Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Turning a corner in the right direction

I'm proud of myself. Although lunch and breakfast could have been better choices I stayed satisfied and only had dinner and 1 snack. YEAH ME!! No binging. And even though I finished my snack and still wanted to eat, I stopped myself by asking myself if I was still hungry or just wanting to stuff something in my mouth. I'm very proud of myself, i feel good.

Also, yesterday i moved for 3x longer than i have all week. And I'm proud to say I've moved for 3 days in a row. YEAH!!! Feels good ya know. I know I'm no where near where I wish i was, but I'm past the starting line and that is what matters.

Anyhow, I've been eating fish all week for dinner. My experience with cooking fish is limited. I'm avoiding frying and other high calorie preps and sadly all my recipes call high calorie options. So far I've steamed with some seasoning and lemon juice, I used orange juice and ginger to pan sear and broiled with basil and lemon. But I'm out of ideas for tonight and instead of hitting the internet for recipe ideas (because I just don't feel like it today) I thought I'd check the best place for tried and true tasty but low cal recipes... you all!

So, do you have any great recipes (low cal) for fish? I'd love to hear them. :)


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

bad bad day

So yesterday was a weird day. I was exhausted from having woke up 3 hours earlier than usual and only got 5hours of sleep. We all know how wonderful that is, but I managed to tackle some big todo list things despite it. YEAH!!

I had a good day eating wise until dinner time and it all seemed to go down hill. By the time the kids were in bed I'd realized I'd binged between deciding it was time to cook and finishing dinner. I think this may be the first time I've admitted to binging in writing in front of other people. Though i will not go back to check to see if I already have admitted it or not. But the point is... it was bad enough my stomach pushed some of it back outa me. I know... EEEWWW!!!!! I thank goodness it did though because I was feeling pretty gross and it wasn't until after i puked that i realized I'd binged (i actually tried to tell myself maybe I cooked dinner wrong and it was bad food). I was having such a good day too eating wise, journaling wise, the whole works. I wasn't "depriving" myself or anything.


I did go back through and write down everything i could remember that I'd eaten. I have yet to tally the days totals... but I'm not sure I will. I mean really, do i need that # to let me know what happened. Nopers i don't.

I did stay up late again last night though just to get in some kind of exercise. i was so exhausted though that it wasn't even as long as the night before. but at least I moved... that matters more than anything right now. I just gotta move, I've decided to quit telling myself a time limit. Just MOVE!!! Move until you can't anymore right? My capable time is short because of my lack of exercise for so long, but it'll get longer the more I MOVE.

So there you go. Today will be better than yesterday. Somehow, some way, I'll choose for it to be better than yesterday.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Small victories that count the most

Ok, I'm just so proud of myself that i just had to share with someone and you guys will get it more than anyone. :)

This morning I made oatmeal for breakfast and normally I make it with: a fruit like banana, canned pumpkin or dried fruit, flax seed or bran, butter, milk and of course sugar. I can't stand bland food and fruit alone is never enough to jazz up my oatmeal for me. BUT today... when i gathered everything to add to my cup I left the milk, butter, and sugar in their respective storage spots. WHOHOO!! You got that right I chose to do something different.

I'm kinda tired of banging my head against the wall and asking why why why. So 1 bite at a time, 1 meal at a time, 1 minute at a time. :) I just need to keep reminding myself of that again. :)

What has been your latest SMALL VICTORY?


Weekend Recap

This weekend was much better than I anticipated. I worked out 1x more than usual. hahahahaa!! did you catch that, that means I worked out 1 day out of 2. hahahahaa!! It wasn't for long, but i went as long as I could on my Wii stepper: which means until my legs were rubbery. Kinda sad that it took less than 15minutes of stepping to get that way, but so glad I did it. :) YEAH!! it's the small things right? :) I did spend my whole weekend cleaning and tackling my Todo list. Gotta love getting things done. :)

Food wise I did well and yesterday I started counting calories. I didn't end the day as badly as I would have thought, but it wasn't great. But it's a start, gotta begin some where and I'd rather get into a habit before I start trying to get all gung ho about calorie crunching. Does that make any sense? I'm just tired of starting something and going ALL the way just to stop doing it. So how do i make it a habit if I bite off more than I can chew? I figure starting slow, just like I would if I was trying to run a mile for the 1st time. I'll build momentum, I know I will.

So, I'm on my way to making healthier habits and I did CHOOSE to be healthier than my past this weekend so I call that a win any day.

I hope everyone has a wonderful monday. :)


Saturday, February 19, 2011

1 foot off the wagon and 1 foot on

It's been a rough week. I've been food journaling and weighing my food pretty well this whole week and trying to stay conscious of my eating habits. And of course it could be better, but improvement from the past is always a good thing right? :) But exercise has been well, non existent. I've got to admit this has been a rough week full of trying to stay on top of my job, kids and some major speed bumps in our life that i have to admit... I've had excuse after excuse and exhaustion. It doesn't help that I've been feeling like I'll never be able to do it again. Trying to get my brain on board is not helping me get there either. I need to figure out a routine for when the baby is sleeping to get everything done without staying up late.

To top it off... I'm freaking out about my commitment to do the American cancer Society's Climb to Conquer Cancer that I signed up for next weekend. If 15minutes of cardio is too hard how will I even manage hiking? Which boils down to needing to get in at least 15minutes of exercise every day just to be sure my muscles aren't cramping 10 minutes into the hike. Feeling overwhelmed just SUCKS! But I know I can do it, I've done it before without being in any kind of shape, so I know I can do it again.

1 good thing happened at the end of yesterday that has me really excited and will surely be taking a lot of my time the next few weeks perhaps months... we qualified to buy our first home. HOLY MOLEY!! I almost feel like I'm in a dream, so 1 more thing to juggle in my search for making time... but I'm so excited about that one it's not even funny.

Light Bulb!!! i think I'll go right now and finish watching this last weeks biggest loser and go use my Wii fit board as a stepper (I bought a contraption to go under it to raise it for turning it into a stepper) and do some step exercising while I'm watching it. Sounds like a plan and something I've never thought of before. Maybe when I'm done I'll feel motivated to do some working out on the Wii. :)

Make it a wonderful weekend :)


Saturday, February 12, 2011

A good day

Today wasn't too bad. I got some things done off my to-do list, not that you can tell :) But most importantly I kept my promises to myself today. :)

1. Journal all my food- check
2. watched my food groups - check (must get more fruit in my day)
3. Exercised- CHECK
4. Blogged- check check

Now to keep the ball rolling every day.

I know today's victories were little, but they were important for me. Important to have that feeling back... that feeling of accomplishment for doing something for me. Tomorrow I need to not only do all those things, but also weigh and measure my food. For the most part I have been for the last year, but I have become lax and only do it... when I feel I have the time. And that's only 1 or 2 meals a day. Dinner wasn't good at all and that was my fault for not thinking ahead, but i did manage to portion control what we did have. YEAH!! The point is, I need my priorities straight.

Like I said, I exercised tonight too. I had bought the Your Shape for the Wii at the end of December and had my profile all ready to go... but in true lazy fashion have yet to use it. So I did tonight. I am sorely out of shape, but so glad I did it. Even if I only managed 15min, it was 15 minutes of victory over not doing it. So today for me was a WIN! Today was a WIN at taking my life back.

Sweet dreams Peeps. May your Sunday be miraculous!


back to square one...

I must admit I've been bottling a lot up lately and feeling really down on myself for it too. When I think back to when i first started this blog, well I realize I'm in the same place except for 1 detail... no drive, no ambition. So really I'm back to that place I was in BEFORE i started this blog. And that makes me so (wish i could say mad) sad. Hence why I've not been on since August hard to admit things even to myself these days. Of course I have a ton of excuses and some of them valid. BUT there is just no excuse for putting me last and keeping everything to myself when i KNOW doing so will just make me feel horrible about myself.

All I can say is that I need to take that crucial step forward the one that takes you from being stagnant to finally doing something about your situation. Logically i know I know how, I just have to read through this blog to see that. But illogically I feel like I don't know where to start. I feel like someone drowning trying desperately to swim with no idea just HOW to do so.

I'm stuck and in a place of fear. So much so that I even found myself telling me that if I lost weight I'm going to have all this loose extra skin which will continue to make me look fat and if my hubby can't even see the point of a boob job no way in hell will he let me get excess skin removed so I'd be better off fat (not that we have the money that is besides the point). WTH!! I sat down and cried because for me... that was a new low. No matter what I've never consciously thought I'd be better off fat. A new low for sure.

Deep down I know I need to pull up my big girl panties and just start working every day towards being healthier. And I have been trying with food when it comes to meals, but I've noticed way too much food gone by the end of the day and no way can I blame it on the kids. Sometimes I don't even "consciously" remember eating what's gone either. I've back slided so far that i don't even know where I fell off at.

So this morning i decided I need to steal time away to blog again or journal in an old fashioned book... whatever I can get my fingers on that day. Just so that i can get my head wrapped around what i need to be doing and not doing what I've been doing. I need to food journal as well and I need to start exercising and since I keep using the kids as an excuse not too... I need to do things I can do with them that we'll all enjoy.

I know all of this will help some of the issues I've been having like for example, exhaustion.

So, there you go. That gives you a little idea of where I've been for a while now. I know there's more to tell you all... but to be honest this has already taken an hour to get out there. So for now tata. :)