Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This funk I'm in

I've been sitting here for days trying to ignore this funk and push through it, to not let it take me over and rule my days into Laziness. And last night, i realized I'm not going to be able to get rid of it until I figure out the why of it. Bliss may be ignorance but ignorance can lead to stupidity right? So here I am thinking thinking thinking and it hits me! Sunday's are my weigh in day and this Sunday the scale said I lost 3 lbs! 3 freakin' pounds! That's awesome! And not once did I ever tell myself good, great, I accomplished last weeks goal. Not once, why?

For a very long time now I've been recording my weight on a calendar in my bathroom. And over the last year I've almost become obsessed with weighing myself every day. And although i know everyday is silly, it's going to fluctuate day to day... i still do it. What's in my head regarding this obsession is a WHOLE other blog. The point is, I looked at the calender for this year so far and noticed, when I lose a few pounds... i gain them right back... and immediately!!! I mean within days. So I started thinking, what's behind this. And then, as they say as of late, I had an AHA moment. Am I afraid? Afraid of losing the weight? Afraid of becoming what i know I can be? Afraid of change? Afraid of rejection? There are so many places afraid of what could take me. But the fact is... as soon as I realized I lost 3 pounds last week, this funk came and rested it's little head in mine. And I'm having trouble shaking it. And Right now, i feel really sad. Really sad that Whatever is going on in my head... could totally sabotage my weight loss. Which of course I knew this has been and will go on. But after feeling so positive and so good for weeks now... For it to come settle in me like this... is really sad.

So what now! So now I am telling myself **ck yesterday or the day before! **CK this funk! Looking at that same calender (as this is where I log my daily exercise & my WWP) I saw that i also walked 5 days and did my bands and video 5 days. I saw that i stayed within my 24 WWP + used only 1/2 of my flex points & all of my AP points! I saw that, coming from a place where I did nothing and ate everything. THIS IS AMAZING! This in itself was something I haven't done in years. Not since before I met my hubby. So yeah me! And on another note, all this proves 1 thing... I need to finish the Dr. Phil book so I can better address my mental issues. :) So push push push. I WILL push thru this, I WILL push to lose weight! I WILL win this battle! :)

Hmm... I already feel better. :)

Always,
Jules

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