All it takes is 1 little cave

Ok, so let me just say, I caved!

It didn't start that way though... But i snow balled. Don't I wish there was snow here to roll in for picture effect, but you can imagine. :)

I did so good ALL day on Tues. i swear I did and then I got hit with a bout of pure exhaustion that called for a pick me up coffee... I always make a full pot in the morning and only have a cup or 2 in the mornings. If I need a pick me up, I just heat it up. Sometimes it's not the greatest tasting and there fore I make it a new way some times. Well, Tues without even thinking about it I made a mocha with coffee and hot cocoa. DAMN IT!! 1/2 way through it I realized that constitutes as a sweet. I even checked in with my facebook buddies wondering... ummm... does this count? Yes, i knew it counted, finished it and they agreed it counted. So I figured ok, no more for the night and I'll restart the 4 days tomorrow. YEAH ME!! Tues that was my only treat ALL day!! So not too shabby if you ask me. But still called for restarting the clock. And that was ok too.

Wed & Thurs however were horrible days for me. I have been hit by the kind of exhaustion you get from non stop moving and little sleep for days on end or a horrible illness. I have been unable to MOVE myself off the couch let alone think. Consequently Wed I did not work out. Really, I didn't even get on the computer all day... you KNOW i was tired then. I'm addicted to this device. I did not track my food either and I caved. Caved to the damn apple pie in my Freezer. Hubby even went and bought me ice cream for it because as it turns out, he finished off the ice cream I was hording just for the pie. Why can't I eat apple pie without ice cream? hhhmmm... Another day to ponder that. Thurs ended up with more of the same. I thought for sure when I went to bed Wed I'd be ok thurs. At the very least not so tired.

Boy was I wrong. More the same. I almost didn't work even. Again, no computer all day and the only thing I did accomplish was work, damn finances couldn't afford for me to blow it off otherwise, i would have and almost did despite our needing the money.

So for 2 days I have not tracked even 1 bite of food, I've been eating sugar and not moving from the couch. Poor kiddo, I got home last night from work, she ran into my arms and said I'm so glad to see you!! I wish you felt better, you go rest. broke my heart. I've been such a lax mommy these last 2 days. Wed Hubby and I did do some cleaning out of the spare room that needs to be converted to the babies room. But it's not even 1/2 done yet. it was just moving his collectables out, it was really HIS moving to get it cleaned out. Maybe today I can get us to work on moving the furniture in it OUT into the rest of the house. We'll see.

Today, I'm still tired, too tired to pull myself off the no exercise wagon. I know I need to force myself, I just don't have the energy to talk to myself about it. BUT I'm on the computer because my life has got to STOP STOPPING just because I'm too tired. Today, i WILL track my food, I will journal and I WILL NOT EAT SUGAR!!

I hadn't decided to track or start my 4 days without sugar until i read Dianes post from the other day about first choices. I really needed this post. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning thinking there was no way i'd be able to do my 4 days of no sugar until after that pie had been eaten. All gone. I felt like I'm such a spineless weakling I'll have to wait until it's all gone, I couldn't bear the thought of throwing it out. And then I read Diane's post. I needed it. I know this journey is ALL about choices. I'm choosing not pull myself onto the exercise wagon today because of how I feel. I'm bone tired. And I'm honestly, ok with that. BUT why am I choosing to eat crappy!! It's not like I can't eat healthy. I bought all these fruits and vegi's that i love to snack on so why not CHOOSE them instead. Why not choose to be tired and lazy, but healthy? I know... it all sounds counter productive to me too. But I'm wanting to fall asleep as I write this. So i'm just gonna live there. BUT I'm also choosing to throw that pie away in the trash and to start my 4 days no sugar today!! Not when the pie is gone... which will be a few days still.

So there you have it. That's where I've been. I'd feel like I was avoiding you guys and avoiding eing accountable if it wasn't for the fact that I haven't even been on FB for more than a minute each day.

Here's to my choices today! May they be good despite my being too tired to move.

Always,
Jules