Gluttonous

Ok... so maybe the title is a little misleading... But that's how I feel today when i think of the last 4 days. Gluttonous. Mind you... I didn't REALLY get involved in a lot of gluttony in regards to food. But in the Lazy section I devoured every inch of lazy I could get my hands on. Here's the skinny on how things have been going...

Thurs- No exercise. On point until dinner... needed FP points to get me thru
Fri- No exercise, but I did spend 2 hours outside doing squats and tossing rocks around. On point until dinner... needed FP points to get me thru the pizza we ordered.
Sat- no exercise, my hamstrings were beating me up for the squatting for rocks on Fri. I could say i was on point... but truly... I have NO IDEA. I didn't even count a single point. But I am sure I went over. I did however only eat 2 meals... I know... bad but there were 4 slices of thin crust pizza calling my name and then a BBQ involved. I didn't eat the provided food at said BBQ though. I was going to take Kabobs for myself and ended up taking chicken to grill and a salad to put it on top of. I didn't weigh or measure anything though.
~~ Side note: I AM however proud to admit that I DID not partake in any of the desserts that were calling my name so loud that I think EVERYONE was avoiding me because of the "haunting" we were all experiencing. hahahah! JK.
Sun- again no exercise. Again.. Didn't count. Did ok again until... Ok... here's where things went a little haywire... I had a good Breakfast. Good lunch... realized the filling for my wrap was too much for just 1; so i made 2. And ate them BOTH! This was only a total of 6 points all together... But too much food for my belly. I felt gross and so full I wanted to puke. Forced myself not to. Then, before my belly was even onto an even keel... I ate a HUGE squish them together to fit into a hand full of gummi bears. 1/2 way thru eating them I "saw" was I was doing and ignored myself. I ate them all... at which point I really almost puked, was disappointed in myself because WHY? I didn't know why i did it. Why did I feel the need... I didn't know. I wasn't even hungry. i did have a sweet tooth, but just a few would have sufficed it. Anyhow... needless to say, i spent a few hours forcing myself NOT to puke because I deserved the pain I was feeling and eating til I puke makes me feel like a bulimic and i don't want that. So... I didn't. I did stop it there... I didn't eat anything else. Nothing. By the time 8pm rolled around I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. And since cooking would be another 30 minutes and I'm out of sammy fixings and wrap fixings (I need to go to the store badly) I opted for 2 corn dogs. So I didn't count points, But If I backtracked... i'm sure I stayed within points with maybe a few FP points thrown in there. Breakfast, lunch and dinner (without bears) were only 18pts.

As you can see, I did a whole lotta Nuttin' huney the last 4 days. Yes, flinging rocks yet again was moving... But I didn't count it since I managed to get really sun burned (despite the sun screen I used) in the process and as soon as I was done... I laid out by the pool and did nothing. So i burned calories, but... Come on... I did it JUST so I could have the pool up for me and missy... notice I said ME and missy. I'd like to say the laziness was in part due to the HUGE amounts of things I managed to get done around the house... but I didn't touch my to-do list until yesterday and even that was in between catching up on DVR shows starting and movie watching. I had a great time. Did I mention that since Thurs my alarm clock has been OFF!!

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Today I'm focusing on not focusing on the last 4 days. I'm focusing on realizing that even a little binge (as it was a pinprick compared to the old days) is not the end of the world. Today is a new day and a fresh day to start anew. So I am. I'm actually not upset over the last 4 days... especially when I woke up and a lovely little visitor has shown up. AH! No wonder the lazy's were in my house. I always get really really tired and lazy right before I start and to top it off... i get constipated AND then... I get... well... Lets just say.... everything flows. Literally... Yeah, don't think on that one too hard. It's gross even by my standards... I'd re-write it to not be gross... But i don't wanna. :) LOL

When I got up BEFORE the alarm this morning I knew I'd turn it around today. I'd contemplated NOT weighing in today, BUT decided I needed to face up to whatever I did these last few days and ignoring my actions by not weighing in... was cowardly and not the way to go. And then, I went to the bathroom and felt so much better. Cause HEY! If the scale says I gained I can blame in on my period and NOT my laziness. hahahahahaha!! I can blame my constipation on my period NOT my lack of water and fiber. YES YES YES!! Some thing tangible to blame. hahahahha! Isn't that just a kick in the pants!! hahahahah!! Yes, I know... It's still me, but hey... So I stepped on the scale and was very pleasantly surprised by the scale showing a .2lbs weight loss. WHOHOO!! I'll take it. NOW, here's the kicker... give me a day and my body will turn it around for me, history shows the constipation goes away 2 fold and my body has a natural colon cleanse effect. Yeah... i know... GROSS! Skip ahead if you like. But the point is... it'll all be ok in the end... However i also know that if I don't work hard to get back on track this week my body will let all the fat from the pizza and corn dogs and gummi bears I've been eating settle in to a home on my hips, butt or tummy. I know my body will pay me back for not being good to it. So... I'm not out of the woods, I know. But at least I can feel relieved that today's weigh in wasn't an increase and if I get back on track... next monday's weigh in will be a good thing for loss and not a gain. But i certainly can't have another week like last week for a long time.

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Before i go just 1 more note about binging. While on my walk this morning I was thinking about WHAT and WHY... I realized that i haven't binged, wanted to binge or even tried to binge since early January. I realized that the root of yesterday's mini pin prick binge was all because I felt deprived Sat from not enjoying some of the yummy goodness that was around me. It was because I want to be able to enjoy thigns like that, but can't yet. Can't yet in a way of the bingeing isn't totally gone yet, so it's not time to be able to go there yet. It was because I was feeling a little like what the F**K. I was feeling a lot Lazy and after 4 days of being lazy... the old me was starting to sink her teeth into the new me and pull her back. Laziness is contagious from day to day... and after 4 days... the old ways start coming back. It's sad how easy it is to slip back into old ways, and it's even sadder how easy it is to fool myself. So no more! back to the old stand by of not more than 1 day in a row and not more than 2 days in a week. :) I feel good and I feel powerful with knowledge. :) What a great way to feel. :)

Have a great Monday everyone! I know I will. :)

Always,
Jules