So I'm still here.
I'm still alive.
I'm struggling.
Some things have happened this past weekend and because of it I'm struggling with a bout of depression. I'm struggling with have I made a major mistake in my life. And I'm afraid I have... and I'm afraid of the consequences if I have... Worse yet... I'm having trouble shaking this bout because of the issue that caused it... I'd talk about it... but... I don't need a headache from crying. Anyhow...
To make the depression worse...
I've been struggling with making smart food choices, struggling NOT to eat every chance I get and I'm struggling... just plain struggling. This makes me feel even worse. I'm trying to take it easy on myself... but it's just hard. The weekend was 1/2 good 1/2 bad and the bad was bad enough to pack on 1.8lbs. Because lets face it... on Fri... I was flying high with a 1lb loss... Sat & Sun I stayed off the scale (and shit hit the fan) and then Monday... showed that 1.8lbs. And I admit... i deserved it; full heatedly deserved it. What sucks is, it was 1 day worth of eating that did that. Makes me sick, which makes me feel worse.
I have been trying VERY hard yesterday and today to exercise no matter what. Yesterday I got in an hour and today... forced myself to do 22min of it; it's all I could get myself to do. Yesterday i ate FANTASTIC... today has been horrible. I am just wishing I could curl up and just forget it all... yeah... So...
I'm working hard every minute to stay in the game. So... here's what I'm thankful for today... because I need something to remind myself... It's not all bad.
1. That tomorrow WILL BE Another day.
2. That I've got an amazing little girl who knows how to make me smile. Especially when i feel like I can't.
3. I'm alive and kicking (well... alive anyhow. :):))
4. That I'm strong, beautiful inside and out and deserve every bit of happiness that I am feeling like I don't. But I KNOW I do.
5. I know I will get thru this... I always do.
Always,
Jules
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(((Jules))) Hang in there doll and you can get through this.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, everything happens for a reason. You didn't make a mistake sweetie. (I don't know what it is, but I promise it wasn't a mistake). It may have been a difficult choice with serious consequenses but there is a lesson to be learned and someday, it will make sense as to why you had to take that road.
ReplyDeleteLife will never be simple. We all need to figure out how to strive in life, however complex it is. Depression is so so so difficult, I've been there. For years I was there. Just know, I'm here, your friends are here, and we are stalking your blog so keep comin' back, no matter what happens!
Jules!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you! I really don't want to blog. I haven't been exercising and I haven't been eating perfectly. But thanks for reminding me that things will get better. It's not how many times we fall that matters, but how many times we get up- *hugs*
Add to your list you have blogging friends who care and hurt for you. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies. I needed these comments today. :)
ReplyDelete