It's been WAY too long... so much to tell you.

It's been way to long. So much has been going on in my life and it all amounts to STRESS.

Lets see if I can break this down the best and fastest way possible.

1. Haven't worked out since the 5th.
2. Haven't kept a food journal, counted calories or WW points since the 5th
3. Spent Aug making a budget for my family to live on and also to phase out my husband's 2nd job income from our resources, mainly so that he could either a) quit or b) have it become savings.
4. Right before we left for vacation got the estimated bill from my Dr for the pregnancy (just his portion) that's $600 we have to pay by Dec. And so there goes the 2nd job being a quitting possibility.
5. Right before we left for vacation my husband's position took a HUGE hit. He has been short hours and therefore $100 each week for the last 3 weeks. Which in our lives, is HUGE!!
6. Had a great vacation and left our worries at home. Thankfully Aug wasn't a bad financial month for us, since we used that phased out 2nd job income to save for the trip.
7. Got back from vacation and things went to pits.

The hardest Hit:

8. Immediately found out that my job is now on Hiatus. Due to lack of work for my area... I'm out of work until November.
9. Hubby's 2nd job is down to 1 day a week

So, despite our vacation, this month has been hell month. It didn't start that way though. While on vacation my hubby and I had decided that ok... his 3 weeks of crappy pay will be ok. We'll be short on rent but the 2nd job will help us recover and then we'll be back on track in a few weeks. We also realized Oct would be a great month for us since there are 5 pay periods for us... which since we both get paid weekly, will mean 2 extra paychecks... Kiddo's 3rd Bd is in Oct AND car tags are due in Oct. AWESOME!! YEAH, 2 extra paychecks!!! No credit card needed. WHOHOOO!! And then we get home from vacation. And it feels like we're still at the beach, but instead of sun and sand... we're caught under a wave scrambling for air to breathe. It sucks.

Without the income I bring home we can not pay the smaller bills (like credit cards, student loans, etc... of course these are all the ones with late fees associated with them), gas, and food. I've not been fired or laid off so i can't even get unemployment. Hubby's 1st job is messing around with his days off so the 2nd job we now need to rely on.... is currently down to only 1 day a week, Which hurts us even more. So car tags, will be on the credit card (which is the one thing we've been avoiding that is our ONLY emergency money) and kiddo will have a very quiet, try to make her feel good 3rd BD... But it certainly will be less then I would ever want for her. And I know she'll be ok, love is more important. But as every parent wants... you just want them happy and at 3... to see them smile and light up on their BD. It's hard to see how to do that with no money to even buy a box of cake mix. Sadly, that's where we are. Presents I know she can live without... But still not how a parent wants things to be. Anyhow... in reality, we have a few weeks to figure out her BD. But this is my frame of mind these days... pretty self pity party. Or at least trying to keep the self pity at bay.

Pregnancy... our insurance SUCKS!! They pay very little. So we're already getting bills in from just the 1st round of lab tests and with the $600 we have to come up with by Dec... we're feeling screwed and a little stressed at how to make this work. We can't call my Dr's office yet and ask for a different payment plan, because well, there is just no money to pay him. And of course come Nov-Dec we'll have even more lab tests, ultrasounds, etc... to come up with money for. How to be pregnant and pay for the pregnancy? It seems impossible. Paying for this kid once it's here seems more possible (because well, that's another blog all together). I now have a little more understanding of how people who are down right broke and poor, go without healthcare while they are pregnant. I almost feel like the stress is worse than waiting until I go into labor to deal with this. BUT no worries, I won't go that far. My previous health and pregnancy scare me into that IS NOT AN OPTION!! I am forming a plan, but it still equals no money. :) LOL
My daughter is due for her 3rd well check visit... and we owe her Dr money, we can't take her in until we can pay it. Thankfully it's just a well check up. But I hate feeling like I'm letting her health down by not getting her in for her shots, and check up. How to get them paid... I currently can't see.

Food: is another issue.
We came home from vacation to no food and still have no food. I don't think our cupboards have been this bare in over a year. We resorted to the food bank which sadly, only helped in supplying bread. I've made my meal lists based off of what we have and are given. We are on WIC. So eggs cheese, cereal and bread it is. :) LOL But this also means I've had to come to a decision about things like counting calories, food, etc...

I'm not going to count. I've got enough stress in my life right now that to add something like how many calories I'm eating or more like not eating to add to it. BUT that being said, as of today, I have gone back to keeping my food journal because I know I need to be accountable and keep track. But the quality of food I eat will greatly differ. I refuse to go back to red meat. So this limits our options for cheap meat to next to nothing. How this will all play out and STILL keep me being healthy is still baffling me. I have so many things to be healthy for and I WILL!! I am determined in that. Will it be as balanced, fresh and clean as I like it. Nope. But I'm determined to make it work. Now, I admit... this week, and last week, the menu has been VERY carb related. I'm out of ideas for meals to make. But I'll get there. I'll find a way... i know i will.
Another thing I'm determined to do this week is getting back to exercising. Today I went for a 27min walk in the heat. I HAVE to get back to basics. And that's a good thing. I still plan on doing some Yoga today in hopes it'll help release some of this tension that has been building for DAYS! And I'll be working on starting up my Wii Fit and EA active again later tonight, at a light level of course :) I need to get an workout schedule made, but It'll be hard to keep up with it. I'm exhasuted from the time i get up to the time I go to bed. But soon... I'll be past that hump of the pregnancy... so they say.

Right now I have little or no control over my finances, so i'll take control of the things I can control... my eating and my exercise. I'm looking for ways to help our financial situation but I've yet to see the light.

My life feels like it's a sinking ship. But I'm a fighter and DAMNIT!! I will fight!

Always,
Jules

Edited to add:
I know letting this all out is SUCH a downer. But after having gotten that all off my chest... I admittedly, can feel the sadness of what we're going through even more, but amazingly, I actually feel LESS tension in my shoulders and neck. It's certainly cathartic complaining sometimes :) Especially when if I talk to hubby about how I'm feeling about our finances it makes things REALLY hard between us. Anyhow... THANKS for reading!! I certainly am feeling better. :) how about you? hahahaha!!