Mental beat down....

Ok, so my walk this morning consisted of me thinking. Yes, I did go for my walk. Not a beautiful new time, but I did, without trying, manage to stay within my 21 minute time range. Anyhow... I didn't want to go. iIwanted to stay home and wallow. Really, i want to cry today. I don't know what it is. If I really thought about it, some of it is because of yesterday and some of it is because I'm missing my dad. Anyhow... I went. I know I need an attitude adjustment and something that has always worked for me is music. And in a new healthy lifestyle, exercise should be another way to achieve attitude adjustment. Before I even put my shoes on I told myself, just go. Today is about doing it, not pushing it. Just do it, no matter how long it takes, just do it and that in itself will be a good thing since you don't want to do it! So... off i went. Here's how things went.

I thought of my points for the week. How did this happen? I know flex points and AP points are there for a reason, but come on! What changed, why the increase in the useage if there was no special occasion? And it hit me. This week, I didn't take care of my "needs" and "wants" I took care of hubby's dietary wants. He isn't liking my new healthier cooking style. My NO sauce drenched, cheese drenched, oil filled cooking. Before Feb I had already cut back the amounts of certain things... like cheese, I don't cook with butter, EVER, any more and I only use oil to coat the pan, if something is sticking, i add a liquid, NOT more oil.

Anyhow... Things like enchilada's, pasta, fried foods, you name it... Have been cut out of the home cooking. Hubby is always good at saying, it's ok and eating it. He isn't good however at just accepting things; he still lets me know he's not happy about it. So last week when i made the menu for this week (which I also quit doing) I looked for lower calorie, lower points options of some of the old favs. And ya know, All in all, Every dinner was more points and less vegi's than I have gotten used to eating over the last month. WHY, because I considered his wants and needs. At the start of this I took on the attitude of I come first since I ALWAYS put him & everyone else first. ME is the key.

And look... this is how old me found her crack into the new me, not my migraine! SHIPOLA!! So no more!! I can not and will not do this damn it! I matter and frankly, he doesn't take care of me physically or emotionally the way I need to be taken care of. I am the only one who can do that. If he doesn't like the cooking, he can make his own meals or buy some sauce to add to it. I have to get back to NOT CARING!!! I know it sounds mean, but this is the man who brings home cookies and crap he knows I love and want and struggle against. Yes this is the man i love, don't get me wrong. But he's also the man who does not push me, doesn't seem to care if I lose weight or not. So... back to being my #1 supporter in the food prep department.

I will however add 1-2 meals that are similar to what we used to eat back into the weekly menu. BUT ONLY 1-2. Not every meal. AND I need to be sure I take the time to make & eat a salad BEFORE I take my main course meal to the table so that i have my vegi's and fill some space with them 1st. I'll do this because I will some day, want to add them in and figuring out how to do that NOW will be better later on down the road.

So, today will be attitude adjustment. I have things I have to do and things I need to do. I have an ego to soothe and will not do it with food or starbucks. I have a body to kick ass with and will do it. So when I feel all blue and like I'm going to cry, I'll do it on the side stepper. I'll do it while working out if I have to, but i will not do it lying down.

I deserve this, I will do this and damn this shit is OVER!! Sorry for the language but I'm mad at myself. :)

I hope you all have a great day!

Always,
Jules