought Excedrin migraine (we were out) ginger ale and a baguette of french bread. It's all I've eaten all day. Hubby is working an odd day shift today and I'm mommy & daddy all alone today. Ummm... It's 4pm and I've finished the whole thing of french bread. I've barely gotten off the couch. I still feel sick. I still feel like crap. There is NO food in my house, I am now 2 days behind in work and no matter how i feel when kiddo gets up. I HAVE TO go buy groceries. The thought of going outside in the heat makes me even sicker. But what am I suppose to do. Kiddo doesn't even have anything to eat but cereal. Which would be fine if she hasn't been living on that for 2 days because I've been avoiding the store.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when we don't feel good. I should have done everything I was suppose to do yesterday. But because I barely slept Mon night... i took the day off in the realm of work and chores. And what do you know... I am now completely useless today. I guess that's what i get for being lazy for a reason as little as lack of sleep. when will i learn. Oh well...

I guess I can hope I puke again and then there will be no guilt because of the bread. And if I don't... I'm just going to do what I've been saying all week... tomorrow I will pretend today didn't happen. The scale did say I was 2lbs less this am. So I guess I can think of that as a positive for today. :)

Tomorrow WILL be stressful, but a better day or by god I'll have to scream, cry and throw a tantrum.

P.S. Did anyone catch Mark Paul Gosseler; um I mean Zach Morris on Jimmey Fallon on monday night. It was funny and cute. Totally made me remember some really good memories from when i was a kid and an avid saved by the bell watcher. :)


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Monday's challenge done

So... yesterday ended up being a good and bad day in the end.

I'm proud to report I only ate 29 points for the whole day. My daily is 23. I earned 4 AP points and used 2 FP points I exercised for a little over an hour. I made smart food choices and it went down hill AFTER i went to bed.

I couldn't sleep. I was awake well past 1am... up again around 2:30, up til after 3:30 sometime. i thought someone was ripping out my insides. I don't know if it was hunger pains, or some other pain. Back pain radiating through my entire insides... i don't know. 4 of those points were from a 3am bread attack. I could have had more... I didn't. Told myself 2 slices is more than enough.... just need time to start digesting it. For my brain and stomach to register. Finally it must have because I fell asleep. Anyhow... I'm of course exhausted today... but I'm about to go get little missy up... and then... I'm gonna exercise if it kills me.

Here's to another smart choices day


Monday, June 8, 2009

Proud moment for myself

So... it's not exactly a secret that i just LOVE (dripping with sarcasm) my in-laws. And they just happen to think I am the cats meow whom they adore (with even more sarcasm, so much so that it could strike you dead)

Well, I am proud to report that I have made a step in the correct normal person , healthy relationship with the in-laws direction. :) If I ever could be normal with them, but that's not the point. Hubby's birthday is Sunday. I was planning on throwing him a surprise party, but my moms family is just about all going out of town for a family camping trip.

I wish we could camping, we wanted to... but, we're still not sure
if hubby will have a job before the month is out, so... kinda not going.
So, instead of NOT throwing him a surprise party, I took the initiative to throw a surprise dinner for the in-laws instead. I'm having them all over here for a party for him for his BD. I'm turning it more into a dinner... cause the later in the day i have it... the earlier they will leave. :) Money kinda bottomed out today... so instead of what i was planning for dinner (kinda woulda cost more than we can now spend) I'm making mexican dishes since we have a bazillion dried beans in every flavor (gotta love WIC).
I kinda can't wait... I mean I'm excited to celebrate my hubby... decorate for his BD, make him a cake, the whole works. I'm not excited to have them in my house. Not excited to spend time with them at all. Trying to be the most upbeat happy person around them is exhausting. trying to give them no reason to be upset with me is exhausting. really... being NOT me around them is exhausting. Not that I'm not a happy sun shiney person in general. But around them... I'm an introvert who is to the extreme. I'm too uncomfortable around them to be ME. So instead I have to fake it, just so I can get a HI. Anyhow...
the point is. I'm extending an invitation to them and so far, they've all said yes. I have to admit... i thought they'd say no and have excuses as over the last 2 years... that has been the case. Hubby better damn well get better because this kinda nice deserves some sex. :) LOL hahahahhahaa!!!!

A whole lotta....tears

So... I just have ta have ta have ta get myself under control. I'm up almost a 1lb from last week. A big part of it is bloating and constipation. I can pray that those 2 issues are what's causing me to be gaining and that at the middle of the week some where... I'll have lost it. But... It's an excuse that is useless. Both are caused by my lack of good diet these last few days. So really... no matter when i lose it. I still deserve it.

Things need to happen.

I need to figure out these headaches.

The best laid plans keep getting way laid. WAY too often.. and all due to laziness and headache pain.

this last Fri-Sun ended up being total bombs! Woulda been better off staying in bed all day.

Exercise this last week: I worked out 4 days again. 2 days were for an hour, 1 day for 30 minutes. That's good. BUT not enough. Not consistant the way i need to in order lose.

Food: sucked the 3 days I didn't work out. Good the days i did work out.

I'm feeling a pattern coming back and i don't want it to... but at the same time... I'm feeling the motivation to stay on track slipping. BIG TIME. And I have been fighting those feelings of see... if I can't even do it now when I'm trying to lose weight... how am I going to do when i get to maintenance mode. I'll just become fat again... see this proves it. And I know it's the WRONG attitude. I need to adjust that attitude.

I didn't even realize how bad this attitude is affecting me until today when i heard a song that just hit me right down to the core and the tears started flowing. I realized why I've been outa control too... it's this sub conscious attitude.

Have ya all heard Miley Cyrus singing The climb? Well... I have never heard it until today. And ya know... i needed it.

I've said this last month or so that i really need to get back to the day to day challenge. Forget tomorrow... forget yesterday... that today is the day that matters. But I've been focusing on everything. not just today... not just yesterday... but every day I've been passing... etc.... Really, every day I've "failed" in my eyes.

Anyhow... I think i need to hear that song every day. Just to remind me. So...

F**K yesterday and every day before it. :)

Today... despite how I feel... I've done well. I've (so far) stayed with in points. i worked out for an hour with Wii Fit yoga and my Wii EA Active. I sweated and sweated some more. I like Yoga on the Wii... I like how no matter how I feel... I feel revived when i do the yoga (although i can see how i must feel when i don't get #1 each day. :)

So... i will end today strong and i WILL follow my new EA active 30 day challenge workout schedule that i set up today. On my "rest" days... i will walk for 30 minutes OR do yoga for 30 minutes. I will move every day (and If I don't... I'll not look on it tomorrow). I will eat my points the way I'm suppose to and make smart choices (and I don't, I will not look on it tomorrow). I will remember...

It's the climb... not what's laying on the other side... not what's behind me.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

A week of... well... not a lot.

This has been one of those weeks where you feel like every day is really 48 hours long. One of those weeks where, you have a ton to do... but there are so many hours in the day... you feel like, what's the point of getting to it right now. And then you crawl into bed and realize... you really didn't get anything done. Reminds me of days of old when school would be over and there were 3 whole months of nothing ahead and after 2 weeks of nothingness... I was wishing for somethingness. Oh to be young again. To have no concerns or cares in the world.

But would I go back. I look at the sweet face climbing onto her trike to ride around the house (all this tile has got it's advantages) and I think.... NOT! I'll stay right where I am.

That being said... I can't stay RIGHT where I am... or I'll be dead before she's in high school. I can see it. So... instead I'll stay in my time zone and my current decade and work on improving my life beyond recognition. :)


Self reflection has it's advantages :) To realize, in reality... you like where you are. Is an important lesson we all need to learn. Some how. :) When she makes this cute little monkey face she's doing right now... asking me for her turn on the "puter" I can't resist. But I've got so much to tell you all. So she'll have to wait her turn. There she goes, off on the trike again. :)


This week food has been a little.. well, an issue. But it's more of a lesson, not an issue. I'm doing WW on my own. No $$ exchanging hands here. So I don't have the benefit of meetings, etc... And that's ok for me. Because really, this is something I HAVE GOT TO DO for me. Something I have to be able to do on my own. I've come to terms with some things this week.

1. Being that it's OK to eat my FP. Even if it's on crappy foods like toaster strudel's (DAMN THAT HUBBY!) or on things like home made guacamole yesterday. It's OK. Because what am I going to do when i get into maintenance mode. I'm gonna want to eat those foods once in a while. So... I've gotta learn to fit them into my eating habits NOW!! Or I'll gain a whole hell of a lotta weight when i get into that maintenance mode. I don't wanna be the biggest loser turned gainer. Really... I've come to terms with the fact that... It's not my eating habits I've gained this last 3 months; it's the eating habits I've KICKED to the curb these last 3 months that are important. NOT the toaster strudel or 2 that i enjoy a few times a week. It's not that. I need to come to terms with what I want to eat, when and how much. I've said this ALOT over and over. So... I'm basically working on trying to not be so hard on myself when it comes to food on a daily basis. It's the OLD habits I need to be hard on myself about. Not the new ones. I've always said my issue isn't so much WHAT i eat, but how much... and even more importantly....

2. It's How much I work out that is an issue. I've always know if I just work out... Even if I don't change my food... my body WILL change. Saying something and knowing something are 2 different things. But the problem here lies in my laziness. I mean come on. Who doesn't like to be lazy. I just tend to do it too much. Sometimes it feels really hard NOT to be when really... come on... I'm a stay at home mom of a 2 year old with a tiny part time job... it's hard work... but really... it's not. It's harder to get me to clean the house. :) But.... this week I'm working on tricking myself. It's the little things we do to trick ourselves into believing something that make something "work" right? So again, I'm tricking myself and I'm giving 2 weeks to see if it'll work.

3. My other issue I need to find a solution for is my bed time/hunger issue I've been battling. Insomnia is some what coming back into my life. I've been going to bed at a decent time... but unable to fall asleep until after midnight. 7am wake up just isn't working either. Ok... I'll change my schedule some to make sure I get my 7-8 hours of sleep. BUT the issue isn't that (ok some days it is- ie. laziness) The issue is that when I eat dinner before 7pm. By the time 11pm rolls around or later... I'm starving. Starving to the point of nauseousness. So what does that lead to... eating. Talking to my mom last night I realized... maybe it's because all dinner consists of for me (for almost a year) is a protein and vegi's. Sometimes... pasta... but only 1 serving and very rarely. Maybe it's the lack of carbs. I don't know. Either way... what do I resort to when I'm hungry in the late hours of the night. Carbs. And there's never enough points in the day to accommodate anything going into my mouth at 11pm.

So... What are my solutions?

They aren't too hard really...

1. Only be hard on myself after the week is over IF I've gone over my daily points, Flex points AND earned activity points for the week. So monday morning I can be hard on myself for the week that just ended. But not before. No more beating myself until the race is over. Can't know if your a "loser" until the end of the weekly race. So... that challenge in my life will be a daily make over. It's hard not to be so mean to myself. :) Instead... I'll just have to be proud of myself for limiting myself at each opportunity (Like at lunch today... only 1 serving of guac and 1 serving of chips, that was hard to limit myself to, but I did it).

2. Tricking myself into exercising. Is it even possible. Well, for 1... i need to do it even if missy is up, even if she wants to watch TV, even if... doesn't matter what the if is... All excuses need to go out the window. Especially when it comes to missy. So my trick is this... every other day... 1 hour of cardio & strength training. Every other day, 30 minutes of cardio... even if it's a wussy workout... even if I think... I'm not even sweating... might as well sit down. Gotta do it. As long as it's moving. It may technically be a day off if I don't really get my heart rate up there... but the issue is getting myself to MOVE... not getting myself a day off. If I feel like being lazy... fine it'll have to wait for a 30 minute day and I'll just go swimming with kiddo and kick around in the kiddie pool constantly for 30 minutes. It's all moving. And that's what i HAVE to do. Every day. Not just 4-6 days a week. Move 7 days a week and 3-4 days of the week will 1 hour sessions. If I can do this for 2 weeks. Be consistent... I think I'll be able to do it for another 2 weeks after that and after that month... I can then tweak it as need be. But... 2 weeks to go first. I'll let you all now if it works or not. :)

3. I've been trying to figure out this whole late night hunger issue. When i use to eat an hour before bed time... it was never an issue. Now that i eat so early... and maybe since cutting out carbs... it's an issue. And it's an issue I HAVE to start solving. So starting tonight. I'm going to try making a fruit smoothie and take it in to the bedroom with me when I'm ready to go to bed. Just as an FYI... I read til I am ready to fall asleep... blissful no brain working sleep. Otherwise... i am up even later thinking thinking thinking thinking. I swear my brain is on crack without any chemical help. I feel like it NEVER stops. So... I read, and instead I'll start reading sitting up in bed instead of laying down... and I'll sip a fruit smoothie filled with yummy fruit, spinach (as I'm getting hooked on green smoothie monsters), wheat bran and Greek yogurt. I really honestly don't get enough fruit in the day anyhow. Vegi's are no problem for me. But an added boost of them is even better. I'll see how this works. If it doesn't... i may just have to have cereal instead. So we'll see.

This is longer than I meant it to be. It's time to post and go for now. As usual... have a great day peeps!


Monday, June 1, 2009

I did it!

It was hard to motivate myself and I didn't work out at my usual tempo... it was a wussy workout. BUT I did a total of 62 minutes today on the Wii Fit. Considering my, as of late, normal amount = 0. I'm happy with it. EVEN IF I did it at a wussy heart rate. At least I moved for 62 minutes and my last 31 minutes was all cardio and I am still wet with sweat. My head is still pounding and my neck is feeling like I've got a ton of bricks a top it. BUT at least I did it.

I am going to try REALLY hard to get in my 20 minutes of EA Active today. Even if I do it at a slower easy rate. It'll count. Anyhow... just thought I'd share how proud of myself I am. Oh and I've even resisted the 2 mini cookies of missy's that are left from this weekend.

WILL POWER!! Feels likes it is on the road to being back on track.


There's plenty of excuses, but really... this is getting old

So... not much to say. I've gained weight in these last 2 weeks. No surprise there. I almost didn't weigh in, but it was time to face the music. I'm going on my 5th or 6th day of having a headache that keeps me down. Today, it's time to move my ass BEFORE i let it take me down. It's time to get my eating BACK in line NO MATTER HOW I FEEL. Feeling crappy has got to quit being an excuse for lazy ass eating.

So... Today... Is day 1 again. I'm giving myself 30 days to get back to where I WANT TO BE. To achieve some of the goals I've been wanting to, but just haven't had it in me yet to do it. Even though I am feeling like a big lump of crapola with a side of cow dung over the top of me. I WILL do this.

I've done 30 minutes of Yoga on the Wii, I will do 30 minutes of cardio something if it kills me before I settle in for another day of blahness. Maybe if it kills me... i won't eat so crazy.

That being said, sitting here is making my head pound. So... i'm gonna go. I'll get my head wrapped around things so I can tell ya all my goals for this next 30 days. :)