The randomness of me... and a little sunshine thrown in. :)

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're empty of thoughts... but at the same time... you feel like you're brain won't turn off. Lately, that's how i feel all the time.

Ok... wait, the truth is... MOST days I feel like my brain is naturally on crack. I can't keep my own thoughts straight some times. My husband thinks I'm loco when i jump from subject to subject... but this is just how my brain works. Am I ADD... ADHD... I don't' think so. I don't have a problem slowing myself down, concentrating... ect... My brain just never stops. A lot of times this isn't a bad thing... I mean come on... do you have ANY idea how often i work through my own problems in a day... because when my brain gets bored with it... i jump to something else... even if I'm still working on said problem... which is usually when i get frustrated and mad... because then I'm not putting 100%. But I always work my way back. Kinda like how they say you work your problems out in your dreams... you just don't know it. yeah well... i do that awake. :) LOL

Needless to say, I get frustrated A LOT! I hate getting frustrated, feeling like i don't know.

Anyhow, lately though... despite my wee brain's function... I've felt empty of all thoughts. Probably could be why I don't blog as much these days. Sadly though... I know I'm not empty of thoughts because I'm thinking all day. Over and over. I've tried writing blog ideas down, but usually by the time I get to the computer put fingers to the key board, I wonder... what did I want to say about that? Why did I even want to talk about that? WHO CARES!! Cause by then... even i don't. It's a sad world in my brain... if anyone has the capability to read minds... if they ran across me... I'd drive them to the looney bin. So, do I belong in a looney bin. Ah, I don't care. :) I'm happy, content these days (which in itself is a weird feeling for me), and not bothering anyone but my blog buddies. hehe!! So probably not.

~~~~~~~~~~~NEW SUBJECT! :)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This weekend has been one of those all out lazy weekends. I have gone NO WHERE!! Done just about nothing, I did however manage to work on another project (I need to finish it this week), mop my floors and wash all the laundry (hubby put it all away as usual). I've been lax on exercise, maybe that is part of my feeling empty lately... Which brings me to wonder... when the hubby is home, why do I feel the need to have that be an excuse to not do what i need to do? hhhmmm...

Speaking of walking.... I did go walking Saturday morning. I woke up to the sky being overcast and still a little sprinkle here and there... When i got out of the shower, I decided to go walking. It's one of my all time favorite things to do... walk outside when the ground is still wet and rain is still in the air. I wondered if it would rain again... and thought of maybe of not going. And then, I started to miss Washington state... So i went anyways. When i lived there... i walked no matter the weather, rain, shine and even snow. Of course, i had no car... so that was WHY. But still... i never let the weather bother me. In fact... I loved it. I've always loved the rain and being outside when it's wet and rainy and yes, even cold. So why since moving back to Az have I let the weather dictate when I do and don't go outside. I wish i knew. While walking and looking around, and really just plain enjoying remembering my old days when i still felt like a kid, but an adult at the same time... I realized WHY i love rain so much and which explains why i miss WA so much these days.

After it's rained, for me, it's like a fresh start. A fresh start for the world around me, the environment around me... and even for all of us humans. Rain just seems to wash every thing away. It gives us a new chance... everything living, a new chance. I've never looked at the dark sky and felt sad... i always felt like when the clouds did depart... I'd see a new sky... a new day dawning. A breathe of fresh air. It didn't matter for me if the sky was drab and grey for days on end... I knew what WOULD be coming. It always made the sun seem more bright. I know, it all sounds so Pollyanna (thanks Lisa, the term has been in my head for DAYS now. :) LOL) But the truth is... shouldn't every day be like this... rain or shine? That's what i thought about Saturday morning on my walk. Why is it here in Az... I don't feel like like that hardly ever... is it because I hardly get those days where I can look at the world and think... wow... it's a new day. Why is it just the dark drab sky gives me that feeling. Why not the sunshine? IS my world filled with so much sunshine... I just take it for granted? I don't know. But Saturday it certainly put all my thoughts (and my journey) into a new perspective.

Every day IS a new day, a new dawning... a new chance. Every day truly is a gift. No matter how healthy we are (or aren't) tomorrow could elude us and be no more. So we really should be thankful for every day... no matter our screw ups... our OOPPSSS I ate 2700 calories in a day (my Sunday)... or our lack of exercise (my Sunday). We shouldn't beat ourselves up. Because as the song DOES say... the sun will come up again, it's just our job to decide if we want to see it or not. That being said:

My challenge this month and until the end of September is to see the sunshine and the new day dawning (figuratively cause we all know I can't wake up that early) every day. Because I think I need the reminder of the bliss I used to experience everyday when I'd see the rain clouds... despite the lack of rain clouds. I miss feeling like, DAMN I'm glad it's today!! :)

I'll admit... today is a hard day for this one too... Because I'm all out drag out... tired. I need another lazy day. hehehe!! But I am glad it's today.

So today, i am thankful that I'm healthy enough to BE pregnant, despite my weight/health. I am thankful I am capable of taking care of my family. And most of all... I am grateful to be here today. My journey is going to be strange one over the next 8 months... But damn it, I'm thankful to experience it... no matter how weird it may get. :) LOL

But PLEASE grant me the patience to not get frustrated today. :)

What are YOU thankful for today? What makes you see the new dawning?

Always,
Jules