Self reflection

These last few days I've realized how VERY un-motivated I am. I just can't find it in me... I haven't given up... But I'm acting like I've given up. I am NOT motivated to wake up early and get going on my day to exercise. I'm not motivated to even TRY to exercise despite my get up time. If I can find the time to sit and be lazy... I can find the time to exercise. I KNOW this. But every day I think later and later comes and I don't.

I need to get back into the game... I just feel so alone. i know, even typing that sounds weird to me. I feel alone in my own skin.

I realized this weekend that a big part of my problem in motivation has been the lack of enjoyment in exercising in doors. i really hate exercising inside, I like using my Wii don't get me wrong. But it gives me no self of self. No way to just let go and be free. No way for me to really FEEL. I don't know, I can't really explain it. I miss walking. I miss the challenge of training for running again. I miss it. I love nature, I miss it even though it's right outside the door. I miss coming home feeling like ME! That's really the problem with feeling alone in my own skin. Before the temps rose here in Az I spent every morning (almost) outside walking and just feeling FREE!! Free of fat, free of my feelings and even when i didn't... by the time I got home, I felt tired and great all at the same time. When I'm outside I feel more like I'm working TOWARDS something, working out indoors I feel like I'm on a road to no where. I've always been like this. Indoors just sucks for me. Probably always will be like that.

So why not walk. Because as the temps rose, so did I. I was hitting heat exhaustion levels in my body temp. i was feeling sick and nauseous. I couldn't leave any earlier because the hubster wasn't home yet and I'm not willing yet to upset the kiddo's sleeping schedule. I see the excuses, but i also want that time in the morning for me; which means keeping her schedule as is. I just need to quit sleeping in so late so that i can get back to the Wii in the morning.

BUT this weekend I learned something... Hubby's schedule is changing. He is going back to day shift... some of the time. Tomorrow starts a week of ALL day shifts, we'll see how it goes after that. They keep looking to take him back to nights some how because of course he rocks and they trust him... but it would mean working day and night shifts and that equals trouble for his health. He'll have to work less for his 2nd job... but luckily really that's to cover the lack of shifts he's been getting at the 1st job AND extra money. So if he goes back to 40 hours a week... he won't need the 2nd job. :)

Anyhow, the point is that with working days he'll be home in the mornings. So i could get up earlier than I was in the winter and go walking. I just have to get up early. Now I admit... i don't wake up until after 8am every morning. Kiddo wakes up at 9:30 every morning (long story). In order to walk before it gets too hot, I need to leave here around 6am. I think. I'm never up that early to know for sure what the temp is... but still... that's early for me, the insomniac. So... I'm going to work on that. I'm going to work on getting to bed earlier and walk on the days that hubby will be home in the mornings for me to leave that early. I am a little daunted and afraid I won't be able to drag my arse out of bed... but then again... i never said I couldn't come crash on the couch until kiddo gets up. :) hehehehehe!!! We'll see... being up and not in bed yet... doesn't help me get off to a good start.

So, here's to tweaking things and getting my motivation back. If the hubster wasn't so worried about it... I'd walk really late at night... But he'd be too freaked out and worried about me. I don't blame him. Oh well... I've also been thinking I'd really like a Bike. but maybe next year or for xmas. I better go.

How do you keep yourself motivated? What works for you?

Always,
Jules